Teenage Dirtbag

Chapter 10

BPOV:

"Stupid, stupid stupid." I chanted as I walked down the hall in a daze, nervously chewing on my thumb nail.

Fighting the tears, unsuccessfully, I silently cursed myself for what I had done. I had begun to think that this arrangement of ours could be real and now it had been proven false. At some point this charade had stopped being about Jacob and had become a necessity for me. Without feigning revenge, I wouldn't be able to continue this fantasy of me and Edward as a happy couple.

As I looked down at the, now yellowing, bruises on my wrists, I no longer saw them as reminders of my humiliation. I now looked at them as battle scars from my victory. I was free of Jacob and his prejudices. My hate for him was still there but I no longer had the taste for revenge that I once did. My hunger for vengeance had been overthrown by my hunger for Edward. And now I realized that my hunger would never be satisfied. Edward didn't want me and his rejection hurt me more than Jacob ever could.

I stumbled my way to my locker blinded by tears wishing it would open up and swallow me whole. Leaning my forehead against the door, I suddenly felt a hot breath on my neck and could have swore I smelled the sulfuric scent of Satan. Too scared to turn around, I closed my eyes tight feeling the tears of heartbreak being replace by tears of terror.

Forceful hands grabbed my waist as I heard Jacob's husky voice mock concern, asking, "Awwwww, what's wrong, Bella? Did you and Lover Boy have a fight?" Then the concerned voice changed to menacing, as he spat out, "I watched him put his filthy, inexperienced, hands on you. Are you missing mine yet? I'll make you forget all about him. I'll fuck you so hard you won't even remember his name." His rough hands drifted from my waist to my stomach and made their way to my thighs as I felt his lips brush against my neck and his dick poke into the small of my back.

When he let one hand slip between my legs, a choked sob slipped from my lips. Just as quickly as he arrived, he was gone. Protectively, all my senses had shut down with his approach, and as they returned, the sounds from the crowded hallway deafened me. I slowly opened my eyes, blinded by the light of the florescence.

Searching for him through the many faces bustling to their classes, I gasped as Alice bounced into view, shouting, "Hey Bella!" My hands flew in front of my face reflexively as I hunkered down in a defensive crouch.

"Whoooaaaa......" Alice yelled stepping back with her hands up. "What's with you?"

Grabbing her shoulders I looked over her head, anxiously, expecting to see Jacob standing right behind her. "Where is he? Did you see him?" I blinked my eyes to make sure they weren't lying to me, but he was nowhere to been seen.

"Who?"

"Jacob!"I whispered, as if saying his name would conjure him.

I dropped my head down to my knees and began taking deep breaths trying to calm myself down, and forget the feel of his hands on me.

"I don't see him." she said, rubbing my back and scanning the busy hall. "I probably scared him off with my massive guns.", flexing her bicep and kissing the small hump proudly.

As I stood, I leaned back against the lockers to ensure that my legs didn't give out beneath me. I didn't want to tell her what had happened and thankfully she didn't ask. I knew that if I told her, she wouldn't let me give up on the plan and that was exactly what I had decided to do.

"So, how did lunch go?" Alice asked, feigning innocence.

"Don't... Ask." I answered, narrowing my eyes at her.

"What? What happened?"

"Look, I think it's time we call this game lost. I can't do it anymore. I've already been hurt by Jacob and I'm only gonna get hurt again, either by him or Edward, and I don't think I can handle either outcome." Trying to sound confident, with my shaky voice exposing my uncertainty. What was I kidding? I couldn't just forget about Edward. His touch had been branded into to my memory and my body had been affected permanently.

"Bella, think about what you're saying. If you give up now, then yes, there is a chance that Jacob will hurt you again. But, if this works, he'll never be able to hurt you or anyone else." Alice urged, adding "And you know, just as well as I do, that Edward would never hurt you."

Defensively I argued, "He already has, Alice! You don't think it hurt, to have him pull away from me when I tried to show him how I felt, 'cause it did....more than he'll ever know. My feelings for him grows a little more every time he touches me and it's killing me to know that he's only doing it for Jacob's benefit." I shut my mouth, as the tears ran down my cheeks, realizing what I had just admitted.

