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I don't own Twilight.
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As I laid against my beds plush mattress with Jacob's hand still in mine, thoughts swarmed through my minds walls, consuming me with hope. What if I ran back too the cabin and asked the women what she had meant? Or maybe I could try kissing him again, not that it would do me any good. Though it would be nice too feel his lips on mine again; so soft. So warm and smooth, yet rough and harsh. The perfect mixture of Heaven and Hell. I tore the direction of my thoughts away from the kiss and back on our growing issue. He was fading. It was my job to get him home. The question was how. A kiss, yeah I got that much, but the kiss didn't seem to work. Then again, even I could feel that the kiss was forced. He hadn't meant it. But maybe if he had…
"Jacob," I yelled out suddenly as the thought entered my mind. He jumped in surprise at my voice being startled slightly but he overcame it quickly. He stared at me with his head turned towards the side. Without thinking again, I spoke in a rush.
"You have to mean it. It won't work unless you mean it!" I yelled out with wide eyes as I sat up quickly. He glanced up at me hopelessly, but after a couple of silent seconds of staring at me with a dazed look in his dark eyes, he glued his eyes back towards the ceiling.
"It won't work," he replyed, sighing hoplessly to himself. Fear bubbled my insides at his words.
"What! What do you mean, it won't work. We won't know unless we try," I spoke out in a panic, desperate for his lips to be on mine. God, I feel selfish. Stupid me, I'm helping him.
"I know it won't work because I can't just force myself too mean it. It doesn't work like that," he said again with the same hopless, broken voice. Was it really that hard to mean it? Too just try? Has he lost all hope?
"Just- just pretend that I'm Nessie." I said, the name burning a hole in my mouth. He glanced up at me with wide eyes, his eye reeling, practically screaming 'are your fucking crazy'. At this point, I would agree.
"I can't do that," he said blandly, still staring up at me. Anger boiled through me suddenly as I watched him.
"And why the hell not!" I screamed at him, my eyes blazing in fire.
"I'm doing this for you!" I continued towards him, a bubbling, burning fire spreading through me. His eyes flared as he yelled back at me, sitting up suddenly.
"Because your not her," his voice screamed out, his words cutting through my inner core. I stopped breathing. My face paled as realization kicked in.
He was right. I wasn't her. I would never be her. I would never feel the love that he holds for her. I will never be apart of his life with her. So why was I even trying. Why was I digging a hole for myself. I stood up slowly, still not breathing. He watched me as his face dropped, realizing what he's done. A look of sheer pain traced the out-line of his face, but I saw right through it. He was right. I will never be her.
"You right," I breathed to myself, slowly standing. Once the balls of my feet touched the floor, I walked, in a haze of anger and pain, towards the window calmly. The rain was still beating down harshly against the glass as I unbolted it's locks. I slid it open with ease, not caring that the rain was now soaking my carpet.
"Where are you going," he's voice pleaded suddenly as he watched me step out on the roof, letting the rain soak through my summer dress. Noticing my intentions, he stood up, stumbling slightly as he rushed towards the window.
"No where," I breathed out before turning away from him. I jumped off the roof at ease, landing against the wet, stoned pavement on the sidewalk. Without a glance back, I was sprinting towards the forest, not caring that I was being a bit dramatic about this. I knew I was over analyzing it, but I couldn't help myself. I was hurt. Beyond hurt, actually. I was broken beyond repair.
I entered the forest, slipping the dress off me quickly as I wrapped it neatly around my ankle, not wanting to rip another dress to shreds. I phased, letting my bones mend into placed as I exploded from my skin, a boiling flame burn within my veins. Within seconds, my mane of fur was soaked as the tears of rain leaked from the trees green leaves. I stared up at the broken sky as the harsh peddles of rain trickled down my snout. I ripped my eyes from the dark sky, taking in my surroundings. Trees, rain, gravel, and mud. Not knowing my direction, I just let myself run, letting the wolf within me guide me through the forest trees.
Why is my world becoming so dark? Why is my life changing in so many other ways then I have wanted? I don't know what's right or what's wrong anymore. I just wish I knew where I belonged in this world. Why was life taking me this way. Why is there no one to guide me though this. Why am I alone. I guess I always have been. I just never noticed. I feel like there is nothing left for me. Nothing, but darkness, But I know deep down, things will change. My words are a cry of pain to anyone other then myself. But, to me, my words are a breakthrough. Something that assures me that soon there will be light. I just have to endure the pain before I can overcome this darkness. I will be waiting for that day. Slowly and painfully they will pass, numbness will soon take its toll, waiting for the light too defrost my senses. When I feel again, I will awaken. And let the light spread through my soul. The question is, when?
My dark thoughts were suddenly cut-off but a voice. It was gentle, but distant. I slowed myself to a halt and took in my surroundings. I was by a river. It's stream of water was almost identical to the one in my dream. I blinked, clearing the rain from my blurred vision. The river in my dream had been calm and beautiful. The waters had been tamed and the sunlight had been bright. This river was very much the same, but different all-in-all. The waters were harsh against the large rocks that rested snug in the deep, wet soil and the suns bright rays were hidden in a dark, black cloud. But the pieces fit the puzzle, this was that same river. How weird? How had I gotten here? I didn't even think the river would existed.
