204. Emmaus
"Jordan?"
"Yes, Ana?"
"I had a dream last night……"
"Oh? Do share."
"I dunno. You might think I'm going nuts."
"Heh. Insanity's up to interpretation."
"…………"
"Hey, it's okay. You can trust me. So don't worry if you want to share. But I won't force you to—"
"It was a scary dream. But………at the surface, it doesn't look so scary."
"Since when did dreams have a 'surface'?"
"Hehehehe……true."
"Sometimes when I have nightmares, the only reason any of them are scary is that they are telling me that I need to be scared."
"Yeah. That happens a lot."
"To you?"
"Well, just this time."
"Uh huh."
"………"
"………"
"………so, um—"
"I dreamed I was in the desert."
"Y-Yeah?"
"And……um. I was alone."
"Alone in the desert, got it."
"I kept wandering around across the dry, arid landscape. I couldn't find anyone. Nobody I knew. No family. No friends."
"Uh huh………"
"And I got this gnawing feeling that—even if I found someone, I wouldn't want that."
"You'd want to stay alone?"
"No. Not really. But I felt that……if I found someone, I'd put them in such horrible………horrible danger………"
"Yikes. That's depressing."
"Yeah……I………I found nobody in the desert. And I was kinda relieved because of that. But as the nights wore on………and I slept alone in the terrible cold of the desert………and I started dying of thirst and hunger………I realized in my starving head that I would live the rest of my life like that. And eternity would be the same. I would be alone. I would be aimless. Forever."
"Wow. Been a while since I had a dream like that……"
"And the scary part came when……wh-when I realized that as bad a fate as that lonely future was, I preferred it over the other scenario."
"Being around others."
"Yeah. And that just……j-just made me feel horrible. Like a monster. Like a menace to society…………and……th-that's just such a horrible feeling, Jordan. To feel so evil. So banal. And……it really got to me. I couldn't go back to sleep because I suddenly felt myself and all of the White power surging inside of me and I stopped to wonder……what will we all be when we leave this school, Jordan? Will we be happy citizens? Or will we be……w-will we be freaks?"
"Oh Ana……"
"Horrible, horrible freaks?"
"Ana…come here. Trust me, Ana……a monster is the last thing any of us would ever be. Most especially you."
"I came to this School w-wainting to improve m-myself, Jordan. I'm afraid of these p-powers of ours sometimes. I don't ever want to become a m-monster. I don't want t-to lose c-control of things. I don't want to lose control……"
"Ana……if there's anything I've learned from you, you're the epitome of control. You're wise beyond your years. You're supportive……motherly……you wouldn't hurt a fly. Don't you see? Construction……it makes you a billion times more benevolent than you could ever not be! No, Ana. You'd never be a monster. That was just a dream. A scary dream and nothing else."
"Y-You don't think I-I'm a monster, J-Jordan?"
"Ana……"
"………"
"You are an angel………"
"…………an……a-angel………"
"Mmmhmmm. An angel."
"……………"
"……………"
"……………an…………angel………"
"And I promise you—if I have anything to do with it—your life will be a good dream. And nothing but that."
"Hehehehehe……"
"…………………? What?"
"You're so cute when you try to protect me."
"Pfft! It's the least I can do! You're always protecting me, Ana!"
"Hehehehehe. I dunno, Jordan. It seems addicting to want to protect you."
"See? What did I tell you? An angel!"
"Hehehehehehe……yeah………"
"An angel………"
"…………"
"…………"
T-T-T-T-T-T-
The desert.
November 22, 2004
Monday.
Eastern Nevada.
T-T-T-T-T-T-
I paused for breath in the swealtering Sun.
Before me stretched plains of amber-yellow dryness.
Rock-hard earth and boundless shrubbery.
Canyons, ravines, sharp hills and buttes.
I wiped my brow. Streams of perspiration danced down my black shades.
I adjusted the backpack straps over my white t-shirt. It was extra heavy from a bundle of foodstuffs and water bottles I had bought after speeding my way to a lone gas station alongside the highway. I had absolutely no money left on me. I didn't think there was enough to support me on the trip back East…back home.
And as for supplies befitting two people……….
I shrugged that thought off me with a shuddering sigh.
The now.
Always live in the now.
I took a breath, rounded a rise in the hill, and blurred the rest of the distance to my northwesterly destination.
I made these trips as short as possible. And with my speeding, murk-empowered sprints….I succeeded greatly. I didn't want to abandon her for too long a period at a time. And yet something told me that here—in this desert oblivion—she was far safer than ever imagined.
Still, she could have been even safer.
I zoomed over hills, past ravines, and then made for a high mountain top. A rise in the earth stretched towards the hot, orange sky of the desert. It was conveniently curved in a fashion that freed it from most of the rising, heat vapors of the cooking soil. And just in the undercurve of the mountain summit where a cool shadow rested three-fourths of daylight…..there was a cave. Not too deep of a cave, but spacious enough for twenty souls.
And as of late, it only needed room for two…..
FWOOOOSH!
