Sonic's Last Bet
All the characters have fun differently. What happens when someone bets that they couldn't have fun with every other member of the gang and still keep their sanity? Insanity, thats what!
I don't own my own ass, much less Sonic. If I did own Sonic, this is the kind of stuff that would happen to Sonic on a daily basis. "Thank you Sega for owning me, and not selling me to Radman! Thank you!"
I do not own any meaninful ideas. It's true.
There is a new poll on my profile page. The winner of the poll (or at least, the fic idea with the most votes) will be made into a new fanfiction!! The rest will have to wait ;)
All my religious jokes are all in good fun, I make fun of my own religion too, so you can't whine. Besides, it's fun!
I actually hate rap, except when Weird Al does it.
I don't own Monty Python, Cast Away, or your soul. Yet.
When I write a word, and it's followed by (?), even I'm not sure how it is physically possible.
Check out my other fic "How to tick off the Sonic characters" where I make fun of all the characters and generally try to piss them off.
Chapter 7: Black Doom
Sonic woke up with even more party stuff on him than he had on him when he woke up yesterday. No Tails to bug me! Somewhere off in a secret base, Eggman was still screaming
"No Tails to bug me!" Shadow was a hero. Why Sonic didn't think of capping Tails earlier, we'll never know, perhaps it's because out of the three sainest, smartest, and not retardedest people in this fic, he's at the bottom. Today, he ran out to eat, as he figured he'd mooched enough of Knuckles' food for awhile.
When he got back, there was no Tails to scream at him, and annoy the hell out of him, which was unusual. He sat down on the floor (there's still no couch, remember), and decided to read until Knuckles came down. Fifteen minutes later, he thought, So this is how much you can read in fifteen minutes without an evil crackhead trying to murder you! I never knew I could accomplish this much in an hour! Soon, Knuckles came down in his same pajamas, and made himself some coffee.
"Sup Sonic."
"Morning Knuckles. How many days in a row have we had a party every day? We could like do it again today again just to start a tradition."
"We could, but we have to shop for a new couch, and then you still have somebody you need to entertain." Knuckles said inbetween sips of scorching coffee. "By the way, how can you take this much time off work?"
"I don't have a conventional job. All my money comes from royalty fees people have to pay to use me." Sonic said proudly.
"In other words your a hobo now." Knuckles duly noted.
"Pretty much." Sonic replied.
"Alright, how about this. If we can find another couch, and you can get your person to admit they had fun with you by eight, we'll throw another party."
"That would be like the fourth party or something this week, including Eggman's birthday party!" Sonic said.
"We also have to figure out another problem." Knuckles sighed.
"What now?"
"We don't need to do it today, but eventually we have to find another fly character since Tails got pegged with fifty million Chaos Beams of Doom by Shademan."
"Wonderful." was Sonic's sarcastic retort. Soon, they were off on a valiant quest.
Yuji Python and the Holy Couch
One day King Sonic and his trusty knight Sir Echidnalot were walking around, clanging together coconuts in their hands to make a riding a horse sound effect. Soon, they stopped on a random sidewalk crossway, while the light was green. Ignoring shouts of "Move asshole!" from people in nearby cars, Sonic looked to the heavens, and he saw the face of his author, in all it's glory appearing to him! He fell down in his knees and began bowing muslim style.
"Oh almighty author the wise, the merciful, the intelligent, the skillful, the awesome, the incredibly handsome, the-
"That's not how it happended at all!" The real Sonic said, interrupting my tale.
SILENCE! I SAY IT WAS THAT WAY, AND SO IT WAS WRETCH! YOU ARE MINE TO COMMAND! Now, where was I...
"the ruler of the universe, the sweetest thing to ever exist, the-"
"That is enough slave."
"What would thou have me do oh Lord of the universe?" Sonic said.
"Go unto the city of somewhere. There, thou shalt find thyself and thy friend a new couch. Thou needest this holy object of mine mercy, for thou butt cheeks art getting very bruisedeth with thou sleeping upon the unholy floor."
"But oh God, creator of everything, how wilt I know whence I have discovered the holy couch of your mercy?"
"I say unto you oh faithful servant King Sonic, DO YOU THINK I GIVE A DAMN HOW YOU FIND IT! FOR GOD'S SAKE, EITHER GET IT OR ROT IN HELL! In my mercy of course." And so, Sonic and Knuckles pranced about, looking high and low for any signs of a couch. Once they tried to steal one from an old lady, and got severely beaten by the wrath of her mighty purse. Once, they had to fend of the terrible guardian of the couch, a ridiculously fat persian cat who refused to get off the couch they were trying to move. They tried taking one from the evil King Egg, who sicked his army of robot Knights on them. They got it, only to discover it was metal, and wouldn't do anyways. Just when they were about to give up, they saw the most perfect couch in the world, with a light shining down on it from heaven. Just as they were running up to claim it, a chicken jumped at them from behind it.
