Disclaimer: Still not owning Twilight.

Past-aholics Anonymous

Chapter Two

(Un)Controlled

That day when I had gotten home, Charlie hadn't arrived yet so I was stuck with Renee and had to listen to her babbling about her newest date, Phil Dwyer, and how she wanted to finally get out of Charlie's Goddamn house. She described him as a very romantic and confident person, with greenish eyes and light brown hair. Apparently, the fact that he was fifteen years younger than her wasn't important, because I only discovered that when Charlie got home and called her a cougar.

Yeah, their relationship wasn't the best, but we managed…most of the time.

They got a divorce when I was sixteen, two years ago, and everything had worked out fine, at the time. They agreed the marriage wasn't working and that they should try to be happy separately, since Renee didn't like Forks one bit and wanted to come back to her old home, in Florida, and Charlie just couldn't put up with her spiritual crap anymore.

The real problem appeared when they had to decide who was going to get my custody, since they both wanted it. Renee wanted to take me with her, and Charlie wanted me to stay where I was.

So, when the judge decided I should stay with my dad because Renee didn't have any money, she freaked out and said that it wasn't fair. That she too, deserved to be with her little girl.

I think the judge was just about ready to rip his head off and yank his hairs, one by one, at the end.

Once Renee accepted her defeat, she decided to stay in Forks, so that she could see me, even though she hated the rainy, green city she was living in. But she didn't have any money—she didn't work for years, living out of what Charlie brought home—so, instead of moving out and getting her own place, she had to stay with my dad and me.

And that wasn't what everyone was expecting.

Especially Charlie, who still cared for Renee despite her slight craziness, and had to see her going out on dates with random guys.

He didn't like it one bit.

"Charlie!" my mom shrieked, as my dad spilled orange juice on her new white blouse.

"Sorry…" he grimaced, as he grabbed a napkin and tried to clean up the mess that was on Renee's chest.

"I'm going to kill you!" she yelled in frustration, her hands in tight fists by her side.

She was fuming when she stomped her foot and turned around, leaving the kitchen to go to her bedroom. She shook her head, looking at the ground, mumbling something too low for my ears to hear.

"Shit," Charlie muttered under his breath, as he pinched the bridge of his nose and got up to follow his ex-wife and apologize once again.

Renee had been having a shitty month, her hormones were all over the place because she had reached a certain age and she wasn't feeling good. Sometimes, she'd feel super hot and sweat like a pig when, in reality, it was freaking cold. She'd bitch about it the entire day because that was what she did, now. She'd bitch about everything that didn't go according to plan and Charlie was the one dealing with it. The only thing that was perfect in her eyes was Phil.

Charlie was not managing very well… Sometimes he'd get so frustrated with Renee, he'd just scream for a couple of seconds before he realized he had made her cry.

They were making me crazy.

I exhaled quietly, praying my morning headache to disappear just for today. I'd already had a bad start when Renee decided to wake me up with a horn, saying it was good for the heart… only if you want me to shit my pants and die. I shook my head as I rubbed my eyes, I was completely exhausted.

I stood and walked up the stairs to my bedroom, closing the door as I entered and stripping to my underwear. I grabbed a deep, blue blouse and shoved it through my head as well as the jeans that were lying on top of my chair. I grabbed my car keys, my bag and my black jacket and was out of the front door before I had even blinked.

It was Charlie's day off, so he had been staying at the house all morning, listening to Renee and hoping she would just shut the hell up. I knew the feeling.

I just wanted to be out of there before the screaming started again.

Time passed pretty quickly as my mind wandered off to another world where everything was a lot easier than in reality.

I dreamed of not having to work my butt off to have a little bit of money to spend on things for myself. With an unemployed Renee in the house and Charlie's money the only thing to keep us floating, my monthly allowance wasn't even enough to pay the gas for my truck, so I had to get a job. Luckily, Mrs. Newton was fond of me and hoped that, one day, her son and I would get together. I snorted at the thought. Only in your dreams, dear.

Thankfully, I got to school on time and Mrs. Watson didn't say anything to me. And that was good because I would have exploded if she had. And it wouldn't have been pretty to see.

I went outside to smoke as soon the bell rang to indicate the end of first class. I was making my way to my usual spot, when I heard my name being called by a very familiar and unwanted voice. A chill went up my spine and I shivered. I just didn't want to put up with him today.

