Chapter 18
I groaned and shoved my head deeper into my pillow, trying to block out the sunlight that was invading the motel room. My head felt like a train had run right over it and my stomach was definitely very, very angry with the amount of alcohol I had consumed. I was afraid to get up because I knew I'd have to make a very quick dash to the bathroom and I didn't know if I had the energy to get there or for what would happen once I did. I decided to wait where I was until the need to get up became absolutely necessary.
I tried to remember anything that had happened the night before but the only thing that I could remember was dropping John off at his trunk. Obviously alcohol had been consumed, at least on my part, enough to make me black out for many hours. I felt bile start to irritate my stomach further and knew the time was coming so I rolled out of bed. I felt a cold draft and looked down at my body and gasped.
I was completely naked. I looked over at Dean's bed and saw that it was perfectly made, with an almost empty bottle of Sailor Jerry's and some crumbled pretzels. Only one thing ran through my mind at that moment: Oh. Shit. I turned in horror to the body I had just realized was next to me in bed.
Dean was sleeping peacefully still, stark naked just like me. His body was still in the same position so that it looked like he was holding and invisible woman cuddling next to him. I tried to push away the wave of nausea and dizziness as I contemplated my options. A) I could still mold perfectly into his body and go back to sleep. I could let him wake up first, and let him decide how to respond. B) I could sit and wait until he woke up to decide together what do to. C) I could run away…
I looked at the ground and saw our clothes everywhere and decided that the logical first thing to do is get dressed. I picked up the first article of clothing I could find which was his shirt from last night and I sifted around for my underwear before putting the two things on.
I rubbed my face and looked back at Dean. I didn't know if I should feel ecstatic that I had spent such a wonderful night with Dean (hopefully), depressed that I couldn't remember any of it or scared of what it would do to the two of us. My stomach made the decision for me as the nausea caught up to me and I felt the bile rise up. I ran to the bathroom and passed the pile of used condoms in shock before vomiting into the toilet.
We had had sex that many times? I couldn't even count how many there were as I went by, but there were at least four that I had seen. Vaguely I thanked whatever was out there that we had used protection at least.
"What the fuck?" I heard Dean groan in the other room. I felt bad because I hadn't closed the bathroom door but the guilt escaped me along with another round of vomit. I flushed the toilet and sat back on the floor against the cool tiled wall. Tears were streaming down my face from throwing up. As I rubbed my face I heard the bed squeak and Dean shuffled around before he showed up in the doorway with a pair of sweats on. He stared at me without any expressions on his face. "Rose."
I looked up at him, my heart pounding loudly and quickly in my chest. I knew I looked like a wild mess but this was the moment of truth.
"Did… did we…" he couldn't even say it and I looked down at my knees. I wanted to kill myself. He regretted the whole thing and the only thing I regretted was that I couldn't remember any of it. I didn't even know who had initiated it, but I had a 98% hunch that it had been me. Real tears from anguish fell down my face as I nodded. He frowned and grabbed a hand towel and ran it under cold water from the sink before kneeling down next to me and wiping my face. "It's okay."
I shook my head and tried to push him away. He sat back and watched me. I couldn't decipher the emotion on his face.
"Do you," my voice cracked. I sighed aggravatingly and ran my hands through my hair. "Do you remember any of it?"
He bit his lip in concentration before nodding slightly and blushing. "Uh, yeah, parts of it."
"Did I… do you remember who started it?" I asked. He stared at me for a moment and my heart dropped. He did… oh God.
But he shook his head quickly. "No, I don't."
I let the tears erupt from my eyes again and I brought my knees up closer to my chest, curling into a ball. He moved next to me again and wiped the back of my neck with the towel. "Shh, it'll be okay. I promise."
He chuckled. "At least we know we used condoms."
I couldn't help but laugh a little too at that, but it didn't stop the tears or every negative emotion swirling around me.
"Look, uh," he sighed and tilted my chin up so I'd look at him. I wiped the tears away so I could see more clearly. "If you want, we can forget it happened."
I sighed and looked away. It was probably what he wanted. He liked being a free spirit and I didn't want to hold him back. I nodded and he just nodded back.
