Diclaimer: Twilight is owned solely by one Mrs. Stephenie Meyer. I just play with the characters she provided us with.

Past-aholics Anonymous

Chapter Three

Behind You

Something hard and long poked me in the back and I stirred awake. Slowly I opened my eyes, everything was unfocused and blurry.

I was lying in an unknown bed, the sheets tangled on my feet. I could feel a small breeze caressing the naked skin on my legs and I shivered unconsciously. My back and my butt were warmer than the rest of my body. It wasn't freezing but it wasn't hot enough for me to be only on my underwear without anything else covering me up.

Someone moaned my name.

"Bella…"

The thing poked me again and I suddenly realized what it was and where I was. Long muscled arms were circling my waist, comforting and familiar…hugging me and locking me away from the rest of the world. They were protecting me, guarding me even in their deep slumber.

The owner of the squeezing arms moaned again.

"Bella…"

Now, that I was more awake and aware of my surroundings, I recognized the objects in my line of vision. The room was old; the deep blue paint coating the four walls of the small bedroom was peeling off, the water had eventually infiltrated the white ceiling and the wood on the floor was marred by it…but in spite of that, it was the comfiest room I had ever been in.

The desk on the other side of the room, parallel to the right side of the bed, was still on the same place. I could see it from where I was lying; full of books that were in complete disarray, it was strange not to see it tidy like it always used to be. Clothes were scattered all over the wooden floor, a sock was hanging on the lamp sitting on the nightstand, lonely and without its pair.

I remembered many mornings such as this one.

I just didn't expect it to happen again.

"Bella…"

This time the voice was more alive and the grip around my waist intensified. It didn't hurt but it wasn't comfortable either. I tried to turn around and face my slightly aroused lover, but he started to rub himself against me in small, delicate movements meant to drive me crazy.

His lips trailed soft wet kisses up my neck; his teeth nibbled my earlobe, his tongue darted out shyly, leaving evidence of its passage behind. My hands were instantly on top of his, my nails digging into his skin, almost drawing blood with the force of the pull. One of his legs slipped through mine and his knee rested against my core. It wasn't the only thing resting there.

His eagerness grew into epic proportions and mine moaned in expectation, longing to be stretched and filled in a way only his could do.

It lightly grazed my little bound of nerves from top to bottom, pausing in the opening we both wanted it to slip inside of and soaked my panties along the way. He was hard and ready. I was too.

"Bella…"

His hands lowered until they reached the hem of my underwear, tugging it down slowly, softly. His fingers took the opportunity to lightly skim that soft unblemished skin that was so sensitive to touch. I could see him smirk when I inhaled sharply; my intake of breath melting into a low moan when he did it again.

My neck was being slowly kissed the entire time, my cheeks flamed red every time his full lips reached my ear and spoke carefully chosen words.

My panties were on the end of the bed in a couple of seconds, having been thrown carelessly aside by large amazing hands owners of long perfect fingers. My breasts were uncovered shortly after, but not without being thoroughly kissed and nibbled. No part of my body was lacking attention. Every part of it was lit, almost as if on fire…my blood was rushing through my veins, my heart was pounding in my ears and I could feel it pounding in my lower lips as well.

His fingers trailed down my stomach; skimmed and grazed my skin, reaching lower and lower until they stopped just an inch away from where I wanted them.

"Please," I begged him, my hand griping his in a plea.

"Say it again," he demanded harshly.

"Please," it was a whispered moan that even I almost didn't hear.

"Louder," he ordered.

I didn't even have the strength to fight against him, to show him a taste of his own medicine. I was so lost in my own pleasure, in my own want that I couldn't think of anything else. I could only beg and obey, dig and grip, moan and hiss…

"Please…I-I can't take it anymore," I managed to choke between gasps.

"That's all I wanted to hear."

And I was in heaven.

I was alive.

I was moaning as soon as his fingers entered me furiously, immediately searching for the spot they had discovered themselves. His thumb rubbed circles as the others thrust in and out without mercy. No soft touches and wandering hands. These ones were firm, confident and powerful.

My own searched blindly behind me, fumbling until they found the wet hardness brushing against my ass. I wanted him to feel good too, no matter how hard it was to concentrate in a steady rhythm. My grip faltered slightly when he thrust one more finger inside of me, but I recovered quickly and continued to pump him eagerly.

