Sonic's Last Bet
All the characters have fun differently. What happens when someone bets that they couldn't have fun with every other member of the gang and still keep their sanity? Insanity, thats what!
I don't own my own ass, much less Sonic. If I did own Sonic, this is the kind of stuff that would happen to Sonic on a daily basis. "Thank you Sega for owning me, and not selling me to Radman! Thank you!"
I do not own any meaninful ideas. It's true.
I am the real wise master of retardedness.
Aren't you guys glad I stayed up to all ungodly hours of the night finishing this chapter instead of sleeping in the night before I went on vacation, so that you guys would finally have an update? Never say that I don't do anything for my fans.
By the way, Amy will probably rape Sonic about five hundred times in this fic. By the end, there will probably be a Sonic Jr.
To Jarkes on his review: Yes, Silver's appearance did have to revolve around time travel, a) I was satiring how pointless of a char he is b) he's from the future, how am I supposed to include him without doing a shitty back to the future parody. -- I can't. Blame Sega for their pointless and retarded character, not me. It would be helpful if you could tell me what you didn't like in the last chapter, so I can not make the same mistake again. Thanks. :)
To -- on his review: Maybe you're right, I sort of was overusing the censorship gag.I'll try to include less censorship. (This does not neccessarily mean more swearing)
I do not own your soul. I'm sure some of you would be more than happy to give it to me though ;)
When I write a word, and it's followed by (?), even I'm not sure how it's physically possible.
I'm sort of running out of ideas PM me character suggestions for the next chap, along with any gags you can think of, and I might use if for the next fabulous chapter of Sonic's Last Bet.
Chapter 9: Miles "Tails" Prower
Back in present time, now that Tails was alive again, Silver was in the future again, and the author was still reading off the list of retarted characters he started reading two days ago, Sonic was asleep. That is, until Tails pounced on him, cat style, and tried to scratch out his eyeballs. Screaming shrieks of terror that would have scared a nightmare, Sonic attempted (and generally failed) to pry Tails off his face. It was not until four hours later, when Knuckles, using a crow bar with all his might, managed to pull Tails from his death grip.
"Are you ready to die Sonic?" Knuckles said in a challenging tone, referring to their running contest.
"Oh, I'm ready alright. I'm so ready that it would make Spongebob cry!" Sonic replied.
"Wow, that's really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really ready!" Tails screamed.
"No really?" Sonic said sarcastically.
"Really really!"
"Really?" Knuckles said stupidly.
"Froggy, where are you!" Big chimed in.
SILENCE! I must now lecture you all on how annoying you are, so that I have an excuse to appear and play the part of the almighty author. Now, I am really tired of always listening to all of you idiots babel back and forth about nonsense, pointless jargon, and redundant, retarded garbage!
"Really?"
Yes, really!
"Really really?"
Yes, really really?
"Really really really?"
No.
"Really?"
Yes fool! Now, be silent, or I will have to kill you!
"But if you do, I'll just come back as a ghost, so ha!"
Not if I don't include it in the story you won't!
"If I pay you half a chicken, will you give me an almighty backscratch?"
First off, what the hell does that have to do with me wanting to smite you, secondly, how will you give me half a chicken, and last, what makes you think I would give any of you puny mortals a backscratch, much less you!
"Cause pies are good!"
Only intelligent thing that's come out of your mouth the entire fic.
"Really?"
Urg! Now you must die!!Pie!!On-the-fly!!In-the-sky!!And-I-don't-know-why!!Hey-look-at-that-guy!!I-can-ryme!!Worth-a-dime-!!Hey-look-at-the-time!!Shoutout-to-Angel-Demonic-Shadow!!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMM!! And great buckets of shellfish fell in a holy, purifying, senselessly destructive rain from the heavenly heavens. Tails inflated like a balloon until he popped.
"Yay, let's have another party!" And so, everyone partied again (for like the seventeen billionth time that week)
"You lost." Knuckles said vaguely.
"What?"
"You lose. You were supposed to entertain him."
"How am I supposed to if he's dead?"
"Your problem, not mine. Hey, Shadow's kind of emo-gothic, maybe he know's a thing or two about death and how to communicate with the undead souls of the damned which you summon forth from the twisting nethers of the flaming underworld of doom despair and death. Good luck with that!"
"Thanks!" Sonic replied sarcastically. And so, Sonic searched far and wide, high and low, under rocks and in vats of radioactive poison, where the Yetis live, and on the inside of errupting volcanoes, but no sign of Shadow could be found. However, he did find Big.
"Where's Froggy?"
"You lost Froggy again?"
"Froggy, where are you?"
"I'll take that as a yes. Hey Big, if you help me find Shadow, I'll help you find Froggy."
"Okay buddy old pal!" Big said as he gave Sonic a bear hug which undoubtably snapped Sonic's spine in √(16.3x2+14x+68)(72x2+3x+87) divided by 500 pieces (You can tell that I'm working on polynomials in Algebra, can't you, I will admit that anyone who can simplify that to it's simplest form without using either a calculator, or a cheap online simlifier, and get it correct, is half as awesome as I am.)
"Don't... do that... again!" Sonic gasped.
"Why?"
"I think you ruptured my spleen!"
