Chapter 5
Bella's POV
Dreading the night that slowly consumed the day, I stayed stoned, oblivious of time, so that the looming darkness was ignorable. I couldn't just sit and watch as the sun went down, knowing that with the night came the dark, and with the dark came the haunted thoughts of my restless mind. I knew what was waiting for me in the dark, and knew I couldn't hide from it... from him.
The constant intake of THC, mixed with the Loretabs I had stolen from Alice's mom, had eased the pain from my aching body, but did nothing for my troubled soul. I could still see his contemptible face and feel the ghost of his touch pulsing over my body like venom through my veins. I couldn't stay awake forever, and knew as soon as I fell asleep he would be there, waiting for me, ready to finish what he had started.
As I laid next to Alice, staring at the ceiling, watching the shadows undulate across the surface, I silently cursed myself.
What have I done?
I went over it again and again in my head, asking myself, "Why?".
Why had I put myself in such a vulnerable position, expecting Jacob to act like a man, instead of the bestial fiend I knew he could be.
I had seen the evidence of his brutality, unleashing the beast when provoked, all human resemblance... gone. I never expected to see it rear its ugly head at me. Even though he could be hotheaded and impulsive at times with his rage, I thought I was safe, an exclusion to what he was capable of.
Now looking back, I could see just how naive I really was, wanting to see the good in him, blocking out the bad.
Seeing him clearly for the first time, I began to recall all the subtle hints that would have revealed his instability... his jaw tensing when I would block his hand from traveling underneath my shirt, the twitch in his eye anytime I had plans that didn't involve him, and the snarl I heard when I told him I wasn't ready for sex. It was all there, plain as day, and I cried at the realization.
My vision becoming blurred, the shadows on the ceiling merging into one black mass, I felt my eyes close. With my arms wrapped around myself and my knees pulled to my chin, I drifted off into a deep sleep.
I stood inside the meadow, twilight casting its violet shadow across the landscape, and watched as the air left my lungs in a billow of smoke. The air was cold and crisp, stilling my breath and hugging my body, as I strolled through the thin veil of fog covering the ground.
I was awed by the vastness of the open field before me, and completely alone, except for a beautiful ruffled tulip peaking up from the center of dirt floor. It stood tall and proud, having fought its way up to the surface through the thick layer of twigs and dead leaves. As I took a step closer, I saw that its white feathered petals were streaked with crimson flames, that oddly enough, looked as though blood was coursing through it's veins. I bent down to cup the flower in the palm of my hand, overwhelmed by the need to touch it, to run my fingers along its web of red.
As soon as I brushed over its surface, a low growl began to reverberate from within the dense forest behind me. I gasped, pulling my hand back, and hesitantly turned toward the encircling tree line where the low rumble was still resonating. My eyes searched the darkness in front of me and were immediately met by the preying eyes of a snarling wolf. I was frozen in place, eyes wide, body trembling. I held my breath and took an unsteady step back, building up the courage to flee.
Before my foot could touch the ground, the agile beast leaped, lunging itself at me. I fell to my knees, covering my face with my arms and closing my eyes, waiting to feel the pain of his sharp claws and savage teeth digging into my flesh.
Just as his growl hit my face in the form of hot stinking breath... it was gone.
Slowly, I opened my eyes, staring with a sense of wonder at the sight before me.
Standing with the lifeless creature dangling within his hands, was the most divine angel one's imagination could create. He stood tall and regal, spreading his majestic wings out behind him.
My eyes widened at his strength, as he dropped the wolf in a crumpled heap at his feet, never taking his eyes off of me. I took him in, silently marveling at his power and beauty, noticing his flawless... familiarity? The copper hair, the chiseled jaw, the soft full lips...
Edward?
"Bella! Get your ass up! We're gonna be late!" Alice screamed at me, over the loud baseline echoing from the kitchen.
I could feel the heat warming my face, warning me of the eminent danger of the bright morning sun that was peeking through the cracks in the blinds. I tried to open my eyes, but out of survival instinct, they refused to budge.
After the pot and Loretab cocktail I had last night, I wasn't ready to face the morning... and neither were my eyes.
"Fucking sun," I mumbled sleepily, throwing my arm over my face while turning my back to the villainous light.
