About half of this chapter is Dean and Cas kissing but it's very sweet. It's also got Dean considering some things, mostly it's the effect of outside opinions influencing his thoughts and he knows he's wrong in his thinking but he can't help worrying. I think it's necessary though, for him to go through this so he can come to a decision eventually that he is completely sure is the right one. Doubt is human after all and he's just an eighteen year old kid falling in love for the first time so you can forgive him for being worried a bit.

There actually isn't too much of the story left. I'm hitting the last conflict points very soon. There are going to be a few time skips of weeks a time in the coming chapters to move things along but this part of Dean and Cas's story is almost over. There will be an epilogue though and I've got a bunch of one shots of things that I wanted to write but didn't fit into the story to come. Like I wanted to deal with John but this story wasn't about Dean's relationship with his father, so I'm going to write a side story that deals with Dean, Sam, and John later. Also Sam and Gabriel. And some things I had to take out because they didn't fit into my timeline.

And finally I want to make this clear: I will not abandon this story. I honestly hope it won't take me eight months to update again but I promise even if it does, I won't be abandoning this story. I love it way, way too much to do that. So, please take this chapter of cuteness which ends on a bad note, sorry in advance, and enjoy with the knowledge that sometime soon you will see the beautiful ending I've had planned since I began writing it.

Much love.

OH! WAIT!... I GET TO MEET JENSEN AND JARED AT THE END OF MAY! I AM SOOOO EXCITED!

Ahem. Sorry.

Enjoy darlings xxoo

By unspoken agreement, Dean and Cas's relationship was kept between their families. At school only Gabriel, Anna, Sam, and Jo knew they were a couple and Dean decided that keeping it that way was for the best. Cas already copped enough crap from the people around them for being autistic, he didn't need any more for dating a guy. And, though he felt ashamed to admit it, Dean was a little afraid of what would be said and done to him if his former friends found out he was bi.

During lunch Dean and Cas would sit in the library and read Harry Potter as they usually did, sometimes a few of their friends would join them and Cas felt better about that now. But after school, hanging out at Cas's house, Cas would sit on Dean's lap and snuggle against him while they did homework or watched TV with Cas's family. Or they'd lie on Cas's bed, Dean's head pillowed on Cas's stomach while they read together or Dean just talked about everything and anything, Cas listening intently like he usually did.

When his eighteenth birthday arrived John had to be out of town but he left Dean an envelope with some cash and a card that Dean opened with a twisted feeling in his gut, but he tried not to feel too bitter, after all Baby had been Dean's early birthday present. Sam however showed Dean a wrapped gift but didn't let him take it from him, claiming he had to wait for that night. Dean rolled his eyes but smiled. They always went to Bobby's for their birthdays anyway and Ellen, Jo, and Ash would be there. Michael and Lucifer were curiously out when Dean arrived to pick up their siblings for school. Anna leant over the front seat to kiss Dean's cheek and wish him a happy birthday while Gabriel messed up his hair and sang obnoxiously all the way to school. Cas just shyly held Dean's hand and gave him a smile. Dean held his gaze for a moment and mouthed 'thanks'.

The day was pretty normal at school but when Dean arrived at the Novak house after school Gabriel quickly stopped him from getting out of the car and tied a tie around his eyes.

"Dude! What the hell?" Dean demanded, trying to pull it off.

"Nope, you keep it on!" Gabriel chastised. "Come on."

Dean grumbled but got out of the car and he stopped feeling disgruntled when Cas's small hand found his and lead him towards the house. Dean was led into the sunroom where Michael and Lucifer waited with a mound of presents and apple pie as well as cupcakes. Dean couldn't help smiling as they all hugged him and sang happy birthday while he blew out a candle on one of the cupcakes. He opened his presents from everyone and found some movies, a new leather wallet with his initials sewn into the cover, new tools for when he worked on Baby in his spare time, and a gift card for iTunes. He got to the last present which was from Cas and he looked around for his boyfriend. Cas stepped closer to watch Dean unwrap it. It was a new sweater, very soft and very green. Dean held it up to his face and grinned at the feel of it.

"Very nice," he grinned. Cas shrugged. Dean always complained during the cold weather about how he never remembered to buy sweaters when winter arrived. "Thanks Cas."

