Chapter four

(**)

Joker cracked his back and stretched his hands high over his head. It had been a long, long day. Most of his henchmen looked like they were right about ready to drop dead from exhaustion as they hauled in all of the bags from their little excursion earlier that day but hey, they shouldn't be such lazy bums. The only one that didn't appear tired was dear old Joseph Kerr (he'd never get over that fucking perfect name) who was now sorting the bags. The other idiots slunk off somewhere to do something that wasn't getting in his way which was an all-around good thing. If they got in his way, he'd be short a dwarf or three.

"You think one of these numb nuts cleaned up an exxxxtra room for my kid?" Joker threw over his shoulder at the silver haired man. Joseph let out a bark of a laugh that was a definite, resounding 'no' in the green haired man's ears. Well he had figured as much. Joker sighed and stalked over to the fridge, bending over to peer within its glowing depths. First thing to be noted was that no, he didn't feel like cooking and whoever put away the groceries was a retard. Joker snatched out the bag of candy corn (who puts candy in the fridge?) and began to snack on them as he made his way back to the old man.

"Wow," Joker whistled. The man was done sorting and now everything was ready to be moved in a systematic fashion which was amazing because there were more bags there than that man's age. The clothes would be placed in the drawers (there should be three or so dressers in the back somewhere) and closet, tags snatched off. The paint would be placed in the new room. The toys in the collapsed toy chest and…

"Do you think that the boy will be able to safely… exist with these in his room?" Joseph asked dryly as he held up two of the shiny daggers Joker had gotten. The younger man shrugged his shoulders and pushed some more of the candy into his mouth. If the kid was really his then he'd be a pro in a week or so… if not, then hopefully he wouldn't cut his fingers off or give himself a permanent smile. Joker licked at a very sticky finger and pondered the bad feeling he got when thinking of the kid hurting himself. It made his stomach twist and flip and his heart to give a little twinge. Maybe he was sick or something.

"Kid'll be fine," he answered the man with an eye roll although Joker made a vague note to place the blades in a safe location within the room until he was sure that mini J was ready for them full time.

"Which room would you like to put him in?" Joseph inquired, straightening his spine. He had a phone in his hand, finger hovering over the numbers in a way that Joker knew meant he was about to call in some reinforcements. Joker stood up and cracked his back, pondering the layout of this particular hideout and just where everyone was situated. Except for Joseph, Dopey, and Sleepy, none of his goons were permanent residents.

The other four had lives outside of this, not that Joker cared very much about that. It was the simple fact that he couldn't live with too many people in his breathing area lest he start killing at random. Joker smirked darkly, it had taken about six group of henchmen before they figured out the problem. The only reason Happy, Sneezy, Bashful, and Doc had been in his breathing space this particular day was due to the little idea forming in the back of his mind and he needed some things for it but now that he had a kid on his hands… well, he would put it back on the back burner.

Too bad.

"The one next to minnnne. Connects with a door—make sure those fucking idiots clean up good," he hummed and tossed the bag of candy corn over his shoulder, ignoring that they were probably scattered across the floor and counter (if it landed anywhere near there) but it wasn't like someone wouldn't eventually see the mess and clean it up. Or at least it had better be clean by the time he came back to the kitchen.

He stooped down to the dozens of bags of clothing, looking over them with shrewd eyes before cackling in triumph, jumping at a middle bag, ignoring the mess he was making and the clothes he was knocking over. People were coming over to decorate anyway and they could very well fix the mess. He needed to get his kid his outfit!

They would put a smile on his face!

… in a non-threatening, with lips and cheeks completely intact actual smile.

(**)

Jarvis stood above the small boy with his golden hair so soft and long, so clean and yellow. He knew that should the boy open his eyes, he would see large baby blues because this was his Alice, this was his precious Alice with her strawberry red lips and skin of ivory. Oh, he needed to get a dress for his Alice and he should do it quickly but he needed one more touch. The strands ran like silk through his fingers and he thought about exploring that skin hidden by the thick covers but gave pause. The Green Devil was out there, he could hear him thrashing about and talking to someone.

A frown came to Jarvis's lips, soon the Green Devil would in the room and would take away his Alice but he supposed it was okay for now. No one knew what he was thinking, no one could know because it was his secret thoughts. His secret thoughts that purred for him to dress his Alice in the appropriate clothing and ferry him far away from the Green Devil and he would do it… in due time.

