A/N: This chapter was a bitch to write requiring several rewrites and I'm still not happy with the result. That being said the plot points I needed to hit have been covered and I can now move on to future chapters that are hopefully less fraught with writer's block.
A bit of dialogue is from the game but taken out of context and slightly altered, don't sweat the small differences. There is reference to a plot line which has been dormant for a while so if you need to refresh your memory the events referred to by Shepard on Bekenstein happened in ch. 10: Commeatus.
And, as always, please review; it can only improve the story.
FALSA OPINIO pt. 2
Miranda stood in front of her full length mirror casting a critical gaze over the flawless body it reflected. Finally satisfied that everything did, in fact, live up to her perfect genetic potential Miranda slithered into her favorite lingerie; the sheer, black silk had never failed to attract its target's full attention and, while Miranda did not expect it to be needed for this encounter, it never hurt to be prepared. Feeling her cool hands trace the lines of her freshly shaven legs as she pull the panties on Miranda allowed herself a brief smile…how could the quarian hope to compete with this? It would be laughable if not for its pathetic hopelessness.
Putting on her Cerberus uniform Miranda felt a welcome sensation of relief at the prospect of her plan's imminent success after its many difficulties. Tali had filled her role of bringing Shepard back to operational status to perfection. Between Tali's fawning over Shepard after his suicide attempt and her adolescent-like infatuation with him following her trial the quarian had managed to restore Shepard to a semblance of the man who defeated Saren while managing to become the galaxy's most revered hero despite the other race's inherent distrust of humanity. But now Tali's usefulness had expired and it was time to ensure that Shepard did not become equally enamored of her.
Reviewing her plan to steal Shepard from Tali Miranda's optimism faltered as she remembered that a semblance of that hero was all that Tali had been able to recover. Murdering quarians to secure Tali's acquittal was most definitely not the action of the 'Hero of the Citadel'…but, hopefully a semblance would be enough to defeat the Collectors. Besides, that ruthless streak gave Miranda the ammunition needed to split Tali apart from Shepard if the quarian proved an unexpectedly tough rival. Giving her mirrored image one last inspection Miranda left her office heading for the elevator, confidence apparent in each step she took.
At the sound of the ship's intercom crackling to life Miranda stopped to listen to Joker's request that Shepard get down to engineering to stop Jack from killing Ken. A sense of excitement trickled through Miranda…engineering, a perfect place for this confrontation. Somehow, all of the crew's most disruptive elements, besides Shepard of course, had wound up stationed on that deck. From the Cerberus hating Jack and Tali, to the insane krogan, to the unreliable loyalties of Zaeed, who was only loyal to credits, and Gabby and Ken who were loyal to the 'Hero of the Citadel' rather than to Cerberus the engineering deck was filled with possible sedition. And here was a perfect opportunity to remind all those potential malcontents that Cerberus, and by extension Miranda, was in complete control.
Standing by the elevator doors Miranda heard the lift descend past her on its way to engineering accompanied by the faint sounds of what might have been Shepard's frustrated swearing at Jack's behavior. Miranda decided to give Shepard some time to deal with the irate convict before following him down to engineering, after all Miranda knew that after having to deal with Jack's particular brand of psychosis the contrasting nature of Miranda's own advances would be irresistible. Settling herself against a bulkhead facing the elevator Miranda waited for the proper moment to make her appearance in engineering, and to destroy the meddlesome quarian. Hell, Miranda reflected, they do call me the 'Ice Queen'; its time to remind them that they're my subjects.
Filled with curiosity, and desperate hope, Shepard refused to take the seemingly sensible route and leave the scarred woman to her memories. Instead, he moved closer to the biotic's huddled form warily settling himself against the corner of Jack's desk across from her position on the narrow bed. Watching Jack carefully for signs that she might attack him Shepard began speaking; trying to pull Jack from her reverie hoping that whatever her problem was he could somehow solve it and thereby earn her appreciation, just like the mission to Pragia worked out.
