Sonic's Last Bet
All the characters have fun differently? What happens when someone bets that they couldn't have fun with every other member of the gang and still keep their sanity? Insanity, thats what!
I don't own my own ass, much less Sonic. If I did own Sonic, this is the kind of stuff that would happen to Sonic on a daily basis. "Thank you Sega for owning me, and not selling me to Radman! Thank you!"
I do not own any meaninful ideas. It's true.
When I write a word, and it's followed by (?), even I'm not sure how it's physically possible.
If you're reading this, I've decided that I AM going to properly finish this fic, and the end is near. Of course, with the exception of the last chapter, its been a long time since my previous updates. I had some computer problems, and am still experiencing them, I've just found a temporary solution. In the time I've been gone, my style has changed, and I no longer really want to do this kind of fic. However, I feel I owe it to you as my fans to complete the story. So, I will finish, but expect a lot more serious themes out of me, and a lot less of this style of humor.
[Review count on Radman Remix increase- if yes, delete this note- if no: insert following a/n
Well, Radman Remix still isn't doing very well. Frankly, I might upload what I have now and scrap the rest of the project all together. It just not getting the number of reviews I was hoping for. I tried bargaining with my readers, blackmailing them for more chapters, advertising in my other fics, but nothing has seemed to work. Guess its back to the drawing board.
Well, my recent updates haven't been met as enthusiastically as I anticipated... I was considering extending the length of the fic to twenty plus chapters, but obviously that won't be in order. Unless something drastically changes, expect Chapter 15 to be the end :(.
Chapter 13: Shadow the Hedgehog
As the sun peaked over the grassy hills, the early morning mist seemed to step aside to make way for its arrival. The morning was filled with the chirping of birds, whose sweet melodies entertained all who passed. Breaking the morning peace came a loud noise, disrupting the thoughts of the passing Shadow the Hedgehog, famed hero of earth, ultimate lifeform, and moderately if not severely grumpy expert in butt kicking.
Cracking his knuckles, he stomped over to the door of the house from which the noise was coming, and rang to doorbell. Tapping his foot impatiently, he shuddered as another barrage of the hideous sound ravaged his ear-drums. When no one came to the door, he knocked excessively loudly and rudely, figuring that perhaps the inhabitant would think that he was a tax collector and answer the door.
When he encountered no such luck, the ebony hedgehog decided that he was fed up with waiting, and with drawn back fist, broke the door down, and stormed into the house.
Surely enough, there in the living room, sprawled out on the floor lay the sleeping forms of Sonic and Knuckles, both of whom were snoring so loudly and obnoxiously that he had heard it a block away. Covering his ears as another wave of the sound rolled over him, he walked slowly into the kitchen, where hill filled a bucket of water in the sink.
"This'll teach them to ruin my morning!" He muttered as he dumped all the ice in the freezer into the oversized bucket. Stomping back into the living room with the heavy container in hand, he snickered smugly as he drew it back and dumped its contents all over the sleeping heroes, jolting them from their annoying slumber.
"What the- ooh, that's cold!" Sonic shouted as he jumped up, banging his head on the low-hanging chandelier that had only been there since yesterday...
"What did you do that for Shads?" the groggy red echidna grouchily asked.
"Why? I'll tell you why! I can't even enjoy a CENSORED walk in my own neighborhood because I have to be subjected to the horrible noises you two make while you sleep! I saved this God damned planet, don't I have the right to enjoy it?" Shadow angrily explained.
"Not if it interferes with my schedule..." Sonic mumbled as he 'rolled over' in the puddle of freezing cold water.
"Get up you bastard!" Shadow seethed as he roughly kicked Sonic in the back, causing him to lurch up angrily.
"Why if I wasn't-" Sonic began, before Shadow flared in reply.
"Next time, I'll aim for where it'll really hurt you!" Shadow snickered as he indicated Sonic's groin area.
"Now, now girls, there's no need to fight over me!" Knuckles taunted as he separated the two enraged hedgehogs, "And actually Shadow, this is really quite convenient!"
"How's that dumb-ass?" the scarlet striped hedgehog replied.
"I'll take that as a compliment. Anyhow, you happen to be the person Sonic is supposed to entertain for today!" Knuckles answered enthusiasticly.
"I didn't sign up for this, what makes you think I'll agree?" the ultimate lifeform questioned with narrowed eye.
"Are you kidding? It's like a free 'beat up Sonic all you want' ticket! Or you could have him do your chores! You could force him to danger a highly perilous volcano to retrieve the rarest gem in the world! He's yours to command for a day!" Knuckles explained. As he did, and evil sparkle crept into Shadow's eye.
"You know what Sonic, starting now, you and me are going to be spending lots of time together!" Shadow snarled as he grabbed Sonic's foot and began dragging him off.
* * * *
"You want me to what?" Sonic asked in disbelief.
"You heard me right. I don't know where to find any of these things! You're my only hope!" Shadow pleaded, as he handed Sonic the list.
"Shaddy, did you get me my watermelon and chicken sandwich yet?" Rouge called out from the other room.
"I'm going to get it right now, love..." Shadow said as he put on headphones and shooed Sonic off to the grocery store. Soon, Sonic was in the checkout line with all the strange and random foods that Shadow had put on the list, waiting for his turn. When he got up to the register, he gasped in shock as he realized who the employee was.
