So I took a while to update again. Not 8 months though this time. Uni really is a time consuming thing, isn't it? Anyway I wrote most of this up today. I quite like it, we get more Dr Albert, but shit is about to hit the fan and the next few chapters are all going to be quite angsty and heavy in regards to the content. I'm sorry in advance. I know it'll be hard for some people to read. It's going to be really hard for me to write. On a lighter note, I'm doing the DCBB again. Completely close lipped on what it is but it's going to be awesome. I hope anyway. So I'll be focusing on it from now on. I've only written 6k when this time last year I had almost 30k. I'm having so much fun with it, I get to be more creative and inventive this year than I was last year with my florist!dean AU. Anyway I can't wait for you guys to read it. Also, I met Jensen. It was amazing. He was so kind and warm. I love him ^.^ Alright, enjoy guys! Content warning for homophobic slurs.

It was a struggle for Dean; to corner Rosie and beg her not to say anything or to just wait and see whether she had enough sense and compassion not to tell anybody even if he didn't ask her? He watched her for the next couple of days and every time she looked at him she got this weird expression on her face. Dean cursed himself for not treating her better when they had their thing or this wouldn't be such a worry for him. He tried hard not to think about it and focus on his grades, on taking care of Sam, and on Cas.

Relationships were strange, Dean found, in the sense that they took a lot of effort but he was finding that the effort didn't really feel like an effort. Maybe it was because he connected with Cas on a level he'd never connected with anybody before, or perhaps it was because the reward was more than worth the work. Whatever the reason, Dean was happy, something he never thought he could be in a relationship.

A week before Valentine's Day, Dean went with Michael and Cas to his appointment with Dr Albert, as usual (they had been cut down from one a week to one a fortnight this year, something Michael was surprised and pleased about, but Dr Albert believed Cas was becoming more engaged in life and didn't need weekly checkups at this time). On the drive Michael asked Dean something that made him wince.

"I think we should tell Dr Albert about your relationship," he commented. Dean knew he was speaking to both he and Cas but his eyes were flicking to Dean in the rear-view mirror more than Cas. He knew Dean was the one who might be uncomfortable talking about it.

"Why?" Dean wondered.

"He's Castiel's psychologist. I feel like this is a huge step for Castiel and Dr Albert should be aware he'd made this choice and is contributing quite well to an emotional and romantic attachment," Michael said and Dean sort of smiled. The words had sounded like they'd come off a website or out of a book that Michael had been consulting for assistance on how to deal with his special needs brother dating.

Michael hesitated.

"And?" Dean prompted.

"Maybe you could talk to him?" Michael suggested. "I would leave of course; Cas and I could wait outside, and you could tell him anything you've been thinking or ask him any questions?"

Michael looked at Dean in the mirror for a few seconds before returning his eyes to the road.

Dean knew his own eyes had grown wide and Cas was looking between his brother and Dean curiously, obviously confused and curious as to what Michael meant. Dean understood though. Michael knew he had fears. He didn't think he'd been that obvious, though he had been hesitant touching Cas around the others since they'd made out. Dean hadn't let them do that again since then, trying to answer the questions he'd developed since Cas let him that close and Dean realised he did want more, physically, with Cas one day. He had yet to mention the questions, fears even though he shuddered to admit that, to anybody, not even Sam or Jo. He didn't want to tell anybody that sex and Cas were two things he put in the same thought because he was worried of the looks he'd get, what they would think or even say to him. Part of him knew they'd probably tell him it was okay, but mostly he wasn't sure himself that it was so why would they think so?

"Um..."

"Dean, relax. It's just a suggestion. I feel like Dr Albert will understand anything you have to say... he also might be able to answer any questions you have." There was a slight emphasis on 'any' and Dean closed his eyes.

Was it a relief that Michael knew what he'd been thinking about? He didn't know but the eldest Novak didn't seem to be judging him, and he didn't seem angry. Maybe they both had the same questions and didn't know how to answer them. Dean wasn't one to talk about his feelings but Dr Albert was trained to listen wasn't he? It would be better than asking his younger brother anyway.

