AN: shit is about to get real lol jk this is The letter, some truths will come out and not all of them are pretty.
You know, there comes a time in your life, where you question everything. Who you are, what you do for a living, and who do you want by your side. The day I got the letter was my time...
It had been an exhausting case but luckily we got there in time to save the little boy. Kid cases always get to me. I know why, Buford. No matter how I've come to accept my past these kind of case are always triggers. The One person who knew how to make me feel more myself, was no longer here. I slump into my chair, just thinking about work dynamics- JJ and Rossi have definitely become more accepting of me. We've even had drinks after work together like old times, with one exception. Reid is still himself, slightly less talkative but he's on vacation for the next week, which I assumed it was to visit his mom. Hotch remained the stoic leader and he remained neutral in it all. He was after all going to be a groomsman of mine. As well as Reid, he appreciated that they were still family. He feels like he owes that to Penelope.
Finally, out of his thoughts he noticed a letter on his desk. He saw the handwriting and he knew it was from her. His breathe hitched as he opened it.
He began reading...
Derek...
I really don't know how to start this off... Except telling you how I feel which is Truth.. I did fall in love with you, like completely. At the same time I'm disappointed in myself... We started this, whatever it was. Thinking it was easy. I thought I could separate my heart and mind, like I truly believed that. But then one night, while I was laying on your chest, I heard your heartbeat in sync with my mine and I knew I was gone- destroyed. I knew then I loved you. I also knew you didn't love me, you pushed me to the side, got dressed and left without talking or looking back. Slowly even with all the sex we were having, you withdrew yourself from my life. You started calling me Garcia and you hardly ever called for updates on the cases, you showed me, you didn't care at all. I was angry with you for a short period, when I was pregnant. I was never gonna tell you, I wanted my child to feel wanted and loved, and I was scared how you would react ?how Savannah would react?
Then I lost it and I'm still missing a piece of myself because of that. That's why I was angry, because you never notice or cared. I felt so guilty for not protecting my child, I felt that I failed. I failed to ensure his safe arrival- I don't know if it was a boy or girl, I just imagine a lil boy. I hope JJ and Rossi have come around. You know, JJ defended you all the way to the end. Funny, when you think about it. Rossi has been a lifeline, he came to my appointments with me, bought me baby clothes, and he helped me look for a bigger apartment. He even told me to write this damn letter, to let it out, scream, cry, then let it go. That I would feel better, and I hope he is right.
That night, you told me you proposed to Savannah- all I could picture was you and Savannah in a grand house with a white picket fence and 2 kids running around- you were gonna be happy- and I was just gonna be stuck...Stuck holding on to something that was never meant to be. That's why I left- not because your marriage, I think that's great. I'm actually happy that you found what you want and you are going after it. Right now, I'm rediscovering myself, because I haven't grown much. I'm here, in London, healing. I'm not telling you this to feel guilty...this is my closure. You're okay, you're unmoved by this, and if you throw this away or don't even read it- I don't care- I just need to let this out.
Even though this happen, I don't hate you, I truly don't. You were my best friend for so long, but I need to let you go. I know you, you are going to feel guilty and want to fix this but you can't fix this Derek. So don't come looking for me, or try to make it up to me. I feel it would be better if after this we never speak again. You can move on with Savannah, knowing I have moved on. I wish nothing but the absolute best for you and her, I wish you joy, happiness and love, Derek, good bye.
I was sobbing like a child. This was a goodbye with conviction. No hope to hear from each other. It was so final. I felt like, I now lost a piece of myself. I read the damn letter 2, 3 times and it clicked, she's in London with Emily. Then I was angry because I called Emily and she fed me the line that she spoke to her, but had no idea where she was. I looked up flights, called Savannah and headed to the airport.