We were moans and sharp breaths.

We were one in one swift thrust.

And we didn't stop until we were both crying out in relief.

"Bella…"

"Jacob..."

His name was out of my mouth at the same time mine was out of his. My nails dug on his back and our bodies jerked together in unison, sweaty and tired, finally satisfied.

I smiled lazily at him, my eyes almost closed with the force of the pleasure that hit me. He kissed my nose and got off me, falling limply by my side. There was a tentative arm trying to crawl its way beneath my head and it pushed me to his side until half of me was resting on top of him. It was exactly how it should've been.

And it couldn't happen again.

That knowledge wrecked my body inside out, not letting me enjoy the moment while I still could. My bottom lip trembled and my eyes watered. I sniffed silently and forbade myself of crying. I put my well-rehearsed mask on and told myself it was better this way. My brain celebrated and rejoiced in the defeat of my heart, spade held high above its head in triumph.

Jacob seemed to notice the change in my demeanor and immediately moved away from me. I looked him in the eye, apologizing without any words needed. He understood. It was evident in the painful look on his face, in the way his shoulder sagged and his eyes lost their cheerful glow.

And I was the culprit…as always.

It didn't surprise me if he knew the speech by heart; I always said the same thing. I couldn't do this, because it hurt us both and I didn't want that. I wanted us happy even if it meant we were better off separately. Our personalities were too alike not to clash and sometimes they clashed with such force that I didn't know how to be in the same room with him without wanting to slap him silly.

And the real problem was still existent. He was still working for Paul…and I was still not okay with it.

Yes, we had our differences and our relationship had always been troubled. It certainly wasn't the first time we had broken up, I didn't even know how many situations like this one we had been through…but the Paul problem was a recent impasse and a new addition to my speech.

"I…"

"Save it, Bella…I already know what you're going to say," he murmured quietly, looking down at his fumbling hands.

I got up and out of the bed, the tip of my fingers intentionally brushing against his in a quiet goodbye. He removed them quickly as if burnt by my touch. It hurt but I deserved it. I looked one last time at his perfectly naked body, memorizing each curve and every line. He was beautiful…but no longer mine.

"I can't do this anymore, Bella," his voice almost too low for me to hear.

"I know…it's eating away at me, too," I looked at my feet, getting angrier the more I thought about the reasons of our heartache. My brows furrow into a V and I chewed on my lip deep in thought…thinking of a way to make this easier or ending it once and for all.

"Can't we be together?" he asked shyly, moving closer to me.

"Not until you stop working for Paul," I stated, my determination unwavering.

"You know I can't do that, Bella," the regret was evident in his voice; the anger was masked with the resignation.

I stepped away from him, hurt with his words but knowing them to be true…so fucking true.

"And you know that I'm done being in second place."

"I know that, too…"

I didn't reply.

I had nothing to say. Every single word uttered in this small deep blue bedroom had been spoken already, only it was in a different place, at a different time.

We had broken up.

Again.

If we could call it that. I mean we hadn't even gotten back together, so…was it considered a break up?

Probably not.

When I finally got home that day it was kind of difficult to explain to my parents what had happened. Charlie was furious because the school had called and rightfully informed him that I was skipping school. Renee just wanted to know where I went and who was I with.

Telling them that I had been sick with a stomach ache because of my womanly time of the month didn't stick with Renee. And Charlie…well, even though, he went with it, he kept asking me why I didn't pick up the phone when they called. I didn't have a good excuse for that.

What was I supposed to tell them?

Sorry dad, Jacob and I were fucking like rabbits at his house. You know, the son of your best friend…my ex-boyfriend. I was enjoying his cock in my pussy too much to answer your calls.

I didn't think Charlie would take that statement too well.

So I took the punishment they thought fit the situation quietly and promised never to do it again.

"You are grounded for a week, Bella. When school's out, you come straight home. Don't bother trying to get out of this, missy," he pointed his finger at me.

It was actually funny. Charlie had his left hand on his left hip and was shaking his finger at me. His mustache was twitching and his face was red. I wondered what would happen if it actually turned purple.

Would he explode like in the cartoons?