That same soft gravel I had ran my fingers through was melded together from the rain, creating a mud-like substance to mush into my paws as I stepped through it. The river was streaming quickly, the rains water creating harsh waves to crash against the soil below. I peered over the side of the river, noticing that same wolf I had seen in my dream, only clearer. The peddles of rain dabbed harshly against the rivers reflecting mirror causing my reflection the dance in the rivers flow. I remember that bubbling race of horror that had spread through at me once I had seen my reflection in the rivers waters. As if that wolf I had seen wasn't me. Thought it was… It was just a different part of me. That same voice spoke again, but through the rains tears as the streamed quickly down my thick fur.
"Leah, run too him," the peddles spoke, kissing my ears. Holy shit, this was creepy. That same voice pleaded with me again, it's chimes singing as the rain glistened down my snout.
"Leah, your running out of time."
Hearing the voice again caused a sudden chill to ran down my body, my fur to ruffled slightly as it stood up on my back. I stepped away from the rivers mirror noticing a flutter of color flash by me at the corner of my eye. I turned toward the color and came face-to-face with a butterfly. It's wings shook a blue and gold as the rain came down onto the tree branch it had landed on. I watched as it fluttered towards me, it's exotic colors creating a patter as it danced towards me, struggling slightly against the rains harsh tears. It landed against my snout, it's feet tickling the ends of my fur. Realization dawned on me as I watched the butterfly walk down my snout. This was that same butterfly, the one that had been in my dream. Suddenly the butterfly stopped at the very tip of my nose, pausing for just a couple of seconds. Suddenly, it took off, flapping it's wings towards the direction I had came from.
Was this a message? Should I follow it? I took one last glance at the rivers stream before turning back towards the direction I had came, letting the wolf guild me home. I was beyond confused. Why had I come here. Back to my dream. Why was a butterfly guiding me home. Why was there this voice telling me to run back to him. Why? What was the point? He made it very clear that it wasn't going to work. That he couldn't force himself to meant it. Stupid bastard. After all that I've done for him, he couldn't try. He complains about how he just wants too go home, back to his perfect life. You would think, he would risk a couple of horrible seconds kissing me to get there. But, no. He's got to be a prick about it and not even try.
The gentle voice spoke too me again, but it's words were clearer. There were guiding me, just as the butterfly was.
"You must take control, Leah. He is too stubborn to see what's really in front of him. Take control," the voice breathed gently as I ran, the winds cold touch burning my ears as it melted against my body's harsh heat. Take control? I've already tried that. As if reading my thoughts, the voice spoke out again, but it wasn't as gentle.
"Try again," it breathed out forcefully, fading with each passing tear of rain. Something clicked in my mind as I heard the voiced words. That voice had a face in my mind. A face of a pale, blonde women with purple-gold eyes. It was her.
The trees blurred past me as I reached the opening in the forest walls. Before blurring past the opening of the trees, I slowly came to a pause. I glanced around me, looking for the colorful butterfly. Within that second, it came fluttering towards me. I watched as it gently landed against my snout, kissing my fur before taking off towards the forest green trees. I stared off towards it, my mind in a daze as it disappeared from sight. Should I…thank it? I am so confused. It's not everyday a butterfly directs you home. Then again, its not everyday that you wander into a forest and burst into a giant wolf. Nothing is normal anymore.
I let myself phase back, feeling my bones mold together once again as my wet strands of fur evaporated within my burning skin. The fire still stirred inside me as I unwrapped the wet, muddy dress from my ankle and slid it onto my wet, naked body. The yellow dress was now drenched and stained with mud as it plastered itself on my bare skin. My nipples harden as the rain ran down me. I cursed myself silently, knowing that the dress was very…see-through. Then again, I could be completely naked. I should be thankful.
I exited the forest entrance, running until I felt the wet pavement under my bare feet. The women's faded words clouded my mind, seeping into my minds walls. What had she meant by taking control? How was I suppose to do that? She had even said it herself, Jacob was stubborn. So how was I, Leah Clearwater, suppose to change that. I couldn't, that's the problem.
My house finally came into view through my blurred vision causing me to run faster, noticing my open window. With a sudden force, I leaped up onto my roof landing upon it with a light thud as its ruff tar began to dig into my bare feet. I peering into my bedroom window as fear bubbled inside me, noticing that Jacob was no where to be seen. Did he run again? Well if he had I would have known…right? The fear quickly dissolved once I noticed Jacob's large figure sitting against my bed, his back facing me. He must not have noticed my presence as I slid in through the window because he kept completely still. My feet sloshing against the wet, soggy rug as I crawled through the window, remembering how I hadn't cared if I had let water in. Well now I an officially fucked. My parents are going to kill me. Literally. Jacob turned his head at the sudden noise, his eyes landing on me. His eyes widened at the sight of my appearance.
