I do not own any part of the Harry Potter franchise, all rights belong to J.K. Rowling, etc. No profit is made here.
AN: I recommend listening to Barcelona's "Get Up" with this chapter.
"Where do you think they'll move them to?"
"Well, Dad says if they can stomach house arrest we might just leave them there- that is, if you agree, Harry."
Harry glanced up from his idle thought, gazing out the tower window, and looked at Ron and Ginny's curious faces. Then he glanced across to where Hermione sat by herself, gazing out the window as he'd just been doing.
It was the last days of school and they were gathered in her dorm room. McGonagall had suggested she might like to be around others those last weeks after the battle, but Hermione had merely shook her head and insisted she was fine. Although the tired little smile she wore constantly these days looked far from fine. There was a wall up between her and the outside and Harry thought he might understand it, better than anyone.
It was grief and heartache all at once. It was the struggle to stay sane. It was clinging to one's solitude in a time when everyone wanted to be around you and you just needed space to breathe.
She turned her head slowly and their eyes met. Her smile dropped away and she turned back. Harry shrugged and looked at the others again.
"I don't know. If they want. If it's safe."
"Hermione?" Ginny said, voice tentative. "What do you think?"
Hermione shrugged as well and didn't say anything.
"Hermione, it's been weeks," Ron began slowly, cajoling her and Ginny shot him a look.
"Leave me alone, Ron," Hermione said, startling them all. She turned to look at him. "Can't you just do that much for me, now that it's all over?"
Ron flushed and stared down at the carpet and Hermione spoke again.
"And so what if it's been weeks? You didn't have a little person growing inside of you for months, planning a future with her, planning-" She broke off and stifled a sob, then turned back to the window, silent once more.
"It's not just that, Ron," Ginny said very softly. "He never came back."
"Oh, and I really don't need you talking to your git of a brother about how broken hearted I am, thanks, Ginny," Hermione shot back, glaring at Ginny. But when Ginny lifted her eyes to her friend's face, clearly hurt, Hermione's face crumpled again.
Harry decided to butt in.
"He couldn't come back, Hermione. He and his parents have been stuck at Grimmauld ever since then. You know that. He couldn't risk it."
"I know that!" she exclaimed, beating her fists against her legs. "But that doesn't make it hurt any less, does it?"
And with that she got up and threw herself onto her bed where she could cry into a pillow like a proper teenaged girl. Harry watched her go with alarm, but a second later he stood up, determination on his face, and sat beside her. Ginny followed him a moment after that, and then Ron, and they all put their arms around one another and let one of their best friends cry for a good long while, while she lay protected in the comfort of their arms. And for the first time in weeks, Hermione felt like she might just make it through this mess.
Maybe it was hearing the gentle sounds of their own tears mingling with hers, maybe it was the knowledge that even if they didn't always say the right thing, they truly did mean well.
But mostly it was having them there at all and seeing, after the fog she'd been living in, that despite whatever secrets had been kept and whatever dangers they'd shared, that they weren't going to leave her alone. That she didn't have to be alone.
As she drew strength from them, she wondered if she really missed Draco at all, or if it had all been a dream.
And then she thought that maybe it was better if she pretended it had been a dream, and cried a little harder. In response, the trio of arms about her tightened their embrace and her three comforters shut their eyes tight and wished desperately to go back and right every mistake committed in the last year, and more than Hermione's heart broke anew.
Draco looked between his parents and then over at Lupin.
"You understand what I'm saying, then? You believe me?"
Lupin gave him a wry look. "I am human, you know. I do understand the English language."
"Remus," Tonks said quietly and Narcissa shot her a grateful look. It wasn't really acknowledged, but Tonks did clear her throat.
Forgiveness would come easy from some, not so easy from others. Narcissa half wanted to take her niece- the niece she'd never truly known- and shake her, scream at her that she'd just watched her own sister die, had wanted her to die, and yet still the precious Order stood in judgment on her family…Lucius reached behind their son to brush his fingers along her arm and she glanced over at him. Calm down, accept it, his eyes told her. Think of where we might be now.
And that much was true.
Remus went on.
"Right. So, I can accept that Severus has been a double agent for Albus this entire time. It certainly clears up several questions. We'll have to wait for contact from him to-"
"Look, I didn't have to tell you about this at all, but I figured you already knew part of it from Potter, so. And I'd rather have it all out there before…anything else happens. You have to trust Professor Snape."