Carefully reviewing what he had learned after having entered engineering Shepard absentmindedly spoke soothing platitudes to the unresponsive convict as he mulled over what Jack's recent actions had revealed. Suddenly, in a flash of rare insight Shepard felt all the clues begin fitting together; Jack's anger triggered by the dark, Ken's accusation of Jack being afraid making it worse, Jack's own unthinking references to 'the darkness'…she really was afraid of the dark. The guards, prison gangs she killed…whatever made her fear the dark had occurred on Purgatory. Taking in Jack's vulnerable looking state as she sat slowly rocking herself back and forth while refusing to acknowledge Shepard's presence in her private sanctuary he remembered the uncharacteristic fear in her eyes when she had seen him before slipping back into her memories…fear of a man in her private space. She's been raped; and the dark, for some reason, reminds her of it, Shepard realized with a twisted feeling of satisfaction, maybe this is something I can help her with.
"Jack, you're safe now. Purgatory is behind you, you're free now." he ventured, hoping to finally breach the woman's dark memories.
When it soon became apparent that Jack was going to continue ignoring him Shepard continued, "Purgatory was destroyed in your escape so we can't blow it up like we did with Pragia but perhaps there's something else I can do to help. How about after all this with the Collectors is over we track down any surviving guards and prisoners, would that help?"
"No, it didn't fucking help when I killed some of them, killing more wouldn't be any different." replied Jack, still refusing to make eye contact with Shepard.
Dismayed at Jack's response Shepard's shoulders slumped at the prospect of not being able to help Jack overcome the ghosts of her past. Continuing to watch Jack, though, Shepard's determination to help her returned; after all she was the only crew member that seemed to need help of any sort at the moment. And, unless he wanted to spend his time thinking about Ashley and his many failures, Shepard didn't have much choice; Jack's pain was the only distraction from his own that was available.
"Tell me something I don't know about you." Shepard said, having realized that Jack's scars could not be healed by violence this time but rather through emotional support which he would have to give if he was to be rewarded with her appreciation.
"Nothing to tell. Why?" came the suspicious response.
"My ship, my rules."
"I'm here to fight for you. Nothing says we have to be friends. But whatever…" Jack said before gathering herself and continuing, "Something you don't know, huh? Obvious stuff like what's up with my ink, or something else just as boring?"
"How about why you're afraid of the dark." Shepard eagerly responded.
"Fuck you, commander. I told that asshole Ken and I'll tell you; I am not afraid of the dark." Jack replied defiantly.
"Really?" asked Shepard his voice dripping sarcasm, before he called up EDI and issued the AI orders, "EDI, shut down all power to lower engineering's lights…both primary and secondary."
Several minutes later with his sense of hearing heightened in the enveloping darkness Shepard could detect the barely audible sobs of the distressed biotic. Satisfied that his point had been made Shepard ordered EDI to turn power back on before returning his attention to Jack who was rising to stand from her previous huddled position, "Let's try this again okay, Jack? Obviously there is something to talk about, you're afraid of the dark...so, talk to me."
"Damn it, Shepard! Fine, I'll 'talk' to you just keep the fucking lights on. But…before I do talk it's my turn with the questions. People usually walk by now, why are you really asking me this? Are you eyeing me up? 'Cause if this is just about sex maybe you should just fucking say so."
"I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to."
"Figured. People always want something. Well, what, right now then?" said Jack as she circled Shepard, a predatory glint in her eyes as she gave him a challenging push.
"Alright, Jack. I like how you move." Shepard answered as he pulled the slender woman to his chest leaning down to kiss her.
"I bet you do." answered Jack roughly shoving Shepard backwards against a bulkhead before his lips could find hers.
Darting towards the off balance SPECTRE Jack grabbed his throat forcing him into a deep kiss on her terms. Breathing heavily the convict broke away from Shepard walking backwards to her desk which she quickly swept clear. Having knocked any impediments to the floor Jack threw Shepard a challenging stare that prompted him to follow her lead and finish clearing off her desk. Once an area was cleared for them Jack again leapt at Shepard jumping up to wrap her legs around his waist forcing him to bear her weight as she writhed against him.
Stumbling back and forth the two fought for dominance with first one and then the other managing to control the pace of their encounter. Finally, after slamming Shepard against a bulkhead, Jack was able to catch him off balance and tip him onto his back atop her desk with her still firmly straddling his waist. Smiling at her victory Jack leaned back from where she had been pressed against Shepard's chest and ground her weight against him feeling his hardness twitch beneath her.