I blurred up the flat side of the mountain. I ran vertically through the sheer momentum and clinging power of murk. And when I reached the lofty cave's mouth
Th-Thwish!
I flipped up.
I came back down.
Plant!
I landed in a crouch.
Panting.
I looked into the dark alcove. Twice as shaded as the southeasterly mountain facing.
And….
She's still here.
Thank god.
I wondered if that was how a father felt. Or at least, a protective older brother. In spite of every logical thing telling me that the young girl I was momentarily leaving alone would be safe….I still felt paranoid. And that paranoia spawned something further: a level of protectiveness I haven't felt since the day I was fighting to protect the City and Titans from Dagger's invasion.
I stood up, took a breath, and slowly sauntered over towards the inside of the cave. I slumped the backpack off of me and set it on the rocky floor. I knelt and dug into the contents. My sweating body reveled in the shade and coolness of the place. And while my flesh and metal hands dug into the contents of my pack, I gazed up and stared at her. Breathing slowly.
I still couldn't get over the….sight of her. Her alive. Her real. It was like basking in the aura of some infantile goddess, and yet I had never 'met' her before in my life.
But the Titans…..
She was sitting up. Her legs crossed. Her thin torso hung by even thinner arms. She was clothed in a black shirt and jacket draping over her shoulders. She wore khaki pants that covered her legs and abdomen.
They were my clothes. And—naturally—they utterly and completely dwarfed her. She looked like some woman who had spontaneously shrunk and the clothes around her kept their balloon-like size. But at least she was clothed. She was no longer the shivering, naked girl whom I had to hurriedly evacuate from Area 51 twenty-four hours ago. Most of the shivering had gone away—in fact—though not all of it. I checked up on her constantly like a hospital patient. And although she appeared fine and dandy in almost every aspect imaginable, she still showed….'signs'. 'Signs' of what, I couldn't quite put a flesh or metal finger on. But she looked and felt like an invalid. Unimaginably frail. Like a princess who was forced to run the mile and was just now recovering. Her breaths were thin, drawn out, and weak. Her heart rate was slow…much like her molasses-moving limbs and slowly blinking eyes. She barely spoke. All that came from her lips in the first few hours was half-intelligble gibberish. Like the whispering ramblings of a schizophrenic in the shadowy corner of a white dining hall. The skin of her brow, her arms, and her stomach was pale. Icey. But it was all gradually…..gradually warming. Everything that confirmed that she was indeed a person recovering from over a year of living in solid stone.
Miracles don't happen overnight. But Terra was an exception.
I was not one to make anything of the judgment. But it couldn't be denied: she was…..immaculate. In spite of her ordeal, her eyes were always a lively blue. Her breaths were thin—but solid. And her hair……it maintained a gold-silk shine. Straight, disheveled, tossed or taut…it stayed beautiful. Unique. Angelic.
It….
It showed signs.
I have no doubts now……
I took a deep breath. I slowly grabbed a water bottle and some granola bars. The brunch of champions. Nomadic, desert champions.
But how was it possible?
She never told me about her relations outside of her deceased mother or her terrible father.
Were they……cousins? Once or twice removed?
Sisters?
Twins?
No, not twins. Not by a longshot.
She is younger. More petite. Smaller of build. More fragile, even……
It's difficult to imagine the Construction flowing through her so strongly.
And yet it's there. I had felt it. In some ways, I still feel it.
And dare I say……it's almost the strongest I've ever felt it. Only……not the same as I have felt it before.
Those days at the School……
I closed my black eyes. I breathed slowly. The sweat faded and the coolness took over. The opposite pole of the desert.
I shivered…independent of my metal prosthetic.
Who is she, Ana?
Why did you never tell me about her?
Why did you never tell me anything about the Earth Elementals?
Markovia?
The line of destiny surging in you.
Were you self conscious?
Did you want to preserve yourself?
Preserve me?
Or perhaps………
Perhaps you didn't even know?
I ran a hand through my hair.
Shuddering.
You are an angel, Ana.
Always were.
Help me.
Help me with your relative.
How can I protect the protector?
How can I preserve Construction itself?
How can I bring her to the surface……before I bring her to the Titans?
Or would that be the solution?
How far does the Equalizer's authority go?
"W-Warm……..it's warm….."
My black eyes flashed open.
Through my shades, I gazed across the cave.
She was a shadow. A dark sihlouette against the brightness of the cave's mouth. She lifted an arm up—draped in the sleeve of the jacket I had given her. And she 'felt' the air. Like a little child would stick her arm out of a window while riding in a fast-speeding car down the highway. Invisible currents of air streaked around her finger in some netherworld of the golden mind. And as my black eyes sought shapes and lines in the darkness, I saw cold lips pursing warm and blue eyes wetting sapphire and a stone-gaze of a face melt, melt, melt into the living girl she once must have been.
"……heat……I-I……I never……"
Somehow, these felt like the first coherent words I had heard from her since the rescue.
I leaned my head to the side, listening closely.
Mute….
