CHAPTER 47

Leah POV:

I laid there and closed my eyes and tried to bring back that feeling of being wrapped up here with Embry. I loved him so much, how could I have let Josiah kiss me? And why couldn't I tell Embry about it? I threw my arm over my eyes and sighed. I guess I wanted to wait to see what Josh had to say first. Then I would tell him. Even if he had imprinted on me, I knew I could never care for Josiah. I felt pity for him and possibly friendship, but nothing more. I loved Embry, and only Embry.

I was exhausted. It had been a very long, very strange 24 hours. I got up and threw on a tank top and pajama pants and went and used the bathroom. I heard the door open downstairs and Mom and Seth came into the house. I gathered my hair up and put it into a pony tail and walked down the stairs.

"Well, hey there. You beat us home!" Mom said.

"Yea, Embry forgot he didn't have his truck. So he walked me here then headed home to see his mom. She was pretty upset with him because he missed school and didn't call her," I told her.

"I guess he had other things on his mind, huh?"

I smiled and said, "I guess." Seth walked by me and started upstairs. "Hey!" I said as I reached out and grabbed his arm.

He looked at me and said, "What?"

"What's up with you and Abby?"

"I don't know. I like her, she likes me. We decided to hang out, you know?" Who is this guy? Where is my little brother?

I smiled and shook my head. "Listen to you. I swear you've turned into the old Embry, the one I used to know. I guess he was right about you."

He laughed and said, "I don't know about that. I really do like her, Leah. She's funny and cute and . . . I just want to be with her."

"Good answer. You know she was with a boy, um, making out when she was taken. I take it she wasn't very serious about him?"

He shrugged. "I guess not. She told me she would tell him tomorrow that she didn't want to see him anymore."

"Uh-huh, and what about Ashley?"

"What about her? I told you she was pissed at me. I guess I'll just let her be pissed," he said.

"Well, you might want to at least tell her you're sorry things didn't work out between you THEN move on with Abby. I think that would be the proper thing to do."

He rolled his eyes as me. "Yea, whatever. I just really want to be with Abby."

"OK. I like her, Seth. Bring her around sometime, alright?"

He smiled and said, "Oh, I plan on it."

I nodded and said, "Goodnight, Seth." He reached out and hugged me. "I'm glad you're home," he said softly.

"Me, too. Thanks for everything you did today." He let go and nodded then ran upstairs. It was great having a little brother who cared about me so much.

Mom was in the kitchen. I could hear her moving around in there. I wanted to talk to her so I walked into the kitchen to see her. "Hey, Mom. You have to be exhausted. What are you doing in here?"

"Oh, I am. But I am too keyed up to sleep. I thought I would have some tea. That usually relaxes me enough to sleep. Want some?"

"Yea, I do." I pulled another cup out of the cupboard and set it on the counter. She put a tea bag in it and reached for the tea kettle. She poured hot water into both cups and handed me one. I sat down at the kitchen table and she joined me.

"What's on your mind, kiddo?" she asked as she dipped her tea bag.

I looked up at her and said, "Embry and I had an interesting conversation last night, and I kind of wanted to tell you about it." I took my tea bag and dipped it up and down in my cup.

She waited.

"Um, we talked about getting married," I said sheepishly then glanced up to see what she thought about that. I tried to read her expression, but she was good at hiding how she really felt.

"Really? Are we talking soon, or sometime in the future? Are we talking have-to, or want-to?"

I laughed at that and said, "Want-to, not have-to, and not this Christmas, but next Christmas." I saw her relax so I went on, "You see, Jake and Embry want to save up enough money to put a down payment on Mr. Collin's garage. He told Jake that he wants to sell it to them. So, Embry figures that will take until next summer and he wants to wait until the shop takes off and he can afford to support me. So, that means waiting until next Christmas."

"Uh-huh. Well, it's good to know he is thinking ahead. So, does this mean . . . you're engaged?" she asked with a smile.

"Well, not officially. Embry told me that he doesn't have a ring, and he hasn't 'officially' proposed, but he says that he will," I told her. I could feel the big smile spread across my face.

Mom reached out and touched my hand and said, "Honey, I'm happy for you. Embry is a great guy, and I can see how devoted he is to you. But I have to say I am glad that you aren't rushing into anything. I'll really miss you when you move out."

I smiled and said, "Yea, me too. The thing is, I don't know if I can wait that long to marry him. You know, it took me so long to give in and love him, and now, I hate being away from him for even a few hours. The last 24 hours were hell, Mom. Not just because of Josiah, but, being away from Embry. It's . . . so hard to explain. It's like . . . I need him too much. I want to be with him all of the time."

She took another sip of her tea then set cup on the table and smiled at me. "I remember what's it like to be in love like that, Leah. It's amazing, and all-consuming. " She closed her eyes for a minute. She was thinking about Dad. I knew she still missed him so much. She opened her eyes and looked at me. "I never told you this, Leah, but I was in love with someone else . . . before I married your father."

What did she just say? I couldn't have heard that right. I set my cup of tea down and looked at her. "What? You weren't thinking of Dad just now?"

"Oh, honey, I loved your father very much. I still do and I miss him every day! But, I was older when I met your father and more mature. Our love was very strong and very binding. I will always love him. But, it was so different than what I felt for . . . well, when I was much younger, I fell in love with a boy I had known in school."

"Tell me, Mom," I encouraged.

