Chapter 4
Bella's POV
Silence filled the car as Alice drove me, and my battered body, away from the scene of my degradation. My aching frame, stuck in defense mode, quickly curled in on itself, while Alice hastily navigated around each curve of the old road leading us away from school. When I let my eyes close in an attempt to slow the rapidly descending tears, images of Jacob's twisted face began to flash behind my eyelids like a strobe light. I was dizzy and disoriented, trying to find the light in the dark, not knowing which way was up. My hand moved to my forehead, feeling the thin sheen of cold sweat that had formed there from the nausea that was reeking havoc on my insides.
"Oh God, make them stop..." I said to myself, clutching my stomach and dry heaving uncontrollably.
"What can I do, Bella? Please, Tell me what I can do?"
Alice was panicking in the driver's seat, pushing the gas peddle down to the floor board, propelling us down the highway at an obscene rate of speed. Even though she didn't say a word, I could feel her involuntary reaction to my pain through the steering wheel that was clutched inside her tiny white knuckles. With each heave of my body, the car would jerk hard to the right, then steady itself between the lines once again.
I knew I had to try and relax, but each time I thought the convulsions had ceased, they started up again, more violently than before.
"Bella, you're really scaring me. Try taking some deep breaths or something." She then commenced to taking short rapid breaths, and breathing out in long hisses. "Oh shit, that's Lamaze... And you're definitely not pregnant. What the fuck am I doing?... I don't know... Fuck! I don't know what to do."
I was about to tell her to just shut the fuck up and let me have my own goddamn breakdown, when I heard her take in a deep breath and blow it out in a whoosh of air.
The next time she spoke, there was a noticable drop in both volume and panic, though the tremble in her voice was still there.
"We're almost to your house. I'll get you to Charlie and he'll know what to do," she said, easing her own mind, vexing mine.
"NO!" I grabbed the handle of the door and forced myself to sit up straight. If anything could have been said to make me snap out of the hell that I had hurdled myself into, that was it.
"No! You can't take me home, Alice. Please... I'm fine," I lied, swallowing the bile that had begun to rise in my throat and threaten the unsoiled surface of her floorboard. "I'm feeling better. Really."
Pull yourself together, girl! At least act like you have some kind of control... and you better make that shit look believable, or we're gonna have to go home and face Charlie.
I forced a smile and closed my eyes as I reclined back, resting my head on the back of the seat.
Okay, that's it... breath... breath.
I sat back, taking deep breathes, concentrating on my breathing and ignoring my erratic heartbeat. I set a steady pace, breathing in through my nose and out from of my mouth. This was a technique that Renee swore by... something to do with 'aligning your chokras' and 'rebuilding your energy'. She did it anytime she felt her life was spiraling out of control or if she was really, really pissed off at something I did and needed to get control of herself before she killed me. Right now I felt anything but in control. My body had totally abandoned me and my mind had apparently been hijacked by my sadistic EX-boyfriend.
Finally, by the time we were pulling off the highway, I felt my body begin to relax and noticed, for the first time since I had left the meadow, that I could actually form a clear and intelligible thought.
God, it seemed like hours had past since I had stepped inside the car, and it had only been... what?... ten minutes.
Alice reached out her hand, about to touch my face, when I felt my head recoil from her. My eyes pleaded with her to forgive me, while my head pressed against the window and out of her reach. I could see the hurt in her face, but at this point, I couldn't allow the contact. I didn't want to be touched by anyone, including her. I just needed my space, and little bit of... distance.
"Are you okay, Bella?" she asked, placing her hand tentatively back on the steering wheel, glancing over at me with concern.
All I could do was nod. Trusting my voice to mask my uncertainty, was a risk I wasn't willing to take right now.
Alice took a deep breath. "Bella, I really think you need to go to the hospital. I mean, your arms... " Absently rubbing her neck as she stared at mine, she simply stated, "There's bruising."
