Here we go. These are the final five stories in this series. Even though it took such a long time, I've had tons of fun writing this story, and I hope you had even half as much fun reading it.
Stinki the skunk who appears in 029 is a character from the German Kim Possible magazine. He made an appearance in one comic in which he was magically bonded with Monkey Fist. The story I wrote takes place after this comic. It's not necessary to read the comic, but you can find a translated version of it at the Ultimate Monkey Archive (link in my profile).
Note: I posted two chapters this time because I want to have this story done with. If you automatically came to the last chapter, please go back one chapter.
ME MONTY, YOU AMY
026-030
026: I can be like you
DNAmy could barely hold back a squeal of excitement as the doors of her genetic machine were shut before her with a hiss. She closed her eyes and waited. She had always wanted to know what mutation felt like, but until now she had never experimented on herself. There had been no reason to; she only wanted to collect living Cuddle Buddies and create cute friends for to keep her company.
But now… Everything depended on this. The idea had stuck her like a lightning bolt. Of course! There had to be a reason why her Monty never responded to her calls or appeared on the dates that she set up. She had been so stupid.
Finding good gorilla DNA had been easy for her, and she had quickly formulated a plan for her new body. She could have just followed her Monty's example, but she wanted to go further than that. She had to make sure that he found her attractive.
Amy gasped as her machine got to work and started altering her genetic structure. She couldn't wait for her new body or showing it to him. It would be so romantic. She could already imagine the surprise and adoration that would light up his face when he saw what she had done just for his sake…
He would finally love her.
027: Author's Choice – Missing in action
Monty-wonty hadn't returned from his latest adventure, and Amy was getting worried. She frowned to herself as she was patching one of his old ninja garbs that had got ripped in training. It was now two weeks since he had left, and she hadn't heard from him since. It wasn't unusual for him to leave her for such a long time, but he always let her know what he was doing. He said it was easier than listening to her nag at him about it when he got back.
This time he hadn't gone to search for some random ancient temple in the middle of nowhere or to perfect his Tai Shing Pek Kwar with his monkey ninjas. This time he had had a clear goal, and he had been so excited about it that he had forgotten all about the lunch box she had made for him.
I hope he hasn't hurt himself, Amy thought to herself. If he had, that was probably why he hadn't returned yet. Her Monty was so stupidly stubborn like that; he didn't like to show his pain to anyone and preferred licking his wounds somewhere private. Amy couldn't imagine what he thought he would accomplish by that. It wasn't like he had to pretend to be some sort of perfect hero for her sake.
And besides, she liked fussing over him when he was sick. She knew he was in no way dependant on her, so it always made her happy when she could feel like he needed her. The least he could have done was come home to her to get better.
She finished her work and went to put the ninja garb into the closet. She had washed every piece of clothing he kept at her place and piled them up nicely. For a man who ran around rainforests with monkeys, Monty could sometimes be really uptight about his clothes. She didn't usually cater to all of his wishes like that, but she wanted him to be happily surprised when he got home.
If he got home. Amy frowned in worry and glanced out the window. It was getting dark. Yet another long day had passed without a single word from her sugar cupcake. If they hadn't been together for a good while now, she knew she would have suspected him of having fled for good. She could still remember how she had had to chase him all around the globe just to speak to him.
"This just won't do," she said to herself as she lay alone in bed that night. No matter what had happened, it was about time for her Monty to come back to her. If he didn't do it himself, she'd just have to take matters into her own hands.
The next day she went online and visited Kim Possible's website. She left her a plea for help and went to bake cookies while she waited.
It didn't take much longer than two hours before her doorbell rang. She skipped to open it and was very happy to see Kim and Ron standing there. She opened the door wider and gestured for them to come inside.
"Hi! It's been so long since we last met. Come in! I've baked cookies," she babbled as she led them to the kitchen.
"Amy, what's going on? Why did you contact us?" Kim asked. She was frowning in confusion and worry, and Amy realised that she probably found it very odd that one of her enemies was asking for her help. Well, she didn't actually know if she even counted as an enemy. They hadn't faced each other since she had kidnapped her Monty that one time. Her lack of criminal activities was probably the reason why Kim had bothered to come in the first place.
"I really need your help. I don't know anyone else who could do this for me," Amy said. She hadn't specified why she needed them because she was certain that they wouldn't have come to see her if they had known it was about Monty. Now she could persuade them in person.
"Can I have milk with these?" Ron asked and pointed to the cookies he and Rufus were stuffing into their mouths.
"Sure. The cups are in that cupboard," Amy said.
"Okay, so what is it? You know we'll help anyone in trouble, but if it's something illegal -" Kim started, but she was interrupted by her boyfriend who was peering into the cupboard with interest.
"Nice mugs, Amy," he congratulated her and pulled out a black one that had monkey ears.
"Oh, that's not mine. I got it for Monty on his birthday," Amy said.
Kim and Ron shot weird looks at her.
