Chapter 12

July, 2001

Sam and John had been arguing non-stop.

Sam and I had also been arguing non-stop.

The day after prom he had asked if I talked to the guidance counselor at all to see what colleges I got accepted to. I couldn't lie to him anymore.

"I never sent in any applications," I told him as I packed my duffel.

"What? We filled them all out together." I nodded and shrugged, too afraid to look at him.

"I know, but I didn't mail any of them."

"Why not?" He asked. "You would have gotten accepted to practically all of them. You're a better student than I am."

"I didn't want to mail them." I said.

"So… what? You're just going to find a job then?" I sighed. He really did think that I was leaving too. I shook my head and finally turned to him.

"I'm not leaving Sam," I told him. He was sitting at the bed, staring at me like I had grown another head. "It's not what I want."

"I thought you hated it as much as I did. Following constant orders without really knowing what we were doing and being bossed around like soldiers. I thought you wanted out." I sat in front of him and tried to grab his hand but he quickly stood and started pacing.

"I don't want out. I've never said that I ever wanted to." I told him.

"Then why did you fill out those applications?! Why did you give me hope that maybe I wasn't totally alone in this?" He yelled. I flinched. It was one thing to hear Sam yell, but it was totally different to hear him yelling at you.

"I thought you knew, from that argument John and I had back in December!" I exclaimed. "You definitely heard me say then that I didn't want to leave."

"But I thought you were only saying that to please him!" Sam laughed sarcastically. "Instead you were just doing all this to please me!"

"Oh please Sam!" I cried. "Like you're some wounded puppy. Not everything's about you; get a life!"

"I'm trying too!" He yelled, pounding his fist on the table. "Why don't you get that this isn't living?"

I made a show of pinching my arm.

"Ouch," I deadpanned, "I guess that means I'm living."

"That's not what I meant," he seethed. "You like this life? Traveling to a new town every other week? Putting yourself in horrible situations almost every day? You like all this? You actually enjoy this?"

"As opposed to what? Living a lie? Having a 'perfect' life with lots of friends. What are you going to tell all the friends you make at Stanford? What are you gonna do when something goes bump in the night knowing what you know? You just gonna roll over and fall back asleep? Tell your friends we don't exist or that we're horrible people?"

"It doesn't matter what I tell them, it's not like our lives now are so honest! We scam credit cards, every town we have a different name! Those clothes that you're wearing? You didn't buy those! This crappy motel room? We didn't pay for this! Every single thing we own, except for the Impala? It's been stolen!"

"I'd rather do what I do now, than sit in some cookie cutter classroom twiddling my thumbs all day when I know what's out there." I snapped. "I'm sorry that you thought I wanted to run away with you but I like it where I am."

He clenched his jaw but smirked when Dean and John came back from finding a job. They had stopped in the doorway when they noticed us fighting.

"What's going on here?" John asked. The question went ignored.

"I understand why you want to stay so bad." Sam told me, folding his arms and walking closer to me. "You just can't wait until the day that Dean falls hopelessly in love with you."

My face burnt red from embarrassment and anger. I glanced back at Dean and John. They both were staring at us with wide eyes.

"You can't leave when there might be a chance that he'll reciprocate the feelings that you've been harboring for a long time now." He said.

"Stop it," I whispered.

"Sam," Dean warned. My fists were clenched so tightly that my nails were digging into my palm.

"He's not ever going to fall for you Rosemary. You know that." He glanced over me to Dean and John. "But maybe he'll feel sorry for you and give you a pity fuck just because."

I pulled my arm back with my fist still clenched and punched him so hard I heard my hand crack.

"I fucking hate you, Sam," I cried, running between John and Dean and away from the motel.
...

Thankfully, nobody had ever brought that up again. Sam and I ignored each other mostly except when we'd say things under our breath. We always heard the other and of course it started a fight. That was the only time I hit Sam, but damn it was a good hit. I had almost broken some bones in my hand and he sported a nasty black eye for a long while.

I was kind of sad that he didn't have it for when we graduated, but it wouldn't have made a difference. We didn't get to be in the huge ceremony because we were hunting, but we picked up our diploma's the next morning before we skipped town.

Dean and I have been awkward to say the least. I can tell that he's been trying to be nice about everything but I know he's uncomfortable when he's left alone with me. I really did mean when I told Sam that I hated him. I hated him for ever opening his mouth about that. I hated that he knew in the first place. How does that always happen? How does everyone else know how you feel except for you and the person you've been crushing on?

I had been running lately to keep in shape. John didn't set up many courses for us like he used to anymore and running helped for many different reasons. Primarily because it was good exercise. I always started with crunches and sit ups before I went on my run. Secondly it helped because it always gave me a good scope of each town. It let me know where things where. Thirdly it gave me an excuse to not be in the same room as Sam or Dean. They were too suffocating.

It was mid July and scorching hot so I had to stop and buy a water bottle at the grocery store that I had been running by. I went outside and sat at the curb to drink my water.