The door burst open and gave Jarvis only a second to place his hands on the blanket in a show of pulling them up to that beautiful, thin neck.

"OH sonny boy I HAVE PRESENTS!" The Green Devil shouted and, as though by magic, the blond hair disappeared for the same green that overtook the devil's greasy locks. Jarvis sneered, the Green Devil was obviously poisoning his Alice and the sooner he stole away the former blond, the sooner he would be safe. Jarvis forced a smile to his face and turned around, keeping his eyes on the ground in hopes of appeasing the Green Devil.

"And just what are you-uh waiting for? Scram!" it hissed nastily. Jarvis swallowed down his fear and scrambled out of the room as fast as his legs could carry him. Of course as he passed, he made sure that the Green Devil never saw his smile because soon… soon he and his Alice would be away from the Green Devil and be so very happy.

Soon.

(**)

"Fucking moron," Joker mumbled as he ambled over to his kid and looked down at him. He had to hand it to him, the kid cleaned up pretty damn well. He leaned closer and stared, marveling on just how much the two of them looked alike. If he wasn't sure that time-travel into the future was impossible, he would have believed that this was a child him visiting him. He sat down on the edge of the bed and ran his hand through the wet mossy tangles. The kid was probably around four years old or so…

How many women had he slept with that were British? Well, there was that piece but that was role playing, she'd never stepped a foot outside of New York. No, he normally stayed in his own Nation although race was up for grabs. So was gender but men couldn't get pregnant (if that were true then narrowing down this kid's other parent would be hellavu harder). Or, how many women had he slept with that could smuggle a kid out of the country in the past five years? See that was a better question—a much better question because a lot of the women he slept with were on the poorer side of the scale (not really poor but not rolling in the dough either) and if they were rich, they were married women rich. Let's see there was…

"Don't I keep a list of people I fuck around here or something?" Joker muttered hotly under his breath as he tried to remember the names or faces of women from five years ago. That was before Gotham and his Bat right? Well, that made the number of women (and men) he fucked much higher seeing as the Bat was the only one he needed or wanted these days so his sexual partners were much smaller these days.

"Hmmm…" a tiny groan reached his ears. Joker perked up and threw out the child's mother so that he could focus on the more important thing.

The only reason he wanted her name was so that he could track her down and cut her uterus out for two very important reasons. One: she smuggled his kid out—he was violent and considered insane but the one thing he wasn't was a deadbeat fucking father. Two: obviously she wasn't taking care of the little tyke cause had she been then he would not be on Joker's sizeable bed.

"Daddy?" the boy sat up slowly, rubbing at his eyes with tiny little fists that almost had Joker swooning then and there from the utter cuteness.

"Hey tyke, got you some clothes to wear!" Joker held up the articles of fabric for the child to see. The boy smiled sleepily and climbed from under the blankets probably heavier than him and made his way over to his father, extremely naked and practically glowing by how clean he was. Damn, the kid was practically skin and bones! He was going to have a talk with that lady… as soon as he found out who she was and after he actually dressed the kid.

Turning back to his task, Joker held out the little undies first, allowing the little hands to grab onto him for support as tiny little feet stepped into the holes. In the back of his mind, Joker noted that if Bats saw him at this very moment, the man would have a heart attack right then and there. What else could he do upon seeing his enemy calmly dressing a child?

"How long I sleep?" the boy asked as a purple shirt was lowered over his head and torso. His little head popped out of the neck hole and he pulled his hair carefully through, looking up at this father with expectant onyx eyes. Joker fiddled with the pants in his hand, snapping them out and ripping off the tag.

"Hm… probably two hours. Don't really pay attention to timmme," Joker hummed. The boy looked very thoughtful for a moment then shrugged whatever thought was there and simply smiled brightly. A pair of green jeans was held out to him and he easily stepped in them, leaning into his father as the man pulled them snuggly up his legs and deftly buttoned and zipped them. The boy wiggled around in his new clothes, stretching and fidgeting with untold energy then a smile came to his lips as a pair of very colorful socks were tossed to him along with a pair of polka dotted Chucks which he placed on his own feet with no mistakes and even managed a decent looking tie-lacing.