"You got stuff for breakfast last night, so I'll go fix us something up," he said awkwardly as he got up and left me in the bathroom.
I could definitely say that this was the worst most horrible moment in my entire life. I felt crushed and heartbroken and every other depressing feeling you could ever imagine. The guy who I had fallen head over heels for, would run in front of a bullet for and even sell my soul for, wished that last night hadn't happened. He couldn't be in the same room as me afterwards. I leaned forward and shut the door making sure to lock it.
"Rose?" I heard him call. I was crying so hard that I was starting to hyperventilate so I tried to calm myself down.
"I'm just," my voice was still cracking, "just taking a shower."
"Okay," he was right by the door now so I turned on the water in the shower. "I'll make you coffee when you get out."
...
I washed away everything that had happened the night before in the shower. I scrubbed my body so hard with one of the scratchy motel hand towels that I wouldn't have been surprised if I scrubbed off the first layer of skin. The tears were erased, the tangles were brushed through and I let my heart run down the drain. I toweled off and didn't even care when I remembered that I didn't have clothes in the bathroom with me. I did my make-up light, since I knew we weren't going to be doing anything other than driving today and I wrapped the towel around me as I walked out of the bathroom.
I tried not to shiver as I felt his eyes watch my every move and I paused as I thought I remembered something from the night before. It was too foggy and made me sick to my stomach again so I brushed it aside and grabbed clothes out of my duffel. I went back into the bathroom to change and when I came out Dean was right there to hand me a mug of coffee. I tried to smile graciously as I took a sip.
"Thanks," I said quietly. He nodded and went back to making PopTarts in the toaster. That's what I liked about some motels we stayed at; sometimes they had a small kitchen area. When they did I usually liked to make dinner for us myself but I could only do it if they had appliances too, which not all of them did.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Dean asked as he handed me a cinnamon PopTart. I smiled softly and nodded, biting into the warm but sad excuse for a pastry. He watched me for a second before nodding and turning back around to fish his own pastry out of the toaster. "So it's around eleven now and I was thinking we could just hang out here for another hour until we have to check out and just drive until we find something."
"Sure," I said. "Sounds good."
When Dean finished his breakfast he went to take a shower. I started to feel drowsy again so I popped a couple Tylenols and went lay down on the bed. I was just going to shut my eyes for a moment but I ended up falling back asleep, cuddling to the pillow that smelled the most like Dean.
...
When I woke up, I realized we were moving and I quickly sat up and looked around. I was in the front seat of the Impala and Dean was driving, listening to Metallica really quietly on his stereo. I was still holding the pillow from the motel too. He turned and grinned at me when he noticed that I was awake.
"Good morning sleepy head," he laughed. I rubbed my eyes. "I tried to wake you up, but you seriously wouldn't. You wouldn't even let go of the pillow, which leaves me to believe that you were still probably drunk this morning."
I looked down at my lap in an awkward silence after he said that. There was a purple and orange polka-dotted elephant in the backseat that wouldn't let me forget what I couldn't even remember.
"How long was I out?" I asked finally.
"Well, it's almost three, so you were sleeping for a good few hours. I'm not surprised though, we were up until dawn." My heart dropped a little. Was he trying to torture me?
"Right," I said, pretending to chuckle.
"Well, anyway, while you were sleeping Dad called." I turned to look at him for the first time today. He looked exhausted with dark circles under his eyes, which was another silent reminder. "He found a job for us to do in good ol' Bellville, Ohio."
"Did he have any clue what it is?" I asked. He shook his head.
"There's been multiple deaths by heart attack. Coroners are even saying these people were scared to death." I scrunched my nose up in thought.
"That could be from anything," I said. Dean nodded. My phone started ringing and I looked around for it.
"I put it in your backpack." Dean said. I reached in the back seat and pulled it out, looking at the caller I.D. I almost couldn't believe it. I hit the answer button and put the phone to my ear.
"Hello?" I asked, crossing my fingers. "Sam?"
"Sam?" Dean asked, glancing at me.
"Rosie!" I raised an eyebrow.
