Sonic's Last Bet

All the characters have fun differently. What happens when someone bets that they couldn't have fun with every other member of the gang and still keep their sanity? Insanity, thats what!

I don't own my own ass, much less Sonic. If I did own Sonic, this is the kind of stuff that would happen to Sonic on a daily basis. "Thank you Sega for owning me, and not selling me to Radman! Thank you!"

I do not own any meaninful ideas. It's true.

I am the real wise master of retardedness.

The notes and disclaimers at the begining seem to grow with every chapter. Why am I adding this then?

I do not own your soul. I'm sure some of you would be more than happy to give it to me though ;)

When I write a word, and it's followed by (?), even I'm not sure how it's physically possible.

To Jarkes: You can't say I didn't warn you. Nuff said. You chose to read it.

This chapter may not be quite as humorous, because it addresses serious concerns about flaming. This is indended for Flame Rising as much as any of my "fans".

It appears I have been flamed by an imfamous flamer, Flame Rising. Obviously, if my story attracted the attention of such a notorious flamer, I must be doing something right? :) Read the review to find out why I am against flames. You don't have to like my fics, you simply have to tell my WHY you don't like them, so I can improve. By the way, do not go to his forum and try to defend me, you'll just get ripped to shreds by his gang of lakeys. Feel free to go and look at my conversation with him though. Check the reviews page, click on the hyperlink for Flame Rising, click the link for the "ranting" forum, and jump to page... I think 59.

I'm sort of running out of ideas PM me character suggestions for the next chap, along with any gags you can think of, and I might use if for the next fabulous chapter of Sonic's Last Bet.

Chapter 11: Flames the Hedgehog

When Sonic woke up, strangely disoriented, as if he could not remember what had happened to him yesterday (probably a result of his author's extreme laziness and unwillingness to get off his ass and check the last chapter to see what happened). As he went through his usual morning routines (abeit, they were now at Knuckles' house). As he did, he wondered to himself, Why do I keep going through with this. Do I really care that much? This is going to kill me soon.

He was about to consider calling the whole thing off, and giving Knuckles his two hundred dollars, when Knuckles came down, this time, in a pair of hippy pajamas, complete with peace symbols, and pictures of marajuana.

"Dude, what's up with the hippy Pjs?" Sonic questioned.

"I happen to like my hippy pajamas, so what do you care?" Knuckles replied indignantly.

"I always thought of you more as the 'gangster' type." Sonic shrugged.

"Shut up! Anyways, I've got the person you have to entertain today."

"Look, Knuckles, I'm getting tired of this. You'll never run out of people to bug me. I was kind of-"

"Thinking of calling the bet off?"

"Sort of..."

"Well then, I guess everyone will have to know that Sonic is a big fat wussie wuss, who can't even do simple things like babysit Cream."

"I did that though!"

"But you don't even know who the person is and you already are wimping out!"

"Nope. Not going to convince me."

"I guess you're just chicken then."

"WHAT!"

"Just the other week, Shadow said, 'Sonic's never going to make it. He's a big fat wussie wuss, who can't even babysit Cream'."

"HE SAID WHAT!"

"And then, Yuji Naka said, 'Well, if Sonic can't buck up, I'm going to have to replace him with Shadow. I need a tough main character, not a big fat wussie wuss."

"ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT! TELL ME WHO THIS LOSER IS!"

"It's a hedgehog called Flames."

"Who the hell is that?"

"He is a critic of literature, completely devoid of any sense of humor. Nobody can make him laugh."

"Oh really? I bet this would make him laugh!" Sonic said as he made a silly face.

"Not even that."

"That's serious."

"Yep."

"What's wrong with him?"

"I don't know, but you'll have to fix it before you can get him to have any fun at all."