"No," I answered, shaking my head emphaticly. "I don't need to go to the hospital, Alice. It's just a few bruises. I bruise really easy anyway. I'll be fine."
There was no way in hell that I was allowing that. The fewer people that knew what had happened, the better. It was bad enough that Alice knew, not to mention Edward, who had witnessed my humiliation, pinned underneath Jacob like some tramp. All of a sudden, picturing how the scene might have looked to the average person, I felt... dirty. Had I asked for it? After all, I did lure him in, under false pretenses, shooting him down when it developed into something else. And if they hadn't have gotten there when they did, he would have finished what he had started, and people would have said it was my fault. That I had urged him on.
These thoughts took me back 3 years, to a memory I had pushed deep into the corners of my mind, dusty and wrinkled with time.
It was my freshman year at Union High, when I lived in Pheonix. Bree Tanner and I were in the same grade, and though we weren't close friends, we had several classes together and always made time to say 'hi' and talk about boys or school or clothes. She dated one of the most popular guys in our school, Riley Biers, who not only was hot, but had a brain to match his beauty. A girl would have given her right boob for the chance to go out with him, and here Bree was, the lucky girl who had him all to herself.
One Friday, in art class, Bree was telling all of us about the romantic date that Riley had planned for them. She was literally buzzing with excitement, and I can remember being so jealous at the time because I had never even been on a date, let alone one as romantic as the one they had planned. First, he was taking her to LON's, one of ritziest restaurants that Phoenix had to offer, where apparently his brother Royce worked as a waiter and could sneak them any kind of liquor they wanted. After that, he was taking her star gazing at Papago Park, a beautiful park located in the desert just outside city limits that was wide open to the skies above. There wasn't a bad seat in the place.
I can remember all the whispers from the other girls at school that afternoon... "She can kiss her cherry goodbye."... "I hope she doesn't leave out any good details, I bet he's hung like a horse". And I went right along with them, thinking, 'I can't believe she's going to do it... do IT '.
That Monday, after her much talked about date with Riley, Bree wasn't at school. The other girls and I had fun laughing about it, making snide comments about her 'sore coochie' and 'lack of sleep'. This went on until Friday, when I noticed she still hadn't come back to school. That afternoon I saw Riley at his locker, surrounded by his friends, laughing and cutting up as usual.
"Hey, Riley," I greeted, walking in between the herd of guys to stand in front of him.
His eyes looked at me questioningly, as he asked, "Aaaaaand, who are you?"
His question was embarrassing. I hadn't even thought about him not knowing who I was, or that I even went to the same school. It wasn't like we had the same circle of friends.
"B-Bella. Bella Swan. I have some classes with Bree. Is she sick or something? She hasn't been at school all week."
He started laughing... hard, and as I waited for his hysterics to subside, he finally got out, "Yeah, actually, she's been seen by a doctor..." and looking over at his buds, he added, "The love doctor." It was as if watching a pack of hyenas caught up in a laughing frenzy, all doubled over, enjoying the inside joke, that I obviously wasn't part of.
My eyes narrowed at him, and without asking anything else, I stormed away in frustration. I wasn't going to get any help from him.
That night, I couldn't get her off my mind and I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep until I talked to her. Donned in my Smurf Pj's and gorilla slippers, I took off in my mom's car and found myself, 5 minutes later, in Bree Tanner's driveway. I had been there once before, working on an art project that we had been assigned partners on, and hoped that she wouldn't mind me stopping in for an unannounced visit. When I knocked on the door, I heard the sound of feet scrambling, and saw the silhouette of someone peeking out through the curtain. After several locks unlatched, the door finally opened.
The woman who stood before me was definitely Bree's mother; although a tired, frazzled version of the woman I remembered from my last visit.
"Can I help you?"
"Yes, Mrs. Tanner. I'm Bella Swan. A friend of Bree's. I was wondering if I could see her?" I asked, looking down, noticing the pink slippered feet peeking from behind the opened door.
