Today, it's everyone's favorite pyromaniac! How long will it take until Sonic is burned(literally and figuratively)?

The above question was immediately answered when Tails poured boiling water onto Sonic to wake him up. As Sonic got up, he shouted "Tails! You know how much I hate water!"

Knuckles then randomly yelled "You know how much I hate your mom! BURN!" before running off cackling.

Sonic shrugged before saying "Well, it was probably a good thing that you two woke me up right now, considering the dream I was having…"

Tails jumped onto the bed and asked "What was it about? Pizza? Fruitcakes? The International Convention on Tonnage of Measurement of Ships in London 1969?"

Sonic replied "It was a horrible nightmare! You, me, and Eggman were in an episode of some bad TV show where the backgrounds were horribly drawn and made no physical sense! It was like the animators didn't care one bit when they were doing it! Anyways, in each episode of the show Eggman had two really stupid, pointless robot minions that would keep trying to catch us in a style that completely ripped off Road Runner. One of them looked like a trash can on wheels, and the other was a robotic chicken with a voice that made screeching nails on a chalkboard sound like Beethoven! And then at the end of that episode, I went into an awkward PSA segment where I talked to kids about pedophiles!"

Tails shuddered before declaring "Just thinking about something like that makes me want to vomit!" And that would explain the mess made a few minutes later.

Once they were all in the living room, Knuckles sighed as he gave Sonic today's list entry. "Well, you've got Blaze today. Enjoy your easy ones while you can…"

Sonic licked his lips as he said "Maybe I'll get laid today!" Knuckles and Tails both just sighed as the hopeless idiot stormed out the door proudly.

At Blaze's future/alternate dimension/wherever-the-CENSORED palace, Sonic and Blaze were sitting in the kitchen. After a few minutes of awkward pausing, Sonic said "Um…what do you watch on TV?"

Blaze responded "I don't have a TV."

After a few more minutes of sitting around silent, Sonic asked "Well…do you have a computer?"

Blaze said "No."

Another few minutes of awkward silence later, Sonic asked "Hmm…Have you read anything recently?"

Blaze replied "Yeah! I was studying for my court exams on forms of knight armor used throughout my kingdom's history, when I stumbled across a book about their battle code of conduct and delved into that!"

Sonic paused for a second, then said "…Yeah."

Once another several minutes of this exciting date had passed by, Sonic finally kicked over the table and shouted "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I'M HORNY AND I NEED TO DO SOMETHING!"

Blaze responded "Oh, I have an idea. Let's play croquet!"

Sonic muttered "That's not what I had in mind…" as they headed out to the courtyard.

After Blaze swung her mallet and sent a ball flying, squinted his eyes into the distance and said "And there it's going…going…still going…holy CENSORED, that's far…and still going…and it's finally landed-oh no it bounced! Wow, that's a long bounce flight…" With this expectation upon him, Sonic lined up for his shot. He swung the mallet, missed the ball, and the mallet hit his face.

One ER visit later, Sonic and Blaze were back in the kitchen. The hedgehog sighed before saying "Let's try another activity. Why don't we just have some Naked Happy Time?" Another ER visit later, Sonic was back in the kitchen with burn wounds alongside his head wound.

As Sonic grumbled something about Blaze playing hard-to-get, he finally stood up and said "If you're not going to score with me, I'll just go have some lunch."

Sonic decided that he wanted something simple and quick today, so he grabbed some peanut butter, bread, and jelly from the food pantry. As Sonic lay out the ingredients on a counter, Blaze inquired "What are you doing with those?"

Sonic looked up and said "You mean you've never had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich before?"

Blaze replied "A what-now?"

Sonic rolled his eyes and declared "Never mind. I guess your food is usually of a higher quality than this." He then turned away from Blaze and pulled out the book "Making a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich For Dummies".

Sonic grabbed a knife from nearby and dipped it into the peanut butter. He then proceeded to put the knife on a bread slice, like a surgeon preparing for an operation. As the peanut-butter-covered knife came in contact with the bread's surface and started moving across it, Sonic heard a voice say "Oooooh…keep moving that!"

He turned around and saw Blaze staring at the slice of bread with an ecstatic look on her face. Sonic shrugged and went back to spreading the peanut butter, Blaze said "Mmm…spread that stuff all over! Give the bread that peanut butter!"

Sonic looked back again to see Blaze slumping on the chair with dizziness. But she would not stop focusing on the bread with peanut butter. As Sonic turned back and finished spreading the peanut butter on the bread slice, Blaze shouted "Yes! Oh, baby, rub it through!"