"Bella!"

I kept walking…

"Bella!"

And walking…

"Bella!"

I heard some shuffling and he grabbed my arm.

"What?" I asked, turning around and facing him.

His face was still as beautiful as ever.

The hard lines that made his chin were even more evident now that he had grown up some.

More man, less boy.

The color of his skin was a wonderful russet, the complete opposite of mine, and his brown eyes were everything but ordinary.

They were rich, deep and soulful.

He exuded an unwavering confidence and power; the air modified in his presence, it was harder to breathe. He was a king, and we were his subjects. There was a time where I was ruling right by his side; I had been his queen.

"Good morning to you, too, sunshine," he grinned, freeing my arm of his hard grip.

"It would've been if I hadn't seen you," I said with an innocent smile and a wink; pain hidden in plain sight.

He chuckled.

I looked around and saw that we were alone. His friends were just a few feet away from us, but it was enough to give us a sense of privacy that didn't actually exist. I bet that they were listening to the whole thing; he was just trying to prove that he could get in my good graces and fuck me again.

That probably wasn't true, but I was not in a good mood.

"You don't need to be so aggressive…I know how you like it, remember?" he wiggled his eyebrow up and down suggestively and chuckled. He gave me a friendly pat on the shoulder as if this was just our normal, playful banter. As if it was part of the routine. It wasn't anymore. It couldn't be.

"I bleach my brain every time that comes to my mind," I faked a shudder. The next question came out as a hiss, but I didn't mean it…not really. "What do you want?"

His lips twitched a little as if he was hurt that I had cut the conversation short. He looked to my eyes a little longer, looking or searching for something that probably wasn't there.

I couldn't do this anymore.

I couldn't joke around with him as if nothing had happened, because that wasn't true.

Everything had changed when he had looked at me with those beautiful big brown eyes, and had told me that he couldn't make it, that he couldn't come to my anniversary dinner because his drug-dealing boss wanted him to make a delivery in Port Angeles at the same time I wanted him to be present, beside me.

And that was it. I couldn't deal with it any longer. I was done being put on hold every time his drug dealing boss would call.

The sound of his voice made me come back from that painful memory.

"I just wanted to ask if you had a lighter," he shrugged his shoulders, not meeting my eyes and taking a step back—a step away from me.

"What for?" I squinted my eyes, as if it would make me see better, as if it would make me see trough all of his stupid pretences. I tried to step in front of him, but he took another step back.

"What for?" he repeated as he cocked his head to the side, looking at me like I had two heads and was crazy.

"Yes," I said pissed off. "What do you want the lighter for?"

He visibly gulped, his eyes were huge.

"To smoke, Bella. What do you think?" he chuckled but it didn't sound sincere. It sounded forced as if he was trying to evade the question and not lie, but not telling the whole truth either.

"Smoke what?" I asked, tapping my right foot on the ground, my arms crossed over my chest.

"Jesus, will you give it a rest?" he sounded exasperated…but so was I.

"No," I shoved his chest with my index finger and asked again, saying each word with one little shove on the middle of it. "Smoke what?"

There was a long pause where neither of us backed down. His eyes were defiant, as if he was challenging me to do something about his non-answering. After a couple of minutes, he exhaled sharply and his body leaned forward—tired and defeated. His hand rubbed down his nose and chin, his mouth sad and his eyes seemingly dead.

"A joint, Bella," he finally answered. "We're going to smoke a joint. Are you happy now?"

"Not really…no."

I turned away from him, my eyes watering with the knowledge that he was still into that shit, which meant that he was still working for that bastard, Paul. With one last glance over my shoulder, I walked to class without having smoked my cigarette and without having borrowed the lighter to Jacob.

A single, salty tear fell down my cheek and splashed on the ground.

The walk represented much more than just a simple refusal; it meant that I was letting go, that I was trying to move on because I couldn't live in the vicious cycle that we appeared to be in for the rest of my life. There was something that told me that I could fall in and out of love as many times as I wished for.

I didn't owe anything to anyone and it was my right to do what I wanted.

My survival instincts were kicking in, finally; they were protecting me from Jacob and all the pain and sorrow that came with him. My heart recognized it and for once, it stood up for himself and demanded to be happy.

