When I think of our untimely end
And everything we could've been
I cry, baby I cry
5 in the morning. Eun Hye wakes up and grabs her phone. She leaves her bedroom and went to Leeteuk's bedroom just to check if he was still asleep. She saw that he was so she rushed silently down the stairs and called Jake there.
Okay so it's 5 am and I still can't sleep
Took some medicine but it's not working
Someone's clinging to me and it's bittersweet
Cause he's head over heels but it ain't that deep
"Hello?" answered a groggy Jake.
"Jake! It's me! Eun Hye!"
"I know! I saw your number on my phone's screen. Dear, it's 5 am. What do you want?"
"I've got beans to spill."
"Oh? What?" Jake was still in his wrong mind and in no mood to listen or answer.
"His parents…"
"Yeah…"
"Arranged a marriage between us."
Jake nodded sheepishly and went back to sleep. After a few moments of silence and slumber, he jolted awake upon remembering what Eun Hye said.
"WHAT?" he screamed as he sat up. His heart sank because he knew that there was no more chance for him to get with Eun Hye whom he has admired since his salad days.
"I know…" cried Eun Hye. "I mean, I want to tell him that I don't love him but I don't have the guts to do so."
"So what are you gonna do about it?" Jake asked while running his hands through his messy hair.
"I have no idea. I think I should just cheat on him with someone or do something else. I don't know!" this gave Jake a spark of hope. He knew that it was bad but if this is the only way to get to Eun Hye then by all means do it!
"I don't think that's a very good idea." Jake said as if half-discouraging her and half-drawing her to him.
"I really don't know what to do. Actually, he told me that his parents phoned my parents and they met in person and they talked it out and here I am…about to be married to a boyfriend that I love only half-heartedly. " Eun Hye began to sob.
I tried to change my number
Got a different pager
Then last Saturday your cousin called to say you're
Trying to reach me probably because you see that
I'm with someone new.
"This is really bothering me, Eun Hye. So I'm to believe that your parents and this guy's parents met and agreed on marrying you two? I can't believe it. It's absolutely ridiculous, absurd, and medieval."
"I know. That's exactly what I thought! But then there's nothing I can do about it."
"Get a divorce!"
"I thought of that." Eun Hye sighed hopelessly "It was the first thing I thought of but then my parents and his parents strongly adhere to their religion so we cannot divorce. They'll impose religion and the sacredness of marriage on us if we decide to."
"What the? Hell! Your parents…are they really parents?" Jake bellowed angrily.
"I have no idea. That's what's confusing me. I don't know if my parents are really my parents."
"But how about…what's his name?"
"Leeteuk."
"Yeah. What you said. What about him? How does he feel about this?"
"He feels great about it! Exalted! Lifted! High above the clouds! I can't believe it myself. Why does he have to feel this way about it!" she started to cry loudly. She realized that she was weeping and ran to the bathroom where she locked herself and continued her conversation with Jake.
"Don't cry, my dear." Jake said with some weird, motherly aura around him.
Late at night
Like a little child
Wandering 'round alone
In my new friend's home
On my tippy-toes
So that he won't know
I still cry baby
Over you and me.
"I don't know what the hell I did to deserve such a thing like this." Eun Hye sobbed on the bathroom floor. She pulled out some tissue from the tissue roll and used them to wipe her tears and blow her nose.
"I'm sure something fruitful will come out of that future marriage of yours."
"Nothing." Eun Hye sobbed. "Nothing fruitful will ever come out of that future marriage. Don't you get it, Jake? I don't love this man!"
"Then leave him!"
"I can't…" Eun Hye said. "We're arranged, remember?"
"Leave him now."
"I still can't. We're arranged. That's till forever. No divorce, no separation."
"I don't want to suggest suicide. Don't think that that's on my mind."
"I'm starting to think otherwise."
"Eun Hye…" Jake tried to stop her.
"I'm gonna get up and get out of this fucking bathroom, get a knife…"
"Eun Hye…stop it. You're acting like such a retard. Don't be stupid!"
"I'm gonna drive that knife into my stomach…"
Suddenly, the door opened wide. Leeteuk was standing right outside the bathroom. He had messy hair and wore a shirt and boxers. Eun Hye was left dumbstruck.
"Hello! Hello! Hey! ARE YOU THERE?" Jake called her out.
"Sorry. I gotta go." She hung up and placed the phone in her pocket. She remained seated on the floor, not taking her gaze off Leeteuk. Without saying a word, she stood up and dusted herself, walking past her husband-to-be. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her close to him.
