I don't own anything

It has been four months since I've seen her. The most painful four months of my life. Which is funny, considering all the wedding planning Savannah and I have been doing. I don't even really pay attention, I simply go through the motions. The team has definitely noticed, but they don't say anything. I can still still the anger in JJ's and Rossi's eyes. He doesn't even blame them. He was a selfish bastard. He knew that, he just didn't realize how big of bastard he was till his conversation with Rossi.

Flashback

It was a quiet night at the BAU, when they returned from a case. Everyone was doing their paperwork. Morgan had walked over to Reid, to ask him something when he glanced at Rossi's office and saw that he was on the phone talking to someone, but what really got him interested was he was smiling and laughing at whoever was on the other line. He wasn't sure why but he walked to Rossi's office and before he entered he noticed Rossi saw him and quickly ended his call.

"Got a new girl already?" Morgan said with a smile.

"No, an old friend, just catching up." Rossi replied and started to get back to his paperwork.

"Rossi, can I ask you a question?"

"You won't like my answer, but go ahead." Placing his papers down as I took a seat.

"I know you know where she is. Am I correct?" He simply nodded, waiting for my question.

"She's okay, right?" He just stared at me knowing that wasn't my real question. I continued, "Where is she, Rossi? I need to speak to her...I need to know..."

He cut me off, "You need? Frankly Derek, I don't give a damn about what YOU need. What about her, huh? Her needs were never a factor, were they? You play Mr. Perfect with the Mrs, but in all honestly, you are a little boy who likes to play with his toys and doesn't like to share, then you disregard them. You know, I never said anything once I figured it out. But when I saw how it was affecting her and how you cared so little, I had to say something. She deserves this chance to heal, to fall in love with herself again; because while she was her loving you, she stopped caring about herself. To answer your question, there's no way in hell I tell you." He finished with pure venom in his voice.

I sigh, knowing and expecting his reaction, "Rossi, you are right. I was a bastard. Selfish. Stupid. Asshole. Every word you can think of I was...but I love her. I want to give her the peace and closure she deserves. I know I hurt her, and I want to apologize and make it up to her. I'm not asking you to betray her trust. Just give me her number? Please. I'm begging you and you know I don't beg...please..." I said looking down, trying not to cry.

"Morgan, I did believe that you loved her at one point, but this isn't love, it's guilt." I was just about to respond when he hit me with something I never expected.

"She was pregnant, Derek."

I stared mouth open trying to fully process what he just said. For a moment I felt the oddest sensation, happy. For the briefest moment I was excited to think Penelope and I shared that connection. Then Rossi spoke again...

"She was, that is until she miscarried. You see Derek, you didn't even care enough to ask her why she felt sick? Why she looked like she hadn't been sleeping? When you truly love someone, you notice everything, the smallest detail."

I finally found my voice again, "What happened?...what cause the um...miscarriage?"

My heart breaking as I spoke.

"There's no clear answer. Things happen beyond our control. I will tell you she would have been an amazing mother. You may not be my favorite person right now but I understand the loss of a child, so for that I am sorry. Though, that is the same reason, I will not tell you Derek. Penelope is healing from this. I'm sorry but from you too. Hearing or seeing you will only bring back memories that aren't very happy. Before you say anything about support, she has plenty. Now I'm sorry but I have paperwork to finish." He went back to his paperwork and I stood up to leave.

End of flashback

I knew he was right, but that didn't stop me from looking for her. I looked even harder. I started in California, no luck. I tried to talk to JJ but that didn't go well and I wasn't surprised by that.

It wouldn't be till months later, weeks before my wedding to Savannah that I'd get a lead...