Teenage Dirtbag

Chapter 13

EPOV:

There I was, sitting in the swamp that use to be Bella's front yard, the rain beating me relentlessly as if, it too, was angry at what I had done.

What had I done?

I was still trying to wrap my head around the events that had transpired only moments before.

I was watching Bella sleep, wondering what she could be dreaming to make her say my name the way she did. If it was anything like the dreams I had of her, it was vivid and definitely R rated.

I pulled her body closer to mine and, using her heartbeat as a metronome, I hummed a melody as she sank deeper into my chest.

Then... everything went dark.

"Fuck! Fuck!" I hissed, slamming my fist in the mud.

I Fucking let myself fall asleep. That would explain why I didn't hear Charlie when he came in and saw his daughter using my half naked body as a blanket.

I shook my head, thinking of the sight he must have walked in on, as my thoughts took me back to the exact moment that my world ended.

I felt a firm jerk on my hair just before I was pulled from Bella's body, the cold air attacking my bare chest, making me aware of my partial nudity.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH! GET YOUR GOD DAMN HANDS OFF MY DAUGHTER!"

My eyes shot opened and I flinched at the sight of Charlie in his policeman's uniform, as my eyes focused on the gun tucked neatly inside its holster.

Bella sprung out of the bed at the sound of Charlie's raised voice and venomous words, throwing herself around me.

"NO, DADDY! PLEASE DON'T! I LOVE HIM!"

My eyes shifted to her, watching her tears spill over in a constant stream. It was devastating to see her like this... and all because of me.

Charlie's steps halted at what she said. He turned to look at his daughter kneeling at my feet with her arms wrapped desperately around my waist.

I could see the heartbreak in his eyes as he listened to his baby girl's anguish. The pain he felt for what he was doing to her was obvious and I couldn't help but feel guilty that I was the one causing this pain... for both of them.

Just when I thought he was going to let me go, his jaw clenched and his grasp tightened.

"You don't know a damn thing about love." he mumbled before pulling me from her hands and driving me through her bedroom door.

I knew what love was and how it felt. I had been feeling its affects for days and possibly even months. I felt a strong connection to Bella the first day I saw her. She was standing in the hallway, outside the school office, squinting down at a piece of paper she held in her shaky hand, looking lost and confused. I didn't know what the feeling was, but I caught myself wanting to run to her and confess the unnamed emotion. There was some sort of bond between us, even then, that only grew stronger with every passing day. I felt it, even if she didn't.

Before I could get my footing, Charlie forced me down the stairs, holding me in a policeman's headlock with my right arm painfully stretched behind my back.

I tried to speak but could only choke out, "Mr. Swan....Please! Let me expl....." My words were cut off by Charlie's arm. It tightened around my throat applying more pressure to my, already constricted, vocal chords.

"There's nothing to explain other than what I'm gonna do to you if I catch you around my daughter again!"

'Nothing could be worse than losing her.' I wanted to say, but was unable, as I pulled at his arm realizing it was a lost cause.

Violently, he pushed me out of the front door and onto the muddy ground in the pouring rain.

"Stay away from her, you hear me!? If I catch you talking to her, or even as much as mentioning her name in passing, I will ship your ass outta here so fast you won't have time to pack. Don't dare me, boy... unless you want it done."

I watched, squinting through sheets of rain, as Charlie walked back through the door, pushing past Bella.

There she stood, looking down at me with defeat in her eyes. I waited for her to fight, to stand up to Charlie... but she didn't.

That's when I saw it, the child that Charlie saw when he looked at her. She was his baby girl... and I was just a mutt that had pissed in his house.

"I'm sorry, Bella. So sorry." was all I could say. There was no excuse I could offer her. This was all my fault.

"Me too." she whispered inaudibly, before turning and shutting the door behind her.

I sat in the rain, soaking in its hopelessness, as the mud swallowed my sinking heart. Why was I such a complete fuck up? It seemed like I was doing everything possible to sabotage my own happiness. I couldn't do anything right when it came to us and was on the verge of losing her because of this inadequacy.

Once I realized that I was in the rain... by myself and that Bella wasn't coming back out to tell me it was all a joke, I pulled myself up and walked back to my car using the rain to mask my tears.

The rain was cold on my back, my teeth chattering constantly as I watched the white billows of smoke escape my mouth with each breath. I walked slowly, punishing myself with the cold, until the car was in view and my need for warmth took over. I hastily made my way to the Malibu and slid into the seat, bringing the rain in with me.

When I was inside and sheltered from the flood, I dried myself off with an old towel that was covering a jagged rip in the vinyl seat and laid my head back with my eyes closed tight. An image of Bella's devastation at hearing my apology resurfaced from my memory. "Me too." I whispered, thinking of her words and their meaning. What was she sorry for?