"…..n-never thought…..I……w-would feel it again……"
Silence.
A small gust of wind blew into the cave.
Cold.
She seemed immune to it.
The jacket danced on her shoulders before shrinking back to a rest on her limbs.
She turned her hand over a bit more. Staring at it. As if mesmerized by the flesh as she slowly….slowly curled her pale fingers.
"…….the d-desert………"
I raised an eyebrow.
"….I……am back in the desert….again………somehow…….."
Silence.
She hugged herself. She gazed out towards the yellow brightness beyond. The endless, dead fields of the Earth.
"….somehow………..I always end up here……"
A strand or two of golden, silken locks blew in the breeze.
"……..endlessly dry……forever stone……."
A beat.
"But…..b-but…………," she hugged herself tighter. "…….why am I here? Wh-Why am I w-warm again?"
I took a deep breath. I hoisted a water bottle and some food and crept across the cave. I knelt in front of her.
She looked up at me. Sapphire blue eyes. Like glossy glass.
"…….," I gently smiled. I held the water bottle and granola bars out before her. As if an offering to the goddess.
"……….," she stared.
I swallowed. I smiled and held a finger up. I then proceeded to unscrew the water bottle—
"I know you….," she murmured.
"……," I froze. I stared up at her slowly.
She was staring at me. Or through me. Thin eyes and parted lips of wonder….
"You…..were there……off and on…..," she breathed. "I…..saw you……in th-the cave……in the labs…..and just now……"
I leaned my head to the side. A bit….awestruck.
"I….I saw everyone…..," she suddenly shivered. A nervous swallow. She averted her gaze. "The….The T-Titans. Everytime th-they visited. Everytime they talked to me, I heard them. And when th-they dropped flowers and p-pretty things down at my feet, I felt them." A beat. "You were there too. Though….only as of late…."
I slowly….slowly nodded.
Her gaze rose up again. "Wh-Who are you?"
"………..," I gently smiled. I thought of hand-signing, but it was most likely pointless. So I mouthed: 'A friend.'
Her eyes fell. Fell to the scar on my neck.
"Y-You can't talk…..," she exhaled.
I slowly nodded, unscrewing the bottle. I raised it up to her face
Clap.
A pale hand closed over the lid.
She leaned forward towards me with thin eyes.
And for the first time, I felt a little scared…
"Is he alive?"
"…………..?"
"Did he make it?"
I breathed nervously. I gave her a perplexed look.
She shook a bit. "Beast Boy. When the labs crumbled around me…and those two androids killed everyone….as the City outside was being ripped apart….did Beast Boy live?"
I bit my lip.
Slug. Reload.
This girl really did see everything while she was……'imprisoned'.
'She's asking you a question, Jordan.'
Yes, Ana.
I smiled gently.
I nodded.
Terra closed her eyes. She leaned back, hugging herself tighter. A deep breath…but when she exhaled, it came out chokingly.
I started.
She brought a hand to her mouth and 'bit' the back of her wrist as tears slowly started to trickled down her face. She hiccuped and her body shook. When her lips moved, the voice that came out was a wavering thing of uncontrollable sobs.
"He…..n-nearly killed himself….for me…..," she shuddered. "In the laboratory….a-after I was moved…..h-he turned human for me. The experiment……I-I have never s-seen him so desperate. So on f-fire to save me. When I saw him t-turn from green to pale….I shouted his name. But n-no sound came out. And wh-when Cyborg was lying battered and b-broken on the laboratory table….I b-begged to hear if Beast Boy was okay. But none of the scientists heard me. And wh-when I was taken away…." She shook dreadfully. "A-A-And when that c-cold, cold man took me deep undergrond….and th-th-they began drilling….and drilling….and d-drilling…." She nearly teetered over. The tears streamed. Her voice was like a dying mouse. "….I c-c-cried his name. I k-kept c-crying his name but it wouldn't stop. It wouldn't stop. Beast Boy, it wouldn't stop….it w-wouldn't stop, B-Beast Boy….."
I took a deep breath. Smiling painfully, I scooted over and enveloped her in a hug.
She fell against my chest, sobbing. Trembling all over. Her tears formed a damp spot right at my collar bone.
I wrapped my arms around her. Warming her. Absorbing her shivers.
"I th-thought I d-d-didn't have any f-friends…..I don't h-have any f-f-friends. Th-Then why would Beast Boy nearly kill himself? Wh-Why am I here? Why can I feel again?"
I gently whispered: 'Shhhhh' and slowly stroked the hair out from over her brow.
Stroking her bangs……
That always……soothed Ana……
Terra sobbed and hiccuped less. But still she shuddered: "I j-just wanted to know…..I just w-w-wanted to kn-know for sure…..if he nearly killed himself b-because he w-wanted me back as a f-friend….or if th-they all just n-needed me alive so that I could go on trial. S-So that I could f-face my reckoning….."
I bit my lip at that.
"M-Maybe then….I-I wouldn't have hurt so much….wh-when they took my baby from me….," she said in a low, muttering voice. "M-Maybe I wouldn't have t-t-to have felt sad for more th-than me….."