Bree's mom looked to her left and nodded her head. "Sure honey, come on in."
As I stepped in the house, Bree moved from behind the door and threw her arms around my neck and exhaled a long sigh of... releif?
What the hell's going on here?
"Bree?" I asked, caught off guard, slow to return her embrace.
"Bella, what are you doing here?" she asked, pushing away from me, peering out the door cautiously.
I looked behind me, wondering what or who she was looking for. "I just wanted to check on you... see if everything was okay. You were gone..." I didn't finish the sentence, waiting for her to tell me what was going on.
She took a step back and motioned for me to follow her. We walked down the long hallway to her room and I sat on her bed while she shut the door behind her.
"I haven't been feeling... well," she said, leaving a lot of unspoken words floating in the air.
I sat there, quiet, hoping she would explain and when she didn't, I asked, "Not feeling well? Are you sick?"
She just shook her head slowly, her eyes glued to the floor.
Confused by her answer, I decided to change tactics. "I talked to Riley today."
Her eyes immediately darted to me and I watched as her body went rigid and began shaking uncontrollably.
"W-what did h-he s-s-say?" She asked, closing her eyes.
"Bree, are you o..." Before I could finish, she yelled, "WHAT. DID. HE. SAY!"
I quickly shut my mouth, taken back by her anger. It was completely out of character and wasn't something I would have expected from her.
"I asked him if you were sick or something and he just made a stupid joke about you being seen by the 'love doctor'."
She fell to the floor and cried.
I held her that night, wiping away her tears, while she told me the whole story about her anticipated Friday night date that led to a bruised body and broken heart. She had been a victim of date rape, left alone to mend on her own, without even the comfort of knowing that he would pay for what he did. Riley got off, completely scott-free... No jail time, probation, not even a slap on the wrist. Her virginity wasn't the only thing he took from her that night. He took away her trust and her innocence, changing her permanently from the lively woman she was becoming, to a scared shell of the girl she use to be.
I shook my head, leaving my memories of Bree behind in the far recesses of my mind.
Even though what had happened between Jacob and I hadn't made it to that point, I could totally see how Bree must have felt. If Alice and Edward hadn't have made it to the meadow in time and Jacob had finished what he had started, I would be in the same position. It would have been his word against mine and everyone would have taken his side.
Alice broke me out of my silent reverie, smacking the steering wheel and yelling, "I knew it! I knew this would happen! He's such a fucking psycho!" And then, it was silent... until she blurted out, "Bella, you've gotta tell him. You've gotta tell Charlie. Please don't let Jacob get away with this. If you do that, it will be so wrong on so many levels," she fumed, focusing on her rage, and the road ahead.
"Tell Charlie? I can't tell Charlie. Are you crazy?" I looked at her as if she had 3 eyes. I wasn't about to tell Charlie and see the disappointment in his face. To be honest, I wasn't totally sure that he would even believe me, and I didn't think I would be able to take that kind of rejection from my own father. He and Jacob were tight, a lot tighter than we had been in over five years.
Alice glanced over at me, eyeing my bruises. "What are you going to do then? Charlie is a policeman, and noticing detail is kinda his thing. He's going to see the bruises and wonder what happened."
"Fuck, Alice, just let it go. I don't want to tell Charlie, I don't want to go to the fucking hospital, and I sure as fuck don't have a chance in hell in getting anyone to do anything about what Jacob did. He's practically a saint in this god forsaken town. I just want to forget about it... pretend it never happened. Why can't you understand that?"
Finding my strength again, after being without it so long, felt damn good. Feeling in control once again, I sat up straight and whipped my head around to glare at her, pushing my hair behind my ear, making sure that she could see that I was dead serious.
She looked at me hesitantly. " I don't like this, Bella... Not one bit. But, I will respect your decision and keep my mouth shut."
Huffing, I ran my frustration through my hair with my nails. "Good! Now, I'm gonna have to think of something to tell Charlie, to explain why I'm staying at your house tonight."
