…HEE-YAH!

As Sonic went downstairs this morning, he noticed Tails and Knuckles bickering. Knuckles shouted "A llama and a duck can't breed!"

Tails replied "Yes, but a penguin and a platypus can! HA!"

Knuckles asked "What are you talking about? They can't either."

Tails then said "Okay, how about a ham sandwich?"

Knuckles paused, then inquired "And what?"

Tails then shouted "Pineapple!" before skipping off giggling. This left Knuckles to sit and ponder such things as what the hell Tails was talking about and why the galaxy moves in a circular motion. Nah, just kidding about the second one.

Having had enough of this absurdity, Sonic decided to go to today's guest, Espio. As he headed to the door, he dodged a barrage of cookies that Tails was throwing at Knuckles. Sonic shouted back "Don't break my mother's vase-" just as a loud smash was heard. Sonic wandered over to Espio's place with a grumpy attitude.

Once there, Sonic found to his relief that Charmy was nowhere in sight. Upon asking Espio about this, the chameleon shuddered and said "Vector's taking care of him for the day."

Meanwhile, a certain crocodile was arguing with Charmy at a nearby Dairy Queen. Charmy shouted "But I want more ice cream!"

Vector replied "50 buckets is already enough! If you have anymore, you'll get sick."

Charmy whined before shouting "Give me my ice cream! NOW!"

Vector put in his headphones to drown out Charmy's sound, but that didn't stop him from seeing Charmy's gun as it was pointed at Vector's face. As Vector was about to ask where Charmy got such a weapon, the bee grinned and said "I nicked this from Shadow. Now…who wants some ice cream?"

Back inside Espio's home, Sonic was tied up to a circular target. Sonic asked "Are you sure this game is going to be fun for me?"

Espio shrugged and said "I need somebody alive to practice my ninja skills. I keep killing all of my targets before I'm done practicing…" As Espio raised a throwing star, Sonic screamed.

Lots of the usual screaming with pain and begging for mercy later, Espio finally untied a bloody Sonic. The hedgehog stumbled a bit, then collapsed on the floor. Espio shouted "Sonic, no! I don't want to get blood on my new carpet!"

Sonic groggily got up, then asked "Why are you so determined to train right now? What threats are there currently?"

Espio sighed, then grumbled "My neighbors." As Sonic was wondering what Espio meant, he looked out a nearby window and saw a pirate ship floating next door.

Sonic yelled "Hold on a second! How can a pirate ship be floating on land?" He then approached the window and saw that the pirate ship was floating on a giant aquarium.

One of the pirates shouted "Oy! Do I see one of you ninja dogs at the window? Curse ye!" Espio ran to the window, then gave the finger to his neighbors.

Another pirate yelled "Arr! We have been insulted by ye damn ninjas!"

Espio turned to Sonic and said "Now you see why I'm training?"

Sonic then surprisingly used logic by inquiring "If the pirates are stuck out on that aquarium, how can they cause you any trouble besides insults?" Said question was answered when a cannonball shot through the window and blew up the room.

After clearing through the smoke, Sonic had now figured out a way to make Espio happy for the day that didn't involve hookers. Now he just had to kick some pirate "arse".

Sonic looked up and asked "Really? How lame can you be to use a pun like that?"

Silence, fool. Besides, you're complaining about my use of puns?

Espio stated "He's got a point, you know."

Sonic muttered "Shut it." before heading out of the house with Espio. As they got outside, they realized there was a problem…there was no ladder to take them up to the aquarium's top.

The captain of the pirates laughed and said "Ha! Ye cannot reach us at our height!"

Sonic looked at the pirates and asked "Wait…If there's no ladder leading into the aquarium, how did you guys get up there?"

The captain paused for a second, then said "I don't know."

"How do you get food supplies for that matter? I can't see anyone from the postal service trying to deliver anything up there-"

"None of it matters! All that matters is that you can't hurt us, so we win!"

Espio became miserable, and Sonic kicked the wall of the aquarium in anger. This caused the glass to break, sending the poor hedgehog on a raging river heading down the street. As the water spilled out of the aquarium, the pirate captain shouted "Avast! Abandon ship!" The pirates jumped into lifeboats, but those also sank down into the gap at the bottom of the aquarium.

As the pirates crawled out of the wreckage of their boats, they looked up and saw Espio pointing a machine gun at them. The pirate captain stated "Whoa…ninjas don't use machine guns!"

Espio grinned and said "They do now." before pulling the trigger.

Meanwhile, a not so badass scene occurred in front of Sonic's house, which is where the water conveniently took him. As Knuckles opened the door, he noticed a wet Sonic on his doorstep, curled up in the fetal position and sucking his thumb.

After inevitably taking a picture of this and posting it everywhere on the Internet, Knuckles decided to help Sonic. He kicked and punched at Sonic…and then kicked and punched…and then when that didn't work, he decided to kick and punch some more.

Finally, Tails stumbled onto the scene. The fox chose to do what he knew best…annoy Sonic to death with pointless questions. After being asked about how photosynthesis worked for the third time, Sonic got up and shouted "Shut up, Tails!"

Tails cheered and announced "You just referenced that one movie of ours!"

Sonic asked "What movie?" A few minutes later, the three of them were sitting on the couch and watching said movie.

Sonic asked "Why is the president's daughter such a whore in this movie?"

Knuckles asked "Why am I wearing an Indiana Jones hat?"

Tails asked "Why does Eggman want to marry the president's daughter? Isn't she, like, half his age?"

Sonic commented "Not to mention that she's also a whore."

Tails then asked "Did I just cop a feel on her?"

Knuckles then asked "Did that ending just rip-off Terminator 2's ending?"

Some of the lines I wrote in this chapter were more epic than I thought they would be. Anyways, I've got a pretty intense plot planned out for the next chapter…