She took a drink of tea and looked at me then said, "It was the summer after I graduated. I had a part-time job waiting tables at the little restaurant in town. I had the day off and I went to the beach. I was going to meet a couple of my girlfriends there and we were just going to hang out and relax. I got there and spread out my towel and sat down to wait for them. All of a sudden, a Frisbee came sailing across the beach and hit me right in the back of the head!" She laughed and I smiled. "I picked up the Frisbee and looked around to see where it had come from. I spotted this boy jogging toward me and recognized him as Cole Hamlin. He was funny and very, very good looking. We had known each other in school, but we really didn't hang out in the same circles, you know? He ran up and apologized profusely for hitting me. He plopped down next to me to ask if I was OK. I assured him I was. I handed him the Frisbee, but instead of getting up and running back to his friends, he sat there and talked to me for awhile. I was quite shocked, to say the least! Boys that handsome just didn't sit down and talk to me, you know?"

"Mom! I've seen pictures of you when you were in high school. You were pretty!" I told her.

She smiled. "Well, thank you. But, I wasn't as pretty as the girls Cole usually spent time with. We ended up spending the rest of that day together. Our friends all meshed and we swam and had fun. Later that night, we had a bonfire. It was quite a day. Then, that night . . . he took me home, and he kissed me." She closed her eyes and smiled. "Oh my. I had never been kissed like that before." She opened her eyes. "I fell for him right there and then, really hard. We spent all of our free time together after that." She picked up her cup and drank some tea.

I looked at her and was a little shocked by what I was hearing! But I was very intrigued. "Go on," I encouraged.

"Well, his family was much better off than mine. His father was making him go to college back east to get some fancy business degree. He always wanted more for his son than he had, although he was doing pretty well for himself. He owned a huge lumber company, and Cole was working there part-time for the summer. So, we knew we only had so much time together and he would be leaving. It kind of put a shadow over us. One night, we were in Cole's car and we were, um . . ."

"Making out?" I supplied.

She smiled and said, "OK, making out, and he told me he loved me. I remember crying and telling him I loved him, too." She looked down for a moment, lost in her memory. She took a deep breath and went on, "Leah, I probably shouldn't tell you this, but I let him make love to me that night. And, that wasn't the only time that summer." She looked up at me. She looked into my eyes to see if I was judging her. How could I? I had been doing the same thing all summer with Embry.

"It's OK, Mom. I get it." She nodded. I guess she probably suspected Embry and I were that close anyway. She smiled and said, "It was . . . amazing, and all-consuming. I was very in love with him."

"So, what happened? Did he go off to college?" I asked anxiously.

"We spent the summer together and as fall got closer . . . I found out I was pregnant."

My eyes grew wide. "What? Really? Oh, Mom," I said sadly.

She nodded. "Yes. When I found out, I didn't know what to do. I loved him and wanted to marry him. I knew that. But, I knew that his family already didn't think I was good enough for him. He didn't want to leave me to go to college back east, but he also didn't want to go against his father. I was afraid to tell him. But, I knew I had to. So, one night, we went for a walk on the beach. I took his hand and told him I loved him, and that I was pregnant with his child. He was so happy! He picked me up and twirled me around. He set me down and kissed me and told me he loved me. I thought my heart would burst I was so happy! But then . . . " She stopped and stood up and put her tea cup into the sink. "He told his father that he was going to marry me. He asked him for a job at the lumber company so he could support us." She turned around and I saw tears in her eyes. "His father refused him, but offered to give him money so I could 'get rid of the bastard.' Great guy, huh?"

"Oh, Mom! That's horrible!" I felt my heart ache for her.

"Yes, it was. Cole told me he didn't care, he would find another job. He wanted to marry me. He wanted our baby." Tears were spilling from her eyes now, and leaving trails down her cheeks. She leaned back against the counter and crossed her arms in front of her as if to hug herself. "The problem was solved, according to his father, when I miscarried a week later."

I got up and went to her and put my arms around her. "Mom, I'm so sorry." She let me hold her then she gently pushed me away. "It's OK, Leah. It was a very long time ago." She moved to sit back down at the table. I sat down across from her and asked, "But what about Cole? What happened?"

She smiled and said, "He married me anyway. We went to a Justice of the Peace and got married. We found a little apartment and moved in and two months later, he, um . . . he was killed in a car accident. He was hit by a drunk driver." She hung her head and I felt tears well up and spill from my eyes.

"Oh, Mom. How did you go on?" I asked as I wiped the tears from my eyes.

She looked up and I could see the tears in her eyes as she said, "It wasn't easy. I didn't do anything for a long time. Finally my mother made me move back home with her and she told me every day that Cole wouldn't want me to just exist. He would want me to go on living. It finally started to sink in and one day . . . I started living again. I used the money I got from the car accident to go to school to become a nurse. And then, I met your father." She smiled through her tears. "He made everything right again. He married me and gave me two beautiful children and this house and more love than I could ever imagine. I was lucky enough to have two very different men love me, Leah. Very lucky." She reached out and took my hand. "And you have been lucky to have two men love you, Leah. It's weird that they are brothers, but still, they are both good men. I know that Embry will love you and be a good husband to you. I'm happy for you, baby."

I smiled at her and said, "Thank you for telling me that, Mom. I'm so glad you shared that part of you with me."

She smiled and said, "Sometimes it's hard for me to realize that you're all grown up. I miss my little girl. And yet, it's nice to have you to talk to as a friend."

"I like that, too. I really do." I stood up and went over to her. She stood up and we hugged. "I love you, Mom."

"Aw, I love you, too, baby girl. I'm so happy you're home and safe." I pulled away and we laughed at the tears we both had on our faces.

"I've had enough crying today! That's it!" she said as she wiped her eyes. "Come on, let's get to bed." She gave me a push toward the door.

I was exhausted, but amazed that Mom had opened up to me like that. It made me feel so much closer to her. We walked up the stairs and I stopped at my bedroom door and said, "Goodnight, Mom."

She smiled and said, "Goodnight, honey," then she walked on to her room and closed the door.