I grit my teeth and began punching the roof and dashboard repeatedly, while yelling a stream of obscenities at myself.

"Mother Fucking worthless, piece of shit, asshole!" I screamed, trying to think of the word that best described me.

I know I looked like a complete lunatic , but I couldn't stop myself. That was exactly what I was. I couldn't have fucked things up anymore thoroughly if I had tried.

Not only had I fucked things up for myself, but had also fucked things up for Bella. If I couldn't be around her anymore, then that meant that someone else could...Jacob. There was no way Charlie was going to be able to keep me away from her, no matter what he threatened me with.

I wasn't going to give up that easy. Regardless of what Charlie did, I was never going to stop loving her and would never stop fighting for her.

BPOV:

I watched as Charlie threw Edward, with my heart, out in the rain. I couldn't stop him, I didn't have any fight left in me. I simply stood there, drowning in my tears, thinking how things should have been different...could have been different... would have been different. I should have never gone out with Jacob. I should have been true to myself and maybe then I would have noticed Edward when he noticed me. I could have had more time with him. But should have's, could have's, and would have's wasn't going to help me now.

Edward apologized...for what? It wasn't his fault that I wasn't strong enough to stand up to Charlie or that I had brought him into this fucked up situation in the first place. My life was shit...my luck was shit. He was the one good thing in it and I was too selfish to stay away from him.

Turning to the living room I saw Charlie sitting on the edge of the couch with his head cradled in his hands. He looked beaten and tired, exhausted by his disappointment in me.

Seeing him like this, took me back to when I was 13.

He was sitting on the same couch in the same position when I walked out with my mom, Renee, four years earlier. I had decided to go with her to Arizona after their separation and as we walked out the door with our bags in our hands, he sat and cried, never looking up to say goodbye.

We were inseparable, Charlie and I. I shadowed him, following him everywhere he went. I would watch him get ready for work, putting on his authoritative uniform, while I played with his badge like it was a shield, holding it out in front of me while imaginary bullets buzzed past me and struck its steel. He was my hero. My friend. My father.

When he and mom split up, I had to choose between staying with him or leaving with her. I knew dad would be fine on his own. But, mom?...She was a different story. She couldn't cook, hated to clean and was awful with money. I couldn't feed her to the wolves, sending her out into this great big world all alone. Plus... a girl needs her mom. She might have been a lousy wife, but she was a great mother. She was loving, patient, generous, and wise beyond her years. I needed her as much as she needed me and that was why I chose her. I don't think Charlie ever got over that.

I forced myself to look away and started for the stairs.

"I don't even know who you are anymore, Bells."

I froze, hearing the sadness in Charlie's voice.

"What happened to my little girl? The one that loved her daddy and hated to disappoint him?"

I turned to him, not being able to hide the tears in my eyes.

"I'm right here, daddy! Can't you see that?" I sobbed, moving to stand in front him.

He jerked his head up from his hands. "That little girl walked outta here four years ago and never came back. I don't know who you are, but you're not my little girl. She wouldn't break my heart the way you have!"

His words laid heavy in my heart as I fell to my knees under the weight of their meaning.

Looking up at him from my place at his feet, I cried out, "I'm sorry!" Burying my face in my hands. "I'm sorry."

Even though he was wrong about everything, me and Edward...Jacob, it broke my heart to see him like this. He was grief stricken, as if his little girl had died and was being replaced by an impostor.

I wasn't saying sorry for breaking his heart, I was sorry for growing up without him in my life. He had missed my transformation from little girl to woman, so he couldn't see me for who I really was.

With desperation, I looked up at him and pleaded, with my hands on my heart, "I am still that foolish, confused and scared little girl, daddy. Except now I have more to be confused and scared about. I know you don't understand the choices I've been making lately, but I promise that nothing I have done has been to hurt you. If I told you the truth, you wouldn't believe me. All I can do is ask for you to love me... and trust me."

Standing from his place on the couch, he shook his head and said, "I will always love you, Bella....but trust, that's something entirely different. How can I trust you when you've made every effort to make me distrust you. First, you cheat on Jacob. Then, you shack up with a juvenile delinquent, who by the way has been arrested at least 5 times for possession of marijuana in the last year. All of this, plus, you sneak him in the house behind my back. Now, how exactly am I suppose to trust you when it's obvious that I can't?"

I looked down at my hands in my lap, thinking about his words and how, when it was all laid out like that, it sounded really bad. Then I remembered that I was doing all of this for Charlie as well as for me, to save him from knowing who Jacob really was. I wasn't the one that Charlie couldn't trust.

Still looking at my hands as if they held the answers to life's questions, I answered, "Just know that there are things that I'm not able to tell you right now and that, as much as you hate Edward, I love him."