"Woah! Where do you think you're going, hot stuff?" Leeteuk pinned her against the wall and tried to kiss her. Eun Hye just kept on turning her head to either side, trying in vain to avoid his kiss.
"Sorry. I'm not in the mood for kissing. Maybe we can try later. I have to make some tea." Eun Hye adjusted the falling strap of her nightgown and walked to the kitchen where she brewed herself a cup of hot tea to get her by.
"What you doing up so early?" Leeteuk asked, walking toward her, her freesia scent inviting his senses.
"Nothing." she said without looking at him, continuing to brew her tea.
"What do you mean "nothing"?" Leeteuk gave her a back hug which she tried to fight off but had no strength to do so.
"Just remove your arms from my waist and let me get to the table. Then we'll talk."
Leeteuk moved away from her and watched her walk from the kitchen to the dining room with her hot cup of tea. Upon sitting down, she took a sip from her mug and sighed heavily.
"It's just that…I don't know how to tell you this." Eun Hye said, looking down in desperation.
"What's that?"
"I'm pretty hesitant about this arranged marriage thing." she said truthfully, exhaling deeply. "I don't think we'll work out. I mean, I love you as my guy but I'm not sure about marriage." she explained with all insincerity. Who would believe that she really loved him.
Leeteuk smiled at her and sat down. "Hey listen to me. We can work that marriage out, okay? If something's wrong, we'll solve it together. Just remember that I will never ever leave you. You've got to believe in that. Now don't underestimate yourself. I think that you'll make a good wife and you can become the best mother there is one day."
This did nothing for her self-esteem, not to mention her psychological suffering.
"I think I need some time off. Can you leave me alone for like what 30 minutes or an hour. Please. Just don't come near me." Leeteuk was a bit saddened by what she said but nonetheless, he kept his optimism and willingness to help his future wife.
"Alright. If you really need it and if you think that that's best for you, then by all means do it. I respect your personal boundaries, my dear." Leeteuk walked to her and swept aside some strands of her hair. "But before you leave, won't you give me a kiss? Please." he asked nicely. Eun Hye smiled slightly and gave him a peck on the cheek but he turned his head quickly and she ended up giving him a kiss on the lips, which he really enjoyed.
"Tea has never tasted this good!" he said licking his lips. Eun Hye shook her head and stood up with her mug. She went to her bedroom and thought to herself all day. Occasionally, she would go down to get some wine or watch TV or listen to music but afterwards, she'd go back up and sleep like there's no tomorrow.
Sipping Bailey's Cream by the stereo
Tryin' to find relief on the radio
I'm suppressing the tears but they start to flow
Cause the next song I hear is the song I wrote
When we first got together
Early that September
I can't bear to listen
So I might as well drift in the kitchen
Pour another glass or two and try to forget you
Late at night
Like a little child
Wandering round alone
In my new friend's home
On my tippy toes
So that he won't know
I still cry baby
Over you and me.
Night came. Yoon Eun Hye decided to call up Jake one more time to update him on her current status.
"Hello this is Jake-O!" answered the guy on the other line.
"Jake! It's Eun Hye. Listen. I tried talking him out of the arranged marriage but he butted in a told me that we'd make it work out if things go wrong. I was like, what the hell?"
"So. What are you doing now?"
"I'm here in my room thinking things over and sipping endless cups of tea and glasses of wine. I think I'm a bit drunk right now and I'll be all sprawled out on the floor by the end of the night."
"Where's Leetrack?"
"Leeteuk." Eun Hye corrected him.
"Leeteuk."
"He went out. He went out to buy some things but I think those "things" are condoms, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, pornographic materials, and prostitutes."
"Wait. I have a question for you." Jake sternly replied.
"What?"
"Are you sure that he's doing all those things that you said he was doing? I mean, aren't you like, paranoid or conscious or just a bit sneaky or something?"
"I'm positive that he's doing them. I think he's cheating on me. Somewhere out there he's drinking, getting dope, getting sexed up. I'm pretty sure he's doing that."
"Because the way I see it, it's like you're really paranoid about him. You really want him to stick with you. You really want him to be your only one and you want to be his only one. In short, you care too much about him that when he's not by your side, you get scared and you start feeling sad. Maybe you had some sort of change of heart or something."
She fell silent for a good 5 minutes.
"Jake." she finally spoke up. "How'd you know about this shit? Why are you so informative when it comes to things like this."
"Hahaha. I told you once. I had a roster of girlfriends. Some younger some older. Some were very kind, some weren't. Some were strong and level-headed while others were just dependent and clingy. I know about that. I was accused of hiring prostitutes by my ex girlfriend once. But when I opened up to her about my side and how I don't even dare look at naked women in magazines or on websites and that I'm 100% clean, that's when she revealed that she was just paranoid and she just wanted to be my only one. We never really worked out, as you can see. I'm single now."