"I'll deliver your report to the rest of the Order-"
"We'll deliver it," Tonks corrected him and he shifted uncomfortably and nodded.
"Sorry. Yes, we will. But that's all we can do. We can't guarantee that they'll believe you. Anyway, look, there's still the question of what we're going to do with you."
"Have you found a place?" Lucius asked stiffly and Narcissa took the opportunity to grab his hand and hold it.
"Harry is willing to let you all stay here, if you wish. But we're still looking for other spots, to be honest. You may be here another month or two as we search, though."
"Actually," Tonks broke in, "I talked to Mum about it, and she and Dad are willing to- to take you in," she finished. She was flushed and beside her, Remus gave a start and stared at her, but Tonks refused to look at him and stared at Narcissa and Lucius in turn.
"You never said-"
"Tch," she hissed at him and he sat back, surprised. "Well?" she asked the trio. "What do you think? It doesn't have to be permanent. In fact, you'll likely have to be moved several times in the coming months. But for now, it would get you out of here. And honestly, Mum rather…wants to catch up with you," she said, addressing Narcissa. "She'd like a bit of her own family, I think."
Narcissa's eyes filled with tears and she covered her mouth, then stood and rushed from the room. Tonks rose as well to go after her and Remus put a hand on her arm. She glared down at him and he lifted his hand away immediately and Tonks went after her estranged aunt.
"What's up with you two?" Draco asked and Lucius smacked the back of his head.
"Pardon my boy's manners. Now, what do we need to do?"
"Well-"
"Can I see Hermione?" Draco asked abruptly, unable to help himself. Remus leveled a look at him that, had he not just endured what he had for the last year, would have had him shrinking away and hanging his head in shame. Instead, Draco met his gaze inch for inch.
"Draco, I'm afraid that's just not possible right now. We might be able to…schedule a meeting. If you wish to write her, we can certainly pass correspondence along."
"She's the mother of my son's child and that's the best you can promise?"
Remus paled and now he was the one looking ashamed. Still, he didn't budge.
"I know that many tragic things happened, weeks ago. I know you need closure, and to grieve with those who will understand your feelings best. But we are at the precipice of war, about to topple the scales into a full and desperate battle for our lives, every day that we take breath. If circumstances were different, you would not be in hiding. Hermione would not be preparing…whatever it is those three have up their sleeves. If circumstances allowed, I would never dream of standing in your way on this, Draco. But right now, what is safest for you, and her, and will soon be for all of us, is to hold our ground." He looked at Draco, face serious, eyes glinting in the lamplight. "Now, do you understand me?"
Draco grit his teeth and blinked away the tears that filled his eyes, unwanted. Always unwanted, when he didn't have Hermione to bury his face against, to hide his emotion from the rest of the world. To help him feel at peace for a few precious seconds.
"I understand," he whispered and felt his father place a hand on his shoulder. He swallowed hard and blinked several times, then dared rub a hand under his nose. "Would you…would you mind if I wrote a letter right now? To take to her?"
Remus nodded and gave him a small smile. "I'll wait."
Draco delivered a soft "thank you" and then stood and left. Lucius watched him go and felt an ache in his chest for his boy. What had he done to his family, by making the choices he had? And how could he ever begin to make it up to them all? He turned a weary smile upon Lupin and the other man met his gaze with equanimity.
"Tell me," began Lucius, "do you think we'll live through the end of the war?"
But Remus Lupin, fighting for his own survival, didn't really have an answer. He honestly expected not, but he suspected Lucius Malfoy already thought as much, himself.
After Dumbledore's funeral, Harry climbed to the Astrology tower. He had some idea of saying a proper goodbye there, where it had happened. Or maybe it was just morbid obsession on his part, running the memory over and over in his mind, telling himself there must have been something he could've done. Replaying different scenarios, where Dumbledore cast wandless magic at the last minute, protecting himself, or Harry was able to break the bind and intercept the spell.
He wouldn't mind taking out Snape, either.
"Harry, you know he and Dumbledore had arranged the entire thing," Hermione said softly from one side of him. She came up and leaned on the rail with him. He raised a brow and gazed out over the grounds.
"Sorry, didn't realize I said that out loud."
"Talking to yourself is one of your more endearing habits," Ginny teased from behind him, and wrapped her arms about his waist.
"But back to the point-"
"I know," Harry said softly. "But it doesn't change anything. He still did it. How could he do it?"
