(sigh)…You know, there are some times where I wonder how such bad characters could ever be made. You'll see why with today's character.

Today, Sonic was woken up by a sugar-high Tails as usual. But this time, Tails was shouting "How's it down unda, mate? You're gonna have quite a barbie with today's character."

Sonic groggily asked "What the hell are you talking about, Tails? Down under? Mate? What kind of distortion of language is that?"

Tails replied "Whalloping whallopers! You really don't get it, do ya?"

Sonic pushed Tails out of the way, saying "Tails, shut the CENSORED up and stop acting like some weird stereotype."

Knuckles then entered the room and said "That's not far off from what you have today. Today's partner is going to be...Marine!"

Sonic buried his head into his hands and said "Oh no…this is going to be annoying! You said today's was going to be easy!"

Knuckles replied "That is one of the easier ones! Unless you want that day with Elise after all-"

"CENSORED, NO!"

One parallel dimension slide later, Sonic arrived at Marine's place. She looked up and said "Oy, mate! What brings ya round these parts today?"

Sonic covered his ears and said "She doesn't exist, she doesn't exist…I don't want SEGA to get charged with racism!"

Marine then asked "Whaddya wanna do today? Should we cook a shrimp on a barbie? Or maybe go dingo hunting? Whaddya say?"

Sonic replied "I say that you're the worst racial stereotype to appear in a videogame since that Arabian guy from Link: The Faces of Evil!"

Marine sighed and said "Let's go in and watch some TV."

Once inside, Marine flipped around the channels until she said "Whoa, mate! It's him!". She started bowing before the TV, which showed Steve Irwin going through a jungle.

Sonic buried his head in his hands again and said "Oh CENSORED…we're so getting sued!"

Irwin approached a snake, then said "Look at this bugga! I'm going to grab it and wrestle with its tail, despite the fact that the poison from its bite could kill me in a few hours!"

As Irwin started wrestling with the angry snake, Marine jumped up and down excitedly. She shouted "Crikey, are you seeing this?"

Sonic replied "If you mean do I see Steve Irwin acting like an idiot while stereotyping his entire country, then yes."

Marine then asked "Can we go surfing at the beach? Huh?"

Sonic was about to deny this request, but then remembered that Australia had topless beaches. He ran out the door, shouting "Hot chicks, here I come!"

At the beach, Sonic was busy flirting with said females when Marine approached him and asked "What's taking you so long, mate? I need to get surfing!"

Sonic responded "Bug off, annoyance."

Marine then stated "You just came here to flirt with women, didn't you?"

Sonic angrily replied "Hey! That's only entirely true!"

Marine rolled her eyes and left, muttering "Stupid bugga…"

You're going surfing, right now!

Sonic yelled "No! I want to get some from the hot chicks here!"

You don't have too much to give them…

Sonic asked "And what do you mean by that?"

Isn't it obvious? The reason nobody can see what you have "down there" in your games…is because you're too small down there!

Sonic muttered "Can it." before heading to the water.

As Sonic stumbled on a surfboard, Marine shouted "Just sit on your board for now!" Sonic still somehow fell off, and started screaming despite the fact that he was in two inches of water.

Marine rolled her eyes and surfed out to some deeper parts. Sonic muttered "I'll show her!" before also heading out to the deeper parts.

Once he inevitably fell off and had to be rescued by the lifeguard, Sonic was back on shore. As he thought about leaving, Marine saw Sonic and shouted "AGAIN! AGAIN! Do that again, wotcha!" Sonic grumbled something about the meaning of life and pie before going out to sea again.

Several near drowning deaths later, Marine left the beach laughing happily. Sonic left the beach on a hospital stretcher.

The reason he was unconscious in the stretcher was not due to the near-drowning, but what happened afterwards. As the lifeguard dragged Sonic onto the beach and started performing CPR on him, the blue hedgehog realized that he was receiving it from a cast member of the show Baywatch.

He started opening his eyes, preparing to see Pamela Anderson giving him lip-to-lip resuscitation. It was actually David Hasselhoff.

And that is why Sonic fainted again, leading to him being on a hospital stretcher.

Knuckles happened to be walking by the beach when Sonic's stretcher passed by, and the echidna asked what was happening. A few minutes of laughing at Sonic's CPR later, Knuckles decided to get him to wake up.

As Knuckles jumped into the ambulance, a paramedic asked "What are you doing? We can't risk harming the patient until we've made sure that it can't cause brain damage from all of the water-"

"CENSORED that, I need my money!" Knuckles declared before punching Sonic through the ambulance wall. Sonic woke up instantly and shouted "AUGH! I don't want to kiss the Got Talent guy!"

Knuckles jumped out of the ambulance and asked "Are you sure you didn't receive any brain damage? I want you to at least be able to count the money you'll give me when you inevitably lose the bet!"

Sonic said "Dupleshoumt! Garplebwink!" before twitching his eye.

Knuckles responded "I'll take that as a yes!" So the two of them left for the day, ready for tomorrow's story.

Don't worry, Sonic will be magically mentally repaired by the next chapter! He can't suffer if he doesn't realize that he's suffering!