I exhaled.
Another subject for another time.
For when she's with the Titans……
I gently coaxed her to sit up straight.
She looked up at me, frail.
I offered her the water bottle.
She slowly nodded. Trembling hands reached up for it.
I helped it into her grasp and steadied the bottle as she took a long, full swig. As I took the bottle away, she swallowed and seemed to bask in the flow of liquid down her esophagus. Filling her. She shuddered and gazed towards the stone floor.
A breath.
She said: "I am a m-monster….."
I blinked.
"All he ever wanted was evil….," her face tightened up into a bitter frown as twice-bitter words oozed out from her lips. "….all the drills ever got was evil."
I felt something painful stab its way up my heart and into my throat.
Silent and mute….the only thing I could do was sit there.
Sit there and feel uncomfortable.
"If they were still my friends before….they won't be friends anymore…..," she ran a shaky hand through her hair. "It's only a matter of time……only a m-matter of time….."
I took a long, deep breath.
Hoo boy.
Yeah, this is going to be fun.
I unwrapped a granola bar and handed it to her.
She looked at it….and took a long, lethargic time in taking it from my hand and chewing a bite off it. She hummed with a mouthful just before she swallowed. She reclined—more like melted—to the floor of the cave some more and ate quite obviously by her lonesome.
And whether she meant it or not, that felt like a good cue as any to leave her alone.
So I waved to get her attention.
She looked up tiredly at me.
I smiled. I pointed at myself. I then performed a two-tone whistle to signify a signal to call me 'with'.
She blinked up at me and blushed as she uttered: "I-I can't whistle…."
I bit my lip.
"……..," she gazed at the granola bar. She swallowed. She looked up at me: "M-Maybe if I burped….you could come running for any reason?"
"…………."
"…………."
"………….," I snickered.
She smiled.
I chuckled breathily and then sighed…..
Yeah……
Beast Boy's still your friend, Terra.
I think you've got nothing to worry about……
Her smile left her as she gazed off into her own little world.
I paused, inhaled, and turned around.
I walked across a cage, swiped up a water bottle of my own, and blurred out the mouth.
Leaving her to her ever familiar solitude….
T-T-T-T-T-T-
I didn't realize how soon evening was coming to past until I climbed the top of the mountain's peak and found myself gazing out towards a glorious, desert-amber sunset.
It was November.
November meant shorter daylight.
November also meant colder weather, but it could have fooled me.
I sat down on a precipice to rest a little.
I gazed Eastward, my back to the warming sun.
I watched the horizon grow dark and darker. Like a black line. The kissing toes of a vortex of some sort.
I brought the water bottle to my lips…
But hestitated.
My face melted into a sad frown and I lowered the bottle entirely.
Exhaling…..
Staring at the valley below.
"……………….."
I shuddered.
Red Aviary……
According to Glover, there are two major targets he is after now.
Myself.
And Terra.
Once we are gone, he will be after the rest of the Titans.
And then what?
The deaths of so many heroes will cause the Balance of Morals to flip over and bring forth the apocalyptic rush of Destruction?
I still find that preposterous.
But then again……who am I to reject a pessimistic prophecy?
I gazed westward.
Towards home.
Towards the Tower.
My comrades.
And……
I shuddered.
I……can't deny this feeling.
This dark, foreboding feeling.
That the world around me has been a Hell of a lot darker since Robin died.
The sky has looked a little redder.
The air tastes like copper in the throat of my being.
My entire trip to Nevada has been a swift, breathless sprint.
Like something is eating at the heels of my feet.
With red fangs.
A scythe-like breath.
Devouring. Consuming.
I shivered.
I clutched my metal limb.
Rrrrrrred Aviarrrrrry……
Snarling, I finally gave up and grasped the disc where the metal joined the flesh.
CLICK!
Hisssssssssss-Chtomp!
I detached the metal prosthetic.
The chill left me as magically as always.
I exhaled…..
He is here.
Somewhere nearby.
Maybe he doesn't see me.
Maybe he doesn't smell the scent of Terra's livelihood.
But he's here.
In Nevada.
He's catching up to me.
He will consume both of us if I don't get us out of here soon.
I shut my black eyes.
Resting my left stub and balanced on my right palm, I leaned back.
Lips tasting the dry air as the sun set and the desert grew colder…..colder………colder……..
When I bring Terra to the Titans……
Will she really be safe?
Will we all be safe, for that matter?
Red Aviary wants to end us all.
And if I bring Terra back to the Titans……
All the eggs will be in the basket.
The scythe could swing down……
And cleave us all apart as one.
In that case, Terra is like a bomb.
A diseased capsule.
Maybe that's why Cyborg was so hesitant to find her.
He wasn't afraid that Robin's contract would end a bunch of our lives in the process of finding her.
But
rather……
Cyborg knew that somehow Terra would
destroy us all once she was in our presence.
But……
That's bull, isn't it?
Terra isn't the problem.
Red Aviary is.
