A/N: There is a section of in game dialogue in this chapter, I try to avoid using it as I'm sure all of you have seen it before but this piece of dialogue was too perfect. This chapter isn't very good but it is necessary to set up the next few chapters I have planned so, please, stick with it.
AMANS
It had taken a while but Ashley was finally satisfied with her message. After innumerable edits and fresh starts here was a note that expressed her feelings. The message didn't promise anything but it clearly revealed that he still mattered to her and held out hope of reconnecting. And she had remembered a perfect bit of poetry to apply to Shepard's situation. If Shepard's soul had really been returned by God to his body then this would help him. And if not then his body was either soulless or possessed, either way the message wouldn't matter then.
"Miranda, I don't think this is a good idea." objected Tali. "Maybe if you had let me tell Ashley about what Shepard did on Illium to that merc…"
"It wouldn't have mattered, she's obviously too weak to help us. Look at this half-assed message, all it does is prove that she once loved him. If we had told her about the torture and drunken whore mongering I doubt she would even have sent this." Miranda sneered at both Ashley's indecisiveness and Tali's naiveté as she continued. "Obviously she's trying to be supportive saying she wishes him luck, his survival answers her prayers, and that she can't lose him a second time. But then she writes that they aren't the same as they were, she doesn't know what's true, and that she can't follow him. The bitch can't make up her mind and right now Shepard needs her to. One way or the other."
With finality Miranda turned to her computer as she stared into Tali's mask trying to read the twin silver beads, "I will rewrite the letter. All that we need to decide now is what Ashley should have said. My first choice would be to make it a letter brimming over with regret for her actions and hope that Shepard will accept her renewed love and take her back. The second choice, I think, will appeal to you more. I, or rather Ashley, will dispassionately inform that commander that she hates him for what he has become after his resurrection."
"What? No, no you can't do that, you bosh'tet! Why would I like that, it would destroy him?"
"Yes it would. But it might also shock him into realizing what he has lost because of his recent behavior. And then you would finally have the opportunity to fulfill your greatest wish and experience what Ashley had as you help Shepard pick up the pieces of his life causing him to rely on you, and love you."
"Wha…How did you… what are you talking about?" Tali screeched defensively.
"Please, I figured a quarian would have heard of body language. Plus I've reviewed your extranet history, 'Quarian/Human compatibility, immune boosters, etc.' Must I continue, because the mere thought of it is making me nauseous. Remember, just because I can't see your face behind that ridiculous mask doesn't mean you're an enigma. This is your one chance. If you're lucky, Shepard will be so desperate for comfort that he'll ignore how unsuitable for him you are. If he's not that desperate, then I will succeed where you failed and seduce Shepard myself."
"Oh, Keelah." Moaned Tali as she slumped into the chair by Miranda's desk, "I…I'll do it. Ancestors forgive my selfishness. I will..comfort…Shepard."
It had been a good day, Shepard reflected as he relaxed in his quarters. The look on Harkin's face as Garrus kneecapped him was priceless, and then just when his sides had stopped aching from laughter Garrus had shot Sidonis clean through the temple. Viper sniper rifle: 150,000 credits. Combat scanner: 25,000 platinum. Shooting a traitor in the head: priceless. Wiping tears of laughter from his eyes Shepard's good mood evaporated as he realized that only Garrus, of all the original Normandy's crew was still willing to follow him.
Sure Joker and Chakwas were onboard, but that was because of their own needs; flying for Joker and Chakwas' pathetic clinging to Joker for validation in her spinsterhood. Tali had joined him out of friendship for how Shepard used to be; and she now appeared to regret her decision as her normally ebullient nature evaporated leaving a broken, depressed quarian behind as she learned that the man she knew had stayed dead. Only Garrus was left who followed Shepard out of friendship because after his own suffering only he was able to share Shepard's mentality. Even Ashley, who claimed to love me, couldn't find it in herself to join me instead hating what I've had to become.