"Are you staying at my house?"
"Well, I can't go home," I said, sarcastically raising my black and blue arms up to her face.
Her eyes fell to the road, and a look of guilt spread over her face from my words.
I hated this. I hated arguing with her. She was my best friend and was all that I had right now. She was the one that would help me forget what had happened and cruise along with me down the road to recovery. She was my wall, my world, and I owed her everything right now.
"Besides, who else has the mad skills to cover these things up before school tomorrow?" I offered her, as a peace offering, knowing that allowing her to touch any part of my skin with makeup would be a dream come true for her.
She took in a long breath and narrowed her eyes at me, and without missing a beat, she began making plans for the evening, mumbling off something about chocolate and facials. I cringed inwardly at the thought of all the girlie talk, but plastered on my best simulated smile, nodding when necessary as if I was just as enthused as she was.
As soon as I was sure that she was completely engulfed by her OCD, I risked a glance at my arms and wrists, wincing at the kaleidoscope of colors that were beginning to grow in size. It hurt like a mother fucker, but underneath all the pain and humiliation I was feeling, there was also a feeling of relief. I had survived and won my battle for freedom and tomorrow was going to be a new day, void of deceit... and Jacob.
Lost in my thoughts, I was distracted when I heard the gravel crunching underneath the tires as we pulled into her driveway. I could see that Alice was still worried about me, and as we entered her house, I watched her eye me, appraising my mood. I forced a weak smile and said, "I'm fine, Alice... Really."
For the most part I was, but was emotionally drained and having trouble holding myself up, both mentally and physically. I knew I couldn't fold in on myself and hide from my demons. They would only find me in the end, but the idea sure did sound tempting.
Looking around, not sure what to do with myself, I huffed out, "I think I just need a shower... ya know?... To wash the day away. Do you mind?"
Alice nodded, still looking worried. "Sure, go ahead and take your time. I'll just grab you some comfies and meet you in my room."
She was such a mother hen, always wanting to fix things, although a shower and comfy clothes wouldn't be able to fix me or stop the terrifying memories from running their endless circle in my head.
I ran my fingers through my hair, leaving them there to keep the mess from falling back in my face. Lost in my own mind, looking down at ... nothing, I muttered a "Thanks" to the floor.
I slowly climbed the stairs, not comfortable with the unsteadiness of my legs, and walked in the bathroom. Closing the door behind me, I locked it, before closing my eyes and turning to face the mirror. I knew that I wouldn't like what I saw, but wasn't prepared, once my eyes opened, for the face that stared back at me. Dirt covered my face and clothes, the only clean area being the white lines that ran a path down my cheeks from the constant stream of tears that had fallen for the last hour.
I stood, staring at the stranger in the mirror, following the line of bruises poking out from under the muck. There was a large purple one that had attached itself to my bottom lip and several making their way along my neck, accompanied by what appeared to be teeth marks. I stumbled back against the shower door, pulling at the towel that hung there, then wadded it up to my mouth to catch the scream that had been building in my chest. My legs eventually gave in under my weight and the weight of what I had been through. I fell to the floor and continued screaming until I was absolutely sure that it wouldn't happen again. I was exhausted and didn't have the energy to dissect and analize what had happened and why. I was simply going to forget that this ever happened, that HE ever happened. He no longer existed to me and I was going to act as though he never did.
I stood with what was left of my strength and discarded the soiled clothes I had been wearing, peeling them off my body like shedding the old to be replaced by the new. I turned the shower knob to 'hot' and waited for the steam to fill the tiny room. Once I was certain that it was hot enough, I stood in the blistering water scrubbing my body until it felt raw and tender, only to realize that it would take much more than soap and water to wash away the memory of what he had done. I rinsed off and cautiously dried my body with the towel containing my screams. I wiped off the steam covered mirror and looked at the girl standing there, bruised and battered, and quickly averted my eyes. Staring at them wasn't going to make them less real, or make them go away, so with that thought, I covered them, throwing on the pajamas that Alice had left for me before looking back in the mirror.
