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ChipsAhoypup

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing except myself and Pan-pan. ^^

A/N I accept both missions from my reviewers. :D I feel like KAMINA.

ChipsAhoy has just signed on.

Kira has just signed on.

L has just signed on.

AngstyKitty has just signed on.

DepressedRat has just signed on.

LovableMutt has just signed on.

ChipsAhoy: Guys, mysterious people just gave us missions!

Kira: …Mysterious…?

ChipsAhoy: YUS. And, God dammit, we will accept them.

Kira: Don't curse to me. I take offense.

ChipsAhoy: No offense… but I don't care.

Kira: I still take offense.

ChipsAhoy: Cool. :D

L: What are our missions?

ChipsAhoy: Well, the first thing is… let's all go to the mall, I'll explain it there.

AngstyKitty: I don't wanna go to the mall.

ChipsAhoy: TOO BAD. We shall go anyways.

DepressedRat: But we're in the middle of something.
ChipsAhoy: Put your clothes back on and get to the mall in the next 5 minutes. I'm timing you. Whoever comes first gets… all the money in my wallet.

Kira: LOL I'M GONNA WIN L.

L: …Riiight, you just keep thinking that, Imagay.

Kira: I'M NOT GAY DAMMIT.

L has just signed off.

Kira: That's right, you better run…

ChipsAhoy: He's gonna get a head start.

Kira: OH SHIT.

Kira has just signed off.

AngstyKitty: We'll be there in… 3 minutes.

AngstyKitty has just signed off.

DepressedRat has just signed off.

ChipsAhoy: Sweetness.

LovableMutt: Is this going to be perverted?

ChipsAhoy: If you consider a murderer getting mauled by ten thousand fangirls perverted… then yes.

LovableMutt: I'll come for the hell of it.

LovableMutt has just signed off.

ChipsAhoy has just signed off.

At the mall…

Light had won the race of epicness. Too bad the prize was all the money in my wallet.

Too bad because I hadn't brought my wallet.
But I do have lots and lots of money in my wallet at the moment. Anyways, back to what was going on.

"Rolecall," I said, staring at everyone.
"We're all here. No need for a rolecall," L muttered. I blinked.

"Oh. Okay then. L shall do the honors because he's awesome and it may just attract more fangirls," I decided, holding up a glitter tube dramatically and handing it over to L.

"…What do I do with it?" L stared.

"Pour it on Light… and…" I glanced around. "Oh, wait! Let's move into the sunlight first!" I got a tight grip on Light's hand, who had attempted escape, and dragged him outside the mall. "Okay, this should do it."

"And I just… pour it on him?" L asked with a smirk.

"Hang on… Ah…" I bit my thumbnail and looked from person to person, examining them carefully. "Okay, Kyo, Yuki, and Shigure, you all go about and collect fangirls."
"How?" The three said in unison.

"Simple. Split up. Kyo take one side of the mall, Yuki take the other, and Shigure… go in the actual stores. Bring these…" I fished around in the backpack I had brought and held up three bullhorns. "And just say, 'Everyone, Edward Cullen is outside the mall!' Then move to a new location and repeat this."

"That sounds easy enough," Yuki agreed.

"Yeah, but how long will it take?" Kyo crossed his arms, looking agitated, as usual.

"Hopefully not long. And when you're done, the mall will most likely be practically empty, and you can go and hang out wherever." I shrugged. "Okay, go!" The three hurried into the mall.

"…I didn't agree to this," Light suddenly growled.

"Let's refer back to the last chat? You said, and I quote, 'Pfft. I could sparkle more than Edward ever could.' Why don't we prove this now?" I smirked.
"…I didn't mean in public."

"You weren't specific on what you meant."

"…Damn you all."

"Stewie Griffin quote!"

"What?"

"Too much Family Guy… heh… sorry…" I looked away. "I think I hear fangirls. L, pour as much glitter as possible."

Did I forget to mention the tube of glitter was the size of a large gallon of iced tea?

Well, it was.

L unscrewed the lid of the tube and flipped it upside down over Light's head. The glitter sparkled in the sunlight as it rained on top of Light, sticking in his hair and to his skin.

The first person to appear was my friend, actually.

Katie.

Oh God no. Oh God.