"I know, dad. I will do it." I said dutifully with my head lowered and my chin tucked in my neck.

Charlie huffed. "Like you had a choice."

Well, that's true. I didn't have much choice. I had, for all purposes, fucked up royally.

But life went on and my "time out" passed quickly and uneventfully.

Life at Forks continued the same. I went to class, avoided Jacob and tried to stay out of trouble. The one thing that had changed was Edward.

Every day he would come to me in the morning, greet me and we talked for a little bit. Sometimes we had lunch together. When we didn't, he usually had lunch with his family or with his friends from the basketball team. Those days, I sat with the girls and their never ending questions about Edward and I and our non-existing relationship.

I found out we were alike in some aspects and very different in others. We had the same musical tastes. A little bit of everything, but rock was my cup of tea. Edward liked Debussy. It wasn't something I loved, but I could appreciate it nonetheless.

We spent more and more time together at my house or at his. We watched movies, did homework together and just hang out.

The sexual tension was killing me, though.

Edward might be my friend, but I couldn't deny that he was hot. Extremely so.

Shaking my head of impure thoughts of Edward, I got ready for school. A pair black denim skinny jeans and a silk blue blouse were already sitting still on my study chair. I got dressed quickly, put some make-up on and exited my bedroom.

"Bella!"

I stopped on the last step of the staircase once I heard my mother's voice. I turned to the kitchen door where I could her standing, poised like only a mother would.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" she raised her eyebrow at me.

"No…" I looked at her a bit confused.

"Breakfast, Bella. Breakfast," she said in a high pitched tone, raising her hands.

"Oh, I completely forgot. Maybe you and dad can have cereal this morning…I'm running late for school," I wasn't late, but I also wasn't in the mood to hear Renee brag about Phil or one of the many hobbies she was now interested in.

"I was talking about you, silly," she said chuckling. "Well, at least eat something at school before class starts. Okay?"

"Yeah, mom, sure."

I grabbed my car keys from the little bowl on the kitchen table, kissed my mom on the cheek and went to school. Charlie had already gone to work. Being the Chief of Police and all, he had to wake up way too early for a normal person.

When I got to the school parking lot, it was still pretty much empty, so I stood by my truck and took a cigarette out of my bag. I was itching to smoke.

Taking the first drag, I calmed right away. I watched as smoke whirled out in little waves out of my mouth.

After a while, people started arriving and I mingled.

Class was uneventful and boring. My gut was telling me that something bad was going to happen and I honestly didn't have the energy to deal with it. My stomach was grunting that it was hungry.

I was chilling against my truck between classes when I spotted him coming my way.

Please, not today. I don't have enough strength today.

"I didn't see you before English started," he said as he ran up to me, leaving his friends looking at us and expecting some kind of show.

"So what?" I shrugged. I didn't want to have this conversation with him, not here and not now.

I knew what he wanted, and even though I always admitted I had needs that needed to be taken care of, I just couldn't stand it anymore.

It was too much.

Jacob had taken our last talk to heart and like the big man he was, he started spreading shit about us around the school. Shit like I was his regular fuck and that he had used me. I knew he was just hurt by my words that day. And like I had done to him, he decided to hurt me with words, too.

But he didn't seem like he was coming to attack me. In fact, it seemed like he was going to be nice today. I just wanted to know what the hell he was going to say to me, because if an 'I'm sorry' didn't leave his mouth, we were going to have problems.

I had had enough of his shit.

And because of that, I couldn't talk to him in any form or shape unless it was a defensive or an offensive one.

"I wanted to ask you if we could go to my place after school," he said when he was a step away from me.

Jacob smiled at me without a care in the world, wriggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"That's not a question," I stated, trying to sound as cold and undetached as a serial killer to his victim. I rummaged inside my bag, trying to find my pack of smokes. I lit one immediately after I found the damn thing.

He huffed indignantly and rolled his eyes at me.

"Fine. Do you want to fuck this afternoon?" His voice was dripping with sarcasm. I cringed at his choice of words, they were so raw. He was definitely not sugar coating the subject today.

I felt dirty. I always feel nowadays… well, until I met Edward but that is a different story and I didn't even see him this morning. I wondered briefly what might have happened to him, he hadn't gone to class and no one had seen him or his car in the parking lot.