He thought about it for the rest of the drive and while they sat in the waiting room. Cas had his head resting on Dean's shoulder and though he was tense, he was not shaking and didn't seem upset about being there. Dean knew he still had some trouble but he was always better on days when Dean came with him and even when Dean wasn't around, he was far better now than that first appointment Dean attended where he had cried and had a panic attack about being there.

"Castiel?"

They looked up at the sound of Dr Albert's voice and made their way over to his office. He smiled in greeting at all three of them.

"How are we all today?" Dr Albert asked when they were all settled.

"Well, thank you, Doctor," Michael replied while Dean and Cas nodded.

"And Castiel, how are you doing? Anything new?"

Cas looked up at Dr Albert for a moment, studying him quizzically before looking at Dean and Michael. He fished out his flash cards, surprisingly the other three men in the room. Michael had told Dr Albert about the cards but Castiel hadn't deigned to use them with his psychologist before now.

Cas flipped through them and then held up one to show the psychologist. Dr Albert's eyebrows rose and Dean leant forward so he could see what was on the card. It was two people kissing.

"Uh..." Dean mumbled, glancing at Dr Albert.

Michael pressed his fist to his mouth to stop a snicker from escaping.

It seemed Cas had decided he didn't want Dean to dither about with Michael's suggestion. He was becoming more assertive about his wants and needs lately and Dean was happy and also amused. Cas was actually quite bossy they were discovering, it was keeping Dean on his toes.

"I take it I'm to interpret this literally?" Dr Albert clarified. Dean felt his cheeks heat while Cas nodded.

"We've been dating for uh, over a month?" Dean said, rubbing the back of his neck. Cas patted his leg and smiled.

"I see. Castiel, would you be alright if we had a private conversation? Just the two of us? Michael and Dean would be right outside?"

Cas tensed a little and looked at his brother and boyfriend. Dean smiled nervously but Michael gave an encouraging nod so they both stood and left.

"He obviously wants to make sure I'm not forcing him into anything," Dean muttered, feeling nervous and embarrassed. "What if he thinks I am? Everybody else does at first?"

Michael rolled his eyes a little as they sat. "I doubt that's what he thinks but I'm sure he just wants to ask questions without him feeling like he has to answer a certain way since we're there. It's the first time Castiel has ever agreed to be alone with him. I'm really proud of his progress."

Dean nodded once and then looked at Michael. The eldest Novak was casually chewing at his thumb nail, looking at a tank full of fish that adorned one of the waiting room walls.

"Hey, Mike... do you think Cas can do it?" Dean wondered. Michael tilted his head to look at him, one eyebrow raised. "Do you think he'll be able to talk?"

Michael hummed softly. "There's nothing wrong physically to stop him... though it would be interesting to see what his voice sounds like almost sixteen years without use. It's all to do with him, how he feels. He's got to be able to trust that his words won't be used against him. But yeah, he's starting to trust the world more, and feel more secure socially. I mean, I doubt he'll ever make small talk with a hairdresser or cab driver but yes, I think he'll do it. If there's one thing I'm sure of in this world, it's the resilience of my baby brother."

Dean smiled. He definitely agreed.

It was over twenty minutes before Dr Albert's door opened and Cas emerged. He seemed tense but he relaxed when he spotted Michael and Dean in the seats closest to the office.

"Dean, would you come back in? I'd like to have a chat if you're comfortable," Dr Albert said. Dean looked at Cas who stepped closer and pressed two fingers to Dean's lips before taking the seat on the other side of Michael. With a sigh, Dean stood and followed the psychologist back into his office. He retook his seat and Dr Albert took his as well.

"You want to talk about Cas? Make sure I'm not being abusive or manipulative?" Dean asked.

"Are you sure that's not what you want to ask me?" Dr Albert countered and Dean swallowed, lips pursing tightly. "I thought so."

Dr Albert leant forward and rested his elbows on his knees, studying Dean.

"I was sure the first time you were in the office that you were a good-hearted young man. I'm still sure of that. I don't think you're manipulating Castiel. Castiel is very sure you're not. So, of the three of us, you're the only one who seems to think that."

Dean hesitated. He dug the knuckles of one hand into his thigh, chewing his lip and avoiding Dr Albert's gaze.

"I just... I mean, he doesn't talk... I'm never sure if he's really consenting or just going along with things because I ask him to," Dean admits finally. Dr Albert says nothing. "At first I was very sure it all okay, that dating him wasn't wrong and I wasn't a bad person for having f- for having feelings for him. But then..."