"Bella....I didn't know. Why didn't you say anything?"

I shrugged my shoulders and answered, "I didn't know what I was feeling... until this morning. We were on our way to school and I couldn't help but stare at his hand, wishing it was in mine.... or on me. His hand, Alice. That's all it took. I'm pathetic, aren't I?"

"Absolutely not... When I caught Jasper staring at my ass, I knew he was the one I would marry." she said laughing. "So, if you're pathetic then there's no hope for me."

I tried to smile at her failed attempt to make me feel better, but it was lacking in authenticity.

"I think you need to talk to Edward about this. I have a sneaking feeling he won't be too quick to call it off." she said looking as though she knew something that I didn't.

"Why do you say that?...." I asked, but abruptly shook my head, fighting my curiosity. "Ya know what, I don't care, it's not his decision to make. I'm ending this tonight and he'll just have to find another way to get back at Jacob for ...whatever reason."

Alice threw her arm over my shoulder and began leading me down the hall as she calmly urged, "Look, all I'm saying is that you should talk to Edward about it before you just up and .....quit. Jasper is staying with me after school while we practice and then we're going to his house for a little while to.....uh.... study. My parents won't be home until late tonight, so it's the perfect time for you guys to talk.... Use it wisely."

"I don't think there's much to talk......"

"Damn it, Bella! Don't be so thick headed and just do what I ask." She interrupted impatiently. Taking a deep breath, she continued with a smile and less abrasive tone, "I know it's hard for you to open up to people, but I think that it's time that you did. Edward's a good guy, and he seems easy to talk to, so... talk to him."

I nodded my head as I relaxed my shoulders in defeat.

Walking to class, the halls now empty of possible witnesses, I was suddenly aware of the silence as I looked around for signs of Jacob. A shiver ran down my spine as I hurried into the classroom, barging through the door like a crazed woman. Once I was in the safe realm of my French class, I sank into my seat, lulled into deep thought by Mrs. Spivey's monotonous oui's and s'il vous plait's.

The rest of the day went by quickly...too quickly. Before I knew it, I was being dismissed from English and was making my way to the parking lot looking apprehensively for Edward. I still wasn't ready to see him. The last time I was with him my heart had been crushed beyond repair and I knew I would feel the phantom pain every time I looked into his eyes.

Speaking of eyes; there they were, zoned in on me as he leaned against his car with his arms crossed over his chest. I silently cursed Alice for putting me in this situation. This was not the time for me to be around him....alone. "Damn, pom pom!" I whispered to myself.

As I approached, he hurried to the passenger side, opening the door for me with his gorgeous smile plastered to his face. I returned his with a tight smile of my own as I slid into the seat clutching onto my books like a shield.

The ride home was uneventful...in a bad way. The silence was deafening and I noticed that he would often open his mouth as if to say something, just to close it again and look at me with an awkward grin. I knew he was wanting to tell me that he didn't want to keep up with the act anymore, but I wasn't ready to hear it yet.

Once we walked into the house, I looked over at Edward who was taking off his green military jacket exposing his defined chest, and shook my head as I said, "I need...a fucking joint."

"Right on top of that, my lady." he said whipping out a bag of pot from inside the front of his pants. Oh God, how I wished I was that bag of pot.

My eyes were bugged when I realized I had stared too long at his crotch and was met by his as I quickly raised my head.

"What?...... Where else am I suppose to put it while I'm at school. I can't leave it in the car or Jasper will steal it."

I just laughed and nodded my head toward the staircase. "Come on, let's take it to Alice's room so it doesn't stink up the place."

At the bottom of the stairs we were caught in an awkward dance, not sure who was going to go up first. As he began ascending the stairs he looked back at me, taking hold of my hand and pulling me behind him.

The view from there was breathtaking. I had never really had a good look at his ass before and was now regretting that I did. The vision had been burned into my retina like an old tintype photo.

I made it to the room and hesitantly let go of Edward's hand to sit down at the head of the bed. He settled down right beside me with his knee lightly resting against mine. The electrical shock caused by this innocent touch, caused my clit to pulse involuntarily. Who knew my knee was connected to that part of my body. I couldn't help but breath in slowly to savor his scent, knowing that after today, I wouldn't be this close to him again.