And the Titans have proven and will continue to prove that they're resilient enough to face anything and everything.
And Red Aviary is one in the line of many villainous elements that we can and will inevitably defeat.
No matter what Glover said.
No matter what the Messenger spouts off.
And no matter what lengths Pulsade, Jinx, 'J', and Wildebeest go to seize Terra for themselves.
Red Aviary is as mortal as the red breath he breathes.
"…….."
A soreness overcame my throat.
But……
If that's true……
Then why is it that Robin died?
And died so easily?
I hugged myself with one arm.
Exhaling…..
Glover said that it was Red Aviary that killed Robin.
And from the evidence presented, I believe him.
I believe him on that issue at least.
But if it was Red Aviary, why kill Robin first?
Was it to simply end the existence of the Boy Wonder?
Or……
Perhaps……
Perhaps it was to start a chain of events.
A chain of events that would all be happening in sequence under the watchful eye of Red Aviary?
With far more order and cold calculation than even Dagger is capable of?
Or perhaps Dagger is actually accepting Red Aviary?
The Parasite if a plague to Triangular.
But Triangular would love to see the Parasite run his way into the ground.
Even if that meant giving the Parasite—Red Aviary whatever he wanted.
For the time being……
And if that's true……then……
The only reason Dagger left Terra in one piece after……'extracting' what he wanted from her was so that I could somehow miraculously save her.
And I did save her.
She's sitting alive.
Beneath me.
In the cave of a desert mountain.
And if Dagger wanted her alive.
And if Red Aviary wanted her alive.
What is the purpose of me possessing her?
Is there something nefarious in Terra being taken—in my arms—back to the Titans?
Could something that seems so good, so redeeming……be actually a danger?
And what of what Dagger has accomplished?
The extraction.
The essence of Terra manufactured into his control.
The advent of an army of thermal golems to fight for his cause.
Weapons fit to destroy an entire City……now being shipped to Metropolis.
The Gaia Sphere.
While I'm taking Terra back to the City, there'll be a whole 'nother bloody paper chase to worry about.
I was at the forefront of discovering such a nightmare.
Who am I to simply toss all that I've learned to the fire?
This is not only Triangular and Red Aviary that I'm talking about.
But……
Terra's child.
Terra's horrifically stolen child.
The Titans love Terra far too much for me to let that dwindle into oblivion, no matter how healthy and whole a Sixth Titan I bring back into their waiting arms.
They would surely rise up with me……to get to the bottom of all this.
They would help me save Terra's child.
After the letter I sent them—and from news programs most likely covering the chaos at Las Vegas and Area 51 by now—they'd put two and two together and realize that I'm onto something.
And if I were to contact them somehow, they'd be all ears.
And they'd assist me.
But……
Is that me speaking?
Or Dagger and Red Aviary speaking through me?
When I became Wyldecarde and fought the Titans to save them.
I was breaking the circle to create my own destiny.
A destiny in which I was more than the tiny, silver ball inside a pinball machine.
I was the paddles. The gravity.
I was distracting the Titans so that Slade couldn't get to them.
Eventually I had to rip off a piece of myself to ensure that the circle was broken.
But what now?
I feel like a red cloud of Destruction is shoving me along over the desert.
And that no matter what I do or what decision I make, I'll only be completing the damn circle.
And just how could I break it this time?
What parts of me are left to rip off?
Would I need to sacrifice a leg? An arm?
Would I have to sacrifice my own life to ensure that Red Aviary bites it and Terra and the other Titans survive to take on Triangular by themselves?
I took a deep breath.
I ran a right hand through my black locks of hair.
Somehow……I wouldn't doubt it.
I would do………
I will do anything and everything to ensure the safety of the other Titans.
And if they'd have to mourn another teammate's death after Robin so that Terra and the rest can live.
Then so be it.
An Equalizer makes as many pacts with Life as he does with Death.
It is what I went to School to master. It is the path I have chosen to tread. The dead-center bullzeye of the Spectrum.
But what must I do to shake off Red Aviary?
What must I do?
What sacrifices?
What fights?
How do I break the circle?
How do I break the circle……
I ran my hand over my face.
Sighing.
Sighing…..
Slowly enveloped by the dark evening.
"…………………………"
'You always think too much, Jordan.'
I lowered my hand.
Tiredly, I turned my head and looked behind me.
She walked up from around a rise in dirt and stone. Her hands behind her back. Her angelic smile beneath calm blue eyes as the wind fluttered at her short wisps of gold. She sat down beside me and stared out towards the East, hugging her knees to her chest.
'I suppose the Black Adept must try to encompass all sides of the Spectrum at once. It's like a torture of absorption.'
I don't know what to do, Ana.
'That was always the most honest statement you could ever make. The Master told you that, right?'
Yeah. I guess Balance students are just damned with uncertainty.
'I think uncertainty is the greatest surety you can have. Hehehehehe……gotta love paradox, right?'
Right………
'You don't think as much as you do, Jordan. You're an activist. You get the job done. You leave thinking to the wind.'