Cas smiled and then blushed when Dean kissed his temple. He ignored everyone around them exchanging smiles and Lucifer's slight grimace and just focused on Cas.

"I love it," Dean assured him. He turned back to the others. "So, can we eat the pie and cake now?"

"Actually Bobby and Ellen will be here for dinner soon so we shouldn't," Sam informed Dean who grinned. The integration of his families was his favourite thing and dinner that night was the best birthday dinner Dean had ever had. He couldn't think of a time in his life where he'd felt happier.

He hadn't told John or Bobby or Ellen about his relationship yet. He knew Ellen wouldn't care, and Bobby probably wouldn't... But Dean was terrified of what John's reaction would be. Michael seemed to guess these fears because one night, while Cas had gone up to shower after dinner and Dean was helping the eldest Novak put the leftovers away, he turned to Dean with a frown.

"What?" Dean wondered.

"You know that... you always have a place with us, right Dean?" Michael asked hesitantly. He looked nervous, worried about Dean's response to his words. The Novaks knew how much Dean hated talking about feelings but Dean still nodded. "I mean... if you tell John about you and he doesn't react... well... you have a home with us."

It took several long moments for the implication to sink in and Dean had to look away from Michael when it did. His eyes burned a little and he nodded.

"Right... uh... thanks..."

Michael stifled a chuckle and ruffled Dean's hair and the younger couldn't even muster the effort to bat his hand away, far too overwhelmed with the realisation that yes, he truly did have a home here with these people.

Thankfully Cas came downstairs, hair damp and dressed in a soft looking shirt and sweats so Dean escaped with him upstairs. They curled up on Cas's bed and Cas looked over at Harry Potter but Dean shook his head and laid down, rolling onto his stomach and pressing his face into Cas's thigh. Cas patted his head hesitantly.

"'m okay," Dean mumbled. He tilted his head and looked up at Cas. "I don't know how to tell my family I like guys."

Cas frowned.

"I think my dad might throw me out," Dean admitted. A look of anger crossed Cas's face briefly followed by worry. He wriggled down so they were lying together on their sides. Dean smiled as Cas reached out to stroke his face. "Thanks, angel."

Cas blushed a little and Dean filed away the pet name for later use. He was slowly trying out a few here and there to see which ones Cas liked best. It seemed that one was a good one. He pulled faces at 'sweetheart' and 'baby' when Dean first used them.

After relaxing in Cas's touch for a minute Dean reached a hand out and ran it up Cas's side, drawing him a little closer. Cas tensed a little when the gap between their bodies shrunk to a couple of inches. Dean studied his expression worriedly, leaving his hand on the younger boy's waist, thumb rubbing circles on his lowest ribs.

"Is this okay?" Dean checked. Cas's eyes latched onto his, and he looked fearful for a moment before something in Dean's expression must have made itself known because he relaxed and nodded, even shifting a little closer so their noses were almost touching. Dean's stomach flipped a little and his heart started racing. Cas was so close. They had only kissed a few times and it was always quick and it was always Dean kissing Cas. Dean was respectful of Cas's boundaries and he was also grateful, needing the time to come to terms with his sexuality. But he was getting there now and he was starting to want to get to the part where he could teach Cas all the awesome things about kissing.

Dean ran his hand up Cas's side slowly, tracing his fingers over his ribs and shoulder. Dean lingered on Cas's neck, resting over his pulse and smiling when he felt it racing. He wasn't the only one nervous right now at least. He continued up and traced Cas's face for a while, brushing his fingers over his eyebrows and his nose, following his cheekbones and his jaw before letting them rest on his slightly chapped lips. Cas swallowed, staring at Dean with wide eyes.

"Relax," Dean whispered. He moved his hand, cupping Cas's face while still allowing his thumb to brush over his lips. It caught Cas's bottom one and Dean couldn't resist anymore. He leant forward, pausing at the last moment to gauge Cas's expression. He looked worried but not resistant. Dean waited several seconds in case Cas wanted to pull away but he simply closed his eyes so Dean closed the last distance and pressed their lips together.

He started carefully. Pressing soft kisses to Cas's mouth, trying to coax him into a response. Dean pulled away after a moment and stroked his thumb over Cas's cheekbone.

"Hey," he whispered. Cas's eyes fluttered open. He was blushing and his eyes were bright if still nervous. "Don't worry so much. Just kiss me, yeah?"

