Sonic's Last Bet
All the characters have fun differently. What happens when someone bets that they couldn't have fun with every other member of the gang and still keep their sanity? Insanity, thats what!
I don't own my own ass, much less Sonic. If I did own Sonic, this is the kind of stuff that would happen to Sonic on a daily basis. "Thank you Sega for owning me, and not selling me to Radman! Thank you!"
I do not own any meaninful ideas. It's I write a word, and it's followed by (?), even I'm not sure how it's physically possible.
Well everybody, THIS WAS ORIGINALLY GOING TO BE THE SECOND TO LAST CHAPTER. I hope you enjoy it, it and the next chapter are going to be long ones, so I hope you won't be disappointed. Due to an increase in reviews, hits, and popular reception of this fic and "To Walk a Mile in Their Shoes", I will focus on them more.
TAILS DEVELOPS A CHOCOLATE ADDICTION
THE RETURN OF TAILS WITH KNOWLEDGE OF WHERE BABIES COME FROM!
Chapter 14: The Radman (The Author!)
Up in the heavens, great obsidian storm-clouds gathered around a glowing red dot, as thunder bellowed mightily. Streaks of lightning curved within the clouds, as the storm brewed. And within the mighty storm, there was a voice. My voice to be exact.
Hmm... nothing I try seems to work... I pondered, flexing my mighty brain muscles like Arnold Schwarzenegger. He is still standing tall amidst all the strife I send his way!
I'm running out of ways to make his life miserable! Does he truly value a measly two hundred that much? As I spoke, the thunder roared with each word, my anger was apparent. Nobody stands up to me and lives to tell the tale with their nether regions intact!
Beware Sonic the Hedgehog, you're about to face your worst nightmare!
* * * * *
After murdering a massive mob of Sonadow Slash fans with a rusty dagger (they had 'heard the news' from Mighty), Sonic had gone on an evil rampage, gunning down any politician he encountered, much to the delight of the local populace, since he was in Venezuela for some unspecified and never afterwards mentioned reason...
In any case, he was burning, killing, and destroying with a tenacity that would have made Eggman weep with envy when a firm hand clasped his shoulder, and he snapped around with a loud,
"Hi-yah!" and an overly exaggerated karate chop. The figure that had been behind him and now was in front of him grabbed his hand, twisted it until a loud snapping noise was heard, and released it.
"Oh my God, I think you broke my wrist!" Sonic screamed as the searing heat in his arm grew to such intensity that he hallucinated pink ponies prancing about in the background... or did he?
Ahem, in any case, he was greeted by a rather irritated Knuckles, despite the fact that Knuckles had just broke his arm off more or less.
"Hola estupido! Un dia es el dia! Mama de tu es gorda, y tu no habla espanol, y tu gordo tambien! Ha!" Knuckles said in a very convincing Mexican accent.
"What the hell? Was that Portuguese or something?" Sonic asked, totally stupefied.
"That was Spanish you idiot. Might I ask why you are going on a crazy Bolivian rampage... in Venezuela? I mean really, its uncalled for! Take your Bolivian anger to Bolivia!" Knuckles said as though it made all the sense in the world that one's anger could have a nationality...
"I have no idea what you just said, and I'm pretty sure it was English." he replied.
"Retarded idiot say what!" Knuckles shot back with narrowed eyes.
SILENCE! I have no time for your idiocy!
"If you have no time for our idiocy, then why did you write this, and make everyone in it, even to a certain degree yourself, an IDIOT!" Sonic yelled, breaking the third wall for like the seventeenth time.
I SAID BE SILENT! Author Powers! And with that, as if some invisible sewing machine had passed by on a path of destruction, the poor hedgehog's lips were sewn shut!
"Purely out of curiosity oh mighty author, isn't it a bit early in the chapter for your intervention? I mean, don't you usually wait until we least expect it at the end to CENSOR everything up?" Knuckles asked.
I always censor everything. But yes I usually do wait until the end to make your lives miserable. However, for this specific chapter, I am making an exception!
"And why might that be?"
Check your list, pathetic one.
Knuckles grumbled indignantly as he pulled out a crumpled piece of paper with crude names.
"Let's see... already did Big," he mumbled as he scanned over the scribbled list of remaining torturers. "Ah here it is! …Radman? What the hell, I didn't write this here!"
Doesn't matter! It's on the list, so obviously, he's meant to do it!
"Can't argue with that logic!" Knuckles said dumbly, despite Sonic making silent no gestures.
Excellent! We start immediately.
"Oh, uh Sonic, I'll leave you here with Raddy. I just remembered... I forgot to water my plant." Knuckles excused, looking for any reason not to be included in my horrible wrath.
"You don't have a plant." Sonic insisted, his eyes narrowing dangerously.
"What do ya know! Guess I'll have to get one so I can water it. Toodles! :)" Knuckles replied before speeding off with speed to rival even Sonic's speediness.
Did he just use a smiley in speech? Imbecile.