I laid there, eyes closed tight, fighting for sleep so that I could continue the dream that I had so abruptly been ripped from. Once I had determined that sleep was not a possibility, I struggled to remember the face of the angel, my savior, that had saved me in my dream.
Was it Edward?
It seemed as though he was invading my every thought since I first noticed him yesterday.
Why was I fantasizing about someone I hardly knew, and was that what I was doing?
I tried to make since of it all, running through any and all possible explanations, coming up empty-handed.
Wasn't it common to develop feelings for your rescuer after a traumatic experience?
If that was the case, it didn't explain the feelings I felt when I locked eyes with him in the parking lot.
Thinking back to that moment, standing across the lot from him, I distinctly remembered the spark I had always imagined, that was absent from me and Jacob, very much present when I looked in Edward's eyes. Then I began thinking about the jolt of electricity that pulsed through my body as he held me protectively in his arms, and couldn't help but wonder if he felt it too.
Absently, I ran my hand over my arm, remembering the feeling, and missing it immensely.
I shook my head, laughing under by breath, disturbed by where my thoughts were taking me.
With a huff I sat up straight, rubbing the sleep from my eyes, and slid my legs off the bed. My self-medicating had left me with a wicked hangover, and with my head in my hands, I fought to keep myself from falling back against the bed and burying myself beneath the soft inviting coolness of the covers. As much as I wanted to, I knew I couldn't hide away forever. This day was going to happen, whether I wanted it to or not, so there was zero chance of avoiding the inevitable.
With that thought, I took in a deep breath and sighed, "Okay, let's get this over with."
"Get what over with?" Alice all but yelled, dancing into the bedroom, bouncing with the beat of the music that still blared from downstairs.
"This hideous day," I mumbled, narrowing my sleepy eyes at her annoying chipper voice.
She simply rolled her eyes, opening her closet door, and began sifting through the folded clothes piled high on the floor. As she went through the travesty that were my clothes, handling them with trepidation, I had to smile at the look of disgust on her face. The items in this stack were part of my 'emergency sleepover' wardrobe, and reeked with what Alice called 'bad taste'. Hence, the reason, for them to be shamefully segregated from her, more fashionable articles of dress.
I huffed irritably as she rummaged through, pulling out various items with a sarcastic dry heave, finally picking out a black t-shirt and hoodie.
"What a shame," she sighed, looking me over from head to toe, and throwing the apparently offensive ensemble on the bed.
Using her thumb and index finger, as if 'bad taste' was contagious, she pulled out a pair of ripped skinny jeans and quickly tossed them at me... Only to exaggerate her Fashion Faux Pas Phobia.
"I just don't understand your fashion sense... or lack thereof. This 'stoner meets punk' style that you have going on," she scoffed, throwing her hand at the clothes she had set aside for me, "does absolutely nothing for your figure. Seriously, if I see you in that old 'Runaways' t-shirt one more time, I will be forced to take drastic measures. Just because you tie it at the waist, doesn't make it any more flattering. It's still just a fucking t-shirt."
Finishing her rant, she turned back towards her closet, and fished out more 'Alice appropriate' outfit to change into. I didn't really have the energy to argue with her and she must have sensed it. That was her going easy on me, if you can believe that shit. If she had her way, I would be wearing something very tight and very low cut that only managed to show off what I obviously lacked. I dressed for comfort, not flaunt, and I didn't see the need to enhance what I didn't have in the first place.
I got dressed quickly, throwing on the jeans and t-shirt, lastly squeezing my feet into my tightly-tied and overly-worn black converse.
Now that I was up and moving, the aches and pains I remembered from last night slowly and steadily resumed their residual assault; the effects of the stolen Loretabs abandoning and long gone. With every new pain, arose a new unwanted memory of what had happened and why I was hurting. I flexed my wrists, and remembered him holding them over my head, gripping them tightly in his iron fists. A roll of my neck, brought back the memory of his unyielding lips and sharp teeth tearing at my flesh. Expanding my aching ribs with each breath I took, and I was back in the meadow, trapped underneath him, buried under his weight and screaming for help.
I can't do this. I can't go to school and act like nothing ever happened.