My dress hung like a rag on my wet heated body, its thread quickly wearing by the amount of heat that radiated off me. My long, dark locks of hair were knotted, hanging completely soaked over my one shoulder. My nipples were still hard and see-through against my wet stained dress. His eyes lingered over me a little longer then he should have, his eyes bulging out of their sockets. I stared at him, my face blank as his eyes took in my body. I noticed a line of worry crease his face once he glanced up at my eyes. I felt a sudden flame of strength weld my insides as I stared at him. I began walking towards him with a strong power-confidence. He noticed.
He peered up at me through his dark lashes then back down back down at his hands that had been placed neatly on his thigh. He still wore my boxer shorts, indicating that he hadn't left my room, or bed for that matter. I glanced at the clock's digits, before turning my eyes back on him
11:56 am
Good. I still had time before Mariah's bus came. Then all hell would break loose. I didn't even want to think about her nagging voice, begging me to answer her questions. Jacob sat in silence as the rain continued to trickle in through my window, every peddle sloshing through my carpet, each one reminding me how dead I really was. Warm droplets of rain still glistened down my body, tickling every inch of my skin.
"Where did you go," his voice breathed out, not looking up at me. The power within me was still strong as I answered him
"Doesn't matter." I said boldly, causing him to shoot me a look. He began fiddling with his large fingers, indicating that he was nervous.
"It does to me," he breathed, still not looking at me. Rage filled my insides, but I suppressed it, not wanting to be dramatic.
"Since when." I said, my eyes boring into him. I glanced up at me, locking eyes with mine.
"It always has," he said, his voice pained. Not believing him, I nodded carelessly. I laid down behind him, not caring that I was soaking the bed.
"Why don't you ever believe me," he spoke randomly, turning his head towards me. I stared up at the ceiling not answering him. He continued to stare into me before moving his body so it would face me. He kneeled onto the floor, as if he were about to pray. He rested his head against his fingers as he watched me. I took a sideways glanced toward him, watching as he bored his eyes into my wet body.
"Will you stop looking at me like that," my voice was muffled. He glanced up at my face, confused.
"Looking at you like what," he spoke innocently. Oh so now he wants to play games.
"Like you want to fuck me." I said loudly, smiling to myself at his face. His eyes widened slightly at my words as his mouth opened in shock.
"I- I'm not looking at you like that," he spoke innocently, staring into my eyes. I glared at him with a frown clear on my face.
"Then what else do you call that. You were fucking me with your eyes, I was watching you." I spoke, holding up my side of the argument. He was silent as he stared at me.
Leah: one, Jacob: zero.
"I wasn't looking at you like that. I noticed how you were wet and laying on your bed," he spoke suddenly, biting his lip as he putting up a defense. I was tempted to laugh at his excuse. Hmm, I wonder why he couldn't say that the first time. Suddenly a thought weld inside my brain, causing me to smirk. He stared at me in wonder, not knowing the thoughts that swarmed in my mind.
"So, your saying that if I took-off my dress. You wouldn't look at me." I smirked, watching his eyes widen. Now why did I just ask that? He quickly replaced that look with a smirk of his own.
"Leah, you could make a porno and I wouldn't want to look at it. I'll bet you on it," he said cockily causing me to smirk. Why the hell am I acting like this?
"That would mean I'd have to find some guy to randomly fuck." I said daringly, watching eyes flare in anger. He quickly composed himself before smirking at my words.
"You do whatever you want. I can't control you," he spoke smirking, staring into my eyes. I liked his answer.
"I'll take you up on that bet, but not on a porno. That's too easy," I smirked knowingly, loving the sexual tension that began to thicken between us. He smirked cockily towards me watching me as I sat up, turning towards him.
"It's a deal, whatever the bet may be," he said cockily, staring up at me. I smirked, that same power within me flaring. Damn that random power.
"The rules are simple. I'm going to slowly take-off this dress. I'm going to leave it off for twenty-minutes. If you look at me once, you loose. If you don't, you win. Prove your point, Jacob Black. Lets see how innocent you really are," I smirked towards him knowingly. He smiled cockily again before speaking.
"What are we betting, Miss. Clearwater," he asked, his eyes blazing into mine. I smiled, now understanding what the women meant by control.
"You must take control, Leah. He is to stubborn to see what's really in front of him. Take control," her voice replayed through my head. The power within me raised as I stared into him, a knowing look on my face.
"If I win I get a kiss. A real kiss." I said boldly, watching his eyes flare with an unknown emotion.
"Deal," he breathed out, as he stood. His hot breath kissing my face me as the warm tears continued to roll down my body.
"And if I win," he spoke suddenly, pausing as he stood in front of me, just inches from my wanting lips.
"I get more then just a kiss," he breathed huskily, a lust-filled look in his eyes. '
"What'd you have in mind." I smirked waiting for his respond, the butterflies being to swarm through me.
"I get…Mariah," his voice was bold as he studied me carefully. A jolt of pain washed through me, but I hid it, not letting me guard down.
"Deal." I breathed out, knowing that my sanity was on the line.
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