Tilting her head back in anticipation Jack eagerly unzipped her pants before doing the same to Shepard. Still fully clothed, or at least as clothed as Jack ever was, she guided his length inside of her crying out as Shepard entered her fully, causing Jack's eyes to roll back in ecstasy. Moving herself faster and faster as her orgasm built Jack slid up and down Shepard her cries growing louder as her pleasure intensified. Rocking aggressively against Shepard grinding her hips in circles on his Jack suddenly tensed in anticipation of release…until she felt Shepard's hands grasp her hips possessively.
At the feel of Shepard trying to take control of her Jack panicked, memories of Purgatory flooding back, gasping she threw herself off of Shepard frantically looking for somewhere to hide. Propping himself up on his elbows Shepard watched in bewilderment as the frantic woman desperately backed away from him. Cursing himself Shepard realized that if his guess about a prison rape was correct then having sex with her probably wasn't the correct way to go about helping her. Desperate to repair the damage he had caused Shepard pleaded with her, "Jack, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen…I'll leave now, okay."
Hearing his voice seemed to shake Jack out of her blind panic, though her eyes remained wild with fear. Looking at Shepard Jack saw the glowing light of his scars and remembered the sight of him releasing her from the darkness of her frozen nightmares. Slowly calming down Jack saw the obvious concern in Shepard's expression and made a sudden decision to accept his help.
Gathering her courage Jack began speaking, though she still avoided eye contact, "Shepard, on Purgatory I…I was raped."
"I guessed as much, Jack. And I sorry for doing this, it's not what I meant to do; I really do just want to help you." Shepard responded gently.
Ignoring him Jack kept talking, tears beginning to leak from her eyes leaving trails of make up across her face, "They used darkness to get the drop on me and I couldn't stop them from…doing it." Finally mastering her fear Jack managed to look Shepard in the eyes before continuing, "I want your help, Shepard. You freed me from those memories once; maybe you can do it again."
"Anything you think will help, Jack." replied Shepard immediately, though he was confused at her mention of him saving her from memories, "What do you need me to do?"
"Those bastards on Purgatory took control from me, only light gave be back control of my own body. Then the same fucking thing happened with cryo; only when you got me out of that darkness could I control my body again." taking a deep breath Jack forced herself to continue, "Could, could you let me be in control? I want you…but I, I need you to give me control of my body again."
"What do you want me to do?"
"Just lie down and do what I tell you to." said Jack, her voice growing stronger.
"Okay, but first let me get rid of the engineering crew."
Having waited by the elevator for twenty minutes Miranda decided she had given Shepard enough time to deal with Jack and summoned the elevator to the crew deck. Upon exiting the elevator Miranda found the entire motley engineering crew, as well as the specialists quartered on the deck, standing nervously outside the door to engineering. Their expressions ranged from the Zaeed's leering grin to Gabby and Ken's unsettled faces.
"What's going on here?" Miranda inquired, cocking a perfectly groomed eyebrow.
After several seconds of awkward silence Zaeed let out a coarse chuckle before explaining, "Well, Shepard apparently got fed up with the psycho's attitude, ordered us all to stay out here. And then the screaming started; it only stopped a couple of minutes ago."
Eyes losing their focus as the scarred merc relived his memories Zaeed continued, "I haven't heard someone scream like that since this one time when me and some of my mates took down a slaver ship full of asari. Ah, I'll never forget how those caged bluebirds sang…good times."
Hearing a soft sob at Zaeed's words Miranda tore her disdainful gaze from the merc to look at Tali. The quarian stood motionless, except for a barely discernible shaking, facing away from the engineering door looking into the vehicle bay as she desperately hugged herself. Managing to suppress a smile at Tali's distress Miranda was pleased that Shepard's harsh punishment of Jack had apparently shown Tali just what he was without Miranda having to utilize the information about the murdered quarians, now that could be saved for a future need…after all knowledge is power. Content with this turn of events Miranda resigned herself to waiting in the hallway enjoying her unexpected victory over both Tali and Jack.
"Talk to me, Jack"
"Are you fucking kidding me, you want another of those chats now?" the biotic responded from where she sprawled exhausted on her cot.
"Yes. I want to help you and, while letting you be dominant might be somewhat helpful, talking about problems is more effective; at least according to what the ship's resident shrink has told me repeatedly."
"But you said you wanted sex from me."
"No, I could have waited for the sex. But you are right; I do want something from you now."
"What the fuck are you talking about?" asked Jack suddenly wary.
