Sonic's Last Bet
All the characters have fun differently. What happens when someone bets that they couldn't have fun with every other member of the gang and still keep their sanity? Insanity, thats what!
I don't own my own ass, much less Sonic. If I did own Sonic, this is the kind of stuff that would happen to Sonic on a daily basis. "Thank you Sega for owning me, and not selling me to Radman! Thank you!"I do not own Halo, Microsoft/Bungie does.
Note: thank you to Darkspine Shadow, who is more or less the inspiration for my "Amy rapes Sonic" plotline. In my opinion, he executed it much better than I did, and is a much better comedian than me. So if you want to see some real humor, check out "Meet the Dooms".
Second note: I just realized that I contradicted myself in the first chapter. At first, I made it seem like Knuckles was guarding the Master Emerald when Sonic called him, which implies he was on Angel Island. Then, he tells Sonic that he was at a party at Shadow's. I would like to inform you that he really was just guarding the Master Emerald, and made up being at Shadow's party as an excuse to not have to go to Sonic's. He then saw the potential to get Sonic to make a bet, as he is a chronic gambler. For those of you who believed that Shadow could actually throw a party, see: Shadow and Omega: Quest for a House. Shadow has no house. Even if he did, he wouldn't throw a party. For those of you who believed Knuckles, go through the McDonald's drive through and order a life, a brain, and a large fry with extra salt.
Third note: you suck. In other news, you, yes YOU can help decide Sonic's fate by voting in a poll on my profile page to decide who Sonic has to entertain next. Then, watch as I put Sonic through every horror imaginable by using this character. Vote now, as new chapters go up fast!
Chapter 4: Dr. Eggman Robotnik
Sonic woke up with Tails sleeping on top of him, curled up like a cat, and drooling on his face. Quickly pushing him off, he groaned and rubbed his ravaged lower portions, still quite abused and sore from yesterday's horrific ordeal. At times he wondered why he insisted on winning this bet. After all, it was only two hundred dollars, right? But it was more. He couldn't admit that Knuckles was right! He had to prove him wrong, just to do it! And that motivated him to do crazy things. Sonic really needed to take one of those classes on avoiding peer pressure. After he had consumed yet more or Knuckles' food, Sonic sat down on the- oh wait, Tails destroyed the couch... sat down on the floor and watched TV. Knuckles woke up, and came downstairs in pink chao covered pajamas, complete with bunny slippers. Sonic burst out laughing when he saw him, and wouldn't stop until the destroyed Black Comet somehow passed Earth again on it's fifty year loop. When Sonic finally stopped, Knuckles said
"Are you done?"
"Yes... HA HA HA!" He laugher for at least another decade, but when he saw Tails growing a beard, he figured it was time to stop.
"Alright Knux man, who gets to put me through living Hell today?" Sonic said.
"Lets see..." Knuckles said pulling out a rather long list which trailed so far that it rolled out and around the entire earth and came behind where they were and kept rolling. Hey, don't blame me that Sega decided to make so many God damned characters, and make them all so retarded. "Eggman."
"WHAT! You retard! Eggman's not even our friend? How am I supposed to entertain him? Besides, he'd kill me!"
"Oh, don't worry about that, I bought you some life insurance. Also, I just saved ten percent on car insurance by switching to Geiko!" Sonic's eye started twitching.
"YOU CENSORED RETARD!" Just then, Tails started running around repeating after Sonic.
"Nice one Sonic, you just taught Tails the F word." Knuckles said.
"Who gives a crap! He can't get any more God damned annoying, might as well give him a curse word dictionary so he can learn how to curse fluently in Japanese, so that when the next Sonic game comes out, he can cuss out Jun Senoue and Yuji Naka!" Now it was Knuckles' turn to have the eye twitch.
"By the way, I was just kidding before, I didn't buy you life insurance. I should have though. I made everyone who signed up sign a waver agreeing that they wouldn't kill you, but it was your fault if you commited suicide to avoid having to do anything..." Then, Knuckles' eyebrows did the wave.
"Stop that!"
"Stop what?"
"That!"
"This?"
"Yeah, that!"
"Oh, so you have something against people who have highly flexible eyebrows eh? Your one of those racist people eh? I bet your in one of those stiff eyebrows supremacy groups! I have a dream. A dream that one day, my children will be able to sit down with the children of former non eyebrow wigglers, at a table of brotherhood. I have a dream that they will be judged by how... um... gooder they are instead of the wigglyness of their brows. I have a dream."
"Okay... I'm going to go now, before I catch your retardedness. I heard that it's contageous. Gotta go!" So Sonic raced towards Eggman's newest base. As usual, even though Eggman said he wanted Sonic to come inside, Eggman's robots tried to destroy him, and failed, as usual. Once he had gotten inside, Eggman menacingly said
"You're late." It was very dark. All that you could see was the doctor's shining glasses, and a poster of Jessica Simpson on the walls. But that's not important. Or is it? O.o Just then, Eggman threw the light switch to reveal a party room. There were scientific geniuses partying like only nerds could.
"Wtf? A party? For what?" Sonic said.
"My birthday!" Eggman replied. "Seeing as you are my most worthy enemy, I figured that I would invite you to my party, and we could have a good time!" Then Sonic felt really guilty. He had thought for sure that Eggman was going to do something evil, but he genuinely wanted to have fun with him. He invited him... to his birthday party?
"Gee, sorry Egg, but I didn't know, or I would have brought you a present, or something." Sonic couldn't keep his eyes off the floor.
"Oh, it's perfectly alright! Now, who wants to have a conga line!" This complicated matters a bit, seeing as Sonic was a little over three feet tall, and the other people were full sized humans. He managed to get kicked in the face quite a bit. After they had utterly exhausted a conga line, Eggman said, "Alright, gather round everyone! We've hooked up exactly seven Xbox 360's and were going to have a Halo 3 tournament!"
"Here's something I know you can't beat me at Eggie."
"I wouldn't be so sure, I can be a real nerd sometimes." It was surprising since he was mixed in with such a large gathering of nerds, but Sonic did extremely well. Only Tails had ever beaten him before, and that was back before he went insane. It came down to Eggman and Sonic. Eggman's screen-name was THE EGGMAN, and Sonic's was Sega Lord. Eggman had a Spartan Laser, but Sonic had a pair of SMG's and fully loaded on plasma grenades. When they finally met, there was a climactic battle where Eggman simply lasered Sonic and killed him without Sonic even getting a shot out. Sonic couldn't believe it. Eggman had beaten him. THAT NEVER HAPPENS!
"Congratulations on holding out as long as you did little guy, I am a master. You're officially a nerd now!" When Sonic realized that they had just nerdified him, he did the same Darth Vader ROTS no from last chap.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!1!!1!!1!!too!!many!!exclamation!!points!! When they realized that Sonic wasn't really a nerd, but just really damn good at Halo, they preceded to use him as the party pinata. For future reference, nerds do not generally have very high hand eye coordination. Every single one of them managed to hit him in the groin at least once. In between screams of pain where he sounded like he was on a gallon of helium, he managed to think, Well, look on the bright side. Amy won't be able to rape me again for at least a month, maybe two! The scientists then 38th class mailed him back to Knuckles. Five years later, the package finally arrived, Sonic shaved off his beard, and settled in on the floor of Knuckles' house.