Reaching for her overturned picture Shepard stayed his hand before quickly withdrawing it and clenching it into a fist to stop the trembling. Pushing away from his desk Shepard slowly stood and went to the fish tank staring into it for several minutes before a smile spread across his face. Well, it looks like Morinth hasn't been doing her job well enough, perhaps I should see if she'll be more effective now that her arm is out of that cast. Having finally shaken himself out of his reverie Shepard grabbed a piece of cloth and made sure his knife was in its ankle sheath before heading out the door.
Morinth's heart quickened as she saw Shepard enter her lair in starboard observation; of all her prey over the last 400 years he was by far the most powerful… and thrilling. An unfamiliar sense of regret washed over Morinth as she realized that soon her time with Shepard would end; but this emotion was quickly replaced as the thought of absorbing Shepard's powerful essence flooded her mind with lust overwhelming the tickle of remorse. This had not been a quick hunt; but now her arm was healed and Shepard had come into her territory rather than calling her to his room. Yes, it was a perfect time to once again test the commander's remarkable ability to resist her.
Smiling predatorily Shepard watched Morinth undress before ordering her to turn around. As always, Morinth feigned obedience silently lowered herself onto the couch with her back facing him. Then something new happened; Shepard began putting a blindfold over her eyes. Pulling away Morinth's movements ended as she once again felt Shepard's knife pressing against her warningly, furious she held still as he finished covering her eyes.
Once again Shepard had beaten her, using something as simple as a blindfold to render Morinth incapable of making the eye contact necessary to rip the soul out of him impossible. Every time she had reached up to undo the blindfold Shepard had noticed her movement and reminded Morinth of his control over her by choking her until she returned her hand to its previous location. Defeat was a bitter pill but one make more palatable to Morinth as she anticipated the ecstasy and power her eventual success would bring.
As usual after having sating their lusts Shepard and Morinth curled up together reveling in the afterglow left by their collision. There was never any tenderness in the embrace, simply a raw passion that frequently built until it resulted in another round of rough sex. Today though, Morinth sensed something different in Shepard's touch; a sense of unease which had no place in the commander's normally dominating presence. He held her tighter, almost as if he was afraid to let go of me, though Morinth. Knowing better than to question his emotions Morinth held her tongue, perhaps whatever this was would distract Shepard more than sex had providing her an opportunity to gain control over him and complete the meld.
"How do you handle such a solitary life?" Shepard asked quietly finally breaking the increasingly tense silence.
Morinth was surprised; lately Shepard had been confiding in her about subjects such as the crew, the mission and so forth but this was unexpectedly personal. Perfect, his defenses are lowering. Now's my chance, as much as I'll miss him I want Shepard's power far more; time to lure him in with half-truths and compassion.
"I get lonely at times…I can never really feel the love of another, at least not for long. I don't suppose there's anything I can do about that." Morinth finished injecting false sadness into her words knowing they would resonate with Shepard's feeling of loss over this Ashley woman.
"But I want you to know something: my lovers spent their last moments experiencing pleasure you can't imagine. Like Nef, she died because her nervous system overloaded with an ecstasy so great she couldn't handle it." Now I've laid the hook, lets see if he bites.
"Why tell me this?" responded Shepard warily. Damn, I may have pushed too hard, oh well I can't stop now.
"I want to give you that, Shepard, I want to feel every nerve in your body pulsing with pleasure." There, as close to an admission of love as he'll believe from me. Let's see if this appeal to his loneliness works.
"My mission is too important to risk that, Morinth." he rebuked her.
Damn it, I have to keep trying. There's still hope, he hasn't broken my arm after all. "You're different! I sensed it when we first met. You and I can share something so intense, so deep it will change your life."
"Morinth, I can't deny how much I want you." Success, oh this will be satisfying.
Turning to face him as she stood Morinth removed her blindfold, her hopes jumping when Shepard didn't stop her from taking it off. "Do you really mean it? You'll be with me?" she inquired with genuine enthusiasm in her tone.