"Stand aside friend, I will take care of this one!" Sonic said, drawing his sword(?), even though he had neither a sword nor a sheath two seconds ago. Sonic and the chicken were locked in epic combat. Finally, Sonic sliced the chickens wing off. "Ha! Now how will you fight me!" He turned around to get the couch, and the chicken started attacking him with the other wing. He sliced it off. He started to bend down to try to pick up the couch (which would have herniated him anyways), when the chicken started kicking him in the leg. He stood there staring at it awhile, as if very annoyed, before slicing that leg off. The chicken started head bonking Sonic in the shin. The sliced it's other leg off. "There, now you can't do anything stupid retarded CENSORED chicken!" But when he turned, the chicken rolled on top of the couch and took a crap on it.
"OMFG! YOU STUPID GOD DAMNED CENSORED, CENSORED, LITTLE CENSORED, SON OF A CENORED CENSORED CENSORED!!" Sonic screamed so loud that people ten year in the future heard his echo. The chicken smiled(?) with satisfaction, just before Sonic cut it's head off. "NOOOOOOOOOO!!" Darth Vader no from ROTS "That was the perfect holy couch!" Knuckles patted Sonic on the shoulder to comfort him.
"This may not be a good time, but couldn't we just go to the store?" Knuckles suggested.
"You CENSORED, CENSORED, CENSROED, that's the worst GOD DAMNED idea I've ever heard." Sonic waited a second, and then said "Wait! I've got a brilliant idea, let's to the store to get one!"
"That sounds like a great idea!" Knuckles didn't even realize what Sonic had done this time.
And so, five minutes and a hundred and fifty dollars later, Sonic and Knuckles (although mostly Knuckles were carrying the couch back home when a flock of chickens flew(?) over, seeking revenge for their lost comrade. They started bombing the area with droppings.
"Holy shit!" Sonic screamed.
"Wow, literally, holy shit!" Knuckles yelled back. "We've got to save the couch from the holy CENSORED!" The censorship machine miraculously turned back on as soon as my gag was over.
"I'll shield it with myself!" Somehow, Sonic's body shielded the entie couch, and Knuckles carried it home unharmed. Sonic then showered all the holy crap off of himself.
"Alright, what time is it?" Sonic said.
"Six thirty, you only have an hour and a half to make... Black Doom, have fun, or your party's screwed." Knuckles said
"God dammit!" Sonic rushed off to the crashed temple on a deserted island where Black Doom and his volleyball Spalding lived.
"Oh, is that what your brother Wilson said!" Black Doom conversed with his volleyball with a very bad face drawn in purple crayon on it. Let's just say three fingers aren't good for much.
"Hey Doomboy." Sonic said.
"Who the HELL are you! Oh wait, you're that goodie goodie friend of my rebellious offspring Shadow, aren't you!"
"Uh... I guess?" Sonic answered.
"What's up man!" Doom yelled.
"Are you insane?"
"If I'm not, then you must be stupid, since you thought that I am. If I am, what are you doing talking to a crazy person?"
"...Touche." Sonic said. "So, what do you want to do that's fun?"
"How about we decapitate innocent humans, and drink their blood while it's still alive, and we run our fingers through their brains, and bite off their testicles!" Black Doom said.
"Two things. One, you have no mouth, so you can't do a single thing on there except run your fingers through their brains. Secondly, how about I give you a twenty and you tell Knuckles that you had fun instead."
"Thirty."
"Fourty."
"Fifteen, take it or leave it!" Doom yelled.
"Okay... fifteen. Whatever." Sonic said as he pulled out a fifteen dollar bill(?), gave it to Doom, and sped off. He arrived one second after 8:00.
"You're too late."
"Once CENSORED second! You have this party, or I will show you, not tell you, the list of things Doom wanted me to do." Knuckles eyes got very wide, and he silently picked up his cell phone. Then, at the party, Black Doom, Knuckles, and Omega had a trio rapping thing. Knuckles had this huge golden necklace that said "KE", and the Master Emerald(even though it was stolen), hanging around his neck(?). Omega had chains, a can of WD40, and a laptop hanging from his neck. Doom had lot's of alien blingage Mr T style. They all had rapper hats(even though Doom's head is wide, and Omega's is flat). They all rapped. Eggman rapped about how he was the fattest of them all, Omega about how nerdy he was, etc. Then, their speakers(?) exploded.