I've been busy, but now I'm finally going to soon finish this fic!

In the living room, Sonic was dealing with the usual morning mess of Knuckles' stupidity and Tails' insanity. Tails played Tetris on a computer for a few minutes, then sang opera for the next few minutes.

Meanwhile, Knuckles was trying to understand how a radio worked. As he hit a button and heard music some out of it, he shouted "Whoa! It's almost like there's people inside of there!" After checking to make sure there was no one inside of the radio, Knuckles proceeded to cook his greatest confection: a ham sandwich.

After this gourmet breakfast, Knuckles unveiled the list and said "Today's guest is…umm…Rouge!"

Sonic shouted "Awesome! I'm going to get laid today!"

Knuckles stated "You know that she's Shadow's girlfriend, right?"

Sonic said "That doesn't stop her from dressing like a total slut. I mean, she might as well hold up a footlong sign that says 'You must be this big to ride'!"

Knuckles replied "If you sleep with her, Shadow's probably going to kill you."

The Final Jeopardy theme music started playing in the background as Sonic weighed out his choices. "Living another day…or doing the hot chick. Not getting brutally slaughtered…or getting it on. CENSORED it, now I'm horny!" Sonic ran out the door, choosing the illogical decision of almost certain death.

Once there, the obvious happened and they were both soon in Rouge's room, making out. As Sonic reached into Rouge's pants, she suddenly shouted "Wait!"

Sonic asked "What is it? Are you suddenly feeling deep, emotional bonds with Shadow that you don't want to lose on the urges of sexuality, so you therefore are now loyal to only him in the hopes of a happy, fruitful relationship?"

Rouge replied "Hell no! I just want to tell you ahead of time…"

"About what?"

"Well…have you ever seen the movie The Crying Game? This will be slightly less surprising if you have…"

Sonic pulled off Rouge's pants and screamed "AUGH! You have a…but you're a…but right there is a…what's going on?"

Rouge sighed and admitted "I used to be a man. However, next week I'll finally get this removed and become a full woman!"

Sonic backed away and asked "So…this whole time…you've been a tranny? How come Shadow doesn't know?"

Rouge blushed and replied "Well, it turns out that Shadow doesn't exactly know about female anatomy. He thinks babies are made from …er, behind."

Sonic was speechless for several seconds, then rolled onto the floor with laughter. "Shadow…doesn't….oh my gosh!"

"Don't tell anyone this!"

"I won't tell anyone this, I'll tell everyone this!" After a few more minutes, Sonic got up and asked "Wait…aren't you secretly pregnant? How can that happen if you're a tranny?"

"I'm not pregnant!"

"Are you sure about that?"

"How can I get pregnant taking it up the ass?"

"…I can show you a great number of fanfics where that happens-"

"Okay, I've heard enough."

After a minute of silence, Sonic asked "So…Shadow's never actually…you know…"

"Yes, he's still a virgin."

Another few minutes of laughing on the floor later, Sonic got up and said "This is great!…Well, I didn't get laid, but this is still great!"

Rouge stated "Because I told you this, I want you to do something for me."

"What?"

"Help Shadow solve this problem."

Sonic sighed, then responded "Fine. I think I know where to go to get him laid."

Once Shadow arrived home, he saw a grinning Sonic inside. Upon questioning what this annoying rat was doing at his place, Rouge looked away. Sonic walked up to Shadow's ear and whispered inside.

"WOMEN HAVE A WHAT?"

One plane trip to Vegas later, Sonic and Shadow were on their way to get both laid and herpes. They first stopped at a bar for their hopes. After drinking for a while, an argument erupted between Shadow and a hooded man over what to play on the jukebox.

Sonic was ignoring the scuffle for a while, at least until Shadow punched the man and knocked off his hood, revealing an Elvis.

Shadow laughed and shouted "One of you guys? In Vegas? Who would expect an Elvis impersonator in Vegas?"

The other man looked around and muttered "Yes…impersonator…"

Shadow then broke a nearby beer bottle, pointed it at the Elvis, and said "I want to play the Heavy Metal Surfin' Bird!"

"And I want to play regular Surfin' Bird."

Sonic then stepped in and said "Wait…Heavy Metal Surfin' Bird? That song actually EXISTS?"

Shadow grinned, then announced "Let me show you." He put in a coin, starting the music. The results shocked everyone in the bar.

The Elvis stuttered "Those monsters! I'll destroy them all, starting with you!" Elvis tackled Shadow, beginning one of the strangest fights in Vegas history.

Soon, Shadow was banging Elvis' head against a barstool while the song wrapped up. With enough blood on his face, Elvis fled the scene and said "My friends will find you soon!"

His "friends" did find them soon, and happened to have Rouge tied up in the trunk of their car. Elvis stepped out of said car, walked into the bar, and led Sonic and Shaodw out for negotiations.

"My "friends from Italy" have faked my death well…but they don't need to fake yours."

Shadow asked "What do you want?"

"Renounce all your punk bands, and I'll let the girl go. Otherwise we'll keep her for our own fun.", not noticing Sonic's giggles at the word "girl".

Shadow replied "Hell no!", leading to an instant drive-off.

Sonic shrugged, saying "Meh. They'll find out the truth eventually! Now let's get wasted and laid!"

One perfect re-enactment of The Hangover later, Sonic and Shadow went back home to find a content Rouge. "Upon discovering my secret, they paid for the surgery entirely!"

Sonic replied "Awesome! Let's celebrate by using this new gift!"

As he and Shadow approached Rouge, Sonic started hearing Knuckles shouting his name. Suddenly, a slap across the face woke Sonic up on a hospital bed.

He looked around, seeing all of his friends around. "Wha…what happened?"

Knuckles responded "You went to Rouge's place, tried to make out with her, and she beat the crap out of you for it."

"WHAT? You mean-"

Yes. Most of this chapter has been in your head.

"So that explains why so many of the events in this chapter were so random and fast-paced! But…that means I didn't get to have any fun today!"

Shadow then said "What, did you actually think you were going to get laid?" Everybody laughed together at this hilarious joke.

As the laughter died down, Shadow muttered "Oh yeah, I'm going to have to kill you now.", and the laughter continued once everyone got to see how badly Shadow could beat up the screaming Sonic.

What misfortunes lie ahead? I'm hoping for many…and I apologize to any Rouge fan boys that I have traumatized with this idea of her being a tranny all along. I hope you enjoy your nightmares!