"I will"
"Come here, Shepard." she whispered huskily as she pulled him up from the couch into her arms.
Once again she let her eyes turned black, "Embrace…"
Gasping Morinth looked down to where Shepard had stabbed his knife all the way into her thigh before turning her disbelieving gaze, the black bleeding out of it, to his face. Looking at her gravely Shepard spoke ignoring her pain,
"I thought about Ashley earlier tonight, I still miss her."
Falling silent Shepard unconsciously twisted the knife in Morinth's leg causing her to fall down with a cry of pain. Looking puzzled for a moment Shepard saw her blood and finally knelt beside her as he seemed to remember that he had stabbed her. Callously wrenching the knife from her and wiping it clean on the inside of her leg he continued in a far away voice talking to the asari as she curled up in pain grasping her wounded thigh,
"You have not failed completely, I no longer dream of the nights I spent with Ash…that void is being filled; the physical pleasure you have shown me has replaced that loss. The dreams are now of the moments we spent together simply taking comfort in the other's presence. That is what I need now and your doctrine of lust has not given me that."
"I did not fail you; your own weakness that demands you not be alone failed you. My system is proven; I have enjoyed life for centuries with no attachments. The pleasure I experience from filling my desires more than makes up for a lack of attachment." argued Morinth fearful that Shepard would see her has useless, just as he had her mother, and that she would lose her chance to take his essence in a joining.
Shepard looked at Morinth sadly before removing a unit of medigel from his pocket and applying it to her leg. "That is because you have never loved someone. While lust is certainly a part of it there is something more; and it is this factor that base desire is not replacing. I will continue to use you to find carnal pleasure but I now realize that I need to find another sensation to fully replace Ashley."
Once again Shepard fell silent and his attention wandered from Morinth. Thinking he was done talking to her Morinth began to crawl towards her desk for some painkillers when she was stopped by Shepard gently taking her hand.
"I do, of course, need to punish you for attempting to kill me again." he said, Shepard's gentle grip becoming unyielding as he slowly applied pressure to one of Morinth's fingers until he heard it give a pop. Shooting Morinth a look of warning that froze her as she began to pull away he reached to dislocate another finger.
Jacob entered the captain's quarters eying the commander hunched over his desk warily. Steeling himself to confront Shepard about Samara's murder Jacob began, "Commander, I need to talk to you. Have to clear the air, you know."
"What are you talking about Jacob?" Shepard asked wearily not taking his eyes off the picture on his desk.
"Samara, I know what you did," accused Jacob, his voice rising as he continued. "How could you, she was a teammate, she trusted you! And you killed her freeing a monster in the process."
"Oh, that. Yeah, well I had my reasons."
"Care to elaborate commander, because I'm just not comfortable following orders from the kind of man who betrays squad mates." Jacob demanded.
Finally giving Jacob his entire attention Shepard debated his options. He could always kill Jacob; no, Miranda, Tali and Kasumi would rebel over that. Perhaps he could deny it; but no, Jacob wouldn't have come to him without proof. That left convincing Jacob it was the right thing and to keep his mouth shut about it.
"Fine, I'll tell you why. Samara promised to kill me after the mission was over. I can't go into battle with someone who wants me dead watching my back."
"What, she said that? Why?" asked Jacob.
"Because I violated her stupid Code. So, I replaced her."
"Not good enough, commander; how am I supposed to know you won't 'replace' anyone else?"
"Well, unless the rest of the crew all start criticizing me and threatening to kill me and then turn out to have body doubles with deadly biotics and fabulous breasts the situation with Samara really wouldn't be analogous." chuckled Shepard. "I made the right choice, I always do. That is why Cerberus brought me back, I get the job done. Now that you know the truth don't tell anyone else, it would hurt morale and not everyone can control their emotions enough to understand my logic."
Mulling over Shepard's words Jacob slowly nodded, "Right, it's above my pay grade to second guess you anyways. I won't tell anyone, sir."