Sonic was getting the creeps from this, so he started spreading the jelly on the other slice of bread. As the jelly moved across, Sonic could hear Blaze moaning more and more. Blaze suddenly yelled "Show that bread who's boss! Smother it with jelly, punish it for being naughty!"

Sonic thought for a second, then suddenly figured it out: Blaze had a fetish for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

As Sonic finished spreading the jelly, Blaze started yelling "YES! YES! OH, YES! Squeeze them together! Combine them!" As Sonic put the two slices of bread together, Blaze shrieked and clutched the area between her legs.

As Sonic went over to Blaze, she looked up and stated "You…a bedroom…now!" He swooped Blaze up and they went to a nearby bedroom as quick as possible.

As Sonic took off Blaze's dress and leggings, he came to a problem. "Why are your panties and bra made of metal?"

Blaze did a facepalm and muttered "Oh, shoot! I forgot about the chastity belt!"

As Sonic was about to ask what she meant, he saw that the metal panties and bra were connected at the back by a combination lock.

Blaze stated "Since I am a part of the royal family, I'm required to wear this chastity belt. My father won't give me the combination to open it until I'm married!"

Sonic announced "Not if I can help it!" He then pulled out a stethoscope and the book "Safecracking For Dummies". He put the stethoscope by the lock and started turning the lock's wheel.

In the palace's throne room, the king randomly asked one of his servants that was passing by "Where has my daughter gone? It's been a while since that croquet match…"

The servant replied "Sir, I'm a bathroom cleaner. I don't know where your daughter went."

The king shouted "You don't know where she is? To the guillotine with you!" and that servant was taken away by the guards screaming.

Just as the king turned to another servant to ask that same question again, one of the servants shouted "I heard she was…err…still hanging around in this castle! Yeah, she's still here!"

The king ordered "Find her at once!" He left with several soldiers to search the castle for Blaze.

Meanwhile, Sonic was still busy trying to get into some pussy. He looked up and asked "How did that last word not get censored?"

My lawyers have advised me that "some pussy" could be referring to Blaze as a pussycat.

"Oh." Sonic went back to his work, and finally clicked open the lock. As the lock fell off, so did the chastity belt. But as Sonic was finally getting it on, he would soon find out a new problem in this…Blaze was a screamer.

It wouldn't have been so bad for Sonic if Blaze's screams of delight hadn't attracted the king and all of his men to that room. They burst through the door and found Sonic and Blaze in their compromising position.

The king gasped and shouted "How could you do this, Blaze? He was just meant to be playing with you for the day!"

Sonic couldn't help replying "Oh, we're playing, alright…" before getting slapped by Blaze.

The king sighed and declared "Since you have figured out Blaze's combination, there is only one option left for you…the two of you shall have to marry."

Sonic stood up and shouted "Marriage?!"

"Ah, so you do not like taking responsibility for what you've just done?"

"It's not that so much as the fact that Amy Rose will kill me in my sleep once she finds out!"

"She cannot harm you here. We have the safest defenses in this world."

"That still won't stop a crazy fan girl like her from finding a way in and killing me!"

"Enough of this nonsense. Take him to the dungeons to prepare for tomorrow's wedding!"

One dungeon escort later, Sonic was thinking about what to do. After searching around and finding nothing for help, he finally pulled out and consulted the book "Escaping from a Medieval Castle Dungeon For Dummies".

After doing an escape involving a rotten apple, a shoelace, and an M16, Sonic went out into the courtyard and found himself surrounded by the king's army. Just before the groom-to-be was about to be escorted away again, a bomb started heading for the guards.

As they ducked out of the way, Tails flew down in the Tornado. Sonic jumped on and they flew off into the sky. One of the guards shouted "Let's fire some arrows at the steel bird-thing! Maybe that'll take it down!" When this didn't work, it was a trip to the guillotine for him.

Back home, Sonic was confronted at the door by Knuckles. The echidna said "You still need to finish giving Blaze some fun!"

Yello's song "Oh Yeah" started playing in the background as Sonic winked and replied "She had a fun time, all right…" before putting on some random sunglasses and walking into the house.

If you didn't get that song reference, just remember the movie Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Anyways, with the peanut butter and jelly sandwich fetish/chastity belt stuff, that sex scene in this chapter is probably the most ridiculous sex scene ever made since the one from Troll 2! (If you don't know what I'm talking about, look up "Troll 2 popcorn clip". It will be worth the laugh.)