"I need to see you happy, that's not so bad now is it?" he responded soothingly.
"Isn't that what you were just doing, dumbshit." Jack caustically replied.
"Funny, but that wasn't enough. I need you to be at peace with yourself, Pragia helped with that, this helped, but I think this thing with the dark still haunts you."
"No it doesn't."
"In that case you won't mind if I have EDI turn the lights off, will you?"
"Nope, not at all."
"Okay," Shepard said before calling EDI's avatar back up, "EDI, turn off power to…"
"Stop! Fine, Shepard you win, just leave the fucking lights on." Jack pleaded before remembering something Shepard had just said that she had forgotten in her panic over the lights, "So, what is it you want from me then, if not sex?"
"Let me lay this out for you simply; I help you, then you're so grateful and happy with the result of my help that you realize you need me." Shepard calmly stated.
"You're insane. How the hell did I get labeled the psycho on this ship?"
"Because you're afraid of the dark and are still trying to refuse help."
"I…I just don't want to talk about that, Shepard. Please, just go away."
Surprised at the pleading tone in Jack's normally confident voice Shepard decided to continue being patient with her in the hope that eventually Jack would let him help her. "I want to know more, and I'm not going away. So, if you don't want to talk about that yet, then tell me about something else."
"You're not really interested unless it affects you. I've been through all this shit before, even if what you want is a little different from what most assholes are after."
"Just because I'm after something doesn't mean you can't benefit from it as well." Shepard confidently replied.
"Maybe..." Jack said skeptically, "I have eyes, and I have history. You'll back off as soon as you realize you're not the first and I'm immune to your 'help'."
"You work pretty hard at not letting people get close."
"You let someone get that close, it just means they need a shorter knife. Lonely and alive works just fine, thanks."
"I know you've been betrayed a lot, Jack; and I can't make all that go away, not in a few talks."
"No kidding, told you this wouldn't work. Guess you'll be spending more time upstairs with the quarian."
"No…I'll be here."
"Why? I don't get you. Why do you keep bothering me?" The biotic asked in frustrated bewilderment.
"Because I know from experience that lonely and alive is not 'just fine'; there needs to be something more. Remember when we had a talk on Bekenstein after blowing up the refueling station? You said you'd help me move on from my past. I need that help and if you let me aid you in getting over your own past you'll have given me what I need too."
"Fuck it…I'll talk, but not about Purgatory, at least not yet."
At Shepard's nodded agreement Jack continued, "Murtagh, a guy, used me like the rest, for sex, for biotics…it was fun. Then he ruined everything. We tagged a weapons frigate and got separated. He had a choice, leave with the guns or come back for me. Idiot dumped the score…I made it to the shuttle but no way he was getting out."
Seeing Shepard's interested expression Jack went on, her voice cracking, "I fly for a day or so, then the shuttle kicks out this recording; he'd set it to play if he hadn't checked in. He talked about the future we were supposed to have, how he planned to set us up a home, how…how he loved me and he was sorry it wasn't going to happen."
Imitating the empathy Kelly always employed when talking to him Shepard questioned Jack, "And you feel like it was you fault?"
"Murtagh did it to himself; you feel, you get sloppy. It's that damn simple. He found out and you found out when that Alliance bitch left you, you're just lucky to have made it this far because your aims so damn bad you can't even shoot your own head." Jack spat at Shepard.
Silence followed Jack's last, accusatory statement seemingly stretching out to fill the room with Shepard's anger. Finally Shepard broke the tense silence, "You're right, Jack. Feelings do weaken us…if they are out of balance."
Bowing his head Shepard appeared to gather himself before continuing, "Let me explain, I've come to learn during my unwanted second life that if one emotion dominates your existence then you are weakened by it, but if there is a balance you can endure the travails of life. For example, as you said, I was weakened by the pain my 'love' for Ashley exposed me to, I had placed too much of myself into that emotion. The same thing happened retroactively for you when Murtagh's actions on your behalf were revealed. We both replaced that feeling of love, which had caused us pain, with anger and hatred in an effort to never have to deal with that pain again. But look at the different pains that decision has caused us to suffer instead; I have lost everything good from my previous life and am completely alone, just as you are. This has weakened both of us; I couldn't live with my losses and tried to kill myself. You, meanwhile, have no ability to cope with distress besides anger and, when that fails as a coping mechanism, you're lost. Your fear of the dark which anger couldn't solve by killing people is proof of that."
