A/N: Please I'm dying for some feedback, I know there are people reading it, tell me what you think could be improved or that I should keep doing. I did tell you this would get dark, right?
I don't own anything related to Mass Effect or Mace.
MUTARE
Jack was impressed, not a common occurrence; but then Shepard was not a common man. Having been locked up while Shepard was doing his whole 'Hero of the Citadel' routine Jack knew less than most beings in the galaxy did about that Commander Shepard. What she had heard while on the inside from various criminals and mercs was not impressive, far too many of said lowlifes had survived to attest to his actions firsthand. He sounded like a fucking boy scout, a handsome, potentially lethal boy scout-but still not Jack's thing.
This Shepard though, he was much closer to her tastes. Watching an inebriated Shepard staggering to the Normandy from yet another afternoon spent at Afterlife with yet another dark haired woman draped around him Jack smiled in anticipation of the evening's entertainment. Suppressing an uncharacteristic giggle Jack paged Miranda informing her of the Commander's return.
Miranda was confused, since that night on Illium when Shepard had returned to the ship drunk with bite marks on his neck he had seemed to once again return to a somewhat normal behavior pattern. Shepard had even saved a refinery full of innocent workers on Zorya rather than pursuing Vido, which would have achieved the primary goal of securing Zaeed's loyalty. That mission again showed how oddly effective the 'Hero of the Citadel's tactics could be. Not only were lives saved, a secondary concern to Miranda, but Shepard had managed to talk down Zaeed Massani gaining his loyalty while also securing the appreciation, and funding, of the Eldfell-Ashland Corporation. Miranda did not have long to wait before the other shoe dropped.
Following that night on Illium there was one significant change in Shepard's behavior, his heavy drinking and constant trawling of clubs where he callously exploited his fame to bring the first athletically built woman with dark hair he could find back to his cabin on the Normandy. This strange behavior was worrying enough before it began to affect their mission. Now Shepard was planning the ship's movements to ensure that he was never far from Omega, Illium, or the Citadel and their clubs that had an abundance of brunette Shepard bait.
Take this wasteful trip as an example, instead of scanning for minerals in the Traverse where they had been following several leads Shepard decided to leave the Traverse to scan near Omega before heading all the way back out to the Traverse for a second mission. The insanity continued as they then went back to Illium with its Eternity Bar (which Miranda noticed had a new bartender who watched Shepard warily) just to pick up a package for the salarian information broker Ish. This provided an excuse for Shepard to then return to Omega after a short mission to pick up the Firewalker. This needed to end; it was a waste of resources to make such frequent 'resupply' stops. When Shepard returned from his search for FBA couplings she would confront him.
Answering her chiming comm unit Miranda was surprised, and suspicious, to hear Jack following orders and reporting Shepard's return to her. Shaking off the suspicion Miranda entered the elevator directing it to the CIC while bracing herself to confront the commander. As the doors open she noticed Jack perched on the railing around the galaxy map looking like the cat that ate the canary. Worried as to what Jack's expression meant Miranda put it out of her mind as she prepared to meet Shepard. And then she saw why Jack was grinning as Shepard emerged from the decontamination chamber. Apparently his search had been successful, not that it would help Donnelly any. Enough was enough, this would end now.
"Shepard, what are you doing?" Miranda demanded ignoring the obvious answer to give Shepard a chance to explain his actions. "Did you at least get the FBA couplings?"
"Use the elevator to go to deck one, I'll meet you up there soon." whispered Shepard to the woman as he untangled their arms before directing his attention at Miranda. "I know you're the Ice Queen but surely you have some inkling as to what I'm doing with her. So, why don't you say what you really mean Miranda?"
"Fine, you're drunk at 3:00 in the afternoon…"
"I told you I run this ship military, so it's actually 1500 hours."
"…and wasting our time and resources with unnecessary stops so you can pick up bar sluts." finished Miranda refusing to be rise to Shepard's bait.
"Believe me, it is not a waste of resources." Shepard softly slurred, "The Illusive Man wanted 'The Hero of the Citadel' and even passed up the opportunity to implant a control chip in me to get him. After the billions he spent this 'waste' of resources is nothing. Look at your mission reports. Its working isn't it."