Grabbing my arms, Charlie jerked me up from the floor and stood me directly in front of him, so close that I could see the vain, jutting from his forehead, pulsing with rage.

"You are not to see that boy again.... EVER! Is that clear?"

My face twisted in agony as his words cut threw me like a knife.

"Why are you doing this?"

He let go of my arms and looked at me with astonishment.

"Bella, you have hurt people with the choices that you have made for this boy. Namely Jacob. Now, I don't know what happened between you two, but you have some explaining to do... and apologizing. I'm not going to sit here and let you throw your life away for some... punk."

He walked away from me to stand at the bottom of the stairs with his hand on the rail and turned back around.

"Tomorrow, you'll call Jacob and get all of this worked out."

Putting a foot on the bottom step, he quickly added, "And I mean it, Bella. If I see you with Edward again, I will have him sent away...for good. With his record, it would only take a phone call." And then he walked up the stairs to his room.

I fell to the floor and cried. I knew what Charlie didn't say. It was in his voice, even if he didn't say the words. He wanted Jacob and I back together and he was going to make damn sure it happened. His threat was proof of his persuasive abilities and I wasn't about to let Edward take the fall for me. I would do what ever it took to keep that from happening.

It took all the strength I had left in me to pull myself up and off the floor and made my way upstairs to my room.

The room was still and quiet, as I walked into the emptiness feeling more alone than I ever had before.

It's funny how one bad choice can change you life completely. One minute your happy with your life, and the next, your ready to end it. Going out with Jacob was the stupidest decision I've ever made. My life had been going in a downward spiral ever since and nothing I did made it stop...it would just slow down long enough for me to get my hopes up, just to plummet again.

As I climbed into my bed, I saw the indention left in the pillow from Edward's head and rested my hand in the crater. The sheets still smelled of him and I caught myself inhaling desperately trying to breath him in as much as I could before the scent faded. It was all I had left of him and I needed it as much as I needed oxygen.

I opened my eyes and looked toward the clock to see that the glowing numbers were covered by a dark material that hung over it. As I reached to remove it, I saw that it was Edward's shirt and immediately clutched it to my nose.

"Hmmmmm" I hummed in satisfaction as I got high off his heady incense and slowly replace my shirt with his.

The material felt soft on my skin as I moved my hands over it, caressing my body, with images of him hovering over me. As I slowly ran my hands up my sides and over my breasts, I thought of his touch and how it made me feel. At that moment, my hands were no longer my own... they were his. They made their way down to my panties and slipped underneath the satin material as my fingers got lost inside. I shivered and shook as I came undone with thoughts of Edward and how he had affected my body without ever knowing... and now he would never know.

I said goodbye to him that night, falling asleep in his tear-soaked shirt, regretting the moment I fell in love.

XxXxX

The next morning, I woke to the alarm screaming in my ear. Without realizing what I was doing, I reached over and grabbed it off the nightstand and hurled it at the wall. The night was long and sleep wasn't my friend. If it had been it would have invited me to participate.

I got up from bed and sluggishly made my way to the bathroom. My eyes were puffy, almost swollen shut, and my hair was nappy with tangles. If my mom was around she would have called it a rat's nest while she pulled a brush though it singing, "You've gotta suffer to be beautiful."

But, right know, I didn't give a shit about being beautiful. I didn't give a flying fuck about anything or anyone, so I threw my hair up in a ponytail without coming through the haystack and changed into one of my grungiest shirts, pulling on an old pair of jeans before heading downstairs.

As I opened the front door, I gasped at the sight of Edward standing outside with his fist in the air, frozen at mid-knock.

"Bella, we need to talk."

"No we don't." I said quickly, eying his crumpled clothes that were obviously slept in last night, pushing past him to walk toward my truck.

His hand shot out and grabbed my arm, holding me in place.

"Look, I'm sorry. I know Charlie gave you hell and it was all my fault, but he can't really keep me away from you." he said looking as naive as he sounded.

With a jerk, I pulled my arm from his hand and held my breath as I built up the courage to say what I was about to say.

"He doesn't have to Edward, I can. So, stay away from me. Please."

The waves of pain that had only lapped at me before now, reared high up and washed over my head, pulling me under. I did not resurface.
Bella Swan, New Moon.

I had to add that quote from New Moon. It's one of my favorites.

I am sooooooooooo sorry for taking an eternity to write one chapter... and a short one at that. You guys have been so patient and I owe you big time. I will make it up to you by promising another LONGER chapter within 7 days. I will try to have it out quicker than that, but I don't feel comfortable promising that. My hubby is going out of town for a week (happy dance) so I will be able to write more since I'm not babysitting him ; ) Thanks again and please, please, please leave a review and let me know what you think. Even if you don't like it.