"And… why is it here, then?" Ron asked after a moment of silence. He put down the mug like touching it was suddenly uncomfortable.
"Well, I don't think he thought it necessary to take it to the castle with him. I mean, we spend half of our time here anyway, so –" Amy drifted off as she realised that both of the teen heroes were giving her blank looks.
"What?" she asked.
"Since when do you and Monkey Fist live together?" Kim asked in a doubtful voice.
"Yeah, weren't you guys on pretty bad terms? I mean... Well, he was running away from you last time we saw you," Ron said.
Amy giggled. "I know. Wasn't that funny? But we worked things out between us. It wasn't easy and he said many nasty things to me, but now it's going pretty well. I'm so happy!"
Kim and Ron cringed as they glanced at each other.
"So why was it that you called us here again?" Kim asked. Her tone was a little hesitant now. If Amy hadn't known that she was a tough crime fighter, she would have said that the girl sounded like she was afraid of something.
"It's because of Monty," she admitted, not seeing the uncomfortable looks that appeared on her guests' faces. "He hasn't come back from his adventure. I'm starting to get a little worried, so I'd be really happy if you could help me find him. He mentioned you when he left, so I thought you might know what's going on."
She saw the awkward look in Kim's eyes and knew instantly that she had something bad to tell her. The worried frown on the redhead's face made Amy dread what they had to say.
"Did you arrest him?" she asked. Maybe Monty was too ashamed to let her know that. It would be so like him to want to escape on his own without help.
"No, no. We didn't," Kim said.
"Oh. Then why are you looking at me like that?" Amy asked. Kim's sad expression was starting to frighten her. She felt like she had just swallowed a chunk of ice.
"He's not hurt, is he?" she asked.
Kim sighed. "Amy, I'm really sorry to tell you this, but…" Her words faded away as she became uncertain of what she was about to say. She glanced at Ron for support.
The boy looked more serious than Amy had ever seen him before. He shifted uncomfortably. Even Rufus had grown silent and had stopped eating the cookies.
"Amy, did Monkey Fist ever tell you about the Yono?" Ron asked.
028: Author's Choice – It's too late now
Monkey Fist didn't know how long he had been following the Path of the Yono – if it could be called that. There wasn't actually any following involved; he merely existed in endless darkness with no sounds, sensations, or the ability to move. He wasn't even sure if he even had a body anymore. For all he knew, he could be just a spirit drifting in a never-ending void of blackness.
He tried to avoid thinking about his situation. The lack of any feelings had frightened him at first, and he had almost driven himself mad with his desperate thoughts of escape, how this couldn't happen to him and how he would kill Stoppable and his little sister once he was free. It had felt like being strapped down to a hospital bed in the psychiatric ward so that he couldn't move a muscle in his body or even scream, and yet it had been nothing like that. He couldn't fight against restraints because there weren't any. He couldn't close his eyes from the blinding light of the lamps because he didn't have eyes and there was no light. He couldn't listen to inconsiderate babble about his state because there were no doctors present.
No, he simply existed all alone. The ability to scream in rage and terror was probably what he missed the most. Now it felt like his mind was trapped in a small glass orb and he couldn't make his discomfort – if such a light word could be used in this situation – known in any way. Not that many would have cared.
A bitter thought threatened to penetrate his meditation.
Calm down.
Don't think.
He would have probably gone mad if he hadn't forced himself to suppress every painful thought filled with hatred and fear – and later regret. It still took considerable effort because he had never been good at holding back his emotions. Even now he couldn't get rid of that one stubborn part of is mind that wanted to just give in to the temptation and start trashing and screaming about how this wasn't what he had wanted and someone had better release him right now.
There were times when he though he could hear something, but it was always muffled and made no sense, so he supposed he had to be imagining it. It wouldn't have surprised him if his mind was starting to crack under the enormous stress. In a way it might have been a relief. At least it would have given him a blessed break from trying not to think about all the things that were on his mind.
Sometimes when his concentration broke just a little to let some wandering idea through, he momentarily thought back to his life and everything he had done. He couldn't enjoy any of the memories, not even the happy ones about his family, archaeology or Tai Shing Pek Kwar. All of that felt like it had taken place so long ago and happened to some other person that he felt disconnected from the events. What had his father's voice sounded like? What year had he graduated from Oxford? He was starting to forget.
The possibility of that frightened him more than he wanted to admit. If he forgot who he was, he would be nothing but an empty mind with no purpose. He wouldn't even know why he had been sentenced to suffer like this for all eternity, and that was enough to drive anyone insane.
He rarely let himself think about Stoppable, the Yono or the events that had led to his torture. It would have been too much for him to recall how foolish he had been and how many things he should have done differently. He shouldn't have trusted the Yono. Stoppable should have died. These thoughts always filled him with desperate rage and threatened to break his meditation.
Monkey Fist would have winced if he could have still felt his body.
Don't think.