"Bella! What the fuck's taking you so long?" Alice's voice, loud and whiny and echoing from the bathroom, pulled me out of my thoughts and into reality.
"Shit!" I breathed. Okay, you can do this. You've gotta do this.
Psyching myself up, I walked into the tiny bathroom that, upon further observation, had only one way of escape. As I took in my surroundings, my eyes settled on Alice, standing in front of the mirror, surrounded by an arsenal of torture devises... I mean, beauty supplies. It was a terrifying sight, to say the least, and before I could stop myself I had taken a hesitant step backward towards the hallway.
Alice quickly grabbed my hand. "Oh, no you don't. A little make-up won't kill you will it?"
I stared, wide-eyed, at the plethora of makeup she had spread out before her, taking in her words.
"Possibly," I said in all honesty, focusing my attention on the ominous clamp-looking mechanism lying beside her mascara.
Rolling her eyes, she pulled my apprehensive body back into the bathroom.
"Look, makeup is you friend... not your enemy." She grabbed the sponge, drenching it in foundation, and began pushing my hair away from my face and off my neck. "The sooner you realize that, the easier this will... Oh my god!" she gasped, throwing her hand over her mouth.
"What?" I screamed, scared of what she saw.
"I had no idea." Her eyes widened as they followed the trail of bruises down my neck to my collarbone.
"Don't," I said, hoping that she would heed my words and pleading eyes.
I knew if I saw her tears, it would be over for me. It would open the flood gates to my own, and would be almost impossible to stop.
Rubbing my hand over the side of my neck, I spoke with uncertainty, "Maybe going to school isn't such a good idea."
Obviously the bruises had gotten worse overnight or she wouldn't have reacted the way she had.
Her expression quickly changed from pensive to bold. "Bella! Don't you dare! That's exactly what Jacob expects you to do. He expects you to hide away, hurt and broken. You gotta show him that you're not as weak as he thinks you are."
Then, trying to break the tension, she puffed out her chest and grabbed her crotch, flicking her nose with her thumb. "You need to bust up in that school like, 'What? You thought you could break me, Punk? Well, FUCK YOU! You can't break steel, MUTHA FUCKA!'" she bellowed, holding out the last syllable in a loud high-pitched voice.
I had no choice but to laugh at her failed attempt to be 'bad ass', because she was so... not.
After her comical pep talk, I reached for the foundation and sponge, handing it up to her with a nod.
With that little stunt, she had earned this opportunity.
She took it with a bright smile, noticeably suppressing the urge to jump up and down, and let out a triumphant squeal.
I couldn't help but laugh at her obvious excitement, and wish that I could be so positive as to think that this would actually hide what had happened. The makeup might be able to conceal the physical reminders of what Jacob had done to me, but nothing would be able to mask the emotional scars left behind. Alice was right, he couldn't break steel. Unfortunately, I wasn't made of steel. I was flesh and bone, frail and brittle, with a fragile spirit that bent with even the slightest pressure.
But, I couldn't let him know that. I couldn't let him see just how weak I really was. He craved control, power was his obsession, and for him to know that he had any kind of power over me... He would never stop. He would never let me go.
I was snapped out of my thoughts by Alice, as she quickly began the tedious task of covering the more noticeable marks, showing extra attention to the ones on my neck. She would dab then smear, then dab again, narrowing her eyes with a look of pure concentration. Watching her face closely, I couldn't help but notice the other emotion, hiding itself deep within her eyes. It was a look that I myself had worn just a moment ago—a look of worry and doubt. Was she worrying about not being able to cover the marks, or worrying that she might be using the wrong shade of foundation?. I didn't know. All I knew, was that if I focused on it for too long, I would be tempted to give up and do what I really wanted to do—hide.
I felt her hand still, and watched as her eyes scanned the surface of where she had been working. Slowly, she laid the sponge down on the vanity, and after fluffing my hair, she took a step back with a look of hopeful anticipation.
I turned to the mirror, bracing myself for what I would see, and was immediately thankful that the hoodie covered most of my neck. Even though I knew Alice had done everything in her Primadonna power, the marks were still somewhat noticeable and looking a lot like what they were...Hickeys.