Jacob was my past and I looked forward for my future, I hoped.

I felt someone behind me before I saw them.

When I turned around, I met the innocent green eyes of the boy that I discovered I had great chemistry with.

And they were beautiful.

Even though green was not my favorite color in the whole word, and even though it wasn't the warm brown I was aching for, I found myself melting inside when my own eyes met his. They were new, fresh and had no background…no story to held them back.

"Hey, Bella," Edward said with a breathtaking smile.

"Hey, yourself," I grinned.

I took my time appreciating him.

His fabulous ass was covered in stylish grey jeans, the hard lines of his chest were almost jumping out of the black shirt he was wearing, the muscles of his arms flexed as he searched through his bag, his scruffy, unkempt copper hair made him look like he had just gotten out of bed or maybe had just gotten laid… I wonder how he is in bed…probably wild and fierce and primitive…

My thoughts were once again interrupted by the beautiful, smooth voice of the boy in front of me. And perhaps it was for the best as I was getting a little flustered thinking about it. I could be a very imaginative person, and that was good, but sometimes it was also a little inconvenient.

"Bella?" the God-like being asked, his nose scrunched up questioningly.

"Sorry, what did you say?" I asked looking down, straightening my blouse after I realized part of my bra was visible to everyone on the school. It definitely was not a good way for people to notice you.

I peeked at him through my hair when he didn't answer and realized he was otherwise occupied appreciating me the same way I had appreciated him. His mouth was slightly open and his eyes were hooked on my cleavage. I pulled it up embarrassed.

My cheeks flamed red and I tucked a loose strand of hair in my ear. I needed to do something, I wanted him to speak, but he wasn't saying anything…apparently still mesmerized with my hard rock body. I could feel his green eyes burning through it, from the very top to the bottom. He was openly staring at me and I just didn't seem to have a bone in me that cared. Not even a little. I wanted him to be attracted to me.

He shifted, his weight resting on his right leg. He was adjusting himself.

I blushed harder.

I let out a whoosh of air, a little annoyed with my predictable, insecure behavior of the past. I admonished myself. I wasn't that girl anymore. In that moment, I had to be the confident, straight forward one I had become in the summer after my heart was squashed by a selfish, immature, drug dealing boy whose name won't be mentioned in the foreseeable future.

Eventually, my body stopped being catalogued and a throat was cleared. I looked up with a new wave of confidence. At least, I hoped my stance appeared to be because, deep down, my insecure faults were rising alive once more.

"Red suits you," he smirked and gave me a little wink.

I looked down at myself, confused with his statement. I wasn't wearing anything red.

"Your blush is beautiful," he said, lowering his head so that we were eye to eye and pointing at my cheeks.

I blushed even more.

"Thanks," I mumbled, averting my eyes.

And then I smirked and turned to him.

"But if you wanted a picture, you just had to ask. There's no need to ogle me like you haven't seen a girl in ages."

He gaped at me for a second and then laughed his ass off. He didn't say anything else and neither did I. After laughing with him that is.

We walked to the classroom in a comfortable silence, one that didn't need to be filled with meaningless small talk. Our postures were relaxed and we leaned closer to each other as we got closer to our destination. His body was warm; I could feel the heat radiating from his clothes. My body was constantly assaulted with the need to touch his arm or hold his hand every time my own would brush against his. It wasn't rational. It couldn't be.

How can I feel this way if I don't even know him?

Well, that isn't exactly true. You've known him for two weeks now…

Exactly. I've only known him for two weeks. That's not enough time to feel this way.

It's just physical, relax. Maybe if you slept together, you would calm the fuck down.

No.

Why the fuck not?

Because…we're just friends.

Keep telling yourself that.

"We're here," he said in a quiet murmur when we came to a stop in front of the classroom.

"Thanks, Edward," I smiled genuinely.

He leaned forward, hesitantly. I could see the doubt in his eyes, the fear of rejection; but as much as I could see it, I didn't understand it. A couple of seconds passed and I could see he was still weighing the pros and the cons of whatever it was that he wanted to do. But time wasn't by our side and the bell rang, warning us to go to class once again.

"I…"

I felt a warmness lightly touch my right cheek, a soft kiss given by the smooth, full, red lips of the boy who could make my heart pound on my chest and eradicate all the pain that previously took place in there.