"So…" Joker stared at the kid dressed all snazzy with his bright green hair, purple long sleeved shirt, green skinny jeans and dotted chucks. Hm, that wasn't a bad combination now that he saw it on him then again, he was Joker's son so he could make a burlap sack look cute. But now that he dressed him, he wondered what in the fuck he was going to do now. The boy looked at him with those large onyx eyes with the bags under them, still standing on the large bed. A smile suddenly burst on his cute little face as he took in the scraggly green hair with patches of blond-brown and the scarred but still handsome face and he rushed forward, this time being at the right height to throw his arms around the man's neck.

"Daddy, I missed you," the boy whispered in his ear, hugging him tight. Joker felt something akin to a stone lodge in his throat and a queer burning in the back of his eyes. Shit, Sneezy better not have given him some kind of cold! He hugged the kid back and stepped away from the bed. They weren't going to spend any more time in his bedroom.

"Hey, hey, now that you're here and I actually-uh know about you… let's go see if Grandpa has made some tasty treaties!" Joker bounced to the kitchen, kid on hip. He ignored the strange men that were bustling about around him, ducking through the muscle and brawn until he found the very man he was looking for. Joseph was standing with his back towards him, phone to ear, chewing someone out for all their pathetic worth.

"Are you the product of your mother and grandfather being too intimate or were you just dropped on the head as a child?" the man growled, "Do not answer that you imbecile—it was a rhetorical question! I am very upset that I had to go through such lengths to find you and should I have to go through these lengths ever again, I will sic the Ventriloquist on you and… well, I don't need to finish that statement do I? That is very good now bring me the correct items at the usual time and do NOT fuck me over. Am I understood… oh and say hello to the wife for me. She's on her fifth month correct?"

"And that, son, is how Grandpa Joe handles his-uh bussssiness," Joker smiled widely as the older man didn't jump. He simply closed the phone and turned around. He noted the brightly dressed child and the very proud man holding said brightly dressed child. Either he didn't have any protest to make or he kept them wisely to himself for the man simply half smiled.

"I suppose you want lunch?" Joseph quirked a brow with a twinkle shining in his visible blue eye.

"You read my mind old chap!" Joker cackled, jostling the boy although he was sure not to drop him or even loosen his hold lest the boy get the fear that he would be dropped which Joker would never do to a kid. Okay, he wouldn't do it to his kid. He wouldn't put it past himself to kidnap the entire maternity ward of the hospital as a very fun game which he would undoubtedly win.

"So, child…" Joseph gave a hard look to Joker and then glanced at the boy who was looking curiously over at the people bustling about. It seemed that they were legit movers and perhaps a decorator or two but they were very unwilling to look over at the trio. They kept their heads down and their movements quick. While he was caught up with that his daddy was still receiving silent words from the taller man.

"What…?" Joker tilted his head. Joseph sighed and looked ready to start banging his head on the counter. It was obvious that he was sending him signs and it had something to do with the green haired kid. And it had something to do with him, the Joker…

Oh… oh… OHHHHH! Joker's eyes widened as he finally got the silent message the old man was trying to send him.

"So, how old are you?" Joker poked the boy on the top of his head even as he plopped down on the stool and settled the boy on his lap.

"Dunno. He never let me outside. Nd he never tol me," the boy shrugged then he reached forward, grabbing the strange orange, yellow, and white stripped candies scattered across the counter in front of him. He turned it round and round in his little fingers as though he had never seen anything like it.

"Well how about four?" Joker plucked the candy corn from his son's hand and popped it in his mouth in an obvious show of what the candy was meant for without saying anything. The boy frowned and picked up another piece of dyed sugar, looking at his father as he slowly placed it on his tongue. Dark eyes widened comically before the young face abruptly brightened with joy.

"I like four," he finally said, picking up another piece.

"Hm… this guy you were talking about… he sounds like a real drag. And I hate drags," Joker snarled, not even thinking of a drag queen joke to tack on because comedy wasn't on his mind. If he ever found out what kind of fuck nut had been taking (or rather NOT) care of his kid, he was going to do some very nasty things to him. Things that would make Joker smile and the guy wail in utmost pain. Hm, maybe he could try out some tricks with a heated rusty spoon.

"How old you?" the boy suddenly asked, instantly wiping away most of his violent thoughts or, at the very least, pushing them to the back of his mind. He looked down at the curious little face then up at the ceiling as numerous numbers and dates flooded his mind. There were so many and it was rather difficult to figure out just which one was true but he would try for the squirt instead of throwing out a random number.