"We'll probably never know how complicated their relationship was," Hermione responded.
"Yeah, you'd have to ask Snape that, and he's never going to tell you," Ron added, coming up on the other side of Harry.
"Thanks, Ron," Hermione said, rolling her eyes and he made a face at her. She smiled in return and Ron grinned.
A comfortable silence fell for a few minutes and Harry reveled in it as long as he could. Then he gave a sigh and looked to his friends.
"Listen, this next year…I'm not coming back."
Hermione and Ron exchanged looks, while Ginny tightened her grip and buried her face against his shoulder.
"We thought you would say that," Ron offered and Hermione took a deep breath. She bumped shoulders with Harry.
"We're coming with you."
"Coming with- but I don't even know where I'm going! I don't know what I'll be doing, apart from fighting, and trying to figure out how-"
"To kill You-Know-Who, yeah, we know, mate," Ron finished for him.
"You can't come with me. It's too dangerous. Especially you, Ginny," he added over his shoulder. She nodded sadly, gave his middle another squeeze.
"I know. I know I have to stay. Let's not talk about it anymore."
"No, not until these two-"
"Harry," Hermione said gently, "we're coming with you. We've known, for a long time, that you'll need help, with whatever it is you end up doing. And we agreed to help you, no matter what."
Harry turned to her.
"But, Hermione…after all you went through this year. After everything, you need to just-"
"Don't tell me what I need," she responded firmly. "This is what I need. To be with you, and Ron, and to help you. It's what I want. Besides, it's hardly likely I'll be able to return to Hogwarts this coming year, as a muggle born, is it?"
"Nothing's happened yet," Harry went on, wheedling now.
"But it will," Ron said, and his voice matched the dark expression on his face. "With him gone? It will. Dad's already had trouble at the ministry, not just with the reports coming in, and we're purebloods."
"This is war," Hermione said softly. "And what happened weeks ago is just the beginning." She stared Harry down, and her ability to face these things with courage despite her recent struggles and loss swayed him as much as her words did.
"We are your friends, Harry, and our place now is at your side. Dumbledore knew that," she went on, thinking of last Fall, and Snape's mysterious question of the Headmaster. Of how all that subterfuge had been done to protect her, because in the end, Harry Potter would need Hermione Granger with him. How Draco's sacrifice had been for Harry as much as for her. His entire family's sacrifice, in fact.
His letter to her burned where she'd folded it and tucked it into her shirt, nestled against her skin, close to her heart.
Harry's green eyes took in her determination, her bearing, and then swept across to Ron, who looked, despite the defeat in his eyes these last weeks, like a proud warrior. He felt Ginny's weight against his back and then gazed out across the grounds once more, to where Dumbledore's tomb gleamed in the afternoon sunlight.
So, it was time to trust him entirely one last time.
He took a deep breath and nodded.
"Alright."
Dear Hermione,
I don't know where you'll be when you get this. I can't tell you where I'll be. I couldn't even if I wanted to. But you probably know that already, or guessed as much. I bet it doesn't help any. It doesn't help me any. I want to be near you, more than anything. I know we're stupid teenagers who don't know anything, really, or who have had to grow up before our time, or something equally dumb and cliché. But I want to be near you.
This is all of me that I can send. I wish it were more. But it's just words, and those won't do either of us any good, will they? I hope you aren't hurting too much. I hope the pain finally went away. You'll be glad to know- you already do, but let me tell you anyway- that she's dead. Father killed her. I wish it had been me. It would have, if Father hadn't come in. But then, I'd be dead and you wouldn't have this letter. So maybe it's for the best.
Mother is more ok with that than when she heard about you, I think. She was really torn up over it. None of them know. I guess we're all keeping the vow, then. It just seems easier, after everything else that's happened. It is easier, in a way, because I really do feel that she was mine, even if you can never be mine again.
Hermione Granger, I never thought I would say this- write it- but I love you. Not because of what we went through, pretending, and then that lovely holiday and everything. But because you are you- brave and smart and funny and you love books and sitting by fires and you cared for me, despite everything I'd ever done, and went on to do.
Remember that I love you. It's a gift you gave me. So, thank you. And I'm sorry I promised to come back that night when I knew I probably wouldn't. But I honestly thought I would be dead by now, so please don't hate me too much for it. I will see you again, after all this is over. I don't know what we'll think of one another by then, but I'll see you, just the same.
Give them hell, Granger.
Draco Malfoy