Cas's eyes searched his face almost desperately and then he nodded slightly.

Dean smiled, warmth flooding his chest and he leant back in, kissing Cas softly. On the third press of lips he felt Cas respond, pressing back against Dean and he smiled against Cas's mouth. He shifted a little closer and tilted his head, focusing on Cas's upper lip and closing his around it. He sucked gently before releasing it and pressing another kiss there. He did the same thing to Cas's bottom lip and pulled away a little to check his expression. He was looking a little dazed and Dean felt slightly smug. He kissed Cas a little deeper this time, opening his mouth and letting his tongue brush Cas's top lip. This time Cas flinched away a little and Dean lifted himself up on his elbow, looking down at his boyfriend worriedly.

"Too much?" he asked. Cas was looking up at him in surprise. He shook his head and looked embarrassed. Oh, Dean realised, he just wasn't expecting that. "I didn't mean to startle you. Sorry. Are you okay?"

Cas nodded. He reached a hand up and tugged Dean's shirt collar until he returned to his lying position. Cas left his hand on Dean's upper chest and leant in, smiling apologetically. He kissed Dean's nose and then shut his eyes and leant in to initiate the next kiss. Dean chuckled. This time he left his tongue out of it and just kissed Cas. He let his hand rest on Cas's hip for a while, rubbing his thumb in circles over his hipbone. He relaxed at one point and let Cas take the lead, enjoying the tentative movement of his lips on Dean's, testing out what Dean had done to him.

It was nice. Dean couldn't remember the last time he'd just kissed somebody just to kiss them. For so long kissing had always been a means to an end but with Cas, who had never kissed anybody before, it was an exploration. It was discovering what Cas liked and showing him new things and Dean discovering that he really did just like kissing. He never knew that. He liked just lying here, touching Cas and kissing him for the sake of enjoyment.

He liked it maybe a little too much.

When Cas pressed a little closer at one point, opening his mouth against Dean's and making a little noise of surprise when Dean let his tongue touch Cas's lip again, just for a moment. The little sound sent a jolt of heat down to his groin and Dean hadn't even realised he'd gotten half hard. All they'd been doing was kissing and it had been so sweet and innocent that Dean's mind hadn't even been on anything more, but apparently his body still remembered what kissing usually lead to.

Dean cleared his throat and pulled away, shifting so there was a bit more space between their bodies. Cas looked surprised and confused.

"Hey, it's okay," Dean promised. "You didn't do anything. It's just getting a little late."

He didn't even know what time it was but he quickly pulled his phone out of his pocket, also subtly shifting his jeans to make sure his issue wasn't noticeable. He checked the time and he really should grab Sam from playing video games downstairs with Lucifer and Gabriel and go home.

"I'll see you tomorrow, 'kay?" Dean said. Cas nodded, the blush fading a little from his cheeks. Dean sat up and Cas followed suit. Dean leant down and kissed Cas gently once more, letting his mouth linger before pulling away. "You're perfect, Cas."

The blush returned and Dean grinned. He brushed his thumb over the colouring once.

"I love that."

Cas blinked and Dean realised what he'd said and his own cheeks heated a little but he just smiled again and jumped up to grab his bag, wincing a little and thinking unsexy thoughts to get rid of his half-problem.

It wasn't just the physical issue that was bothering Dean. It was something that had been bothering him for a while that it simply reminded him. After he'd gone to bed that night he lay staring at the ceiling and thinking over the problem. On New Year's Michael had warned Dean not to push Cas against his physical limits because Dean was used to sleeping around. Dean had promised he wasn't even thinking of any of that and he hadn't been. He still wasn't really, except for this problem. Was it okay if he did start thinking of Cas that way? It wasn't so much a problem of sex with a guy, Dean was coming to terms quite well with being attracted to guys.

No, it was a problem of consent.

Cas didn't speak and Dean didn't know if he ever would. That didn't bother him, really. He was happy to be with Cas. He... loved - and he was still coming to terms with those feelings but he was getting there - him and would continue to l...love him regardless of whether Cas ever spoke a word to him or not. But when it came to sex Dean liked his partners to give him enthusiastic and explicit consent. Was it okay for him to one day sleep with Cas if couldn't say, out loud, that he was happy to have sex with Dean? Okay, so Dean knew there were other ways to show consent, but there was also the problem of Dean feeling like he had a weird power in the relationship. He knew, realistically that they were equal because Dean had never thought of Cas as lesser than him and always treated him as his equal, but he knew how other people saw their friendship and sometimes that got to him despite his best efforts not to let it - like when Cas first expressed his feelings.