Jack was disappointed, these were not the fireworks she had hoped for when paging Miranda. Shepard even sounded like the pussy he used to be, this wasn't interesting. The next words Miranda spoke suddenly spiced things up a bit.
"They are not Ashley, Shepard." Miranda blurted out before blanching at the realization of what she had said.
"Never say that again Operative Lawson. It is my business; you and your Cerberus masters brought me back and now I will decide how to spend this my time in this hell you have forced me into." Shepard grated before shouldering past the pale Cerberus agent and entering the elevator.
The anger in Shepard's face intrigued Jack; it was so powerful tearing open recently healed skin revealing the red glow of cybernetics. Now that was more like it, thought Jack. Perhaps if I grew my hair out? Oh, well might as well hang around here hoping for more entertainment, eavesdropping on the sexual tension between Ken and Gabby is getting old, and this is much more promising. Jack was not to be disappointed as twenty minutes later a tear streaked brunette ran out of the elevator clutching her torn clothes around her and holding a spray can of mace.
Hunched over the sink in his bathroom Shepard splashed water over his face flushing the chemicals from his eyes thankful for the privacy provided by this new Normandy. The swelling eventually receded leaving Shepard to dry his face of tears while studying the image reflected by the mirror. It hardly looked like him. It sure as hell hadn't acted like him. Shepard shuddered as he thought about what he had just done.
With a curse Shepard stumbled to his desk before collapsing in the chair. He was alone, again. No, I need to find another girl, or I'll realize She's gone…Damn, too late. Reaching into his desk drawer Shepard removed his emergency equipment placing the bottle and picture on the desk while returning the pistol to the drawer. A half hour later a morose Shepard had finally found company within himself.
Miranda's right, they aren't her, there isn't anyone else like her. I'm alone. They can't talk to me as equals; pointing out my mistakes, reassuring me, telling me of faith.
Faith, bullshit, I died there is nothing after this, unless this is hell?
Ridiculous…isn't it?
Maybe, how did you describe this 'second life' to Miranda?
As hell.
Right.
To say that Tali worried about Shepard's behavior was an almost criminal understatement. The man she knew two years ago had been kind, even to the extent of putting up with Verner's irritating adoration. As well as her own, Keelah, he even accepted a naïve, fragile, young Quarian into his crew and, most importantly, his trust. The man who had rescued her in the alley by Chora's Den had been out to save the galaxy from an unimaginable threat yet seemed more concerned over her wellbeing than the geth data she possessed that would help him in his mission. That the new Shepard was different was clearly shown by his behavior on Freedom's Progress.
Tali's quicksilver eyes darkened at the memory of Veetor's treatment. Sending Veetor to the migrant fleet had been a harsh decision but she had been able to justify it to herself considering the behavior of Prazza's squad and Shepard's insistence that Veetor would not be harmed. Even upon hearing from the Migrant Fleet that Veetor had never returned Tali excused Shepard as being unaware of Cerberus' action regarding Veetor's apparently fatal interrogation. Now that event looked more significant as it seemed to presage Shepard's continued employment of brutal, though effective, tactics. Tali could no longer pretend that Shepard's decisions were the same ones he would have made before his resurrection by Cerberus. The Shepard she knew and cared for was gone.
There had been moments when Shepard appeared to be the same as he used to be. Tali treasured these times as Shepard would come into engineering and talk with her, just like he had on the real Normandy. Such moments had vanished into memory since whatever had happened during that last trip to Omega. Now Shepard only dropped by for official reasons leaving Tali to listen to Ken's persistent bitching about the lack of FBA couplings.
Indeed an incident with that persistent annoyance Verner highlighted the change. Shepard had undergone since Omega. Upon meeting the delusional Verner in the Eternity Bar Shepard had simply shot him in the foot. There was no attempt to humor the obviously unwell man or to defuse the situation, just a steely determination to remove the man obstructing his progress towards the bar and its cowering bartender. Further evidence of Shepard's altered mentality was revealed as he searched the Dantius Towers for the assassin Thane. The mission had begun with promise; the old Shepard appeared to have won the internal struggle and the team rescued several groups of salarian workers. But when meeting the slightest obstacle, such as a panicked, harmless salarian pointing a gun, one that still had the safety on, at them the new Shepard did not talk him down. Rather he chose the quicker alternative of pistol whipping the salarian.
