author's note;
10/11/14 — Tokyo Ghoul:re and season 2 in January. I don't know what I'm feeling right now, but INCREDIBLY HYPED is probably a way to describe it.

In any case, midterms monopolized my free time for a week or so. Here is an extra long chapter in order to compensate for that. If you spot any mistakes, let me know so I can fix them!

There are no laws that protect the lives of those individuals known as ghouls.

(Or, five events that take place directly after Fueguchi Ryouko's forced disappearance.

And one that's just a little bit further away.)

( forced )

i.

When Touka's feet automatically guide her to Anteiku after school, she finds the blinds drawn and the closed sign carefully placed next to the front door.

Today wasn't a day off. If it was, the manager would have surely mentioned something to her before she left for home yesterday. Yoshimura was old, sure, but he was not senile in any sense of the word. The last time Anteiku had closed its doors for the day without any previous notice had been when—

(—don't think about it.)

The door is unlocked. Guided by nothing but pure dread, she darts in and runs up the stairs, completely ignoring Yoshimura's presence behind the bar. Yomo's words play over and over within her head and continue to do so when she walks into the room upstairs and finds it full of pale and resigned faces. She feels someone's hand touch her shoulder at the same time she spots Hinami curled up in the seat farthest from the entrance, eyes rimmed with red and body trembling with a multitude of fears and anxieties. When their eyes meet, Touka finds herself rooted to the ground.

"...Where's Ryouko-san?" she asks, not daring to divert her gaze from Hinami's.

"Mother left yesterday," Hinami tells her, voice soft and nearly evanescent. Despite this, every word feels like a harsh and discordant note to Touka's ears. "But... she never came back."

Briefly (or not so briefly), Touka's vision shakes and blurs together. Her knees buckle and it suddenly becomes hard to breathe, almost as if she were suffering from an inexplicable heat-haze. When the hand on her shoulder tightens its grip ever so slightly and drags her back to reality, she becomes keenly aware that the manager had followed her upstairs after she had rushed in. She's irrationally fond of his hand on her shoulder. It's a very nice hand. It keeps her from completely losing it in front of Hinami.

But it's not enough to keep her from thinking of unpleasant things. Her imagination does not need much incentive to run amok, and it immediately begins conjuring up vivid images of Ryouko's lifeless body, battered and bruised while those bastards congratulate themselves over another job well done. She forces her lungs to cooperate, stubbornly ignoring the unpleasant knot in her chest. Then, she glances around the room.

Unsurprisingly, Irimi and Koma do a fine job avoiding her gaze. Yomo doesn't even bother to look up, all too content with staring at the floor as if it were more interesting than the conversation currently taking place. Yoshimura must have already spoken to them.

"Why," she begins, "aren't we looking for Ryouko-san? If we look for her now, it might not be too—"

She doesn't get to finish her statement. She doesn't get to say it might not be too late. Not when Yoshimura squeezes her shoulder, prompting her to meet his eyes. In them, she finds nothing but pity. It makes her blood boil more than anything else. "Touka-chan," he tells her slowly, as if feeding a small child bite sized pieces of information for their own benefit. "This has been discussed with everyone in this room. Even Hinami-chan understands."

Even Hinami. The powerful implications hidden behind those two simple words are not wasted on her.

"...Is that so?" she finds herself asking, eyes narrowing into slits. Even though every single inch of her body is screaming for her to lash out, her tone is as cold as ice. "We're leaving her for dead? Just like that? Don't fuck around. That's—"

"Touka," Yomo interjects, almost echoing Yoshimura's tone. She's already become quite tired of the condescension buried deep within it. "You know better than anyone what happens when a ghoul... doesn't return. Fueguchi-san enticed the Doves to come here and was discovered. Don't waste your time."

She does know. Yomo doesn't have to remind her. Nobody has to, really. She will always remember those sleepless nights spent huddled up in a corner of her old home, holding her younger brother's hand and whispering false reassurances that comforted no one. She does not need to be told something has happened to Ryouko to know it's true. No loving parent, human or ghoul, would leave their child alone like this if they could help it.

But she does not want Hinami to experience the loss of both mother and father the same way she did. She's tired of watching everyone die.

She rips Yoshimura's hand away from her shoulder.

"Tch... To help ghouls—that's Anteiku's purpose, isn't it?" she scoffs while glaring at every adult in the room. "And yet you're going to suck your thumb and let the Doves get away with this? You're all disgusting."