Dean ground his teeth and rolled onto his side, glaring at the wall.

He didn't want to let public opinion sway him. But what would other people say when they found out Dean was dating Cas? What would they say if they ever had sex? Hell, Dean was sure Lucifer and Balthazar would dismember him and burn his body and neither of them had any negative feelings over Cas. It was frustrating. Dean just didn't know what the right thing was here and he was frustrated he was even thinking about this.

He took a deep breath and forced his mind to go back to how nice it was just to kiss Cas. Really, that was all he needed right now. He didn't want anything else right now. He just wanted to keep working on this relationship and see how it grew with both of them devoting their attention and effort to it.

Despite feeling really happy with his life for the first time Dean was starting to feel anxious as February hit. He only had just over four months of senior year left. Just after his birthday Michael had sat down with him to fill out the FAFSA and made sure he'd received receipts for all his college applications. Dean was also studying harder than usual because he wanted to make sure any colleges that were interested in him would know he was serious about going. But he was starting to wonder if he would even get in.

Ash had already gotten an early acceptance from MIT. Jo had been the one telling them all though because Ash was far too laid back to be excited about college acceptances. Ellen was hosting a celebratory dinner at the roadhouse and Jo had announced at lunch that they were all invited, including Michael and Lucifer.

"Don't panic, bro," Ash said to Dean as they left lunch that day. "You'll get in somewhere."

"I'm not..." Dean shook his head and huffed. Cas watched him worriedly and took his hand, squeezing in comfort.

"I can tell you're worrying," Ash nodded. "But no point. You'll be fine."

Dean nodded but he didn't really believe it. He had never thought he was good enough for college and surely the people at KU would feel the same. He looked at Cas and bit his lip. He also didn't really like the idea of going away. Who would read Harry Potter with Cas at lunch when he was gone? The only comfort he supposed was that Gordon, Crowley, Azazel and Alastair would be graduating too so he wouldn't be leaving Cas to endure those dicks. They'd left him alone for a while now but Dean still noticed them casting looks towards their table most lunch times. And Gordon kept eyeing him in the classes they shared, a suspicious glint in his eyes. Dean didn't know what he was thinking but he didn't like it.

Later that week Jo gave Dean something else to worry about.

"Valentine's Day is next Friday," she commented casually on a day when they were the first ones to the table. Anna was collecting Cas and Gabriel had been held back by their teacher. "Are you planning anything?"

Dean stared at her. "Should I?"

He genuinely hadn't even considered it. What did Cas even think of V-Day?

"Maybe. I think he'd like it. Mind you, he thinks everything you do is something special..." Jo shrugged. "It's your first Valentine's as a couple so it might be nice to do something."

Dean nodded. "Flowers? Or is that stupid because he's a guy?"

There was a gasp behind them and Dean and Jo both whipped around to find Rosie staring at them with wide, wide eyes.

"Shit," Dean cursed. Jo looked as terrified as Dean felt suddenly because before they could stop her, Rosie turned on her heel and walked away quickly. She had been blushing before she left and Dean hoped she had enough sense not to tell anybody. He had a feeling she'd probably be able to put two and two together and pick out who they had been speaking about.

"I'm so sorry, Dean," Jo whispered.

"Not your fault," Dean muttered. "I was the one speaking loudly." He shook his head. "Damn, I'm an idiot." He dropped his head onto the table and Jo rubbed his shoulder.

"Oh, Dead, most people won't care."

"It's not most people I'm worried about." Dean turned his head so his cheek was resting on the table. He could hear Gordon's laugh across the cafeteria and his stomach lurched. He was feeling hot and a little sick as he imagined his former friends finding out. Jo seemed to understand because her mouth fell into a small 'o' of realisation.

"I'm... I'm sure she won't say anything," Jo whispered but it was obvious she didn't believe her own words. Dean closed his eyes and suddenly didn't feel like eating anything. He prayed to a God he wasn't sure he even believed in that Rosie wouldn't tell a soul or... or he didn't know what might happen but he was terrified anyway.