After this the new, ruthless Shepard was fully revealed when the team interacted with an Eclipse Mercenary officer. Tali shuddered remembering the events of that encounter. Sneaking up behind the inattentive merc Shepard and his squad held him at gunpoint as Zaeed confiscated the merc's omnitool; after which began the true interrogation. As the man's refusal to talk continued Tali had seen Shepard's patience slip until finally he told Jack to immobilize the man. Grinning Jack threw a biotic field at the merc restraining him as Shepard smiled while drawing his knife and approaching the frozen man signaling Zaeed to begin recording with the merc's omnitool.
Tears ran down Tali's face as she recalled the torture which followed: fingers broken, teeth pulled, Shepard's face frozen in a smile as he carved his name into the merc's forehead before finally slowly gouging an eye out. Needless to say the merc broke down and gave up the requested information, though the info was worthless anyways. Sliding to the floor with her back pressed against her workstation Tali fought back the urge to vomit as her memories continued despite her attempts to stop them from playing out in her mind yet again.
His smile having never faltering Shepard thanked the merc for the information before inquiring as to the man's ability to fly. Watching the confused expression cross the mercenary's face Shepard laughed before suddenly throwing him through a plate glass window sending him plummeting to an agonizing death hundreds of meters below. Chuckling Shepard turned to high-five Zaeed giving further instructions.
"Zaeed, you got that? Good, now use his omnitool's address book to send the recording to his family."
Manically laughing he strode towards the elevator slapping a lasciviously grinning Jack on the ass in passing. Tali shaking off her shock choked back her tears and turned away from her Commander, unable to look at him, when she saw something that confused her. The squad members' reactions were as expected: Grunt laughing, Zaeed chuckling, Jack appearing aroused, Garrus watching impassively, Jacob frowning but looking resigned, Mordin having already lost interest and scanning a plant. What was unusual was the look Tali saw flit across Miranda's normally impassive face having witnessed Shepard's brutality; one of revulsion, fear, and sadness.
Perhaps, Tali thought, she had found an unlikely ally in addressing Shepard's worsening behavior. This faint hope of stopping Shepard's descent brought Tali to her feet.
Miranda cursed as she threw her latest report onto the desk. Shepard's behavior was becoming increasingly worrisome. This latest stunt with the drugged volus merely highlighted the point. Miranda saw the sense in allowing the pathetic creature to attack the asari commando unit, it would reveal their defensive positions and cost the team nothing. No, what bothered her was Shepard's motivation; he did not do it for the intel, not even observing what reactions the volus' appearance elicited from the Eclipse. Instead he simply sent Niftu Cal to his death and then had a good laugh with Zaeed and Grunt when Cal's broken body came hurtling back through the doorway. If only she had hadn't confronted Shepard about his imitation Ashleys, that was a slight problem compared to what she now faced.
Damn it, this isn't the Shepard I was supposed to bring back. I need a plan, if this continues Project Lazarus will be a failure. No, that will not happen, but I need to find a way to fix whatever is wrong with the commander. Aside from those disturbing scars he is physically intact. Actually, considerably more than just intact considering the chiseled torso he exhibited after the last skirmish as Dr. Chakwas tended to his injuries, lucky woman. Whoa, get a hold of yourself Miranda. Shepard is simply the subject of Project Lazarus, a project which is failing spectacularly. Despite his perfectly toned-Stop it…okay, back to business. As much as her sunshiny attitude annoys me, this is Chamber's area of expertise, well this and providing 'stress relief' as the Illusive Man referred to it as.
Jolted out of her reverie by a hesitant knocking Miranda opened her cabin's door revealing Tali nervously shifting from foot to foot and wringing her hands. Hmm, this might turn out to be useful. Pasting a smile on her face to calm the nervous buckethead Miranda began to think of a plan.
"Tali, please come in, I think there is a matter which we must discuss."