And then there was DNAmy. Due to some ironic twist of fate, his memories of her were the strongest of all. Even when the details of his career and ninja training were getting murky, nothing about her seemed to fade away. Her shrill voice still rang in his ears; he could remember every cutesy pet name she had ever called him, and sometimes he felt he could actually feel her soft body when she hugged him close and deprived him of oxygen. It was like she was actually there with him.
Contrary to what one might expect, he wasn't bothered by the memories. They provided him with something concrete to think about when his concentration slipped, and some of the memories of her were actually quite happy. He liked thinking about the mutation procedure on his hands and feet, for example. Amy had been the only person in the world who had understood what he wanted and hadn't judged him for it.
Then there was that one time when he had been able to have an intelligent conversation with her at a villain convention. She was relatively capable and reasonable when she wasn't trying to hug him to death. And she was a good cook. She got well along with the monkey ninjas and didn't mind it if they made a mess. Unlike everyone else, she at respected him and liked him for who he was. If she had been like that more often instead of turning into a raging madwoman whenever he was around, he might have been interested.
In fact, the vaguer his memories of everything else in his life got, the more often he found himself playing with ideas. If he were ever released, he would go to Amy and tell her to get a grip. Then once she had got it – maybe after five or six attempts from his part – he would invite her to dinner. She could tell him about her latest mutations, or at least about the more sensible ones. He would enlighten her about Mystical Monkey Power for she was probably the only one who liked to listen to him go on and on about it.
These thoughts were very entertaining, but at the same time he realised how dangerous they were. If he played with them too much, the familiar anger and bitterness threatened to come back. Fantasies were good in small doses, but if he let them loose, he would only go mad with the knowledge that they would never come true. He knew that he would never be free and that he would never talk to Amy again.
He was a stone statue now, forever following the Path of the Yono by his own choice. He had had numerous chances to be with Amy, but he had wasted them all. She probably didn't know what had happened to him. Maybe she thought that he was still hiding from her. And if she did know about his state, she had probably moved on.
Monkey Fist doubted that she missed him. How ironic it was. When he would have given anything to get back to her, she had most likely forgotten all about him.
That Stoppable! If only the pretender hadn't ruined everything! If only his horrible sister had just died! If only he hadn't believed what the Yono had said. If only he had talked to Amy before –
No. He couldn't afford to lose control now.
Don't think.
Don't think.
029: Author's Choice – Mystical Skunk Power
"Monkey ninjas, attack!"
Monkey Fist watched in satisfaction how his simian minions charged at each other and engaged in combat. He had put much effort into training them, and he felt proud for both them and himself as he observed their agile and swift movements. They were efficient, deadly and most of all, fiercely loyal to him. Just a little more training and –
Suddenly the monkeys stopped their battle and turned to stare at something that had entered the training grounds with no warning. As soon as they realised who the intruder was, they let out terrified shrieks and scattered to all directions to get away from the newly-arrived threat.
Monkey Fist was left alone to stare at the sudden opponent.
"No, not you! Didn't I tell you to vanish from my sight?" he yelled in frustration and tore at his hair.
The little black animal before him said nothing, only stared up at him with cutesy dot eyes and a goofy expression that would have been a smile if skunks had been able to form that expression. The creature scurried over to him and climbed up his body to make it to his shoulder.
Monkey Fist groaned in exasperation as he covered his eyes with his hand. It was one thing to be defeated by Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable and see his brilliant plan fail yet again, but being bonded for life with a skunk was an entirely new low for him. It was humiliating beyond belief to even think about it, which was why he had abandoned the blasted animal in the middle of a forest and told him not to follow.
He didn't know if it was because of the spell or the skunk's general clinginess that had led Stinki back to him. As he had told Kim and Ron, the spell that bound them together was eternal and could never be reversed. That, however, didn't mean that he was content with having a skunk as his pet for the rest of his life, especially since being in Stinki's presence seemed to activate the… powers he had gained through the spell.
"Do you have to keep following me around?" he asked. He had considered simply killing the animal to get rid of the problem, but he hadn't dared. He didn't know what side effects the spell binding them had, and he didn't want to take the risk of causing harm to himself through the skunk. He had been hoping that he could simply tell the animal to go, but as Kim had noted, Stinki seemed to have taken a liking to him.
He grabbed the skunk by his neck and put him back on the ground. Monkey Fist simply didn't know what to do. He couldn't continue his quest for world domination and fulfilling his destiny if there was a skunk following him around.
If only he had been bonded with Rufus like his original plan had been. Then he could have used the rodent's Mystical Monkey Power and become even stronger. If not that, he should have used the spell to bond with one of his monkey ninjas to get even more enchanted simian abilities. But no, he had to be eternally stuck with a skunk!
He supposed he could have lived with this if his monkeys hadn't reacted so badly to Stinki. It was somewhat hard to keep training them when they fled whenever they caught sight of the little animal and refused to come back until he was gone. Monkey Fist knew they had to be nearby somewhere, watching the two of them. He suspected that the main reason to their dislike was that they didn't want any other creature to get close to their master. The smell wasn't really a problem since Stinki liked them all and didn't need to use his scent glands.