I've always thought I was rather stupid. Keanu Reeves fodder, ya know?
'Ick. Don't even go there.'
What's the point in saving everyone and everything I love if I can't even think for myself?
'That's why you have people like the Messenger. And 'J'. And me.'
………I-I never thought of it that way.
'Why do you think people are always trying to think for you, Jordan?'
Because I'm stupid?
'Hehehehe. No. Because they're your friends. They're there for you to help complete the parts of you that need……th-that need solace, Jordan.'
Solace?
'Solace and comfort. Ever since the days of the Experiment, Jordan, you've been nothing but a huge saint of self-sacrifice. You tear yourself apart in so many ways. And you do it without thinking because……well, because I know that thinking hurts you, Jordan. You have so many memories that you'd rather forget. When you think, you dwell on the sad stuff. And doing that slows you down. It keeps you from swinging that blade. It keeps you from running across the country and saving modern, sleeping beauties.'
…………
'Jordan, you're not constantly moving and constantly saving people to escape something. You're doing it so that people won't ever have to experience something that they'll eventually want to escape from. You're the equalizer. You force the pain to rest in the arms of the pain-givers and you push the joy back into the hearts of the benevolent-innocent. You're a hero. Not a coward. Don't ever think you're stupid. Silence and stupidity are two different things. And you commit to the better of the two.'
Ana……why haven't you told me?
'Haven't told you what, Jordan?'
About Terra. About your relations. About your history as an Earth Elemental?
'I told you lots, Jordan. And you remember it. You remember me telling you how Construction was always a part of me. And how I felt it in my blood. In my mother. In parts of me that were lost and parts of me that were dying and parts of me that were living all the same.'
It surprised me, Ana. But when I found her……and I fought to release her from her imprisonment……it suddenly all made sense.
'You felt the White power inside her?'
Yes, Ana. And I still do. She feels……she feels like you, Ana.
'Hehehehehe. Should I be jealous?'
No! I mean……she…
'Hmmmm?'
…………she makes me think of you. Because she's only just a taste……a taste of an angel……
'She is an angel, Jordan. Just like me. Only……to different people.'
………the Titans……
'They long for her, Jordan. They miss her. With all that has happened to them lately, they need her. What brought you out this far West surely holds such monumental power. Or else, why would you be here?'
I took a deep breath.
Nodding off towards the dark horizon.
Good point……
'I know how much you hate coming back here, Jordan. I know how much you hate just……looking in this direction.'
I bit my lip.
I swallowed a lump down my throat.
'But this time……with this issue……you didn't hesitate to blur out here the fastest you could. And to save Terra. And to risk your reputation and life in Vegas to do it. And then to risk all else in Area 51. What you did was so swift, so passionate, so undaunted……'
So red……
'………yes, Jordan. So Red. So very Red. You cut through this country like a knife. Almost blindly.'
This……this is what I want. This is what I want so much. But……But it is also what Red Aviary wants……
'You cannot rule that out, Jordan. You cannot rule anything out at this point.'
I brought my face into my right hand.
Sighing.
I should have just let Wildebeest enter the Vault. I should have let Counter-Red Aviary break into Area 51. Then they would have sealed Terra away somewhere that neither Red Aviary or Triangular would have known about. She might still be in stone, but she'd be safe.
'Do you really believe that, Jordan? As much as it took passion to defy all odds and opposition and free Terra, who are you to deny that it was best that you found her?'
Both Hull and the Messenger insisted that I be the one to free Terra……
'And when ultimately you did……'
Only my powers could free her.
'And what did you discover?'
The extraction. The Gaia Sphere. The dark words of Hull made manifest. Triangular's one true power through Dagger……
'Do you think Counter-Red Aviary would do anything about all of that? Do you think Terra's future……Terra's child……Terra's essence……could all be entrusted in the hands of rogues who were—for the most part—all once former criminals? 'J' aside, of course.'
Of course……
I sighed and lifted my face up to the dark sky again.
Red Aviary behind me or not, it was up to me to find and rescue Terra. And……there's a purpose in that……and there may still be……
'Still be what, Jordan?'
A way to break the circle. Even if I don't know what the circle is.
'Indeed.'
But how, Ana? How can I keep things from falling into the hungry monster-mouth of Destruction?
'Jordan……look at me.'
I turned to my left.
I gazed through my shades, breathing gently.
She leaned forward. Blue eyes warm. The angelic smile……
'You used Red to get here. You used White to get Terra freed from stone. And in between, you used Black to survive. But there remains one special task for Black to perform……a self-defining task……'
I took a deep breath.
Sacrifice……
I felt her warm hands gently grasp the nub where my arm once was. Where I chopped it off meatedly in a dark alley. After our last great conversation……
So much like this.
Full……Circle……
'You have sacrificed so much of yourself. But that is not the issue now. As Robin's death and Terra's salvation have both showed you……there is a different center of attention. And you must not quite sacrifice a piece of you this time to stop Triangular and Red Aviary. It is time that the Hand that wields the Dagger be severed. Not yours.'