"Touka-chan," Yoshimura responds. His tone is filled with both pity and scorn. "You must understand. We mustn't—"

"No," she cuts him off, taking a step back and towards the door. "I don't understand, and I don't want to understand if it means being a pathetic coward. I'm out of here."

She wishes Hinami wouldn't have to see her like this, but there's no helping that. Someone has to do it. If nobody else will take care of things, then it's up to her to destroy Ryouko's enemies.

She turns her back to the people in this room.

Slamming the door shut behind her, however, does not feel as pleasant as she hoped it would.

ii.

Finding out who the CCG has working for them in the 20th Ward isn't easy. There are way too many humans coming in and out of the building, all dressed in immaculate suits and armed to the teeth with a shared hatred for the existence of those known as ghouls—but she somehow manages it. And she honestly comes to respect Yomo a little bit more at the end of it, after the nth time she has to convince herself that simply waltzing into the building with no plan or guarantee would be the worst idea she's had in a while. Examining the wanted posters with a critical eye is risky enough when she takes little precaution to hide her true identity, after all.

Still, it's something to consider for later. Maybe.

What matters now, in any case, is that she's supposedly succeeded at her task. Information is a precious thing between ghouls and exchanging it for something equally as precious is no walk in the park. Thankfully, being a highly persuasive person has always been one of her strong points.

(Her fists do all the talking for her. It's something of a gift.)

There was a commotion near a popular bookstore, is the first thing she learns.

It's been a few days since then, is the second.

It seems, comes the third bit of information, one of those human loving idiots got themselves—

She didn't need that kind of information.

The source didn't need their head attached to their body, either.

By the fourth and fifth piece of information, there are several pictures stored in her phone and she has two faces to match with the words ghoul investigator.

Whether they are the right ones or not is a matter of perspective.

iii.

Her mask sits atop her bedside table. It has remained untouched for days upon weeks upon months. That is about to change.

In the back of her closet, there is also one (1) red wig. She now knows what to do with it.

iv.

Near the CCG building, there is a board dedicated solely to displaying wanted posters. The ghouls known as Gourmet and Binge Eater are the usual subjects of said posters. But, recently, there's been a new addition.

Clover is what they call her. There is no face nor physical description to accompany the data displayed on her respective poster, but what little information there is is clear enough. This ghoul, it says, is suspected to have the appearance of a child. It may be wearing clothing similar to that displayed in Figure 1.1.

Figure 1.1, in this case, being a simple outfit strikingly similar to one Hinami's parents had bought her almost six months ago. Two months later, the CCG raided her house while she was away with her mother and nobody has seen her wear the outfit since.

The poster goes missing somewhere between 7PM and 10PM.

Security footage only picks up an indistinguishable figure dressed in black.

The middle finger it points towards the camera, on the other hand, is very distinguishable.

v.

And just before she swoops in to take the lives of Ryouko's enemies, she finds herself thinking about all sort of nonsensical things.

She thinks about her father and how he strove to protect her from the cruelty of the world. His kindness is what got him killed.

She thinks about Ayato, who is long gone and nothing but a recurrent thought in the back of her mind. She has not heard any other rumors about a young ghoul causing a stir in other wards.

The most illogical thought comes in the form of that human. She had deemed him Crush Boy in an attempt to distance herself from his very existence. It was a botched up effort to disassociate herself from his overly bizarre tendency to stare at her in awe, as if she were someone who could provoke such an emotion. She has no idea why she thinks of him now, however brief and fleeting her thoughts may be.

But she supposes that she's wondering what a human like him would think about all of this. A human who has never faced the hardships of being a ghoul. One who can enjoy a normal meal with friends and who has never experienced the tragedy of losing both parents to those who consider themselves agents of justice.

She wonders if he would think she's doing the right thing.

(Maybe she's wrong.)

She descends from her spot atop a nameless building.

When she takes the life of the first investigator, she realizes that is what she's fighting for.

As long as she fights, she would not be condemned.

As long as she fights, she would be able to keep her balance on the tightrope.

She would not fall. She would not crash. She would not lose the happiness she's worked so hard to maintain until now.

And she would help Hinami do the same.

null.

Even though she knew the basic concept of it, she had never seen what was stored within those suitcases the Doves lugged around.

She wanted to keep it that way. She almost did, too.

(Her arm hurts a lot and she pretends Yoshimura doesn't know what she's done—but it could be worse.

It could.

She muffles her strangled screams with a towel between her teeth and patches herself up as she's done several times before. She is alone. If she's killed, it will be her responsibility.

There is no one around to assure her they would be sad if she died.)