"Just what am I going to do with you?" he wondered.
Stinki didn't seem affected by his foul mood. He nuzzled against Monkey Fist's leg, making the simian villain grimace. The skunk was annoyingly cute. Keeping him around would be bad for his reputation. Having cutesy little sidekicks like that was much more in character for the likes of DNAmy.
She would probably like this little pest, he thought with a frown. No, she'd love him. And Stinki, being such a little attention-stealer, would probably like her back. Idiots always seemed to enjoy each other's company.
Monkey Fist made a thoughtful sound as he turned to look at the skunk. Would it be that simple? Could he really just go and dump Stinki at Amy's place and say goodbye to the skunk forever? It sounded good, but there was always the risk that he'd get rid of another problem and create another. Amy had been quiet lately and hadn't tried to bother him after the incident when she had given herself a gorilla body. If he approached her now, especially with something she would no doubt see as a cutesy gift, she would probably jump at him with renewed energy and affection.
And maybe it wasn't even possible to live apart from Stinki for very long. There were still too many details about this spell that he didn't know. He hadn't exactly planned on being separated from Rufus as it would have meant losing the Mystical Monkey Power he should have stolen from the naked mole rat. He would have to look into this.
"Alright, we're done for today!" he announced and clapped his hands together. He got up and started marching to his hideout so that he could do some more research on the spell. Thankfully he had all the material he needed. His little library here was filled with books on this particular spell.
His monkeys followed him with some hesitation when they saw that Stinki was also hopping along. The ninjas tried to keep their distance to the skunk, but it proved a little difficult when Stinki insisted on following their trail and jumping around between them, breaking their formations and making them bump into each other as they tried to avoid the smaller animal. Nobody had the nerve to shoo the skunk away.
Monkey Fist waited at the door until all of the monkeys were inside.
"No, you're not coming," he said to Stinki and slammed the door shut before the skunk got through.
He told the monkeys to start preparing tea while he went to his study. This was only a small lair, so he didn't have much room, but he always made sure he had room for research when he built a new hideout. It was essential for his work on Mystical Monkey Power.
While his minions were busy elsewhere, he surveyed the pile of books on his desk. He had read what the top ones had to say about the bonding spell, but he hadn't touched the others, thinking that the information he had already found was sufficient. Now he felt a stab of regret at that. Maybe he could have avoided his current predicament if he hadn't been so impatient.
He moved the useless books to the shelf and opened one of the dusty tomes that he hadn't read yet. First he had to browse through it, carefully turning the pages so that he wouldn't damage them and translating the ancient language in his mind as he tried to find what he was looking for.
Ah, there it was. There was an entire chapter about this spell and his situation. He was just about to start reading when one of the monkey ninjas arrived at the door.
"What is it?" Monkey Fist asked. "Is the tea ready?"
The monkey shook his head.
"Then what is it?" Monkey Fist said with an irritated edge in his voice.
The monkey let out a worried ook and pointed outside the room. Monkey Fist sighed and got up. Could he not leave his minions alone for five minutes without having to clean up their mess? What could it possibly be this time?
Once he made it to the next room, it took him a moment to understand where the annoying squawking voice was coming from. At first he thought it was some sort of bird, but when he realised that it was coming from behind the front door, he felt like slapping himself.
"I always did wonder what skunks sound like," he muttered as he walked to the door. He opened it just enough so that he could see outside but so that Stinki couldn't get in.
"I told you that you can't get in!" he snapped.
The skunk looked up at him with huge, pleading eyes and tilted his head from one side to another. Monkey Fist felt like rolling his eyes. If he had had a soft spot for cute things, he would have accepted Amy's advances a long time ago.
"You're scaring my monkeys," he said, thinking that maybe rational arguments would work. Maybe it was because of the spell, but he felt that the skunk probably understood what he said.
Stinki responded by standing up to lean against the door with his front paws and letting out a pitiful squawk.
"I said that -" Monkey Fist started, but then he felt how someone came to push the door open some more. He glanced down to see that it was one of his monkey ninjas. Before he had the time to question just what said individual thought he was doing, Stinki had used the opportunity and dashed inside, happily nuzzling against his leg.
Monkey Fist crossed his arms on his chest.
"Explain," he said to the monkey who had dared to go against his orders.
The monkey let out a series of quiet ooks and pointed at Stinki. As if understanding, the skunk left Monkey Fist's leg alone and turned to greet the minion with a hopeful expression on his face. Once it became certain that the monkey was not running away, Stinki let out a happy squawk and proceeded to make a little dance around the ninja.
"What do you mean you want to give him a chance? He's a menace!" Monkey Fist snapped at the ninja.
One of the other monkeys dared to suggest that maybe the skunk would be a valuable addition to their team – provided that they started carrying gas masks around as part of their regular arsenal.