I took a deep breath and exhaled exaggeratedly, building up the courage to step outside the tiny temporary sanctuary that I had created for myself. I couldn't stay in there forever and if I didn't get out soon, I knew Alice would come in and get my ass. I turned the knob to the bathroom door, and immediately felt the gush of cold air as I stepped out from the steam filled room.
As soon as I entered the bedroom, I smiled at the sweet smell of splendid splendor, that Alice had spread out before. Once again, she knew exactly what I needed.
I sat on the bed quietly, trying not to interrupt her, unprepared for the flood of questions that I was sure she wanted to ask. To be honest, I wasn't ready to talk about it yet.
Even though I did my best to keep silent, making little to no movements, she stopped what she was doing and turned toward me. "Did the shower help you to relax a little?"
I only nodded my head, not wanting my answer to spark up a conversation. I really just wanted the quiet. My plan was to sit in silence and get so high that my brain was completely null and void of all coherent thoughts.
But, as I quickly found out, that wasn't her plan.
"How are you feeling?" she asked, timidly.
"Other than the sore bruises and raw emotions?...not much better," I thought, but instead, shrugged my shoulders and watched as she resumed the joint rolling process.
She was the only person I knew who could make 'rolling a joint' look like a fucking art form. She had often said, that if her whole fashion idea fell through, herbology would be her fall back plan.
I say, fuck a thong and give me a bong. I would much rather toke on a joint in my lab coat, working on more medical uses for the miracle herb.
Her small fingers immediately went to work, crumbling the fluffy bud into tiny pot particles, grouping seeds with seeds and stems with stems. She was very meticulous in her method, Folding the rolling paper perfectly in half before sprinkling the sticky weed inside the pocket that she had made. I was entranced, caught up in her movements, watching as she rolled the joint craftily, until it was perfectly cylindrical. My eyes followed it to her mouth, while her tongue licked the seam closed, and to ensure it would hold, stuck it fully in her mouth, pulling it out slowly, letting her full lips skim over it's entirety.
I caught myself grinning from ear to ear, like I had just seen the best fucking magic trick ever. I had the sudden urge to start clapping, but held myself back. She surely would have thought I had lost my mind then.
Sitting up straight, she held it out to me with a proud look in her eyes. I took it and raised my eyes in approval before lighting it and breathing in the long awaited releif. After a few hits, my eyes closed, and my body relaxed into the bed.
Aaaahhhhh...This is exactly what I was needing, a little peace and a little quiet.
As I sat the roach down, sinking back into the pillow beside Alice, I winced when I felt her boney elbow nudge my arm. "You wanna talk about it?"
"Not really." I said as I shook my head slowly from side to side. Can't you take a fucking hint? No, I don't want to talk about IT or anything else for that matter. Just let me sit here and think about nothing for a while!
"Bella, I need to know if he... how far did he... are you hurt?" she finally got out of her trembling lips.
Jesus Christ! I didn't like to see her this upset and knew she wasn't going to stop asking until I gave her an answer.
Staring at the ceiling, I did what I had been dreading to do since we had made it home. I talked about it.
"No, Alice, he didn't rape me, if that's what your asking. But, I have a feeling he would have if you hadn't have shown up." I quickly sat up, feeling the urge to withdraw into myself and allow the flood of emotions take over again. That was not going to happen if I could keep from it.
She sniffed and wiped her tears before they had a chance to fall further down her cheeks. She could tell what it was doing to me, to have to talk about it.
"I'm so sorry, Bella," she said, her voice breaking with the apology. "I just had to know. I was really worried about you and you weren't talking and I... I won't make you talk about it anymore tonight, I promise."
I closed my eyes, focusing on my buzz, trying to think of a lighter subject to thin out the thick air between us.