"I think… let's see… I left San Shot Town in… 2000… yeah that's right and I was… yeah. Then Somnia City for a couple of… yeah. Lazytown for a bit. Then I left there and went to… I'm going to guess something aroundddd maybe twenty seven?" Joker stuck out his bottom lip in thought then nodded at his calculations and the assisting memories that seemed the least warped, "Yeah I'm almost twenty five. Should be turning in my next birthday. So what your dear ole mummy name you?"

"It," the boy answered immediately, "She not like me much. She say I have your face and she hate you so she call me It. The man not my daddy called me Freak. So I named myself, Severus."

Welp, there went the happiness and joy again. This kid was fucking depressing and every time he spoke, he continually made Joker want to go out and kill someone because his kid had to go through that. He bit the inside of his cheek and placed a hand on the little head. Calm thoughts. No violent outbursts.

"Severus huh?" a strained smile played along his lips as he pulled his fingers through the soft green locks. The boy nodded and hummed through the ministrations, "Hey sport, do you know where this man is?"

"I make him dead," Severus replied in an airy breath.

"What?" Joker felt his brow rise all the way to the top of his forehead. Severus nibbled on another candy corn, biting off each color one at a time and taking his time with the pieces. By the time he finished it, Joker was nearly shaking with anticipation. Severus smacked his lips thoughtfully, running his sticky tongue along the corners of his mouth then he looked up at his father with his large dark eyes sparkling with mischief.

"Maybe… not sure. He was being such a… well, meanie to me specially when I asked for you but he kept sayin I was wrong—I wasn't, never ever—so I gots back at him. Just to scare him. I got my hair green and I laughed and smiled just like you and he started to yell and scream and he gots really strong and he made me hit my head and… hm, I member… grabbing something and then my hands were really, really sticky and red and it smelled funny and… he wasn't movin no more. I didn't want to stay there so I used lots and lots of magic to get here."

"Magic you say?" Joseph looked over his shoulder, amusement clear on his face. Joker, of course, didn't care about that part. Hell, he was more interested in the fact that his son was a chip off the old block! He remembered his first kill very well (maybe) and it involved his father and a smile that only a knife and a Really Bad Day could put on someone's face. Before Joker could dwell too far into such a thing, he was brought out by his son's voice replying to the old man.

"Magic. We all gots it—everything has magic but some people have loads of it like me and you, grandpa and like daddy used to but he still gots more than people that can't do big magic. I can see it, see it really good sometimes and you have lots and lots—pure too. It's really big. Daddy's is smaller but its because of the blanket on top of it."

"Blanket…?" Joseph raised a brow at the little boy and cast blue eyes at his employer, some sort of… understanding starting in his wise eyes. It looked as though he was beginning to see that there was a puzzle to solve.

Something inside Joker… moved? No, no, that wasn't the right word. No, it expanded. It grew until it was pressing against the hardness of his skull in some sick attempt to ooze through his earlobes and down his shirt. Joker squirmed, not wanting to outright jerk seeing as his son was still on his lap but he wanted to move. He wanted to get away from whatever those words meant, from whatever they were doing to him.

"Daddy?" a tiny hand touched his face and, just like that, the pressure was gone. He blinked rapidly for several long moments then looked down at the little boy on his lap with his large onyx eyes, dark bags and pale skin. The boy was frowning curiously at him as though he were a puzzle the boy hadn't quite figured out how to solve and Joker felt the same way about the boy in his lap although he was sure that the two of them would quickly toss such thoughts away in favor of simply basking in the moment. No need to figure things out if they ruined half the fun.

"Hey squirt, what's with the long face? C'mon eat some waffles—they'll make you smilllle!" Joker cajoled as a plate of aforementioned food was pushed in their direction. Severus's lips quirked just a bit before the boy attacked his food with flourish. Joker ran his fingers through the soft green hair again, never minding that the boy was getting covered in syrup and would possibly be sick from eating so much after being given the bare minimums.

So yeah, whatever that was expanding in his mind, he didn't care too much about it because he had Sev to worry about and care for and he knew he wasn't perfect and probably wouldn't ever be. He wouldn't plan out his kid's future, just make sure he smiled as much as possible. Yeah him and the kid would be fine.

Gotham had better hold onto her panties, there was a new kid in town and Joker just knew that Severus was going to cause a fabulous ruckus.

(**)

TO Be Continue

So that's the end of this chapter… er, I hope it was okay.