"That's an incredibly stupid idea," Monkey Fist said. The skunk was nothing but trouble and would only further ruin all of his plans. Stinki was not staying. As soon as he found out if it was possible to live separately from the blasted animal, he would take him to Amy and never see him again in his life.
He marched back to his study and sat down before the large book again. Thankfully Stinki decided to use this opportunity to make friends with the monkey ninjas, so he was not bothered by anyone. He found the section that he had been looking at and started to read.
This spell had not been very difficult to find. It was actually quite known in certain circles, but he had never really thought that it could be useful to him. Monkey Fist loved power and would have gladly taken anything that made him stronger, but he was not ready to pay a price for that. Being bonded for life with an animal he couldn't stand was not what he wanted. He had even taken his time to decide if he really wanted to use the spell on Rufus. Monkey Fist had no fond feelings for the naked mole rat, and he had been planning to lock him up in a small cage forever so that he would be out of the way.
The first page of the book summarised what he already knew; once he was bonded with an animal, there was no way of breaking the spell and that he would get the animal's powers as a result. He frowned in annoyance and turned the page. There had to be more about the after-effects somewhere.
Crash!
He nearly jumped to his feet when a loud sound broke his concentration without any warning. He hit his knee painfully against the bottom of the desk and cursed under his breath as he rubbed the aching spot.
Monkey Fist wondered if it was worth the inevitable headache to go and see what had happened. He had known the stupid skunk would cause nothing but trouble! With a groan, he supposed that it was his duty to go and scold whoever had messed up.
"What's going on here?" he asked as he stepped into the small corner the monkeys liked to use as kitchen.
The monkey ninjas were standing in a circle around what appeared to be broken utensils and spilled tea. Stinki was sitting in the middle of the mess and staring at everyone around him in bafflement.
"Don't you dare tell me it was an accident," Monkey Fist muttered. Quality tea sets weren't exactly easy to come by in these parts of the world. It would take some weeks before he'd be able to get a new one, and he didn't really fancy the idea of using paper cups for drinking tea. It watered down the whole experience.
One of the monkeys told him that he had stepped on Stinki's tail when he hadn't been looking where he had been going. It only confirmed what Monkey Fist already knew.
"That thing is not part of the pack! Look! He has already caused you to make mistakes!" he snapped and pointed an accusing finger at the miserable skunk.
Stinki made a whining noise and let his head hang. Monkey Fist felt no pity for the little menace and only rolled his eyes at the pathetic attempt of an apology.
"Clean up this mess and bring me my tea," he said to the monkeys. It probably wouldn't help to throw Stinki out now that he had been let in and got along with the monkeys. Besides, if it was possible to take the skunk to Amy, it was preferable to keep him around so that he could grab the bugger by the neck and dump him at Amy's place.
It took almost half an hour before the monkeys brought the tea to him. It was served from a flower pot with plastic plates and cups. Someone had tried to improve the humble set with a daisy that was standing alone in a tall pot, but Monkey Fist was not very impressed by the display.
"Leave it here and go away," he said, not lifting his eyes from the book on his desk.
He was so used to that everyone always obeyed his commands that it took him a moment to realise that he wasn't quite alone anymore. The monkeys, knowing what their master could be like when he got angry, had hurried away as fast as they could, but the skunk had stayed. At the moment he was merely standing there, staring up at him with adoration.
Monkey Fist stared back, his frown deepening every moment.
"What do you want?" he asked slowly. He wasn't really expecting the animal to give him a response of any kind. After all, Stinki was only a skunk. He couldn't possibly come even close to the intellect of his specially trained monkey ninjas.
Stinki hopped on the desk and ran over the book that Monkey Fist was reading. Before the simian man had even had the time to protest, the skunk had jumped on his knees and curled up into a comfortable position there. Monkey Fist's first idea was to shove the bugger off, but he stopped himself just in time. That might anger the skunk. The last thing he needed right now was to have his library and priceless books ruined by the horrible stench.
He glared down at the skunk. Why was the thing being so affectionate?
"Somehow I get the feeling that you and Amy will get along wonderfully," Monkey Fist muttered.
Stinki wasn't really bothering him aside from the fact that he didn't like his commands being ignored, so he let the skunk be there and returned to his book. He turned the page, read the first lines and suddenly felt his heart start pounding faster in triumph.
"Yes!" he declared. This was exactly what he had been looking for! He read the lines again to make sure he had understood them right. It actually was possible to get rid of the skunk without any side effects to either one of them, provided that both parties were happy with living separately.
If the skunk liked him, he would absolutely love Amy. This was perfect!
"Well, Stinki," he said to the skunk that was eying him with curiosity, "I think it's time you prepare to meet your new owner."
However, there was one part of the plan that Monkey Fist didn't like. Namely, he would actually have to meet Amy so that he could give the skunk to her. He was hesitant to see her now and potentially break the lovely peace after the gorilla body incident, but he supposed some prices had to be paid. He simply couldn't keep Stinki.