I felt the tears fall before I could stop them, crying at the disappointment, crying at my weakness, and crying at the fact that Alice had snuck a layer of blush along my already red cheeks. I was overwhelmed by emotion, and the fact that I was going to have to go to school, black and blue, enduring the whispers and stares as if they didn't affect me.
It had been the early hours of morning since I had let myself cry and at this point it wasn't a controlled phenomenon. My tears ran freely, absolutely involuntary, and I couldn't stop. I stood there, a blubbering mess, while Alice rubbed my back and cried right along with me.
It felt good, real good, something I had needed to do for a long time. Even while I cried last night, I never once allowed myself to let go and get it all out. That was exactly what I did. I cried and cried, my body jerking with each sob, until I was crying for no other reason, but to cry.
My nose running, and my eyes blurred, I took a hiccuping breath and wiped at tears one last time. When I finally turned back to the mirror to look at the damage, I stared at my snotty nose and swollen eyes before shocking myself with... a laugh.
I started laughing uncontrollably, bent over with my hands on my knees, trying to catch my breath.
And when I say 'laughing', I mean LAUGHING... A stomach hurting, breath taking, delirious snort of a laugh. And, I couldn't even tell you why. I found absolutely nothing even remotely funny about my situation, and my first thought was that I had finally snapped and gone insane.
"Bella, what is it? What's so funny?" Alice was looking at me as if the same thought had crossed her mind, that I had finally cracked under the pressure of it all.
I struggled, trying to form an intelligible sentence through the snorts and giggles, and was finally able to get out a hysterical, "I have no idea!"
Her eyes widen, and as I bent over in another fit of laughter, she let out a snort of her own and lost herself in the unprovoked hilarity.
After a few minutes, I was finally able to catch my breath and somewhat compose myself, though it took great effort on my part considering Alice's laugh sounded like a mouse choking on a piece of cheese.
"Feel better?" Alice asked, wiping at her eyes.
Letting out a long breath, I pushed my hair out of my face and answered, "Yeah, as a matter of fact, I do."
She gave me a big smile before letting me see the concern in her eyes and tucking a strand of hair behind my ears.
"You ready then?" she asked, timidly.
No. Not at all. "As ready as I'll ever be," I sighed.
The morning went by quickly and before I knew it, we were pulling into the school's parking lot, the last place I wanted to be at the moment.
Seeing Jacob's car and sensing his eyes on us, my body tensed and my eyes closed, wanting nothing more than to fold in on myself and avoid the day completely.
As if she knew exactly what I was thinking, Alice reached out her hand to hold mine, stilling my shaky nerves and trembling hands.
As I watched the rows float past my window, I began to wonder...Where is she going?
My heart rate slowed, with the car, as she turned into the last row on the right.
"What are you doing, Alice?" I asked, confused by her choice of location.
"I'm parking my car. What does it look like I'm doing?" Alice answered, sarcastically.
"Uhmmm, committing social suicide," I deadpanned, matching sarcasm with sarcasm.
I looked around at where we were, her shiny new Porsche nestled ostentatiously between an old primered Nova and a two-toned El Camino.
"I'm sorry. Would you prefer we park beside the asshole?"
"Alice, I can't let you do this. This is my cross to bare... not yours." Looking over at Jacob and his lackeys, I reminded her, "You know how they talk, and you know what they'll say. I have nothing to lose... you do."
She looked over at me exasperated. "Enough, Bella! Do you really think I give a shit what those stuck up bitches think or say. You're my friend, which is more than I can say for most of them, and I will park wherever I damn well please, and they can just...eat me."
My eyes widened at her choice of words and watched as she turned off the car and casually tossed her keys in her purse while throwing me a huge over-the-top grin.
As I gathered my bag, I looked out of my window and stilled at the sight before me.
Only a few spaces down, was Edward and Jasper, leaning lazily against the side of an old rust-covered Malibu. I couldn't stop my eyes as they took him in, all of him, running from head to toe and back again.
He was gorgeous, wearing a 'Part Time Punks' t-shirt that fit him perfectly, falling just above the top of his worn-out loose fitting jeans. Stunned by the sight of him, all I could do was watch as his raised his hand toward his face, pulling his sunglasses down to the end of his nose, revealing the most intense eyes that I have ever seen. They were wild and green, almost feline in shape and color.