"So, Edward's friend? He's pretty hot," I said, smiling, as the thought took me back to Edward's arms, and how his scent and soothing voice had permeated my senses.
Alice burst into laughter, caught off guard by my unexpected change in subject. "Uh, Jasper? Yeah... He is isn't he." She snorted out. "I got to talk to him after...well, when we were sitting in the car." Her eyes dropped down to the bed, as she drifted into thought. "Yeah, he seems like a really great guy... Edward too." She cocked her eyes over at me, as if expecting me to react to Edward's name.
I tried not to give her the satisfaction of knowing just how much it affected me, but was betrayed by my traitor mouth that curved up into a smile. Shit!
"Yeah, I guess he is," was all I could say, though I'm sure she could sense all the unspoken words that was running through my head.
He's not just a great guy. He's perfect, like an angel sent from heaven. My guardian angel, sent to watch over me and save me from myself.
Lost in my thoughts of Edward, I was overwhelmed by a feeling of lonliness, remembering how close he had held me to him and how much regret I felt walking away from him. I wondered if he felt it too, the void caused by my absence, like I felt by his. There was safety in his long impenetrable arms, that I could get from nowhere else, as if nothing could get to me as long as I was wrapped inside their cocoon. It was hard to explain, but I needed to be back there, inside their grasp to be rocked and hummed to, and told that everything would be alright.
Feeling myself slipping, falling head over heels inside my delusions of grandeur, I picked up the roach and hit it a few more times to clear my head.
After all...Having fantasies about Edward Cullen, wasn't the best thing to do after violently breaking up with my boyfriend.
Edward's POV
Back at the house, I sat on the edge of my bed, trying to stop my brain from imagining what could have transpired in the meadow before my arrival.
Bella, laying helplessly underneath Jacob's brutal body, kicking her legs desperately, pleading with him to release her from his crushing weight. He was restraining her, holding her hands above her head with one of his, using the other to roughly run its course over her delicate body. His mouth was relentless on hers before ripping at her flesh with his teeth, growling out menacing words and spitting his threats of more violence.
"FUCK!" I yelled, beating the side of my head with the palm of my head, forcing the unwanted thoughts to end their endless loop. I wanted to kill him, rip him apart, limb from limb, and had already thought about how to dispose of the evidence by burning his remains to ash. He had touched her, hurt her, and he was going to have to pay. I just needed to decide how.
As the thoughts swirled in my head, I grasped the edge of the bed on either side of my legs, fighting off the panic attack that was creeping up my body. The tingling had already begun in my arms and was working its way down to my legs, when I let my eyes close tight, concentrating of my breathing which was heavy and labored. I immediately began taking deep breaths, maintaining a steady rhythm, as suggested by my doctors, to calm my nerves and relax my body. Inhaling through my nose, then exhaling hard out of my mouth, effectively calmed me down enough to allow me to relax my hands, that by know had almost completely ripped the sheets off my bed.
Just as my head was clearing, no longer swimming with fear, I heard a knock on my bedroom door.
"Yeah," I said, wiping the sweat off my forehead with my arm, ridding myself of any evidence of the attack.
Jasper popped his head through the door, slowly opening it all the way.
"Hey, man," he said trying to look casual.
I nodded towards the chair at my desk, silently inviting him in. He ambled toward it with his hands in his pockets, his trepidation obvious.
"Uhh, I wanted to check on ya... make sure you weren't sharpening a stake to pierce through Jacob's heart," he joked with a nervous tone, laughing lightly. "I mean, it would be pointless considering he doesn't have one."
"Yeah, well, whatever I choose to do, won't be so quick. He deserves to suffer." I sneered at the malevolence in my voice, and ran a shaky hand through my hair.
Jasper's eyes narrowed as he watched me try to get my trembling under control. First fidgeting with my hands, then rubbing them over my stubbly face.
"You alright?" he asked.