Dean's cheeks heated and he trailed off.

Dr Albert waited patiently for a few moments before prompting him gently, "what changed, Dean?"

"I... uh... um, I got... well, I got- Dammit!"

"You got aroused while being physical with him? It's natural, Dean, there's no need to be embarrassed."

"But he's... he's..."

"Autistic? Yes, he is. But he's a very bright young man, who is learning about himself and the things he wants out of life. Castiel is beginning to realise he's allowed to pursue the things he wants. That's why you're together, right?"

Dean nodded. "He made the first move. I didn't even realise how I f-felt." He finally looked at the psychologist. "I think part of me is a little freaked out because being into guys was something I pretended wasn't true. But I don't know, man, how can I want to have sex with Cas if he can't actually say that he wants to, as well. Not that I'm thinking of asking him, I just... I feel like I shouldn't be thinking of him that way."

"There's nothing wrong with it. You're not manipulating him, from what I can tell. I think with the way I've seen you behave with him, that your relationship is built with equal footing. Castiel is quite capable of saying yes and no to you. Would you agree?"

Dean considers the amount of times Castiel pushes his face away if Dean tries to distract him from homework and he grins automatically.

"Oh yeah, he's very pushy lately."

Dr Albert laughed.

"So... it's okay? If I want to have sex with him?" Dean checked. He felt so childish asking but it was better than asking Sam who was too much of a romantic, and also still thought sex was kind of gross, to give a proper answer. Jo would just tell Dean he was stupid. And Lucifer would sock him in the nose if he even used 'Cas' and 'sex' in the same sentence, probably.

"Do you think it's okay?" Dr Albert countered.

"I... I care about him. I'd never hurt him, not on purpose," Dean replied slowly.

"There's your answer."

Dean sat up straight. "That's it? No, big long lecture about sex and consent and relationships?"

"I don't think I need to give you one. Relationship dynamics are unique to every couple, the boundaries and rules in a relationship are formulated by the people in it. I think the person you need to speak to about this is Castiel. It comes down to whatever the two of you want, need, and are comfortable with." Dr Albert leant forward to squeeze Dean's shoulder. "Communication, my lad, that's the biggest and most important thing here."

Dean half smiled. All his worrying had been so stupid then.

"It's okay to have fears, Dean," Dr Albert added, as if hearing his thoughts. "It means you care."

"Sure. Sure. I just don't want his big bros to murder me in my sleep."

"Lucifer is quite scary sometimes," Dr Albert chuckled. "I suggest mentioning this chat to he and Michael though, just so they realise that you're not barrelling in without thinking, that you care about their brother. Castiel indicated Lucifer wasn't happy with you."

That was an understatement. Dean thinking attempted murder was a little more serious than Lucifer being unhappy with him.

"You mentioned that you were coming to terms with your sexuality? Is that something you want to talk about?" Dr Albert checked.

"Um, no, it's okay. I'm getting there with that." Dean blushed. "I think I'm good here."

"Alright. Time's almost up anyway. I'll say goodbye to Michael and Castiel and give you all an early mark. I think Castiel will appreciate it."

Dean was grateful to be allowed to leave but he was also glad he'd taken the chance to speak his fears aloud. While he didn't have a concrete answer without speaking to Cas, he felt a little more secure about their relationship. He was still worried, naturally, but knew that in time he'd settle into things better. They'd been together for so few weeks, he was still getting used to dating somebody rather than fucking them and leaving them. He'd get to a place where he was comfortable and sure eventually.

Dean finally decided that since it was their first Valentine's Day, and Dean himself wasn't that big on it, instead of buying Cas some grand present or making some huge gesture, they would simply have another date night. Dean also recorded another CD of him reading a book for Cas since he'd seemed to enjoy the last one so much.

It had been over a week since Rosie had overheard Jo and he discussing Valentine's Day so Dean relaxed, thinking she had kept her mouth shut and nothing bad was going to happen. It wasn't until he walked into the school on Valentine's morning, seeing red and pink and white decorations attached to every surface courtesy of the student council, that he realised what a stupid idea that was.

Of course she told.

And of course she told Dean's former "friends".