Just as I realized that they were looking directly at me, his mouth pulled up into a hot-as-fuck smile, causing me to press my legs together to try and stop the wetness from soaking through to my jeans.
It wasn't like I'd had a lot of experience with the opposite sex, and to say that I was completely uneducated in the subject, was an understatement. I had no idea that a guy could have this kind of affect on me and make me feel so... needy, without the slightest touch.
I bit my lip as waves of strange emotions flooded my senses. Emotions I didn't know existed. I felt dizzy and light-headed, aching for something I knew nothing about but wanted desperately.
As I glanced down at his lips, I began to imagine them on mine. What would they taste like? How would they feel?
A shiver went through me as my thoughts took me to places not far from the gutter, and it frightened me. I had never thought of a guy this way, and the thoughts I was having made me want to throw any and all inhibitions to the wind. I couldn't help but question how I had ever over-looked him, when now he was all I could see.
Alice snapped her fingers. "Earth to Bella. Did you hear what I said?"
"What...what? Sorry, I was just..."
I was interrupted as Alice bluntly revealed, "Eye fucking Edward?"
"NO! No... just lost in thought."
"Uh huh," she said, not fully convinced.
Her eyes shot over to Jasper, who was now looking directly at her, licking his upper lip and shifting himself.
Never taking her eyes off him, Alice growled, "Mmm, Now that's what you call eye fucking... I gotta go."
And, with that, she stepped out of the car and strutted her way over to him.
I leaned down, picking up my copy of Romeo and Juliet off the floor board and shoved it in my bag. I pushed the passenger side door opened, and just as I was about to step out, a long-fingered hand shot out in front of me. Raising my head, adjusting my eyes to the bright morning sun, the outline of a flawless face and mess of hair began to come into focus.
"Hey."
Edward POV
I had trouble sleeping last night, which was completely unlike me, especially after smoking enough weed to incapacitate a horse.
Jasper left around midnight after talking my fucking ear off about Alice, which was only fair since he had endured many a night hearing my persistent babble regarding Bella. Now, I understood how he felt every time I whined to him about her, and the reason he would make sarcastic comments, like, "I'm sorry, do you need me to go get you a tampon to cry into?" I swear when it came to those two, we were like two high school bitches; the only thing missing, ice cream and facials.
At 2:00 am, after exhausting my pot supply and jerking off an innumerable amount of times using images of Bella in my bed, I was still lying wide awake with my dick in my hand.
The news of Bella's true intentions in the meadow, had thrown me for a loop. Dating Jacob put her in one of the highest ranking positions in Forks High's royalty. So, why would she have willingly given up that crown? I mean, personally, I wouldn't have wanted to bare all that weight, but it was definitely to her benefit considering the fact that she was the new girl and all.
I guess looking back, I kinda new something was up with her yesterday at school. You see, when you spend three months stalking, I mean, watching someone from afar, you notice the little things that other people might otherwise overlook.
I closed my eyes, remembering the look of pure unadulterated hatred on her face when he pulled her to him in the hall, and had to smile. Maybe she wasn't as far out of my reach as I thought. Maybe... just maybe, I had a chance after all.
That realization gave me hope, which in turn, finally gave me rest.
As soon as sleep found me, it was taken away.
I shot up from bed as I noticed the time blinking 4:43am on the alarm clock.
"Mother Fucker," I slurred, dragging my lazy ass out of the bed and onto my feet.
To make up for the time I had lost because of the obvious power failure, I went through my morning routine fully on autopilot, deviating from the norm just long enough to shave, since I finally had a prospective girlfriend.
I don't remember anything after that, until I was at school, leaning against my car as Jasper rambled on beside me.
I couldn't be sure, but I believe he was talking about something to do with a parasite species that could force sex changes and induce virgin births on its victims. His words weren't quite making it to my ears, as I was only half listening, nervously chewing my nails in anticipation of Bella's arrival.
"Dude, you haven't listened to a word I've said, have you?" Jasper asked, unbelieving of my blatant disregard to this important information.
I simply shook my head from side to side without breaking my attention from the road.
"Well, when they infest your brain and you suddenly start growing boobs and waking up with morning sickness, don't come asking me for help."