He rolled the joint nimbly and handed it to me to inspect and light. We smoked in silence as I thought about what I was going to say and building up the strength to say it.

Before I could find my voice, Edward opened his mouth and started, "Bella, I'm sorry for....."

I closed my eyes and took my chance, interrupting him to unload the lie that I had been reciting in my head. "Edward, really, you don't have to say it. I completely agree that this isn't working. The plan is a bust." Looking over at him, his eyes on me looking confused, I added with a fake grin, "I mean, the only thing it's accomplishing is to ruin our chances of being with someone we really want to be with.....Right?"

Then the pain struck. I stood up to walk to the window and looked out, hiding my face from him while the tears pooled in my eyes. It was silent for what felt like an eternity. I turned to see Edward with his head down fingering the intricate design on the bedspread.

His head began to nod slowly in agreement, his eyebrows scrunched together. When he finally opened his mouth, "No" is what came out. And I thought I was confused.

I watched him closely as he stood and made his way to me. I felt the heat from our bodies collide just before he stopped, standing dangerously close.

His eyes were full of emotion as he lifted his hand, brushing his thumb across my lower lip. "Bella" he whispered in a deep voice, "You...are the one I want."

'He's lying.' I told myself, praying that he wasn't. "But yesterday....TODAY!......you pulled away...."

Before I could finish my rant, he pressed his lips against mine delivering a soft chaste kiss that was over way to soon. Before I could react to his words, his arms wound around my waist lifting me up, forcing me to look at him once we were at eye level.

"I'm not pulling away now." He affirmed, first verbally and then physically.

His lips crashed into mine forcefully as his body mimicked the action, pushing me against the wall. My legs instinctively wrapped around his waist, tightening their grip, as my hands roughly clawed their way through his hair. It felt so good and so right to be wrapped inside of his arms again.

His embrace tighten and a soft grunt escaped his lips as his tongue found its way in my mouth. His familiar taste rocked my body causing it to shutter against his. My nerves couldn't handle the pressure that was building in my stomach as I fought to keep myself under control.

I broke away from his kiss, gasping for air, wondering what the hell had changed his mind. Not more than three hours ago he had rejected me and now ...what?...I was suppose to forget about the humiliation it caused.

His mouth then attacked my neck, as he breathed, "I've wanted you for so long."

My head fell back against the wall shaking from side to side, as I urged myself to end this torment.

"No, Edward, you can't do this." I pleaded, placing my hands on his chest pushing him away.

His lips broke away from their place on my neck and closed together, forming a tight line as his eyes looked up into mine.

Trying to steady my breathing I explained with frustration, "You're confusing the hell out of me and now I don't know what to believe. We started this...thing, whatever it is between us... under the cover of a lie. You made that clear, when you pushed me away. I was trying to show you how I really felt and you brushed me off. Now, I'm suppose to put all of that aside and believe that you really want me."

My eyes stayed on his until he broke our connection looking down at my hands which were now in his as he traced small circles in the back of them with his thumbs. "You're right, I did that, and I apologize, but you took it all wrong. I have wanted you every moment of everyday since I laid eyes on you and having you kiss me, knowing that it wasn't real, was to much for me to take. So, I resisted...to keep myself from falling for you even more than I already had."

"How can I believe you want me, after being refused by you so many times?"

He pulled my left hand to his chest and asked with heavy eyes, "Do you feel that?"

Feeling his heart pound relentlessly fast in his chest, I nodded slowly biting my lip.

Then he trailed it down his chest to his stomach forcing my palm to cup the hard thick evidence of his adoration. "Do you feel this?" he said swallowing deeply as his eyes closed with my touch.

Feeling his reaction to my touch caused an earthquake in my chest. I never knew my heart could beat so hard and so fast without bursting from my bosom.

In that instant, I made the choice to risk possible heartbreak so that I could enjoy my time with him before he came back to his senses. As I looked into his eyes I questioned if I ever really had a choice at all.

And there you have it. I know this was all in BPOV so I promise more EPOV in the next chapter. Let me know if you're still diggin' it. Your reviews are very motivating and sometimes even give me ideas for future chapters. Thanks for sticking with me.