The skunk's influence on the monkey ninjas was even worse than he had imagined. Stinki was always in the way, ruining and breaking things and then acting all innocent and adorable when he was discovered. Monkey Fist didn't dare punish him in fear of upsetting him so much that he would use his stench or refuse to stay with Amy.
The monkey ninjas had noticed that Stinki was getting away with things that would have earned them a fierce punishment. They were now getting daring as well. One time they had forgotten to add milk to his tea even though he had specifically asked for it. Monkey Fist was certain that they would go even further than that if the skunk wasn't dealt with as soon as possible.
It was because of this decision that he found himself knocking on Amy's door with Stinki in his arms and the monkey ninjas in a straight row behind him. He hadn't actually visited Amy ever before at her house, but it hadn't been difficult to tell her home apart from the other houses in the neighbourhood. Nobody else had quite that many flowers in their garden, and the little bird fountain that had three sparrows with antlers taking a bath was also quite an obvious hint.
He cringed when he heard the sound of someone coming to the door and sent a silent prayer to whatever monkey spirits might be watching over him when the door opened.
For just a split second Amy stared at him with a dumbfounded look on her face.
"Monty!" she squealed and assaulted him with a bear hug that sent him off balance so that they fell on the sidewalk with her on top of him. Stinki let out an alarmed squawk and jumped off just in time to avoid getting in on the experience.
"Let go!" Monkey Fist snapped as he struggled to push Amy off him, but she could be terribly strong when she was very determined. She opened her eyes and looked up at him with pure adoration and bliss, grinning like she was the happiest person in the world. She didn't loosen her hold on him at all.
"Oh, I knew you'd come to me one day, honey bunny!" she said.
"I'm only here because of business," Monkey Fist said, trying to keep his voice determined and steady, but it was a little difficult with Amy slowly choking him to death.
Amy's grin only widened. "Just like last time, huh?" she asked slyly.
Monkey Fist blinked, trying to guess which part of her irrational fantasies that weren't in any way based on reality she could mean this time. Maybe she was thinking back to the incident with the gorilla body and Sensei. Or maybe she was referring way back to the time when they had met and worked on his hands and feet. Either way, there had been nothing romantic about it. He just couldn't understand how her twisted mind worked. The truth was right there, but she was too blind to se it.
"I mean it," he gasped, still struggling to get free of her clutches. Stars were starting to dance before his eyes.
Apparently, even Amy noticed that his face was turning blue.
"Honey bunny, what's wrong?" she asked. She let go of him and helped him get back up on his feet. "You really should take better care of yourself."
Monkey Fist bit back an angry retort about that she was the cause of all of his problems. It wouldn't do to make her angry now. He needed to convince her to take in Stinki. It might be a little difficult. Not even Amy could be insane enough to want a skunk in her house.
"But who is this cute little thing? Isn't he just a darling!" Amy cooed. As Monkey Fist turned around, he saw that she had captured Stinki into her arms and was giving the skunk the exact same treatment Monkey Fist had received only moments ago. Stinki was squirming a little, but once Amy calmed down and loosened her iron hold on him, he relaxed and took in the woman who was holding him.
Monkey Fist held his breath and inwardly pleaded that Stinki would like Amy. He didn't know what he would do if this failed.
Thankfully it looked like the skunk had no taste. That familiar goofy grin appeared on his face and he pressed his nose against Amy's, making the woman giggle with mirth.
"Monty, I didn't know you had a thing for cute animals," she said as she turned to face him.
"I don't. It's for you. His name is Stinki," Monkey Fist said.
"A present! Oh, you shouldn't have! Thank you!"
Monkey Fist straightened his gi that had got a little ruffled after Amy's enthusiastic reaction to him. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I am very busy and -"
"Don't tell me you're already going? You just got here, and I haven't even offered you anything yet!" Amy objected.
"I have no intention of wasting my time socialising! I only came here to drop off the skunk!" Monkey Fist said.
Both Amy and Stinki regarded him with sour and disappointed expressions.
"Don't be such a bore. You made it all the way here. The least you can do is drop by for some tea and cookies. Your monkeys must want refreshments," Amy said. She turned to look at the monkeys and smiled invitingly at them. "Isn't that right, you cuties? Aren't you just adorable?"
"They're fierce and hard-boiled warriors, Amy! They don't -" Monkey Fist started, but he was interrupted when Amy pushed past him to the door and entered her house. To his dismay, Monkey Fist realised that his group of monkey minions were following her.
"I didn't say you could go inside!" he snapped, but he only got a few guilty glances as a response.
That skunk has ruined everything, he thought as he reluctantly followed his minions. He had to keep an eye on them. If he wasn't careful, they might decide to move in with Amy as well. She had a way of wrapping animals around her little finger.
They made their way to her kitchen. Stinki tried to jump on the table, but Amy shooed him away with a wave of her hand.
"I'm sorry, but I don't let animals on the table," she apologized to him when he shot a glare at him.