"Yeah, I'm... " I stopped to clear my throat, distrusting my shaky voice, then continued. "I'm fine."
"You're a fucking liar... and a bad one at that," he said, pulling a joint from the front pocket of his shirt.
He had seen me during a full-blown panic attack before and knew what I needed to stop the tremors. My eyes rested on the joint and I couldn't help but smile as I took it from him. Lighting it, I took in the intoxicating smoke, and let the sensation wash over me. It was times like this that I was happy to have Jasper as a friend. He knew when to step in and take control of a situation and knew what to do and when to do it. He was my right hand man, my compadre, partners in crime.
We sat in silence, except for the occasional hack or cough, passing the joint back and forth until it had burnt down to nothing. My head feeling heavy, exhausted from the attack, I laid back into the bed with my arm behind my head, giving myself over to absolute pleasure.
Thank. You. Jasper.
After what seemed like an hour, Jasper broke the silence saying, "I bet Alice's body is hotter than this."
I opened my eyes right as Jasper shoved a Playboy magazines in my face, opened to a fold out of a naked woman sitting in a compromising position with her finger between her teeth. I couldn't stop it, I doubled over in laughter, shocked by the sight of tits and ass hovering over me. Jasper just pulled it back to him, shaking his head. Once I was able to stop laughing, I took the magazine out his hand, throwing it on the desk.
"You know, it's been proven that staring at tits too long will make your eyes cross."
Jasper chuckled lightly, before leaning over and placing his elbows on his knees.
"Um, so, Alice was worried about you," he said in a serious tone, shooting his eyes in my direction.
"Oh yeah?... Why?" I asked condescendingly. I wasn't the one she needed to be concerned with... Bella was.
Jasper continued, "We were talking in the car while you were with Bella, and she noticed how... protective you were with her."
"So," I snapped. I was just trying to console her. What was wrong with that?
"Edward...you would hardly let Alice get near her."
Watching me roll my eyes, he slowly sat up and leaned against the desk, resting his elbow on top. I could tell by the face he made that there was more, and signalling with my hand, I motioned for him to spit it out.
He rubbed his forehead and blew out a long breath, before quickly adding, " She asked me what your feelings were for her."
With that, I sat up on the bed and asked accusingly, "And what did you tell her!"
"I told her the truth, Edward! She saw how you were acting with Bella and it was totally freaking her out. Here's this guy that has never spoke a single word to Bella, and now here he is, holding onto her like his life depended on it. It was kinda...weird."
"Oh God." I laid back down, throwing my pillow over my face to hide my embarrassment.
"Look, it wasn't a big deal. She promised not to say anything to Bella. After I told her how long you've been pinning over her, she thought it was kinda... sweet."
"You fucking ass," I whined, "Couldn't you have just told her that I had a soft spot for damsels in distress, or something."
"Dude, you're fucking obsessed with the girl. There ain't no lying about that."
I looked up at the ceiling and couldn't help but think about her and how she looked when we found her, and my anger flared again.
"Why would he have done something like that to her?" I asked, looking absolutely dumbfounded.
"Alice said she was meeting him there to break-up with him. I guess he didn't like what she had to say," Jasper answered, looking at the floor, lost in his own thoughts. "Why the hell would she have gone somewhere so isolated to do it?"
"What? You blaming her now? I mean, would you have acting like a complete psycho if your girlfriend broke up with you?"
He shook his head and said "no" apologetically.
"Then why would she have expected it from him?" I asked, making him regret his comment.
The silence only lasted a short time until his previous words registered. "So, she broke up with him?" The smile that broke out on my face was completely involuntary and I couldn't deny my enthusiasm at hearing the news.
Jasper shifted uneasily and shook his head saying, "Edward, calm down. That doesn't give you permission to pursue her. Give her some time and space. She needs a little room to breath before you overwhelm her with your horny teenage infatuation."
I looked over and declared in a voice filled with anguish, "Jasper, I don't think I have the strength to stay away from her anymore."