"Katie, what the hell are you doing at the mall?" I asked.

"…Did you just curse?" I had a reputation for not cursing.

"…No."

"Yes you did!"

"No, I didn't, that was your imagination… anyways, what are you doing at the mall?"

"Well, I was buying Edward Cullen stuff…" Figures. "…And I just happened to hear that Edward Cullen was outside the mall."

I facepalmed. Katie was known for being the most Twilight-obsessed girl at my school. Oh yeah, and she was my friend. I didn't agree with her Twilight-love, but I never complained about it out loud, because everyone has an obsession, right?

Before Katie could freak out about "Edward Cullen," aka Light covered in glitter, a mob of fangirls swarmed around me, Light, and L. Being the claustrophobic person I was, I quickly clung to L.

He looked at me funny, and I replied, "…Large crowd… Can't breath…" I buried my face in his shoulder. How that would help me breath, I didn't even know, but I guess I just needed the comfort.

I could feel people pushing past me to get at Light. I simply pressed my face harder against L's shoulder, fear and adrenaline spreading through my body.

Soon the crowd moved out of my personal space bubble, and I was able to breath again. My face flushed red at the knowledge that I'd clung to L's shoulder, but I made no move to let go.

He sighed in defeat and stood with me away from the crowd, awkwardly patting my head.

I suddenly realized that I'd turned into a type of Mary Sue and quickly recollected myself, moving away from L and leaning against a pole. Kinky. No, just kidding, my mind isn't that perverted; the pole was just the thing nearest me that would hold my weight if I leant against it.

Anyways, back to what was happening with Light.

I watched the swarm scream their fangirlish scream, and felt disgusted. I'm fairly sure I saw shreds of cloth fly through the air. They were probably mauling poor Light.

That's what he gets for sparkling.

And being God of the New World.

"How do we break up this crowd?" I suddenly realized the problem.

"…I don't see how we can do that… I'm expecting to find a bleeding, naked, glitter-covered Light by the end of this…" L replied.

"Makes sense."

"Mm."

It was silent for five seconds, with the exception of the fangirl squeals, and then I started to sing quietly Blinded by the Light. "Blinded by the Light~ Revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night~"

"Irony?"

"Exactly."

After a while, the crowd dispersed. Either they grew bored with Light, they figured out he wasn't Robert Patterson, or they ran out of materials to steal from him. Maybe it was all three.

"Finally, I was about to fall asleep… Which I have never done unless deliberately…" I muttered. Me and L went up to Light, who was curled up on the ground; his clothes were merely rags now, hiding a particular spot we didn't want to see and some other patches of skin, and he still had glitter all over him.

To add to this, his hair was all messed up, and he had makeup stains all over him, as well as "rabid fangirl fingernail marks."

"You look awful," I sympathized.

"At least I'm God," Light snarled.

"…You're such a douche," L grumbled. I burst out laughing. The two continued arguing while I struggled to contain more bouts of laughter.
"As I said, at least I'm God."

"And at least I'm not gay."

"Are you calling me gay?"

"Look who just gained an IQ point."

"That would make it a total of 1000."

"Surprised your head hasn't burst."

"Where'd you get that from, Indiana Jones?"

"So what if I did?'

"You should be a lot fatter than you are."
"Jealous of my magnificent metabolism?"

"Why would I need a magnificent metabolism when my hair looks beautiful, and not like a rat had just nested in it?"

"Guys…" I called, trying to catch their attention. They ignored me.

"I can't wait until the day your hair falls out."

"You'll probably be dead by then anyways."

"Why, because you'll kill me before I see your hair rot, Kira?"

"First off, I'm not Kira, and secondly, I only said that because I'm 18 and you're 25. Do the math."

"That would make my IQ higher than yours. Do the math."

"How much higher?"

"As I said, do the math, genius."

"GUYS," I shouted, using the spare bullhorn I had kept in my backpack in case of emergencies.

"What?" Light and L said in unison, one sounding enraged, the other bored. (If you can't tell which is which, either you're an idiot, or you just aren't a Death Note fan… No offense.)

"Listen, I enjoy being a bystander to your arguments, but we need to go to Walmart now. It's our second mission," I stated.