"Mighty? It's been years man!" he said in surprise.
"Oh, hey man, how's the video game business treating you?" the estranged armadillo asked as he began scanning and bagging Sonic's stuff.
"Well, I've been in a bit of a slump lately, but I'm sure I'll come out of it soon..." the azure hedgehog replied with uncertainty.
"Uh huh. That's what I said too, and look at me now... Hey, what's up with all this random food? Watermelons, chicken breast, pecan pie, baklava, and Pringles? You got a pregnant girlfriend or something?" Mighty asked in suspicion.
"Actually, its for Shadow." Sonic said distantly, before realizing his mistake.
"Oh! So you and him are together, my mistake!" the armadillo slapped his forehead.
"No, I mean, it's not like that!" Sonic hastily tried to make up for it.
"Don't worry buddy, you don't have to pretend around me, I'm all for gay rights and all that. If anybody gives you any trouble, just call your old pal Mighty, you hear?"
"Yeah." Sonic said, humiliated beyond belief, and concluding that he could never convince the stubborn armadillo. With that, he took the groceries and left.
* * * *
"Here's the stuff you asked for, bastard!" Sonic said as he shoved the assorted food at Shadow, "It cost me my reputation!"
"Your reputation for what?" Shadow asked, confused as to the origin of Sonic's anger.
"My reputation for masculinity!" Sonic seethed as he pouted.
"Uh... you never had a-" Shadow began, before Sonic told him to shut up. Seeming to accept this reply, Shadow left to present the random food objects to his apparently pregnant girlfriend. When he returned, Sonic was there, awaiting his next task.
"So what do you want now, gaywad?" Sonic snarled, still not over the horrifying incident.
"Here why don't you take this list of tasks, accomplish as much of it as you can today, and we'll call it even." Shadow said distantly.
"Fine!" Sonic remarked as he snatched the list and began to read it.
List of Chores for Sonic to Do
Kill all Shadamy fans in the world
Appease Elise
Scrub my toilet
Prank Knuckles in my name
Assassinate Bill Gates
Eat only one potato chip
Video tape self dancing "I'm a barbie girl" in pink tutu, and submit to YouTube under my account
Torture self with various sharp objects
"He's completely lost his mind!" Sonic remarked as he called up Knuckles, "I can't do this, he's-"
"Will that two hundred dollars be cash, credit, or check?" Knuckles sneered in reply.
"…Fine! Don't be surprised if this kills me!" Sonic remarked. He then went to the nearest armament store to buy a twelve gauge. Unfortunately, he had already spent much of his money on Shadow's groceries, and so, could not afford any bullets.
For this reason, he had to resort to beating the Shadamy fans with his twelve gauge rather than shooting them. However, while infiltrating one Shadamy HQ, he uncovered one rather disturbing photograph.
"She rapes him too?" he said in surprise after examining it, "Dear God, Shadow's trying to destroy evidence! I guess I'll just have to save it to black-mail him later!" Sonic snickered as he pocketed the incriminating picture.
As little as Sonic really wanted to 'appease Elise' at the moment, he knew that if he refused, the bet would be lost, and that would mean Knuckles had been right, and he couldn't very well allow that, now could he?
It was for this reason that he sat on the side of the road with a big sign that said: Hedgehog seeking human girl with orange legs. Before long, she had shown herself, and the indecent exposure had ensued.
* * * *
Luckily for him, the exhausted Sonic, who had been woken up at an ungodly hour with a splash of freezing water, had fallen asleep part way through being raped, and had only experienced half the torture.
Once he had woken up, the indignant Sonic (whose bottom half was now slightly sore), had travelled back to Shadow's to 'scrub his toilet'. However, he figured that now was as good a time as ever to use the ammo he had uncovered at the Shadamy HQ. Copying the photo and hiding the copies in ultra secure places such as right out in the open, he confronted Shadow.
"Have you scrubbed the toilet yet?" the dark hedgehog asked with an evil smirk. Sonic only chuckled in reply.
"I want to to call up Knuckles right this instant and tell him I win." Sonic said with confidence.
"And why would I do that?" Shadow confidently replied.
"Because I have this!" Sonic smirked, presenting the photograph he had discovered before. The ultimate lifeform balked, and then angrily tore the picture to shreds.
"What now?" he asked with anger. Sonic yawned in reply, before presenting his cocky answer.
"I have other copies. You will call Knuckles and do as I ask, or I show this picture to Rouge!" Sonic threatened.
"Alright! You win!" Shadow conceded, knowing that Sonic was just desperate and crazy enough to attempt such a thing. Soon, Sonic was leisurely strolling back to Knuckles' house to turn in early. On his way, a car pulled to a stop beside him, and the passenger rolled the window down.
"What's up Sonic?" the annoying crocodile asked.
"Not much..." the blue hedgehog replied in exhaustion.
"So... Mighty told me about you and Shadow..." Vector said.
"Arg! I'm going to kill that CENSORED armadillo!" Sonic shouted as he rushed off.
No need, allow me! I boomed as a fatal lightning bolt speared the irritating armadillo. It will all be over soon my slave... soon...