Just as I lit my tenth cigarette of the morning, I saw the obnoxious yellow Porsche pull into the parking lot.
I threw my head in their direction, nudging Jasper with my elbow, and successfully shutting him up in the process.
Our eyes followed, as the car passed by it's usual spot and made it way in our direction. I watched wide-eyed as it turned into our row and parked a couple of spaces down from us, looking rather out of place.
Neither bothered to step out of the car, but instead remained in their seats, engrossed in conversation. I silently stared at her, imploring her to lift her head and notice me, suddenly feeling as though I couldn't breathe until I was able to see her face and know that she was alright.
After what seemed like an eternity, Bella finally looked away from Alice and out of her window. I held my breath as I watched her trail her eyes over my body.
Was that a blush? Was she enjoying the scenery? God, I hope so.
To make sure my assessment was correct I moved my sunglasses to the end of my nose and smiled when I saw that, in fact, it was a blush. Indecent thoughts invaded my mind as she shifted her eyes to my lips and licked her own hungrily.
Damn! The way she could make me fill was overwhelming.
How could she make me so weak without any physical contact? Imagine my body's response if we actually...
A low growl erupted from my throat at the thought of holding Bella with nothing but a thin sheet of sweat separating us. I cleared my throat as I felt the pressure in my jeans become almost unbearable.
As soon as her eyes left mine, I turned to Jasper, slowly walking backward in their direction, shrugging my shoulders in defeat. I had waited long enough to be near her again and wasn't going to let anything stop me now.
Jasper could see my determination and only groaned, "At least hide your boner," and threw his hand in the direction of my raised zipper. As I gently adjusted myself, giving him a quick smirk, I turned around and raced over to my angel.
By the time I arrived at her car, her door was open and she was about to step out. Without thinking, I quickly offered her my hand, hoping like hell that she'd take it. If not my hand, then at least my heart.
I couldn't stop the smile that broke out on my face when I felt her warm soft fingers move along callused surface of my palm. Being connected to her again, I was able to relax, adding to the numerous affects she had on me.
As soon as she was up on her feet, she let go of my hand and swung her bag over her shoulder.
"Hey," I said, shoving my hands deep inside my pockets, already missing her touch. Awkwardly, I lowered my head toward the ground and toed a piece of gum that was smeared on the asphalt.
"Hey," she returned, nudging me with her elbow. "Ummm... Thanks."
I looked up from the pebble infused gum, and stared at her inquisitively.
"For the hand... And, for yesterday."
With her answer, came an image of Jacob's hands on her body and lips on her throat, making me remember how I had found her. Absently, I raised my hand and pushed her hair off her neck and stared wide-eyed at the bruises peeking through the thin layer of makeup. Her sad eyes, revealing her shame and humiliation, quickly moved from my face and to the ground. I felt sick, both sad and angry, that she would even think about blaming herself for what he had done.
I gently covered the marks with the palm of my hand and caressed her cheek with my thumb; her skin so soft beneath mine.
"Bella, what happened to you is not your fault, and as long as I am breathing, he will never touch you like that again."
At my words, she lifted her eyes and settled them on mine, silently thanking me for my words. I can't describe what I was feeling at that point. So much was going through my head. I wanted to kiss her, I wanted to protect her, and I wanted to love her.
We stood there for what seemed like an eternity, staring at one another, my hand on her cheek and her eyes on mine.
Before I knew it, we were both moving forward, noses almost touching, feeling her breath wash over my face.
I closed my eyes and just as I felt the slightest touch of her lips on mine, I heard, "Kiss already, and come on!"
When I opened my eyes again, I saw that Bella had moved back a step, while the hand that was on her face was still raised in mid-air.
She gave me a small smile and shrugged her shoulders, as I lowered my arm, shaking my head and laughing uncomfortably.
We both turned to Alice and watched as she and Jasper walked ahead, their hands tucked inside each others back pocket.
"She's... pretty overwhelming. When she has her eye on something, she usually gets it. Poor Jasper, he doesn't stand a chance," Bella admitted, shaking her head with embarrassment for her friend.
With that, we both walked towards the front doors of school with our hands in our own pockets, watching the ground move under our feet, connected by the stream of electricity that pulsed between us.