"…"

"…"

And so began the next journey. This time to Walmart. How magnificent.

Okay, skipping the walk, and we're at Walmart.

EXCITEMENT.

"Alright, so apparently, our second mission was to annoy people."

"That shouldn't be hard… Especially with Light around."

"Shut up, L."

"Make me."

"I will."

"And how exactly do you expect to do that?"

"I'll duct-tape your mouth shut."

"Kira."

"L."

"Kira."

"L."

"BE QUIET, BOTH OF YOU," I snapped. They shut up. "So, I have a "104 Ways To Get Kicked Out Of Walmart" list."

I opened up the list. "Hmm… Light, this one would be perfect for you!" I pointed to number 50 on the list.

"What?!"

"Go do it," L added with a smirk.

So, with lots of 'encouragement,' as me and L called it, we got Light into the women's department. L and me shoved a rather pink pair of women's underpants onto Light's head and pushed him forward.

With all the dignity he had left, (although I don't remember him ever having any dignity…) he strode through the store casually. If anything, he looked bored.

Me and L watched from the sidelines, as always, trying not to laugh and slightly failing. "While he's doing that, let's get on to the next one, shall we?"

Kyo, Yuki, and Shigure all looked bored. Time to give them something to do.

I opened up a separate "Ways to get Kicked Out Of Walmart" list and inspected it. "Kyo and Yuki, why don't you have a battle with action figures?"

"…Whut?"

Me, L, and Shigure pushed them into the toy aisle. "Okay," I announced. "Kyo will use GI Joes and Yuki will use Barbies."
"Why do I have to use the Barbies?"

"Because you suck," Kyo answered.

"Literally," I muttered to myself. I should be ashamed for being a pervert right now. "Anyways, start."

Me, Shigure, and L backed away. Kyo immediately grabbed a mini gun and shot a mini bullet at a Barbie, who's head fell off and rolled to the side. "Shigure, go grab ketchup," I whispered. The dog gave me a funny look and walked off to get the ketchup.

Meanwhile, Yuki had grabbed a couple of purses and threw them free handedly at the GI Joes. One nailed a guy in the sensitive spot (it's a good thing it was just a toy), and the Joe fell backwards.

Shigure came back with ketchup. I pried the lid open and clawed the stupid protective paper off. Then I put the lid back on and opened it, squirting the ketchup on the headless Barbie's head and pooling it around her, then randomly aiming the edible liquid at the Joes.

Soon, Kyo and Yuki had turned it into an all-out war, grabbing random toy weapons and throwing them at each other's army, as I made the blood rain all over the aisle.

It looked like a bloody battlefield, and I hummed Jordan Sparks song as we got up and padded away. I stopped abruptly and smirked, then wrote outside the aisle with the ketchup, "Light was here." With that, I quickly left the scene of the crime.

L had saw what I'd done and looked amused. I smirked at his knowledge and we met up with Light. "Look, some guy randomly gave me 5 dollars," He announced proudly, holding up said 5-dollar bill. The brunette still had the underwear tight on his head.

"…Why?"

"Dunno. He said he had renewed faith in our youth's generation," Light answered.

"MLIA?!" I randomly gasped. A blank stare was received by everyone. "…Yeah. Well. I have a new mission."

Not 2 seconds later, I had a black cape on L and a red cape on Light. "Alright, you know what to do, correct?" I asked them. They nodded, actually looking enthusiastic. "Oh, I almost forgot." I handcuffed them to each other, as is done in the series. "Just because… if I don't, you might get lost…"

They blinked.

"Yeah, just go."

With that, L ran forward, with Light by his side. The handcuff dangled in between them as they ran into a kid's aisle first. "I'm Batman. Quick, Robin, to the Batcave," L shouted, holding onto his cape like a vampire and abruptly turning, hurrying away.

"Yes, sir," Light announced, following L's lead.

They did this in 10 other aisles. And on the escalator. The down escalator. Going up. That was fun to watch; and probably fun to do. The two looked like superheroes, and ran up the down escalator for about 10 minutes without stopping. The only time they stopped was to say what they had said in the 10 aisles, then continue running again.

By the end of this, we weren't kicked out, but instead had $20, a coupon to Target (I think the person giving us this coupon got kicked out), and a lot of people screaming, "BONDAGE," at the sight of the handcuff.