Monkey Fist crossed his arms on his chest and tapped his foot impatiently. The monkey ninjas had all taken seats at the floor and were looking at her with hopeful eyes. Monkey Fist hated it that they were ignoring him. He was clenching his fists so hard that if the skin of his palms hadn't been roughened from training in the wilderness, his nails might have pierced it.
"Let's see what I have here," Amy said and skipped to open a bright pink cupboard with yellow flowers painted on it. She pulled out a big cookie jar and handed everyone a large chocolate chip cookie.
Monkey Fist shook his head when she approached him. "No, thank you," he said icily.
"Take it! You'll like it!" Amy said and shoved it into his hand.
"I said no!" he snapped and tried to put it back into the jar, but Amy closed the lid and moved the jar away from his reach. He placed the cookie on the table in defiance; he certainly wasn't going to eat it.
"Then be that way," Amy huffed as she turned to hand out more cookies to the monkey ninjas and Stinki.
Monkey Fist observed how the others ate. Stinki was happily munching his cookie and letting out almost purring sounds when Amy stroked his back. The simian villain smiled at that. His plan was working perfectly.
Amy saw his smile and immediately jumped to the wrong conclusion. She sighed and rested her head on her hands.
"I'm so happy that you decided to visit me," she said.
"It's just because of the skunk," Monkey Fist said.
"That was such a sweet gift. You knew exactly what I look for in cute and cuddly friends," Amy replied.
Monkey Fist suddenly had a horrible idea. What if Amy experimented on Stinki and spliced his DNA with something else? The spell that bound them together would ensure that he would feel the effects, too. Knowing Amy, it would be something ludicrous like a skunk and whale hybrid. Monkey Fist didn't really fancy the idea of becoming a sumo wrestler.
"And one thing. Don't you dare tamper with his DNA," he said quickly.
For a moment Amy looked a little disappointed, but she quickly covered it up with a smile. "Of course not, honey. I wouldn't make alterations to a gift," she said.
"You had better keep that in mind! If I find out that you've done something to him, I will never forgive you!" Monkey Fist snapped.
"Why are you getting so angry over this? You know I always keep my promises," Amy said.
Monkey Fist said nothing. He couldn't possibly tell Amy about the spell. She would probably think he was insane. Just like all the others hardcore villains, she knew the basics of his goal, but he didn't know if she actually believed in magic. Fortunately he didn't have to decide whether he should make himself ridiculous before her or not because she took the decision off his shoulders.
"You must care a lot about him," she said and poked Stinki gently to the nose.
"I wouldn't really call it that, but you could say we share a special bond," Monkey Fist muttered.
"Then are you sure you want to give him to me?" Amy asked.
"Yes, I'm absolutely positive."
Stinki turned to look at him when Monkey Fist said these words. There was odd sadness and longing in the skunk's eyes, and it made the man want to squirm.
"Oh, don't look at me like that," he growled. "You know this place is much more suitable for you."
"Maybe you should reconsider this. I know these things, and I can tell that he really likes you," Amy said.
"So what?" Monkey Fist barked. "I can't keep him! He won't survive in jungles or snowy mountains, and I am not going to drag dead weight behind me."
Stinki lowered his head in defeat. Amy gave him a little pat to cheer him up.
"Oh, don't worry. You'll get lots of new friends here, and I'm sure Monty will visit us many times," she said.
"I wouldn't count on that," Monkey Fist said.
"Are you working on some new project?" Amy asked, making Monkey Fist cringe a little. When he had departed from Amy after the mutation procedure had been successfully finished, he had told her that he was too busy with his work to stay in touch with her. It had been true, of course, but it annoyed him to think that after all this time, he was still working on that exact same thing and wasn't any closer to achieving his goal.
"Yes, but it's not like that's your business in any way," he replied.
"You sure are grumpy today. You really should have some of my cookies. They always make me feel better when I'm feeling down," Amy said with a frown.
"I already said no. Besides, we're leaving now," Monkey Fist said. He clapped his hands together to get the monkey ninjas' attention and noted with distaste that they had eaten more than their share of cookies. There would be some extra training waiting for them when they got back to the lair.
"Wait!" Amy called after him.
Monkey Fist stopped and turned back to glare at her.
"Why did you bring Stinki to me?" Amy asked.
"Because you're the only person I could imagine giving him to," Monkey Fist said with a roll of his eyes.
Amy moved faster than any ninja Monkey Fist had ever seen and was suddenly hugging him tightly against her chest. He felt something crack and wondered if he'd still be able to walk when she let go.
"Oh, cuddle monkey! I always knew you cared about me!" Amy squealed.
"No! I meant that you're the only one stupid enough to – mnnngh!" Monkey Fist tried to explain, but Amy silenced him by pressing her lips against his and trapping him into the most intense kiss he had had felt in quite some time – the downside of getting the monkey features he loved so much was that his popularity among women had sunk to rock bottom.
He struggled with all his might to become free of her clutches and desperately gasped for breath when she finally let go. The shock of the horrid experience he had just gone through had rendered his legs useless, so he fell on the floor while he was still trying to comprehend what had just happened.
