A/N: Well, firstly thank you all for such a spectacular response to this: it's fantastic to hear what people think and I'm trying my best to reply to everyone, as well as take on board all your criticisms. So you know, don't be shy and keep them coming ;) Secondly, I hope this makes things a little clearer by giving a better sense of time, space and place (if not, feel free to add ideas, critques, whatever.) Thirdly, I have no idea if Jesse would own an eye liner (or have a bed in his dressing room, or be allowed to stay overnight in a theatre) but for the purpose of this here creation, all the aforementioned occur with ease. Lastly, I hope this is satisfactory and as always, read, review and enjoy.
-StB-
"Was that a good enough answer for you?" He's a little smug and a little breathless and if she were able to properly see his face, she'd see he was just a little bit flushed too. It may not have been his first time, but it was his first time with her and that was something to behold in itself. She doesn't answer, just lies flat on her back, eyes shut and breathing fast. He places a chaste kiss on the side of her neck and then nestles his face there, letting an arm drape over her stomach and slipping his fingers under her ribs. His thumb brushes back and forth on the skin just below her chest and the regularity of his breath on her neck makes her feel drowsy. As she drifts off she realises she got what she came for – albeit not the brief overview she wanted – but it scares her because it feels like she's somehow got so much more. She removes his fingers from her under body and instead laces them with hers, closing her eyes and dreaming of him.
When morning comes she's already been awake for hours but as soon as she hears him awake, she pretends to be asleep. He shifts so he's sitting up, his back resting against the bed head and watches her for a few minutes, trying to take in what's happened. Eventually though, he needs to know she's okay, so he places a hand on her shoulder and lets his fingers do the talking. (But only for a second, Jesse never did do silence well.)
"I know you're awake; your breathing is too fragmented and your eyes are flickering far too much."
"I could be dreaming," she counters; not opening her eyes and berates herself for smiling as she hears him chuckle softly.
"You could be, minus the speech." He drags his fingernails up and down the exposed bare skin on her side and her eyes finally flutter open. She sits up, wrapping the duvet tightly as she moves, her hair loose and tangled and her eyes bright and wide. The sit parallel to each other but eventually she relaxes and lets herself lean against the wood too.
"Last night was-" She pauses because she doesn't really know what to say. Unexpected? Romantic? Educational? She'd come looking for an answer and had instead gained so much more.
"It was ours," he finishes for her simply and it works, because this way it doesn't have to be defined or categorised or boxed up. That smile creeps back onto her face without her permission and although she feels like she's been on a life changing journey that she still can't comprehend, there are bits of her that – dare she say it – are glad it was with him. With Jesse.
"I should-"
"Stay." He's not going to plead with her – he's not that sort of man – but he'd much prefer it if she stayed and he thinks, taking everything into consideration, it'd be better for her too. "So I'm assuming that was the first-"
"Yes." She really doesn't want to go there. She still can't believe that she's actually done it¸ with Jesse St James of all people. He mentally kicks himself – of course it was her first time, she wouldn't have needed to know about it otherwise.
"And you're feeling alright about it?" She notes the concern and it makes her smile.
"Yes." She sounds more assertive now, more confident and apart from the fact she's blocking out how these moments right now could impact on her future, frankly she's in too much bliss to care.
He wants to ask her more: did her hurt her, was it alright, was he alright, but he decides against it, resolving that time for questions would come. But for now, he strokes her hair, closes his eyes and hums a song Rachel can't quite pinpoint. She stifles a yawn and lets his voice gradually lull her back to slumber. He watches her drift off and suddenly it dawns on him how precious the entity before him really is. And she chose him to protect her. The problem? He's not sure that he can.
-StB-
They're both aware that rehearsals are about to start in under two hours but both are reluctant to move. Not only is it a Saturday, meaning both have suffered an extremely tiring week, but they both now have to undergo the emotional baggage of the aftermath of their Friday night escapade. Suddenly, taking part in some local play, written by a washed-up ex-drama teacher, is less than appealing. Jesse still isn't sure why he even auditioned: yes, UCLA did say it would be good for him to brush up on his acting ability and yes, they advised him to try something new, untested. But back here? Where he knew there would be a possibility he could catch maybe just a glimpse of Rachel Berry? No, UCLA did not advise that. So when he arrives to find she's been cast as the female lead opposite him, he can't help but think it's fate, that they're fate, that somehow the two of them are inevitable.
And she's only here because she wants as much experience as she can get and with it being local and easily accessed, she can't help but see the perfection of participation. And if there was one person she could have put money on not being here, it would have been Jesse St James. She thought she'd seen the back of him so to have to be face to face with him again, well, she can more than verify it's made her act a little out of sorts. And even if she had ever dreamt about seeing him again, she never would have imagined it would be several months later in a destitute theatre, in a dreary dressing room on a slightly uncomfortable bed.
But then again, this is Jesse St James and he's nothing if not unique. So really, would she have imagined anything less?
"Rachel?" His voice interrupts her thoughts as she reluctantly sits back up in the bed. "You're going quiet on me again."
She can see why he'd be worried – she's not exactly one for silence. But this is a lot for her to comprehend and the fact that she didn't go home last night is not helping the issue.
"Do you want anything?" She's not used to this caring side of Jesse, not really. She's taught herself to believe everything he ever did for her was just a fabrication, an imagination. She's taught herself to believe he wasn't real but here she is, with him beside, both feeling more real than ever. She shakes her head and swings her legs out the bed, keeping the duvet wrapped tightly around her. She knows it's nothing he's not seen before but she suddenly feels so young against his maturity and it embarrasses her. He scans the room for any signs of her clothing but instead hands her a clean t shirt of his own which she slips on over her head. She walks back through into his dressing room and stands in front of the mirror adorned with photos. With a quick glance back into the dimmed bedroom, she extracts an eyeliner pencil from the desk and scrawls a quick message on the mirror before exiting his room. It doesn't even occur to her the oddity of such actions: she's running around a theatre in Jess St James' t-shirt, if that's not a giveaway, then nothing is. When he finally emerges and discovers she's gone, he sighs and scratches the back of his head awkwardly – he can't help but feel guilty that he might have played this one a little bit wrong. But then he spies the message she's left for him, I'll be seeing you, Jesse.
He finds his phone and types a reply, praying her number remains the same. It has, and when she reads his name on her screen, she doesn't really know what to expect. She opens the message to find only three words written: I hope so.
It takes her a while to realise what that even means but eventually it becomes clear, unlike anything else in her life. In the space of 24 hours she's met, spoke with and lost her virginity to the man she thought she'd lost forever. And just when she thought she'd finally got over him, she's found herself giving him more than before.