But they hadn't done anything, of course not.

They wanted it to have as big an impact as possible.

The morning started out pleasant, perfect even. There was a lot of good natured teasing when Dean picked up the Novaks for school. Anna had baked cupcakes for all of them and Cas had helped her decorate them. He'd done Dean's and Gabriel was enjoying be able to make his little brother blush without him shutting in on himself. Instead he simply gave Gabriel unimpressed looks that Gabriel delighted in.

"Cas is actually very sassy," he chuckled. He then presented Sam with his cupcake and Dean grew amused at Sam's pink cheeks. He looked down at Cas who was observing him, waiting for a response for the cake that had been decorated with a sun. It reminded Dean of their discussion back at Christmas, about how Dean made Cas feel warm.

"Thanks, angel," Dean whispered. Cas tilted his head up so Dean kissed him softly.

"Okay, come on guys, time to head for school," Michael announced. "I need to get to work and Dean has me parked in. Shoo!"

They all piled into the Impala and Dean drove them to school, feeling happy and relaxed. He was going to wait until that night to give Cas his new book recording and he couldn't wait. Dates with Cas were little slices of heaven that Dean had been missing in his life until this point. They got out of the Impala and headed towards school. Anna, Sam, and Gabriel tried to get Dean to divulge the plans for that night's date but he refused to budge.

At the door they split off for their lockers. Castiel's was by Anna's so they went off together and Sam hesitated before he went to his. He pulled an envelope out of his bag and looked at Gabriel before staring at his shoes as if they held all the answers to the universe.

"This is for you." He pressed the envelope into Gabriel's hands before dashing off in the direction of his locket. Dean bit his tongue to keep from laughing because it was his brother and he wasn't supposed to laugh at him. Not in these situations.

"Um... what?" Gabriel mumbled, staring at the envelope.

"Well, looks like we're not allowed to ignore the crush anymore," Dean shrugged. "Whatcha gonna do?"

Gabriel turned his head to stare at Dean.

"He's thirteen," he breathed out, sounding pained.

"Five years isn't so bad."

"I'm going off to college. He's a kid." Gabriel's fingers fiddled with the opening of the envelope. Dean could tell he wanted to open it but didn't want to do so around Sam's older brother.

"Look, man, I'm not gonna say I'd be thrilled if Sam was dating a college guy, not when he's never dated anyone before. But I know you. I trust you. If you want to date him-"

"I don't feel the same," Gabriel quickly said. Dean raised his eyebrows. "I don't. He's an adorable kid and I love him to bits. But... he's a kid."

Dean hesitated. He was sure Gabriel was lying but his eyes had gone hard and his tone was serious. He nodded slowly.

"Okay... well... let him down easy? Alright? Or I'll be forced to hurt you," Dean warned. Gabriel nodded once, quickly, and left. Dean watched him go and noticed that he opened the envelope on his way, bumping into several people as he went.

"Doesn't feel the same way, my ass," Dean muttered. He headed towards his own locker. Still, Gabriel's decision made sense and Dean would support it. He'd also go and buy some phish food for and rent some superhero blockbusters so he and Sam could have a guy's night whenever Gabriel decided to pull the plug on Sam's crush.

He was lost in his thoughts about Sam and Gabe, and his date with Cas that he didn't even notice the way people were staring at him. He noticed the way a few people stopped conversation when he drew nearer to his locker. He slowed his step and looked around.

A few of his old flings were in a group, staring at him and whispering. He frowned and glanced the other way. He spotted some of the guys from the football team scowling in his direction, another group of them across the hall snickering.

Dean's blood went cold as he noticed that everyone in the hall was staring in his direction, some whispering, some smirking, some looking horrified.

He tore his eyes away from the stares and looked towards his locker. He could see the red paint now. He could smell it too. It was fresh.

With feet feeling like lead, he forced himself to walk closer. He stopped a few feet away from his locker when the message finally registered in his head and he felt like he might hurl his breakfast all over the tiled floor in front of the lockers. His entire body felt locked into place and he couldn't stop staring.

The letters were large.

The paint was red.

Dean was sure it was always going to be seared into his brain.

Up next: Dean reacts to being outted - badly; John finds out - oh no!; date night does not go as planned. Things fall apart, and someone's heart is very broken.