"Are you drunk?" I asked. I heard him giggle. "You are so drunk."
I looked at the time and thought about the time difference between Ohio and California.
"I've had a few beers." He said.
"A few?" I heard on his end in the background. "Try like, six."
"Isn't it only noon where you are?" I asked.
"Yeah, whatever, anyway." He cleared his throat. "The reason I'm calling is because I don't want you to get hurt."
Did Sam have a radar on or something?
"What does he want?" Dean asked, a little stiff. I shrugged.
"I won't Sam; you know how careful we are." He sighed frustratingly.
"That's not what I mean." I sighed this time. Sam had never been drunk before, that I knew of, and I definitely didn't like him when he was drunk. And if six beers was enough to get him drunk enough to call me then he was a lightweight and that made me a little sad for Sam.
"What did you mean, then?" I asked.
"I know how much you like him," he said seriously. He almost sounded sober. I sighed and looked out the window as tears clouded my vision again. I hoped that Dean couldn't hear what he was saying. "And I know he's an asshole when it comes to girls and their feelings."
"Aww, Sam, that's sweet." The same voice from before said.
"Jessica, quiet," he said. I smirked when I realized it was a girl he was drinking with. Go Sam. "You're my sister Rose, and you're my best friend. I know I said some horrible things before I left and I really hurt your feelings. But I need you to promise me that you won't let him hurt you. You're too good for him."
"Really?" I asked, a little skeptically.
"Truly," he answered. "You deserve someone better, someone who puts you above everything and wouldn't put you in danger like Dean does. You deserve someone like me."
I bit my lip. If only he knew the half of it. I wondered if he even knew what he was saying.
"All right Sam," I said, mainly so he'd drop the subject.
"You have to promise it. I want to hear that word." I opened my mouth to promise him, even though I knew he'd forget, and I was definitely going to break the promise anyway. I was all ready heartbroken, so it didn't really matter.
"Sam! Time to go!" I heard from the other end.
"Oh, I have to go Rose. Bye." He hung up. I pulled the phone away from my ear and wiped the oil from my face on my jeans before putting the phone in my pocket.
"What did he want?" Dean asked. He was tense and I knew he was still angry with Sam for leaving.
"Nothing, he was just drunk babbling." I told him, faking a laugh and a smile. I was getting pretty good at it. He laughed.
"Sammy drunk, now there's something I'd like to see."
"Maybe," I said quietly. Probably not. Dean finally noticed that I wasn't happy with what Sam had said.
"What did he say to you?" He asked, starting to get angry. I looked up and shook my head.
"Nothing." I told him. Dean rolled his eyes.
"Bullshit, he said something that upset you." I sighed and tried to ease up on my depressed state. I obviously wasn't being as secretive about it as I thought.
"I'm just upset that this was the first time I've heard from him and he had to be drunk to do it." I told him, which was the truth. I had called and left him so many messages, just so that I could see if he was all right and this was the first I had heard from him.
"Do you call him often?" Dean asked softly. I shrugged.
"Every now and then." Why was I lying so much to him? Probably because our friendship would be over the minute he found out what I truly felt about everything.
"And he never answers?" I shook my head. "When was the last time you called him?"
I thought about it; it had only been a day or so ago. I had wanted to stop when I realized he really wasn't going to answer me. I had wanted to stop when I realized he really wanted to forget about us. But he had just told me that I was his sister and his best friend and that I deserved someone like him... So maybe he didn't want to forget about us as much as I thought. Although he had been really drunk when he called so it could have just been the alcohol talking.
"Rose?" Dean asked. I snapped out of my thoughts.
"Like, a month ago." I lied. "I used to call once a week." Dean glanced at me with his eyebrows furrowed.
"Why have I never noticed you called him?" He asked.
"Because I do it when you're in the shower or sleeping." I told him. He nodded. "I kind of didn't want you to know that I was calling him."
"Why Rosie?" He asked softly. "He was your best friend."
I shrugged, ready to change the topic and smirked.
"You know this whole car ride has been a chick flick moment?" I asked. He groaned and smacked the steering wheel. I smiled softly as he turned up the music and I rested my head against the window. The conversation had officially been changed.