I looked around at all the people who were out today. There were mother's walking their babies in strollers and men and women walking dogs. A few teenagers were out randomly scattered in town too. It was a small town which made me guess that most teenagers left during summer vacation. I felt a pang in my chest watching a couple holding hands.

Damn Sam, I hated him for ever saying those things he said. He was right. Dean was the reason why I wanted to stay. There's nothing I felt I wanted more than to have him feel the same, to have him want to hold me and kiss me. But he was 22 and he was a horny bastard who was only attracted to blondes with huge breasts. Mine weren't small by any means, but my black hair kept me off of his radar. He'd rather have one night stands than a relationship. I hated myself for ever falling for Dean. If I ever wanted to fall for anybody the logical choice was obviously Sam, and I think both Sam and Dean knew that.

If it had been Sam instead of Dean then we'd probably all ready be on a train to California. We'd be signing up for classes and making friends and forgetting that any of this shit was ever real.

I heard a horn honk and I turned to see the Impala parked right behind me in the parking lot. I cursed internally when I saw Dean was driving, without Sam or John. I finished my water bottle and threw it in the trash before getting in the car with him.

"How was your run?" He asked like he was talking about the weather. He wasn't looking at me and I scoffed.

"You're really that uncomfortable around me now, aren't you?" I asked. "And don't lie."

He sighed but still wouldn't look at me. I rolled my eyes and turned away, looking out my window. I had to fix this. I'd rather have him fucking every blonde on the continent if it meant that we'd be back to normal.

"Look," I said, "What Sam said that day,"

"You don't have to explain," he said. I rolled my eyes.

"I do, actually, because you won't even look at me anymore." I snapped. He slowly turned to face me. "What Sam said wasn't the truth."

"Really?" He asked. I could tell he thought I was bullshitting, which I was. I just wasn't finished bullshitting.

"I was attracted to you because of the prom. You were really…"

"Sexy?" He smirked. I rolled my eyes.

"Right," that was the truth. "But it wasn't like how Sam said it. I'm not in love with you. In fact, all those feelings that I had that night are gone."

We locked eyes and I could tell he was searching for the truth. He must have found something because he nodded.

"All right." He held his arms open. "Finish the chick flick moment?"

I laughed and nodded, leaning forward into his arms. I held back from sighing or breathing in his scent and pulled away before he did, just in case he still had doubts.

"Why did you come find me anyway?" I asked, since we were still sitting in the parking lot. He rubbed the back of his neck.

"Sammy and Dad are fighting. I wasn't looking for you, but I saw you coming out of the store." I nodded as he finally turned on the engine. "Want a ride back? They're probably done by now."

I shook my head.

"I'll run back." I got out of the car.

"Rose," he called before I shut the door. I leaned down to see him. "I'm sorry for how I was acting. I'm sure it didn't help after you and Sam…"

"It's okay Dean," I said with a smile. I was seriously just happy that we were back to normal, even if it was a total lie and I really was still in love with him. "Just as long as you don't do it again."

I shut the door and started jogging away. I turned to wave but he didn't notice. It looked like he was looking at me but then I realized with a jolt that he was staring at my ass as I ran. I laughed to myself because it made me kind of happy. At least he found one part of me attractive.

I heard the Impala drive off and saw him pass me, waving his arm in the window at me. I waved back, smiling slightly. I had been right. He was checking me out.
...

I made it back to the motel but stopped short as I saw Sam stride out with his duffel, more pissed than I had ever seen him. John quickly filled the door, his face completely red and the veins pulsing in his neck.

"If you leave now don't you dare come back!" John yelled out the door. My heart jumped. What?

"Sam?" I asked, following him. He ignored me. "Sam!"

"I'm leaving Rose, and you heard him. I'm not coming back." He snapped, not turning around. I kept following him.

"No, wait," I grabbed his arm but he pulled out of my grasp and kept walking.

"God damn Rose, go the fuck back to that motel room and stop following me! You've all ready made it clear you're not coming with me!" He raised his hand to wave, obviously sarcastic. I could tell even with his back to me. I stopped at the end of the parking lot.

"I don't want you to go, Sam." I whispered. Either he didn't hear me or he completely ignored me as he continued to walk away, his duffel swinging on his back.

I turned slowly, after Sam had turned the corner and I couldn't see him anymore. John was throwing his stuff in the back of his truck and Dean was watching, trying to talk to him.

"Dad, come on!" He yelled. John ignored him as he jumped into the cab of the truck. I could only watch in horror as he left, going in the opposite direction that Sam did.

I looked at Dean once the truck was out of sight and saw him crossing his arms behind his head before he punched the wall.

What just happened?

...

...

Uh-oh. Sam and John left and now its just Dean and Rose. Thanks to everyone who left reviews. I usually don't specifically call anyone out, but WithLove1223 left me the most AH-mazing review ever. I appreciate every single review I get, but that review was just a cut above all the rest. Anywho, same deal as before; leave me reviews and I'll find some time to update the next chapter. If I get enough, I'll try to update on Wednesday. That all depends on you all. :) Hope you guys had a good weekend.