Amy didn't seem to notice his discomfort at all. She helped him get up and gave him a little shove towards the door.
"Bye, bye, honey bunny! Come visit us again when your work is done!" she said and waved at him.
Monkey Fist couldn't remember when he had last run so fast.
030: Author's Choice – Honesty
"Oh, this is going to be so great!"
The chubby woman rushed upstairs from the basement with surprising speed and stopped in the middle of the living room, panting from a mixture of excitement and exercise. Her face was glowing red and her eyes were positively shining with mirth, and she didn't even try to hold back the grin that was threatening to split her face into two.
DNAmy could recall only one time when she had been happier, but this actually came very close. For the whole week she had agonised over what sort of living Cuddle Buddy she would create next, but now inspiration had finally hit her. She couldn't believe it that she hadn't got this idea sooner. It was just amazing! She couldn't wait to get started, but at first she wanted to share the awesome news with someone.
Monkey Fist peered at her over the newspaper he was currently reading in the old armchair he had brought over from his castle. It was a dusty old thing, but he had said he needed a little spot of familiarity in the middle of Amy's mostly pink furniture. Amy thought the whole chair was dreadful and depressing, but if it made her cuddle monkey happy, she wouldn't argue about the matter.
"What now?" Monkey Fist asked, still eying the paper and only half-paying attention to her.
"I've got a great idea! I'm going to make a new Cuddle Buddy with the DNA of a snow leopard and a Gila monster!" Amy announced.
"Why?" Monkey Fist asked in doubtful tone.
Amy giggled. Sure, he had a university degree, but sometimes he was just so slow. "Don't you see? The result will be a cute and cuddly creature that is venomous and threatening but not deadly. It's the perfect guard for private property!" she said.
"Didn't you already create monster dogs for that purpose?" the simian man asked. He had returned to reading the paper.
"They're not monsters! The fact that they're ten feet tall and have fangs doesn't mean they aren't nice!" Amy snapped.
"Then what about the fact that snow leopards live in a cold climate and Gila monsters in the desert? They're contradicting areas! How would your creature survive anywhere?" Monkey Fist argued.
"I could work around that," Amy said, determined not to give up that easily. She knew in her heart that this idea was awesome, and she wasn't going to let that grumpy killjoy ruin her fun. She could already imagine how cute and useful her Gilpard could be.
"Don't waste your time," Monkey Fist remarked.
Amy frowned and crossed her arms on her chest. The least that Monty could do was look at her when she spoke to him! She marched over to him and snatched the paper from his hands, glaring daggers at him.
"You mean you don't like my idea?" she asked.
Monkey Fist glared back at her with equal annoyance as he tried to take the paper back. It was torn into two with a violent rip, and after one dismayed glance at it, he threw his half away.
"I think it's the most idiotic and useless idea you've had this month!" he snapped as he got up from the chair and stomped outside to look for his monkey ninjas.
Amy sighed angrily. It was times like this that she wondered just why she was living with him in the first place.
It was three in the morning. The basement was lit by dozens of candles that spread their flickering light all around, making shadows dance on the bare walls of the room. Five monkey ninjas were standing in a semi-circle, keeping their heads bowed as they waited for their master to speak.
Monkey Fist stood before his minions and regarded them with a pleased and proud look. He had been preparing them and himself for this moment for months. It was finally that one destined night when they would reach the next level of their training and take one step closer to fulfilling their ultimate destiny.
He held an ancient scroll in his hand and lifted it above his head in triumph. "Tonight we will see the beginning of a new age! We have worked hard, but now it is finally the time to reap our rewards!" he announced, grinning in mad victory and enjoying the lovely sense of ecstasy that always made him feel like he was invincible.
The monkeys responded with enthusiastic ooks and started jumping on their places, eager to show their master how excited they were.
"Yes, my minions! No more shall we be humiliated by unworthy pretenders! From now on, we will crush our enemies! Ahahahahaha!"
Click!
Everyone turned to look at the door when the light was suddenly turned on. DNAmy was standing there in a pink nightgown, frowning unhappily and holding her hands on her hips.
"How many times do I have to tell you that you can't have your insane monkey rituals here, honey?" she asked. "I've already got three complaints from the neighbours."
"But this is important! I must introduce my minions to the next level of Tai Shing Pek Kwar!" Monkey Fist complained.
"You can do that in the morning. Maybe you can scream and ook around all night at the castle, but here you have to take others into consideration. Besides, I don't want you to stay up this late because then you're all grumpy and snappy in the morning."
"But -"
"No buts! You're coming to bed!" Amy walked to him, took the scroll from his hand and put it on the floor. Next she grabbed him by the ear and started dragging him upstairs, ignoring his complaints and struggling.
"Honestly, what kind of man wastes his time with nonsense like this?" Amy grumbled.
Monkey Fist growled under his breath. It was times like this that he wondered just why he was living with her in the first place.