"You know what, you're so lucky." Eun hye began to sob once more.
"What makes you say that? Do you even know what it's like to have someone to love?"
"That's exactly what I was about to say." she replied. "Tell me, Jake. Tell me what you think about me."
"Well, I think you're a very beautiful person both inside and out. I think that you're a free spirit and you're very friendly and approachable. I like your shyness as a matter of fact. That's what makes you approachable. Your very endearing aura that'll make guys just come to you. You don't have this tough girl or spunky-ass attitude neither do you have a whore like persona. I like the way you talk. You're a very polite person and you never cease to make people happy with your presence." his long explanation touched Eun Hye deeply, nearly made her cry.
"…also, you're a very smart person. You know what's right for you and what's wrong and you don't take that knowledge for granted. You do what you know is right and you avoid all things that you know won't lead you to the right path."
"I didn't know that you knew that much about me." Eun Hye.
"I'm not done, actually." Jake said.
"Go ahead. Flatter me. Make me feel good because I think I'm spiraling into depression."
"You also have your way with people. You know just what it takes to make them smile." Jake said with a smile on his face, corroborating that fact.
"You make me so happy, don't you know that?" she said with tears in her eyes, her sobs heard from the other line. "But there's something that I have to tell you. It's how I see myself."
"How do you see yourself?" Jake asked. Deep down in the recesses of his soul, he was wishing that things would go horribly, terribly wrong between them and he could finally snatch her, like a prince saving his princess from the dragon.
Baby hear me when I say
Let that man be on his way
Don't even waste your time
And worry how he handle things
Baby hear me when I say
A player feeling good today
Don't even waste your time and watch how I handle things
Man you're a fool for this
But on the real dog I'm cool with this we do and this
D-O-double G-ZY Y
Kiss the girls and make them cry
Late at night
Like a little child
Wandering round alone
In my new friend's home
On my tippy-toes
So that he won't know
I still cry baby
Over you and me
"I feel so alone in this world." Eun Hye said. "I mean, I have you guys and all but I feel as if my beauty doesn't amount to anything but admiration. I'm just here to be admired. Guys look at me, drool over me, want to touch me but once they've had enough, they move to another woman and marry that woman. I'm like a shrine. Once you've worshipped it, you move to another one and worship that other one with more reverence than the first one."
"Ouch. But you know what, you may not know it but somebody loves you." Jake tried to make her read between the lines, hoping that she discovers his true feelings for her.
"Who? You guys? Well I know you guys love me and I love you back but to be loved by friends is different from being loved by a man." Eun Hye said. Jake's heart was shattered. She just couldn't read between the lines. Either that or she was too caught up in the situation that it prevented her from thinking.
"Listen, Eun Hye, I really got to go. I think I've got some company here. Catch you later! Bye!" He hung up and so did Eun Hye. She sat on the bedroom floor and walked around the bedroom thinking to herself. The thought of their upcoming forced marriage scares and confuses her.
Minutes later, Leeteuk came home smelling like liquor and cheap women's perfume. Eun Hye couldn't smell him from where she was but she sensed that he came from some place stenchy. She hid beneath the blankets and pretended to be asleep. She was actually just spying on Leeteuk, waiting for him to make one false move on her before confronting him.
While hiding under the sheets, she turned her guard on. She could hear his footsteps dragging up the stairs, striking fear in her heart with each step. Leeteuk was only a few feet away from her when she moaned and he heard it. Drunkenly, though in a moderately decent state of mind, he lifted the sheets and stared at his wife to be. Yoon Eun Hye continued to sleep though she was fully aware of his presence hovering beside her. He was actually aware that she was just pretending to be asleep so what did he do? Since he was drunk, he leapt on her and lay down beside her and tickled her, thus waking her up.
"What are you doing here? Where have you been?" she sat up and covered herself with the blanket. Leeteuk crawled next to her and touched her face, which she hated. He then pulled her down, making her scream but covered them with the blanket.
"Got drunk. Got in a fight. Need something to cool me down." he licked his lips, smirked at her and bit his lips. "Are you that something?" Eun Hye felt awkward and tried to avoid him but he was just too strong. He grabbed hold of her hips and pulled her closer to him, so close he could feel her heartbeat from where he was. She tried in vain to fight it off but when you're drunk, you do things you don't normally do and you didn't know you could do.
What they did that night, is something for you to imagine. Remember, some things are better left unsaid, better left imagined and pictured than narrated.