"Now don't you go speaking Spanish on me too!" Sonic said to the sky, since that was where he thought God lived. This made him look exceptionally stupid to the passerby's, but what do I care?
I was speaking English you moron. I can't help it if I have a vocabulary that is advanced to such a ridiculously high degree that your pathetic mind is completely incapable of comprehending its complexity.
"Let me take a wild guess and say you found a dictionary."
SILENCE! Now, on to the torture.
"Oh yay." Sonic said in mock enthusiasm.
In the style of Dante's Inferno, I will now send you to the most horrible place in the universe!
"Hell? Oh please say Hell. Tails isn't there."
I forgot about the pathetic fox with dual appendages. I guess I'll send him too!
"NO!! You CENSORED CENSORED CENSORING CENSORER!"
I didn't know that there were that many expletives that describe male anatomy. I can add them to my vocabulary now! Oh, and Sonic?
"Dare I ask how you will finish that sentence?"
Tails learned where babies come from. Sonic's eye began twitching madly, while he raved something about not being able to slam a revolving door.
There was once a beautiful, peaceful land called an "amusement park". There was food of high quality at the stalls, the lines were short for the rides, and the people there were generally happy.
No, this was not where Sonic was sent to. He was sent to Disneyworld.
Upon arrival, Sonic asked "Can't you send me to Euro Disney instead? At least they serve alcohol there, so I can get over this!"
No.
"Damn it!"
Just then, the monster that Sonic most feared today started charging right at him. Tails flew through the crowd at Disneyworld, shouting "Sonic, Sonic, Sonic, Sonic, Sonic-"
He crashed into Sonic, then said in a hyperactive tone "Sonic, you won't believe what happened! The author brought me back to life, the thirteenth level of hell was extremely fun, and Shadow told me that babies come from a man and a woman having-"
"TAILS!" shouted Sonic as he covered Tails' mouth. "This is a kids' park! If you talk about you-know-what here, you'll get us in trouble!"
Tails calmed down, then said "If you give me some sugar, I'll stay quiet about that subject for a guaranteed three minutes!"
Sonic thought it over, then said "Deal!" They marched into the candy store, looking at the colorful display of high calories and low nutrition.
Tails looked over all the treats like a shark would look at a dying seal. As his ravenous hunger for sugar continued to grow, he looked out of the corner of his eye and asked "Sonic…Do you know the muffin man? What's Soylent Green made out of? And what's that brown stuff by the counter?"
Sonic noticed that Tails was pointing at the fudge section, and gasped with horror at the thought of Tails plus chocolate. With quick thinking, he said "You don't want that, Tails! Trust me…chocolate is the worst tasting candy ever made!"
Just then, the clerk behind the counter asked "Did I hear you two talking about chocolate? We do indeed have a fine chocolate selection here! How about a free sample?", holding up a piece of chocolate in front of Tails' watery eyes.
Before Sonic could do anything. Tails jumped up and gobbled up the chocolate piece out of the clerk's hand. Sonic shouted to the clerk "Do you realize what you have done?"
Sonic then looked over a Tails and said "Buddy…please tell me you're still in there somewhere!"
Tails started twitching faster and faster, before finally shouting "YES! I've found my calling! Today…chocolate will rule!" He then pulled a CENSOREDload of money out of nowhere and bellowed "Give me all the chocolate you can with this money!!!"
Sonic pushed Tails aside and said "Tails, don't do this! I won't let you!"
Tails looked at Sonic with puppy eyes and said "But, Sonic…I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it-"
Sonic retreated to the corner of the shop, wondering "What have we done? What abomination have we started today?"
Tails left the shop dragging an entire crate of chocolate behind him. In a last desperate attempt, Sonic asked "Shouldn't you hold off on eating that chocolate until we get home?"
Tails responded by opening the crate upside down over his head, devouring all of the contents inside as they dumped onto him.
A few seconds later, Sonic was running all over the place and shouting "Run, everyone! Run for your lives! IT'S COMING!!!" He was then stopped by the one thing faster than him…a hyperactive, constantly twitching Tails.
Tails inquired "How do I make sure nobody's gonna lay a finger on my Butterfinger? Will Snickers really leave me satisfied? What would you do for a Klondike bar?"
Sonic responded "Tails, stop making references to slogans for chocolate products!"
Tails was about to say something when his watch beeped. He shouted "Three minutes is up! Okay, so Shadow said that babies come from an act called-"
The scene suddenly turned to slow motion as Sonic ran up to Tails, shouting "Nnnnnooooo…."
Tails opened his mouth slowly, saying the word "Sssssseeeeeeeeexxxxxx!"
In a complex deep underneath the Disney Castle, alarms were ringing everywhere. One of the commanders in the compound shouted "What's going on here? What happened?"
One of the engineers showed an image of Sonic and Tails on one of their surveillance videos, saying "Someone mentioned sex within the park! This is a Code 69, I repeat, a Code 69! Move the deployments in!"
The commander rolled his eyes and said "Couldn't we have chosen a better name for that code than '69'?" before giving out the order to move in on the two troublemakers.
