Sonic's Last Bet

All the characters have fun differently. What happens when someone bets that they couldn't have fun with every other member of the gang and still keep their sanity? Insanity, thats what!

I don't own my own ass, much less Sonic. If I did own Sonic, this is the kind of stuff that would happen to Sonic on a daily basis. "Thank you Sega for owning me, and not selling me to Radman! Thank you!"

I do not own any meaninful ideas. It's true.

I am the real wise master of retardedness.

The notes and disclaimers at the begining seem to grow with every chapter. Why am I adding this then?

I do not own your soul. I'm sure some of you would be more than happy to give it to me though ;)

When I write a word, and it's followed by (?), even I'm not sure how it's physically possible.

WARNING: This chapter contains a comedic spin of the "birds and the bees", "where babies come from" and "whis is sex" talk every boy and girl hear eventually. However funny it is, it will be mostly accurate, and if your parents have not had this talk with you already, you may want to skip this chapter. By reading this chapter, you accept full responsibility for reading it, and your parents can't get pissed at me for teaching you what sex is, as it is rated T, I have this disclaimer, and if your on the internet, and don't know what sex is, your either very lucky, very unlucky, or have very lazy parents. I'll try to keep it comparibly mild, but if you think this warrants an M rating, tell me.

I do not own sex. Having something and owning something are two different things ;). But seriously, I've never actually had sex. No, I will not do it with you, so don't ask.

I do not own any porn. Honest.

I do not own any good disclaimers ideas. They all suck. Sort of like this one.

I should file a trademark on censorship, then I could say "I own censorship".

I do not own a bra, as I am I guy.

I do own all of these one of a time sex related disclaimers.

I own... oh forget it, I don't own shit.

I don't own... oh forget it, I don't own shit.

(INSERT POINTLESS AND REDUNDANT DISCLAIMER WHICH EITHER ISN'T FUNNY, OR REFERENCES SOME STRANGE RANDOM OBJECT WHICH REQUIRED NO SKILL OR CREATIVITY TO CONJURE UP)

I'm sort of running out of ideas PM me character suggestions for the next chap, along with any gags you can think of, and I might use if for the next fabulous chapter of Sonic's Last Bet.

Okay, this chapter is one big gag. Angel-Demonic-Shadow brought it to my attention that Shadow has appeared in every chapter of the fic. So I thought "If I can somehow make a chapter Sonic is not in, Shadow will have been in more chapter's of Sonic's fic than Sonic.

Chapter 10: The random chapter for no apparent reason, which is obviously only included so that Shadow can be in one more chapter than Sonic in Sonic's fic, which came about as a result of the author's fanboyism, and Angel-Demonic-Shadow's comments about Shadow being in every chapter, combined with extreme boredom, drugs (just kidding), sex (just kidding), and pink elephants (not just kidding).

Shadow was sitting on the couch in the living room(?) of Club Rouge, when all of the sudden, for no apparent reason, even though he was dead, Tails decided to appear and annoy Shadow.

"Shadow, will you get me some pickles? What are you watching? Why is your chest fur white?" Shadow ignored him for awhile, but finally Tails asked, "Hey Shadow, where do babies come from?" Shadow thought back to when the Professor had taught him biology, and recalled the part of reproduction. Shadow saw nothing wrong with answering, truthfully, to an eight year old, precisely where babies come from.

"Well Tails, babies are made mutually by a man and a woman. The process is called the reproductive cycle."

"Ooh... sounds shiny!"

"You have no idea how shiny sometimes... Anyways, back to what I was saying. The baby's first orgins lie in an act at the begining of the baby's existance, even before it was born."

"Really?"

"Don't start that again!"

"Okay, please continue."

"Alright, this act, which starts the cycle, goes by various... ahem... more vulgar names, but usually, it is referred to as 'sex'."

"I've heard that word before!"

"I wouldn't possibly know why with Sonic in the house." Shadow said sarcastically.

"So what happens?"

"Well... hm... the man's... hm... well, his ahem... johnson gets all... long and hard... and he sort of... puts it inside the woman." Shadow was trying to say it as gently as possible, but Tails didn't seem to get it.

"Oh, so he pushes his dick in her?"

"I suppose you could say that."

"Then what?"

"Well, after the man and the woman have 'had sex', if the woman's egg fertilizes, then a baby will be born?"

"When they 'have sex', do they grunt and scream?"

"Why?"

"Cause I hear Amy and Sonic all the time, and Sonic is always screaming 'No, I'm too young to die of brutal rape!'" Shadow's eye started twitching, and he said,

"It's no wonder you're insane."

"Hey Shadow, have you ever had sex?"

"Is that any of your business?" Shadow hastily said.

"I'll take that as a yes."

"I didn't say yes though."

"You might as well have."

"Shut up."

"With whoooooo?" Tails said while winking and smirking.

"Um... -cough-Rouge-cough-cough-."

"Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Does that mean Rouge is going to have a baby?"

"I don't know."

"Well, it seems that you know other things" -wink-

"Will you can it?"

"NEVER!!strawberry-jam!!Darth-Vader!!Nintendo-Wii!!Shit!! In the name of sex, I say never!!"

"Great, looks like I've inadvertently given him one more way to be annoying. Now he'll probably get in to crappy hentai (for those of you who don't know, hentai is japanese anime porn, and it's nasty, stupid, and artless, not to mention gay)! Dear Lord, what have I done! Please, forgive me of my sins!"

You are forgiven. Now that you have taught Tails, ahem, the birds and the bees, I can use that as a future gag. Thank you, faithful servant.

"You don't mind?"

No. Now, Tails will be even more annoying.

"Speaking of which, how many times are you going to kill Tails and make it seem like he's never coming back, only to bring him back like next chapter?"

Tell me how many cells are in your body, and you have your answer.

"Oh God no!"

Oh me yes!

"Shadow!" Rouge called from upstairs.

It seems the lady is waiting on you, puny slave.

"So it seems. Mind running... wait, do you even have feet? Hmph, never mind. Would you mind taking Tails to Sonic's for me?"

Not a problem at all mortal-ling.

"Thanks."

Don't mention it. No, seriously, never tell anyone I did you a favor, or I'll smite you, and resurrect you just so that I can smite you again, a thousand times. And Shadow?

"Yes?"

Bow chika bow wow!

"Oh shut up big wussie fag!"

Silence! I may be a big wussie, but I'm not a fag! I can prove it! Jesus is my son, which logically means I had sex with Mary!

"How can a God have sex?"

If you'd truly like to find out, I can arrange something with one of the female gods. If not, SHUT UP THY FILTHY GOD DAMNED BASTARD!

"Hey, I have a father, in fact, I have two!" My eye now took it's turn twitching. "Not like that you retard! Oh never mind!"

Good, now I can sign these poor mortals off. Today's show was not brought to you by: Undergarments, Birth Control, or Abortion, all in the business of hindering the reproductive cylce, all the way from sex, to birth. Todays show WAS brought to you by Radman "go hump that mexican chick" (INSERT LAST NAME HERE) and a scary guy in a dark cloak trying to turn you to the sith. Also brought to you by: boobs, eye twitching, laptops, parrots, cheese, butter, Metalica, poop, and Invader Zim. Thank you for watching. Tune in next week for more of Sonic being tortured, the unveiling of Tail's new knowledge on... ahem... to Sonic and friends, and another appearance by none other than me, and possibly another reference to Angel Demonic Shadow.