"If you're such a fucking genius then what do we do about it?" demanded Jack, captivated by Shepard's bizarre monologue.
"We find feelings to compete with the hatred and anger but we don't let any of them become predominant. I've found lust to be somewhat useful but lately I've used the appreciation of others to vicariously experience pleasant emotions. Anger and lust are still necessary, though, so I need to find someone who appreciates those emotions as well."
"So that's why you want to help me, the quarian can't fill your lust or anger. Just like I said, 'everyone wants something'. Too bad you're not very good at helping; turning the lights off on someone terrified of the dark and having sex with a rape victim aren't really that fucking helpful."
"Yeah…sorry about that, I'm still working on this, okay?" Shepard said sheepishly.
"Well try harder, Shepard." complained Jack before continuing hesitantly, "You said…lust can be used, right?"
"Sure."
Standing up from her bed Jack approached where Shepard sat on her desk placing her foot on his chest and kicking him sprawling onto his back. Climbing over him Jack whispered, "Remember, I'm in control…and you will call me Mistress."
"Listen, sounds like Jack's recovered enough for Shepard to start in again." laughed Zaeed breaking the silence in the hallway outside engineering, his auditory implants allowing him to detect the noise before anyone else could.
Shaken out of the trance she had slipped into waiting for Shepard to finish punishing the convict Miranda straightened herself trying to hear what Zaeed was talking about. Slowly the noises filtered to her as they grew in strength.
"What! Are those the same sounds you heard earlier?" exclaimed Miranda, shocked at what she heard coming from the engineering bay.
"Sure are, couldn't mistake that for anything else in the galaxy."
"But I thought you said the asari slavers you captured made that noise." Miranda said in confusion.
"No, no, no…the slavers were batarians, they just yelled and then kind of gurgled before dying. It was the slaves who were asari, and they sounded like that, though with much less swearing. They were very appreciative of our efforts."
"Hah, gurgling." Chuckled Grunt, once again outpaced by the conversation.
Looking around her at the irritating inhabitants of the engineering deck Miranda took in the crewmembers' various responses. The expression of Gabby and Ken spoke of embarrassment while the quiet, stifled sobs of Tali would have been heartbreaking, if a heartbroken Tali wasn't part of your plan. Cursing this turn of events Miranda stormed into the elevator leaving the engineering deck behind her and heading for the communications room. As much as Miranda wished she didn't have to, it was her duty to report this latest development to the Illusive Man.
Several minutes later Miranda stood stoically in front of the Illusive Man's image having given her report. Her calm fading at under his displeasure Miranda summarized her report at the Illusive Man's request.
"Yes sir, Shepard and Jack were engaged in sexual activities." Miranda repeated, sure the Illusive Man made her say this again simply to impress upon her the extent of her failure.
"I see. This is an unacceptable situation, Operative Lawson. According to all the reports filed by Kelly Shepard has been extremely open to influences since his resurrection, especially from people he feels a relationship with. We assigned you to Project Lazarus so you could build a relationship with Shepard and use it to ensure that our investment is returned. We even engineered his isolation from Chief Williams so you could step into that void. You have failed to do so, though."
"Yes sir." Miranda ground out through clenched teeth, furious at the Illusive Man's rebuke.
"Cerberus has invested too many resources into Shepard to allow him to be influenced by a psychopath who hates our organization so deeply. We have taken all the capital risks of fighting the Reapers and we need to recoup that investment to insure Cerberus, and humanity's dominance once they are defeated. Getting Shepard to fight the Reapers doesn't require much influence; his instinct is to fight against impossible odds. What we need influence for is the get him to fight for Cerberus' interests. That, Miranda, was your mission in Project Lazarus." The Illusive Man lashed out, frustration finally breaching his façade of calm control.
"I know sir. This is a setback but I'm already developing several plans that can get this project back on track." Miranda said in an attempt to defend her performance.
"We'll see about that, Miranda. Remember, if you fail at this so many of our resources will have been squandered that we might have to find new sources of funding… perhaps even sources that were once allies but are now enemies. If we have something they want badly enough to convince them that investing in us is worthwhile."
"Yes sir, I understand. I will complete the mission, at any cost." stated Miranda, her face paling at the Illusive Man's implied threat.