Bellville, Ohio
"Did your dad know that all the murders happened at the same bed and breakfast?" I asked. We had just arrived and we picked up a newspaper and found a diner to eat a late lunch at. I was reading the newspaper while picking at my French fries, not really feeling that hungry.
"No," Dean said, glancing up from his burger, "at least he didn't mention it."
"I guess that's where we're staying then." I said, putting the newspaper down.
"Were the deaths all tourists then?" Dean asked. I skimmed the article to verify and nodded. "Awesome."
"You know, since it's not a motel, you'll have to be on your best behavior." I told him. He frowned.
"Aww, really?" He asked sarcastically. I nodded and he smirked. "Will you spank me if I'm bad?"
I rolled my eyes. "No, I'll lock you in a closet."
We finished our food and headed to the B & B. It was definitely really quant. It looked like a honeymoon spot, if anything, and it certainly didn't look haunted. Dean grabbed our duffels and I swung my backpack over my shoulder as we walked inside. The lady at the counter was a very small older lady and I felt bad she had to deal with these unexplained deaths.
"Oh, hello!" She greeted. I guessed she didn't expect many visitors because of everything either. "What can I do for you?"
"I'm Gwen and this is my husband Lance," I put on a huge grin and turned to Dean, lacing my arm through one of his and hugging close to him, "oh, I just love being able to say that."
Dean and I sometimes did this for shits and giggles and to see if we could bargain our way into a better room by pretending to be newly-weds on a road trip. I don't know what inspired me to do it this time but I decided to go with it. It probably was because we would get a really nice room at the Bed & Breakfast. Also most likely because it gave me an excuse to be closer to Dean. I'm pretty pathetic, don't worry, I know.
"It sounds great to hear it," Dean said, playing right along.
"Oh, how sweet," the lady cooed. "My name is Rita and may I just say congratulations to the both of you."
We both turned to smile kindly at her. I had to admit we played this role very well. I'm sure John and Sam would be freaked beyond all hell to see us like this, which gave us a good laugh later on when we thought about it.
"We'd like a room please, whatever is available." I said.
"Do you know how long you're staying?" She asked, writing something down in her log book. I turned to Dean and we pretended to think about it.
"You know, we really don't know yet. We haven't decided yet, anyway." Dean said. Rita smiled but then frowned a moment.
"Is there something wrong?" I asked. She sighed.
"I've had a bit of bad luck lately." She admitted, writing down a few more things.
"Like what?" Dean asked. We knew though, but it was always better to play the ignorant card.
"There have been a few deaths recently," she said slowly. "Nothing too serious, heart attacks each time, but still bad for business. I understand if you'd want to find a different place to stay."
"Nonsense," I told her, pulling out my wallet and handing her my credit card, making sure it had the right name on it. "Heart attacks aren't contagious."
...
We declined her help up to our room (honeymoon suite for the price of a regular) and Dean whistled in approvement when I opened the door. Of course there was only one bed but it was so huge and giant and comfortable looking. I dropped my backpack and took a running leap onto the bed, moaning in comfort as I made contact.
"Why don't we do this more often?" I asked. A second later I felt the bed bounce as Dean plopped down next to me. He made the same noise of content.
"I don't know." He sighed. "Man I kinda wish this had been the room when we had crazy amazing drunk sex the other night."
My breath hitched in my throat. Did he say 'crazy amazing'? Did he remember? Was he just assuming? I calmed down my heart and pretended to laugh.
"I think we were both too sexually frustrated to wait any longer." I said. He laughed too. I was glad we could laugh about it now. Even if they weren't all real laughs. I sat up and looked down at him.
"I have to know," I said, semi serious. He sat up too. "How was it?"
He squinted and rubbed the back of his neck and I wasn't sure if a blush was making its way up his neck or not. Was it that bad?
… or was it that good?
"From what I remember?" He asked, glancing up at me before averting his eyes down again. I nodded. "I was definitely impressed."
I grinned.
"Well, of course you were. I am amazing at it." I said. He groaned in frustration.