…………
'I know you will make the right choice, Jordan. Oftentimes the right choice is the painful one.'
Ana……
'Remember. I have always and will always love you.'
Ana, wait—
'No………matter………what…………'
Ana!
I shot my right hand out into air.
Thin air.
And nothing but……
"…………..," I exhaled.
I was alone.
The sun was practically below the Western face of the earth.
And everything was cold and dark.
I took a deep breath.
I refastened my metal arm.
I shivered from the shocking chill….sighed….and made my way back down from the peak with a nervous swig of my water bottle.
T-T-T-T-T-T-
When I returned to the cave…
Terra was sleeping.
Golden-soft-silent in her little corner.
She trembled a little in her sleep.
Cold.
I took a breath.
I went to my backpack and produced a large towel.
I walked over and gently draped it over her form like a blanket.
Then—with some desert brush and twigs I had gathered over the last twenty-four hours in the corner…
I assembled an indoor campfire.
Using my metal fingers as flint to produce sparks.
A gentle blaze burned in the cave.
Close enough to Terra to warm her. I gave her the best 'sleeping spot' that the cave could afford closest to the flickering flames.
From where I sat for the next hour or so, I was undeniably cold.
I shivered…but endured it.
My mind was performing circles.
Literally.
I suddenly felt lost.
Like….
A monster wandering aimlessly in the desert.
And here some black-and-white Frankenstein spawn was on the verge of inevitably chunking some golden girl into the drowning waters.
I bit my lip.
I will not hurt her.
Everything I have done.
All that I have worked for.
It has been to save her.
How could anyone—much less Red Aviary—turn that against me.
I didn't want to think.
I didn't want to think…..
Terra stirred some more in her sleep.
She seemed suddenly restless, despite the warming embrace of the fire.
The unknown father in me lifted up to my throat.
I suddenly had the harmonica in my grasp.
The Messenger's birthday present.
Friend……wherever you are.
I hope they're selling plenty of watches.
Cuz I need you right now……
I gazed at Terra for a few seconds before bringing the mouth organ to my lips.
I closed my shaded eyes.
And…..
Gently played a tune.
"Homeward Bound" by Simon and Garfunkel. Naturally.
The tune wafted through the cold cave.
Bounced against the walls.
Floated over the flickering flames.
And soothingly poured over Terra's slumbering features.
And I….
I was in the tall grass.
With two other students.
And we were dancing to our swords that were dancing to the wind.
And he said something.
And Ana rolled her eyes.
And I laughed.
And the rainclouds of Washington rolled over.
And we sat far away from the lower apprentices.
Hidden from the eternal droplets in some oriental alcove built in the center of the Manor.
Ana had her harmonica out.
He was telling crude jokes.
I sat back with my hands behind my head.
And I……
I just stared at her.
The angel.
Her sapphire blue eyes.
Her thin, tomboy body.
The country-flavored breaths that blew through her lips into the red instrument.
And that hair.
The short, golden wisps that I wanted to softly run my hands through.
That I want to softly run my hands through.
That I will always want to run my hands through.
As many as half of those hands that I could ever afford.
And when the music stopped……
And when Ana lowered her arms and fell back into the curtain of rain.
She was crying.
"……….," I blinked.
Terra was crying.
I gazed over.
I blinked.
Brown pebbles of rock and earth were floating around her as the blonde shook and shivered nearby the fire. Tears rolled out from her eyes as the dust particles orbited her. A subconscious, glowing aura of her golden powers working about her. The Earth Elemental in mourning.
I pocketed the harmonica and walked briskly over to her.
I stopped just a foot away, gazing down.
The sleeping, sobbing Terra was clutching herself. Hugging her center with two shivering hands.
Clutching her womb…..
"………," I took a deep breath.
I looked aside. I reached a hand out and effortlessly 'plucked' a glowing pebble of earth from the air. The golden glow faded as I palmed it.
Staring….
"……….."
I swallowed a sore lump away.
I tossed the pebble behind my shoulder. I shuffled through the orbit of rocks, knelt down, and gently hugged Terra.
She again trembled against me. Perhaps awake. Perhaps not. Definitely crying. Hiccuping. A bottle of sorrow.
Of loss.
The broken Mother Earth.
I cradled her head to my chest.
A gentle hand rested in her hair.
Golden, silky hairs.
Like Ana's.
But not……
And I took a painful inhale.
I can't do it, Ana.
I can't take her back to the Titans.
Not now.
Not this second.
Everything and everything around us is a bomb ready to go off.
The Gaia Sphere.
Dagger's new 'toys'.
I can't take her back to the Titans……
But I will need the Titans to make any progress.
But……not without making it too obvious.
Or else Red Aviary might find us all.
And gather us together against my wishes.
And slaughter us as one.
I have to keep Terra safe.
And yet……I can't keep the two of us prime targets together.
Not for long.
I have to take Terra somewhere.
A waypoint.
Somewhere where she'll be safe.
While I track down Dagger.
While I learn what Triangular's up to.
And then.