Back on the surface, a Black Ops team crawled up to Sonic and Tails in a sneaky fashion. However, since this was in the middle of a theme park, they easily stuck out and were noticed by Sonic and Tails.
Sonic asked to them "Are you more of my fan stalkers? Because you all are almost as creepy as Amy!" They responded by shooting a dart into his neck.
As Sonic fell down, Tails said "Are you sure those drugs are going to be good for him? I know our fan base must take a lot of drugs to tolerate us, but I didn't think you would need tranquilizers to stand it all-" before getting a dart himself.
When they woke up, they were inside a prison cell, a part of the complex underneath the park. A commander walked up to them and said "For your slip of the tongue, you both shall pay dearly! You both…will beg for death!"
Sonic retorted "I can take anything you send at us!"
Just then, a Goofy mascot walked up to them and said "Hyuck! Want to have some fun? Let's sing and dance…while watching High School Musical 2!" Sonic and Tails both screamed.
A couple hours of the worst torture imaginable later, Tails started panting as he said "Must…get…some…CHOCOLATE!"
The commander walked up to their cell and declared "There will be no chocolate here!" This would be his biggest mistake.
Tails started twitching angrily until he shouted "I need my chocolate, damn it!" Tails then smashed through the bars angrily, knocking over the surprised commander as Sonic and Tails made their escape.
As the dynamic duo made their run for the exit, they went into a chamber at the end of a hallway…and ran into a frozen head. As the frozen head opened its eyes and looked at them, he said "What are you damn kids doing here? It's just like several decades ago, when my wife-"
Sonic interrupted by asking "Wait, are you Walt Disney?"
Disney shouted "Of course I am! Can't you see how this sentence introduced me as 'Disney'?"
Tails then inquired "But if you're a frozen head, how can you be talking to us? Being frozen implies that you cannot move! Therefore, you would not be physically able to move the muscles necessary for opening your eyes or mouth!"
Disney replied "Oh, so now you're suddenly interested in physics! It sounds like your games were never too interested in those laws before…besides, I personally killed the laws of physics the moment I had Peter Pan flying! Or it might've been when I turned Maleficent into a dragon! Meh, whatever…"
Sonic looked around nervously, then declared "I think it's about time that we leave, eh Tails?"
Disney chuckled, then announced "No, I don't think you're going to be leaving here. It's just like when I testified to HUAC and-"
Tails interrupted him by blowing up his head with a bazooka pulled out of Hammerspace.
One epic escape from the horror of children's theme parks later, Sonic decided that it was time for vengeance against the one that had caused this misadventure. This involved throwing the hyperactive, chocolate-and-sex demanding Tails into a nearby dumpster before Sonic could move on.
As the sun finished setting over the vast and beautiful suburbs, Sonic barged into Radman's house and shouted "Time's up for you! Now that my day with you having fun is over, it's time to kill you!" Sonic barged into Radman's room with a loaded pistol in hand.
Radman held up his hands, asking "What are you doing here?"
Sonic replied "Not talking in bold lettering to me now, huh? Well, I'm here to finish the agony you've put me through in this fic, so I can finally win the bet without trouble from you!"
Radman stuttered "B-but I stopped w-working on that f-fic a long time ago! I'm not focused on writing humor anymore!"
This stunned Sonic, and he shouted "What?! You lie! If you're not working on this fic, then how is this event currently going on?"
He still hasn't figured it out.
Sonic asked "What do you mean? Why did you just start talking to me in bold again, Radman?"
Radman gulped, then said "Th-that wasn't me."
Sonic laughed and yelled "Good one, Radman! Did you just forget for a second that you're the author of this fic?"
Radman then sighed before saying "You don't get it, do you? I'm not the author of this fic anymore…"
Sonic stood frozen for a second, then uttered "Wait a second! If you're not the author anymore, then who is?"
He's finally figured out that Radman isn't the author anymore! Let's give Sonic a hand, folks!
Sonic shouted "Who are you?! Since when have you been in control?"
In the hopes of confusing you, I shall respond to your second question first. Do you see that line break between your muttering about the revolving door and the description of an amusement park?
Sonic looked far up in the chapter's writing, and then finally said "Yeah."
That's where Radman's writing ends and mine begins.
Sonic yelled "You still haven't answered my first question!"
Me? Well, I am jackattack555. You may not have heard of me, but you would if you investigated your fanbase good enough. You see, I made the most popular Sonic fic ever written…
Sonic responded "Oh! Well, then this can't be too bad of an experience for me with you writing-"
…it was popular because of how badly I tortured you and your friends due to all of your stupidity.
Sonic gulped, then after a pause said "There's only one word that can sum up my emotions now…CENSORED!"
Yes, I am now going to take up Radman's work on Sonic's Last Bet since he decided to stop working on it. Unlike what he typed in the intro, this is NOT the second-to-last chapter. Far from it, in fact. I am still going to set up a poll like Radman did to determine whether Sonic survives the bet or not, but I have several ideas that I'm going to use for chapters in this fic.