"What's a spleen?"
"One thing you don't have in addition to not having a brain!"
"OHKAY!"
"Oh noes, somebody else who's capable of misspelling speach! THE HORROR!"
"Can we just look for Froggy already?"
"After we find Shadow."
"Oh, I saw Shadow in the graveyard over there." Big said as he pointed to a scary, evil looking graveyard.
"Okay... right. I'm off."
"But we havesn't foundeded Fwoggy alweady!" Big whined.
"Hey Big, I think I saw Froggy jump into that volcano over there!" Sonic said as he got out his camera.
"i'M cOMING fROGGY!" As Big fell down the shaft and was incinerated by the lava, Sonic shot enough photgraphs that once sold on eBay, he could live off the money for exactly 3687 years and 92 ½ days(?).
"Stupid cats." Sonic mumbled. "I hate em. They must all die." He then erected a sign above the hole of the volcano that said 'Free catnip, tuna, and milk' He then started walking towards the scary graveyard of doom just in time to not be trampled by the stampeding mass of cats throwing themselves into the volcano. He entered the cliche graveyard, complete with the ground hugging fog. But instead of finding Shadow performing satanic rituals, or trying to exhume Maria's nonexistant corpse, he saw him battling a horde of evil, flesh eating, purple(?) zombies, armed with 2x4s with faces drawn on one side. Sonic jumping into the Brawl (no seriously, he was included in a video game after that moment), and helped Shadow kill the zombies. It was like a remake of Resident Evil 3 ½ (?)... except with anthro hedgehogs... one of which had no shotguns... and there wasn't some overly sexualized president's daughter... and... oh forget it... Once they had vanquished all the evil spawn from hell, both of them wiped the blood off of themselves with the nearest towel. Once they had been cleaned of the vile stuff (which smelled vaguely like white grape juice, and probably tasted like it too, despite having the texture of tomato paste 0.o), Sonic said,
"Yo, Shads, wasup."
"Just because I programmed Omega to annoy you with gangster vocab, doesn't mean I am one."
"Uh... Swirls of darkness, evil... death... must cut self. Was that more of your language?"
"I'm not an emo!"
"Then why did you just flip out on me?"
"If you want a favor, you're heading down the wrong road to get me to give it to you."
"Okay, I need a way to commune with the dead spirit of Tails."
"Talk to Knuckles about that"
At Knuckles house
"Talk to Jet about that"
"Jet's dead, retard."
"Oh yeah. Talk to the author about that."
On my phone line
Talk to Tikal about that.
"But you're supposedly all knowing!"
Silence! Talk to Tikal about that.
At... I don't know, the Master Emerald
"Talk to Chaos Zero about that"
"Okay... Chaos... how do I commune with Tail's spirit?"
"insert various water splashing sound effects"
"What the hell did he say?"
"He said 'Speak to the one called Doom'"
The Deserted Island Doom fell onto
"Talk to Yuji Naka about that."
Sega headquarters
"Talk to Big about that one."
"But Big is dead."
"Sorry, he's the only one who knew the secret of communing with the dead."
"There has to be somebody else!"
"Hmm... well, there's... nah."
"What?"
"Well, you could always see if Eggman knows anything about it."
Eggman's painfully obvious evil base of doom and global domination with a huge neon sign that says 'Eggman's Evil Base', and a name which was the prefix of 'Egg' for no particular reason.
"Talk to me about that."
"I am talking to you retard."
"Darn it! I thought maybe that would fool you, and you would go away!"
"Still here!"
"All you have to do is mail yourself to:
Miles "Tails" Prower
666-6 Hades Drive, Lake of Fire, Hell
666-666-666 (666-666-666-666-666-666-666-666-666-666-666-666)"
"So what's the catch?"
"It's getting back that's the hard part. You have to disguise yourself as a demon to be let on the elevator that goes back up here."
"Wait... there's a CENSORED elevator?"
"Don't ask."
"I won't."
"I suggest you hurry."
"Why?"
"I see Amy running this way."
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" With that, Sonic dived through the elevator door, which for some reason was in the middle of Eggman's base. Once he had found Tails, suddenly, everything turned into a really bad, B 1970's Japanese movie where their mouths move before the works come out, and and every attack uses the exact same generic karate chop sound effect.
"Okay, let's finish this."
"Yes, lets. You are strong, but not strong enough for me."
"Give it your best shot. There's nothing you can come up with that I can't do?"
"How about this, go back out and let Amy catch you!"
"Urg! You have discovered my weak point! Never! Urg! Urge to resist rising!"
"You would lose your honor then?"
"No! Sonic does not lose his honor!"
"You have already sacrificed your virginity to keep your honor, would you endure the ordeal again?"
"Urg! Honor against the wellbeing of my lower portions! I can't take much more! She's goign to kill me!"
"I have a solution!"
"What, oh wise master of retardedness?"
"As soon as your are done with my portion of the bet, get a restraining order on Amy. Your... ahem... extremities... will recover from their injury in due time."
"Surely, you art the most wise idiot in all the land, oh master of dumbness."
"Yes, I am." And so, Sonic rode back up the elevator to face his fate. Well, you all know the rest of the events which filled the rest of Sonic's day. O.o Need I say more?