AN: ...

D:

Wow, I suck. The internet here in the boonies isn't so hot when there's a lot of snow. I didn't even get the chance to update for Christmas. So... a New Years update? Will that make you guys forgive me? Plz? Yes?... Good.

The long string of four-ish chapters (that I considered filler upon rereading them) will END after I wrap up the whole "Holy-crap-L's-really-ALIVE!!" thing in this one. Promise. Then we've gotta figure out who this new, mysteriously Light-like Kira fellow is.

Oh yeah. The heat is on, baby.

March 1, 2011
1:02 PM

"Ide! Mogi!" Aizawa barked as he started for the elevator. "Come on--"

"Aizawa-san," Ryuzaki got his attention. "Stay here, please. Whatever it is upstairs on the fifteenth floor, I believe that it can wait."

As much as Mido didn't like leaving Ryuzaki alone for any amount of time, he realized that the situation would probably get much better if Near was around to help with the explaining. He just shrugged. "I'll... just be right back."

Aizawa didn't seem too comfortable with that idea. "Oh, Lordy..."

If he had planned on saying anything after that, Mido didn't stick around to hear it. Seconds later and several floors higher, he stepped out of the elevator and glanced around the hallway. "Near?" he called out.

"Dr. Mido," came a muffled reply, "if you don't mind, I could use your assistance..."

The doctor frowned as he walked toward Near's voice. "What is it? Are you alright?"

"How does one treat a concussion?"

Oh God...!

"You have a concussion??" Mido practically sprinted the length of the hall. It was surprisingly difficult to run quickly because there were several piles of boxes that were literally stacked up to the ceiling, but the doctor managed. I don't know how, but I'm going to be blamed for this. Oh hell, Ryuzaki is going to kill me if Near isn't okay--!!

Instead, as he stopped in the doorway to one of the rooms, Mido found an extremely unexpected sight: Near was unhurt and on the floor next to two more NPA officers. Both of them were holding the sides of their heads, as though they had been badly injured. And scattered around all of them were several...

...Transformers??

"...Near... what the hell happened??" Mido asked, confused.

One of the officers, a skinny man with glasses, looked up at him with a sheepish expression on his face. "Oww..."

The other one looked up as well, but his countenance appeared ten times more embarressed. "We heard a noise..." he squeaked.

"We??" The one with glasses smacked the other on the back on the head.

"OUCH!! YAMAMOTO!!"

"WE heard a noise?? Excuse me, but YOU heard the noise AND nearly killed the both of us!!"

Mido felt like he was missing something. "You were almost killed?? By what??"

Near stood up and began twirling his hair with a finger; the faintest trace an annoyed expression was etched on his face. "Well, that's what happens when one opens the wrong door to my rooms. Things..." he gestured to the toys sprawled on the floor, "...have a tendency to fall."

Suddenly it made perfect sense: the way some of the boxes were stacked, it wouldn't take much force to knock a whole pile over. Mido had the insane urge to laugh. What were the odds of getting a concussion from a Transformer??

He also had the strange urge to borrow Ryuzaki's annoying habit and list an unusually high percentage.

Near rubbed his forehead slightly. As if reading the doctor's mind, he added, "And so the chances of one of them having gained a serious head injury are at 72%... Matsuda, you idiot..."

"Alright," Aizawa said to gain everyone's attention. "So how are you... alive??"

"Did you fake your death?" Ide asked.

L shrugged and appeared to be indifferent. "If only it were that simple." He ate another spoonful of ice cream. "To be quite frank," he mumbled through a full mouth, "I died and stayed dead for a full six years, two months, and twenty-six days."

"...WHAT?!"

"HOW??"

"L!!"

"Please," L said in an almost bored tone, "don't call me L. It's still Ryuzaki. For the record, Near is L... But we would rather prefer it if you didn't call him that either."

The three of them regained most of their composure, and Aizawa asked, "W-why??"

"There are two good reasons: one, because Mido-san doesn't know, nor does he need to know that the two greatest detectives in the world are here in this building; and two, to keep from drawing unnecessary attention."

"Mido-san?" Mogi questioned with a frown.

Fully aware of what he was saying, L responded, "The man with the gun. He's the doctor that brought me back to life in the basement."

For a moment, what L had said didn't register to any of them.

"...He did WHAT?!"

L had seen it coming, of course, but he had been unable to resist aggravating the Kira Taskforce just a little bit more. And it worked: calling their reaction to that statement "surprised" was like saying that L had a mild taste for sweets. It was under-exaggerated no matter how it was phrased.

"THE GUY THAT TRIED TO KILL US??"

"THIS BASEMENT??"

"YOU'RE KIDDING!!"

L shook his head and refrained from rolling his eyes. "I'm being 100% serious. I have a more detailed version of the same story if you would be willing to listen to it, however."

The three of them were silent for a moment.

"Since when has anyone refused a story from the great L himself?" Ide muttered quietly.

Click.

Click.

Click.

"...You like playing with that pen, don't you?" Ryuk asked the human.

Said human turned his head towards the shinigami with a bored expression. "A pen is all I need now."

AN: O.O

PLOT!!

I'm still not going to tell you if that's really who you think it is or not. My lips are sealed as to what was/is/will be going on. But if you want to review and take a gander at what I'm gonna do, by all means, be my guest.

(Did I really just say that? "Take a gander"...?)

OH, the poll!! :D A good 70+% of you think that Zac would SUCK as Light. And because a lot of you mentioned Johnny Depp being L in your reviews, I stuck another poll up about that. XD