"Well?" he prompted when I didn't respond, poking my arm with his index finger repeatedly until I smacked it in a futile attempt to make him stop. It didn't work and he didn't stop. It just got me all worked up again.

"No," I finally answered. I didn't make eye contact with him—I didn't know if I could handle looking to his big, brown eyes and not turn into a puddle of goo. My legs were wobbling just by thinking about it.

I was such a stupid fuck.

The guy was bad mouthing me and I was already second guessing my entire decision of staying away from him. Sometimes I wished I could just hit myself in the head with a big stony ass rock to see if I woke the hell up.

But when the matter was Jacob, I was everything but rational.

And it wasn't in a good way.

"No?" surprised colored every inch of his voice.

"No."

I crossed my arms over my chest, trying to look sure of myself so he wouldn't think he could coerce me into changing my mind, like he had so many other times.

"What do you mean 'no'?" he took a step closer to me and I could feel his eyes probing every inch of skin on my face. I didn't budge.

"I mean just what I said. No."

"What the fuck, Bella? Why not?" he asked so loud that some people four feet away from us could hear. He was so close he was almost in my face. I had to take a deep breath to get myself together and not yell at him to just get the fuck away from me.

"I don't want to," I managed to say. "It doesn't feel right."

"You didn't seem to have a problem with it before when I was fucking you from behind!"

My face was immediately covered by a bright red blush. My body reacted on its own and remembered the feel of his hands on my skin as he thrust deeper into me, grabbing my hips to keep me steady, and moaned my name over and over again until I could feel his seed spread inside of me.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts.

"Keep your voice down, for God's sake!" I hissed through clenched teeth as I pulled him farther away from the other students by his elbow so that our conversation wasn't overheard.

"Everyone knows we've been fucking since we broke up. It's not big news, you know?" he asked with an eyebrow raised as I hauled him back to a bench on the other side of the street. I pulled him down until he was sitting next to me and then I let go.

"We already had this conversation. We had already agreed that it was best to stay away from each other," I shrugged and tucked a lock of my mahogany hair behind my ear, smoothing it out on the way.

"Yeah, I know…"

"So what's this about?" I asked, crossing my arms in front of me.

"I don't know… I miss you, Bella."

"You didn't act like you were missing me when you were spreading fucked up rumors about us." I raised my bitch eyebrow at him.

"Yeah," he scratched the back of his head. "I was extremely fucked up for a couple of days. And I'm sorry I said those things about us. I hope you know I didn't mean any of it."

"You are so bipolar, you know that, right?"

"I'm sorry, truly. I don't know what's going on with me. I have this anger outbursts and then I'm completely calm. It's fucking hell."

"You know perfectly well what's going on with you." I told him matter-of-factly.

"What?" he asked confused.

"It's the shit Paul gives you."

"Are you fucking serious?" he asked, clearly upset with my statement.

"No."

Suddenly the bell rang and I motioned for Jacob to get going. I grabbed my bag from the ground and started walking in the direction of my next class. Before I could make it to the school's door, my elbow was grabbed. I turned and saw Jacob.

"I have to go, Jacob."

"I know, I know…" he dropped his hand from my elbow and took a step back.

He scratched the top of his head and scrunched up his nose. I looked at him and struggled not to chuckle. Somethings never change. Jacob always did the scratching thing when he was trying to find the right words to say what was on his mind.

"Just spit it out," I told him smiling slightly. I quickly put my bitch facade back on.

"I…I really am going to…to solve this mess and getting things straight…you were…are…very important to me. Our relationship wasn't a joke to me. I hope you know that," he looked away from him.

Speaking sincerely and from the heart wasn't Jacob's cup of tea. Honestly, the dude looked like he was choking on his own words sometimes.

"I know."

"Uh, well…great…I mean, yeah."

"I better get going to class. You should, too," I showed him the time on my phone. We were already five minutes late.

"Yeah, okay. Bye," he turned and waved, not looking back.

"Goodbye, Jacob," I said quietly.

A/N:

I know, I know. Edward didn't even appear in this chapter. But don't worry! He will.

Do you think Bella will finally let go of Jacob?

Until next time!