Then I can gather the Titans.
For then I might know……
I might know what Red Aviary is doing. And will do.
I might be on the other side of the fence for once.
Instead of marinating in this terrible Sea of confusion as always.
Where our heads can be lopped off at any time.
But where, Ana?
Where can I take Terra?
Who will look out for her?
Who will look out for her?
Who………?
I gazed out the cave.
Sighing.
Absorbing the girl's trembling.
"………………."
And my breath left me as my jaw dropped.
Who……
Who indeed……
T-T-T-T-T-T-
November 25, 2004.
Smallville, Kansas.
7:32 pm
T-T-T-T-T-T-
"MmmmmMMM! Wow, Martha! You've really outdone yourself this year! I swear, a Thanksgiving Turkey this delicious is downright illegal!"
"Hehehehehe….," Martha Kent sat across from John at the dining room table, pouring herself some more cranberry juice from a pitcher. A radio nearby was playing holiday music as the family dined together. "Don't give me all the credit."
"Oh?" John Kent leaned his head to the side. "Are you suggesting that—"
"Is it really a big secret, Pa?" Kara winked before chewing a final slice of buttered bread. "Mmmmmfff…I helped her out this time," she said with a full mouth. The blonde swallowed and winked a blue eye. "Micro vision catches all of the spices in the filling, so I just helped Ma put in the most bang for the meat's buck! What you're eating is a super-turkey! And you better be thankful!"
"Shucks," John scratched his gray head of hair. "Now how come Clark never helped us out like that in the past?"
"Maybe because he was better with a tractor than he was in the kitchen, John."
"Or maybe because he wasn't a girl!"
"Pa! That's cruel!" Kara stuck her tongue out. "Don't make me melt those glasses off of you!"
John Kent devilishly smirked. "You mean after the last two pairs?"
"Oops!" Kara cupped a hand over her lips, blushing. "I completely forgot about that. SorrySorrySorry!"
"Heheheh. Don't be so hard on yourself, girl," John patted Kara's shoulder. "Clark went through about twenty pairs."
"Twenty….my gosh," Martha gasped. "I forgot it was that much!"
"Twenty?" Kara remarked, awe-struck. "He melted twenty pairs of glasses with heat vision?"
"Not counting his own, of course."
"Hehehehehe!"
Kara giggled too.
"Too bad Clark's too busy with some of those goons in Metropolis to be here with us tonight," Martha sighed. She put on a brave smile. "It'd be much more wholesome for him to be with his family rather than doing fisticuffs with….Living Wire is it called?"
"Livewire," Kara emphasized. "And ya know…if he just let me go to Metropolis and clobber the bitch for him, then maybe he wouldn't have to be away from home—Eep!" Kara again blushed. "Darn it, I'm so sorry! I know how you guys hate for me to say the 'b'-word at the dinner table."
"Wouldn't be the first time," Mr. Kent mused while sipping juice.
"John!"
"Heh heh heh."
"I swear. You're impossible."
"Somebody pass the Turkey shoe."
"You mean leg?"
"Yeah. That."
Diiiiing-Dong!
Martha gasped and shot up. "What's that? Air raid?"
"No, Ma…," Kara smiled. "It's the doorbell I had installed a week ago. This house needs to enter the twenty-first century at some time or another."
"Lord have mercy…scared me out of my wits!" Martha fanned herself. "Just what is someone doing visiting us on Thanksgiving this late?"
"Probably the Ferguson's son," John uttered. "You've got him addicted to those pumpkin pies."
"Well, he's not going to steal any from us! Desert is strictly set aside for three people!"
"You mean Clark's not going to get a doggy bag?"
"I should say not! For preferring to be with Liver Wire than with us!"
Diiiiiiiiing-Dong!
"Heavens! There it goes again!"
Kara uncontrollably giggled. She placed the napkin down and stood up. "Don't worry. I'll get it."
"Tell Ferguson Jr. to take a hike….with holiday cheer!"
"Hehehe…," Kara bounded out of the room. "Will do!"
Kara hummed to herself as she proceeded through the interior of the Kents' farmhouse.
The windows outside were a dark blue as evening fell.
Cold air wafted in, and she got a chill.
"Brrrrr…..it's like summertime on Argos after the blast wave…."
She reached the front entrance, opened it, and gazed through the screen door with a cheerful voice:
"Hellllo! Do you come bearing gifts for the pilgrims--" she stopped dead short. Her smile left, and she blinked…..blinked…..
"………," I stared up at her. A limp Terra in my arms. Dirt and dust covered us both. A few whisps of murk trailed off my figure from the hurried, blurred sprint I performed in getting there in so short a span of days.
Kara stared down at me from the threshhold. Her lips moved but no voice came out. Her blue eyes were not so much as wide in shock as they were….
Melting. From the sight of both of us. Me…..and the forbidden goddess in my arms.
"Kara? Who is it, honey?"
Kara jerked. She kept her eyes on me as she tilted her face sideways some and murmured: "Ma….Pa….w-we've got visitors…."