"Alright, I'll do it!" And so, Sonic rushed off. When he reached Flames' abode, he found Flames typing on his computer, flaming all sorts of literature. As Sonic read the review, he realized what horrific thing was happening here. Flames was breaking the hearts of poor fledgling writers who just wanted to share their passions with the world. Although many of the works Sonic saw with Flames' mark on them were bad, he had to admit, the guy was harsh. "Hey Flames."

"What is it?"

"Are you aware of our agreement?"

"Yes, but you will never accomplish your goal. Let's play a game, shall we? This is a little game I like to call:"Things That Could Make Me Have Fun Better Than You". The rules are simple. Correctly select which choice can make me have fun better than you. If you don't I may have to kill you grusomely with a rusty dagger. Options are as follows: A. My left testicle. B. A toilet-full of chunky diarrhea. C. An inbred midget clown who swims in choice B. D. All of the above. If you chose the correct answer, D, then you have won the following prize: A spot in my coveted category "Characters which suck more than a turd out of my ass". Don't despair though! Even if you didn't choose correctly, I will be kind enough to give you that prize anyway. Who said I don't have a heart?"

"Wow, that's harsh! But I will do it anyways. Tell me Flames, exactly why are you incapable of fun or laughter?"

"It's a long and pitiful tale, not that far from The Grinch...

One day, there was a child. He had lived a wonderful six years. All his grandparents were still alive to spoil him, he was the smartest kid in his class, had his dad's good looks, and absolutely loved fun. He would spend hours riding around on his tricycle, playing with his friends, and reading his favorite books. However, one day, he was so excited, he rode his tryke faster than usual. Faster and faster he went, until he rode over a rock. With a terrible lurch, he flew forward into the pavement. His helmet protected his skull, and his elbows and knees took the brunt of the damage. There, in his elbows and knees, all four of his funny bones were irrepairably damages. Try and try as they could, nobody around him could get him to laugh, no matter how funny it was, and could not get him to enjoy anything, even if it was something he liked before. He attained a very negative outlook on life, and began to find joy in the only way he was capable, putting those around him down to make himself feel better. He began to adapt an ideaology of "If I can't have fun, they shouldn't be able to either!". So he set out to ruin other people's fun, hopes, and dreams. Harshly, derogatorily, and even innapropriately degrading everything and everyone around him, he sank lower and lower into his habit, until he believed himself totally justified, and completely correct. He began to recruit others to join him in his activities, the only real friendships it could be said he had. Of course, who would want to be the friend of such a harsh criticizer. Even to this day, I am incapable of seeing life in an optimistic and light hearted way, and must nit pick and criticize everything.

"Wow, that's sad man."

"Yes... yes it is."

"I'm sorry that this happened to you."

"You... you are?"

"Yes. And I am going to do whatever it takes to help you. Do you want to have fun again?""...Yes, I think I do. I'm afraid that I've forgotten how though."

"I'll help you. We'll do it together."

"Alright..." And so, Sonic and Flames tried every fun activity you could think of, from bowling, to playing Grand Theft Auto and Halo, to childish things like playing tag. Sonic even bought a book of 5,748,256 ½ ways to have fun, and tried all of them, but not one worked. He bought the ultimate joke book, with every joke ever made in the history of the universe, and told them all, but not even a chuckle emitted from Flame. Finally, frustrated, Flames said.

"It's not you, it must be me. Damn it, what's wrong with me!" Slamming his elbow into the wall with frustration. A sickly crack could be heard, and Flame began laughing uncontrollably.

"What's so funny?"

"After years of disuse, one of my funny bones has been relocated to it's functioning position!" Flame said inbetween bursts of laughter.

"Hold still buddy!" Sonic cracked Flames' other elbow, and his knees, restoring his funny bones.

2 Weeks Later

Flames opened the love note. He read along the poetic lines which fluttered with grace and majesty, obviously penned by someone with experience. Then, he read a certain line, and did a double take. The line had complimented his breasts. Last he checked, he didn't have any. For a moment, he was wierded out, but then, he laughed, a skill which only a short time before, he didn't have.