My mouth fell shut, my line of thought went blank and my sentence was left unfinished. I felt the rush of blood warming both my cheeks, and my eyes immediately searched his.

They looked surprised, as mine sure looked too, but also happy…content…bright.

I tried again.

"I…"

I paused. I didn't remember what I was going to say. I chewed on my bottom lip nervously.

"Meet me here at the end of the class?" he asked when I just stood there, looking at him without knowing what to do.

"Y-Yes," I answered eventually.

He smiled and turned around, walking to his next class, on the opposite side of the building. I stayed there for a little while longer, asking my heartbeat to slow down, trying to contain the joy that was evident on my face.

I was smiling like a kid that got a puppy for Christmas.

I didn't remember the last time I felt like this without having an enormous weight in my chest. He was my first love and Edward didn't—couldn't—compare to him but he sure as hell was having a good start.

Maybe I could really move on.

Maybe it could be with Edward.

I smiled at the thought. And for once, didn't feel guilty when thinking about it.

"I didn't know you had a new boyfriend."

My whole body jerked alert and tensed, my feet stopped moving and I lost control over my body. My head spun around so fast, I don't know how I didn't break my neck. The voice was so familiar that I would have recognized it even in the middle of a screaming crowd.

"Jacob," it was a whisper, a moan.

"Who knew you could forget about me so easily," he spit venomously, angry and hurt, it seemed.

We looked in each other's eyes for a long moment; no one talked, no one breathed. The silence was absolute, heavy.

"You said you wouldn't forget about me," he murmured more to himself than to me, his stance completely changed, sad; completely different from earlier.

"I didn't forget about you," my heart pounded, this time in pain, guilt and sorrow. "I won't."

I took a step forward, unconsciously. My hands were clasped together firmly, my fingers intertwined over my chest as if on prayer. My bag was forgotten on the floor where it had fallen silently after sliding down my arm when I had jumped a little in surprise.

"It seems like it," he lifted his head slightly, pointing to the place where Edward had disappeared to. "You had that dreamy look on your face."

I didn't reply.

He sighed and rubbed down his face.

He kicked a bottle cap on the wooden floor of the hall, his hands in his pockets and his shoulders slumped down, defeated.

"The one you get when you're thinking about something that makes you happy," he added distractedly, smiling softly to himself. "The one you used to get when thinking about me," he whispered the last part and my heart was aching for him.

My hand reached forward, reached for him but it fell limply by my side before it could touch him. He was only a few inches away from me. If I took a step forward our chests would touch, our hands would brush against each other and our mouths would be close enough that if I parted mine, and my tongue darted out a bit, it would touch his delicious, full lips.

The attraction attacked me in full force.

I took a step back, putting some space between us.

I opened the small window on the right side of the hall, the opposite of the classroom, and stuck my head out, inhaling some much needed fresh air. I couldn't breathe right. I was panting.

"Are you alright?" I felt a burn on my lower back in the shape of a hand—his hand. He was soothing me…or trying, at least…rubbing small circles and other shapes I couldn't distinguish on my back. It only made me more nervous and with a little push I stepped away from him, once again. It broke the contact and it allowed me to think a little better without all the fogginess that clouded my brain whenever he was around.

"I'm late for class," I stated without looking at him.

"I am, too," he shrugged nonchalantly, after a while. "So?"

"I should get going," I moved for the door but suddenly I was met with a hard wall—Jacob's chest.

"Stay," it was a plea.

And I couldn't say no to that voice.

So, I stayed with him.

I forgot all about the classes I should've attended in the first place and forgot all about green eyes and soft caresses, small promises and blushing compliments.

He called and I went running, because no matter how many times I told myself that I was moving on, that I could forget him and fall out of love with him, he never let me. He would come back and I would hold on to whatever little piece of him he would give me, until I could no more.

I was stupid.

I was doing it all over again.

I was going to learn not to make the same mistakes a billion times.

A/N:

Don't worry! This will eventually lead to what all of us want.

Edward... Hm... Yes! But it's going to be a bit of drive 'til we get there...

Or not. Depends on our dear Bella.

Next chapter is going to be hot! At least I hope so.

Drop a review and I'll update faster, yeah? Chapter three is ready to be posted.

Until next time!