"I wish you remembered at least a little! It's killing me wondering if you thought I was good." I bit my thumb and pretended to think about it. Of course it was good. It was with Dean.
"Well, considering we had a giant pile of used condoms next to the bed, I'd say you were okay." I said. He glared at me.
"Okay? That's all you have for me?" He whined. I laughed, vaguely wondering where that elephant had gone to. Maybe it stayed in the Impala…
"Well it obviously wasn't good enough for me to remember."I said, picking at my nails. His mouth fell open in shock as he stared at me. I couldn't help but fall back on the bed and laugh hysterically.
"I cannot believe you just said that to me." His voice reached an octave I hadn't heard from him before and it made me laugh harder. The phone started to ring and I tried to stop laughing as Dean answered.
"Hello?" He smiled. "Dinner sounds good. We'll be down in a bit."
He hung up and turned to glare at me.
"You are so lucky she called, because you are definitely going to pay for what you just said to me." I rolled off the bed and landed on my feet more gracefully than I had predicted which made my exit so much more awesome.
"I can't wait," I said over my shoulder. I licked and bit my lip as I spanked my ass. "Ooh,"
He made a grunting noise and started towards me but I scampered off into the hall and out of our room, away from him.
Oh my god. I stopped walking in my own surprise and Dean bumped into me. That was some mega flirting that we were doing.
"Come on, Bennett," Dean said, pushing me a little to keep walking. "I'm hungry."
I brushed it off and rolled my eyes.
"Please, you're always hungry." He chuckled and walked ahead of me, looking back over his shoulder.
"Your point?" He asked. He continued on down the stairs and I tilted my head to the side as my eyes followed his body all the way down. Now I wanted to know what he looked like naked 200% more than I did before. I never did get a good look that time in Arizona. "You coming?"
I snapped out of my day dream and nodded, taking the steps two at a time and meeting him at the bottom. He held his arm out and I remembered the parts we had to play. I smiled and linked my arm through his and we stepped into the dining room. Rita was setting a table for us and Dean asked if she had the time to join us.
"Oh, are you sure?" She looked to me. "I don't want to intrude."
"Nonsense," I told her. We needed more information about the deaths and what better way to do it over food?
She agreed and went to bring out our food and she set a seat for herself as we started serving ourselves.
"Would you like some wine?" She asked. "On the house."
I looked to Dean and he shrugged. Was that the elephant behind Dean, shaking it's trunk at me in a condescending manner? I couldn't tell, so I cleared my throat and smiled at her.
"One glass couldn't hurt," I said. She went to get some from a cabinet and poured each of us a glass before she finally sat and joined us.
"Ooh, haven't had a seat all day." She chuckled.
"Do you run this place by yourself?" Dean asked. She nodded.
"After my Shaun passed away I haven't had much help. My son comes around every now and then, but he has a family now so I couldn't impose him."
"When did your husband pass?" I asked kindly. He could be the reason for everything. "And can I ask why?"
"Oh, he passed a few months ago. He was the second one to die of a heart attack in the house." It wasn't the husband then. "To be honest, I heard some of the coroners talking whenever they came after another death, and what they said made me think they don't really know what they all died from."
"What did they say?" I asked. I realized none of us were eating so I took a sip of wine.
"They say that all the victims were scared to death. Their hair was pure white at the roots, even though they were all too young to be going grey. Except for Shaun of course." I looked at Dean. Interesting. This was definitely something to research later tonight.
...
...
:) I hope no one hates me because of what I did. Have any of you drunk almost an entire handle of Sailor Jerry's and remembered what happened when you wake up? I think not.
I have a couple of things to say before I leave you all to celebrate Mother's Day. First off, thank you for the amazing amount of reviews. I would like the same turn out of reviews for this chapter as well, please.
Secondly, I have incentive for those who review this chapter. Each person who reviews this chapter by this Wednesday will have their user name put into a hat. I will draw one name and that lucky person will have a guest appearance in one of the upcoming chapters. In order to be eligible to win, you MUST, obviously, leave a review for this chapter and you must leave it before 8:00pm PST on Wednesday the 12th. I will announce the winner in the next chapter.
Good luck :)