One person babbled on and on about BatmanxRobin fanfics, and L and Light stood and listened with horror (they talked in graphic detail), before turning and announcing that it was time to go to the Batmobile.

Amused by their originality, I decided to kick it up a notch. I gave them a shopping cart. "L, you sit inside, and Light, you push."

"Why do I have to push?"

"OMG, ROBIN'S SEME," A random fangirl squealed as she walked by. She proceeded to have a nosebleed, then scramble away, laughing like a maniac.

"Wow. Maybe she'll get kicked out instead," I muttered. "And you have to push because you're Robin, who is Batman's sidekick, who has to do everything Batman says, because Robin lost." Yes, I made a reference to Light there. I tend to randomly rant.

"…"

"Push, Light," L said, looking a lot happier now that I had backed up the fact that he wins.

Light looked pissed, but he pushed the cart forward anyways, and soon found the fun in it. He pushed as fast as he could, laughing as they seemed to fly by the aisles.

Did I mention how many people screamed and jumped out of the way?

Several.

One man even had the ghoul to get run over. I hate people like that. You can't jump out of the way? You have to get us in trouble?

We immediately got a trip to the manager's office upon the sight of blood pooled around the man. We were also accused of stealing ketchup and pouring it all over action figures.

Since this wasn't court, Kyo decided to lie. "We didn't do anything you can't prove!"

Then the manager said that he could prove it, because it said "Light was here," and a person in our group was named Light.

"Well, it didn't say, 'Mel, L, Shigure, Kyo, Yuki, and Light were here,' now did it?" I replied.

So the manager proceeded to kick Light out, and by default, we followed. "Alright, who did it? Because I sure as hell didn't," Light growled, turning on us.

"Your mom," I said simply, shrugging as if it was obvious.

"I think it was you," Light hissed, pointing a finger at me.

"Who, me?" I widened my eyes innocently and gestured towards myself.

"Yeah, you."

"Wonderful deductive skills, but may I ask why you believe it was me?" I asked dully.

"You just seem like the type of person to do that. Not to mention you were the first to answer when I asked who did it," Light said.
"Awesome." I gave him a thumbs up.

Then we realized that Light still had the panties on his head, and the red cape, while L still had the black cape.

The boss realized it too.

But we decided to all be superheroes, and I illegally went back into Walmart and stole two more black and two more red capes. I gave Kyo and Shigure black capes, and me and Yuki red ones.

The three Batmans (L, Kyo, and Shigure) decided to randomly give us piggy back rides to get out of there faster. (Me, Yuki, and Light weren't all that fast.)

So I clung to Shigure's back, Light clung to L's, and Yuki clung to Kyo's. After that, the Batmans ran for their lives while the boss attempted to chase us and epically failed. Me and Light turned and decided to taunt him. We stuck our tongues out and waved goodbye.

Yuki, however, had fallen asleep on Kyo's back.

"Race, race, race," I chanted, and Light joined in.

So we decided to have an epic race to see who could get to my house first.

Shigure, L, and Kyo lined up at the tree. "Ready," Me and Light said together, "Set. Go!"

This was fun. I felt like I was flying. "Batman, to the Batcave," I practically ordered, and Shigure ran faster.

L was having trouble, however. His bad posture was making it hard for him to run, especially with Light on his back. Light somehow obtained a whip and was cracking it against poor L.

"LIGHT. WHAT ARE YOU, THE NEXT MICHAEL VICK?!" I snapped. Light halted his whipping. "Shigure, let them win," I whispered.

"Why?" Shigure whined.

"Because we are nice people." So Shigure slowed down.

Oh. We almost forgot about Kyo and Yuki.

Almost being the keyword.

Kyo, an orange blur, shot past, and made it to my door in 2 seconds. I rolled my eyes and sighed. Jerk.

With that, us six, with our amazing capes, went into my house, collapsing on the floor in exhaustion. Even L was tired; probably from the run.

Then we all curled up, somehow ready for the next adventure you guys would give us.

A/N Wow. This chapter took a long time. Stupid mid-term finals are coming up so… Yeah. I've been working on this every day in school when I had the chance. I hope it was worth the wait.