Chapter 20

I was standing there, staring back at us in horror with a gunshot wound in my abdomen. My hands were holding it, trying to make the bleeding stop. But the bleeding wasn't stopping.

"Dean," I pulled his arm. This was his worst fear? Me dying? He turned away from the boggart me and I saw tears in his eyes. He gave me a helpless look and I felt just as lost as him. He glanced at something behind me.

"Rosie," he quickly wiped his eyes and held up his gun, pointing it at whatever he saw. I turned and saw my mom with demon eyes. I looked behind Dean and saw that his worst fear wasn't there anymore. The boggart had turned into mine. Dean started shooting his two guns but she just smirked and kept watching me. I was frozen with fear. She was going to kill me.

I felt Dean pull out my two guns and he pushed me behind him.

"Rosie," she taunted me and I looked around for something to help. How had we killed the bogeyman? Dean fired off the two guns that I had but none of the bullets worked. I heard him curse and turned my head to see the boggart had changed back into me only I was completely dead this time.

We were fighting with fear. How were we supposed to beat fear? An idea struck me and I ran towards the corner with the pile of junk and pulled out the mirror. I ran in front of Dean and held up the reflection to the boggart. Dean wrapped his arms around me and hid his head in the crook of my neck as we heard the boggart shrieking in pain and agony. There was a loud pop and a big gust of air knocked us back.

Dean tripped and fell back taking me down with him. I groaned as my head hit the ground. I let go of the mirror, or at least what was left of it since it shattered when the boggart… popped? The best way I could describe what had just happened would be to call it spontaneous combustion.

"What did you do?" Dean asked quietly. I wiped my eyes and went through my erratic thought process.

"The only way to fight fear is with fear itself." I recited. Dean chuckled.

"And you knew that would work?" He asked. I shook my head and gave him an innocent look.

"No… I just kinda thought it was worth a try." I admitted. He rolled his eyes.

I sat up and he got up, helping me up after. I rubbed my right shoulder, sore from the impact of the fall and we made our way back up to our room. I had to fight with myself not to bring up what went on in the basement with him. I was dying to ask him what was up with his worst fear but I knew he'd make a joke and brush it off, saying something like he was mostly afraid that I'd do something stupid and end up killing myself.

Dean shut the door behind him and I started collecting our things. I figured that since we had gotten rid of the boggart that we would leave as soon as Rita got back. He didn't move from the doorway and I felt him watching my every move. I finally looked up and stared right back.

"You aren't going to say anything?" He asked. If I didn't know any better I'd be sure that he was looking at me with his 'take me to bed' eyes that I'd only ever seen when he wanted a one-night stand. I shook my head and felt my throat constricting.

"No," I said quietly. My nerves were freaking out with what felt like electricity running through me and it was making me shake a little. I turned back to my duffel and zipped it up. I felt him come up behind me and he gently grabbed my arms. His body heat was rolling off him in waves and he felt like a space heater and his scent of leather and nutmeg invaded my senses. I felt my knees going weak and I didn't understand what was going on. This wasn't anywhere near normal.

…but I was excited at the same time. Until then I had only dreamt of this kind of contact with Dean.

"You know what you saw." He said quietly with his lips brushing against my ear. More electric jolts started running through me, starting where his hands were holding me. "Don't you want to know why?"

"I didn't want to pry," I said, my voice shaking like crazy. He chuckled.

"When do you not pry?" He asked. I smiled softly and turned around to face him, suddenly only then realizing just how close we were.

"Why?" I asked, not knowing where I got this sudden boost of confidence. I stopped questioning it and decided to roll with it.

"I lied to you." He said. I stared at him, confused. "I remember everything from that night. I was the one who started it and I don't regret it. Any of it."

My breath caught in my throat. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I want you to be with me. I've never liked any girl as much as you. Nobody knows me better than you and nobody could ever understand me as much as you do." He told me seriously.

"I never understand you," I told him honestly.

"You understand me much more than you think." He sighed and stared at me intensely. "Remember that deity in Arizona?"

I nodded.

"Remember what she told you? Those men who loved you: your father, that kid George, whoever the hell he is, and one other person who you didn't wait to hear." He told me.

I shook my head and looked away trying to blink back tears. I didn't want to believe it; it was all too good to be true. He lifted my chin.

"I love you."

...

I woke up and saw Dean hovering over me with nothing but worry on his face. I looked around me, trying to figure out what had happened and where I was. We were still in the basement.

"Are you okay?" He asked letting out a breath of relief. "I thought you were going to die."

"What happened?" I asked. The mirror had broken all over me. I felt like vomiting as I recalled my vivid dream. It had all been real until we fell. I started to cry and I reached up to cover my face. Why had that happened? Was it some sort of sick residual energy from the boggart? I didn't want to think about it because it was really making the bile start to rise in my throat. Why me? I'd suffered my own personal torture living in such close quarters with Dean 24/7 with these feelings that were so hard to contain and now this?

He cleared his throat. "You flashed the mirror in front of the thing and it basically blew up. You flew into the wall and knocked your head on the ground and the mirror shattered all over you." He took a deep breath and let it out.

"So, wait, what did it look like?" I asked miserably, wondering if it really had shown me dying for Dean. I swallowed to hold everything in my stomach.

"You had gotten shot," He said slowly. My throat constricted.

"Why?" I asked, not wanting to get hopeful. I could feel it rising again. I knew what I wanted him to say. I wanted him to say it was because his worst fear was losing me, that he loved me and couldn't fathom a life without me. I wanted him to say anything but what he did say.

"Because then I would have lost everyone." He said. I rolled over onto my knees as a wave of nausea hit me and vomited on the ground. It was all fake; all of it. But why had it happened? Did I really just dream that while I had been unconscious? Had the boggart somehow left some energy in me to make me dream that? Whatever had happened, Dean didn't really love me. And it was the last time that I could handle the bitter truth being thrown in my face. I didn't know if I could just jump right back into ignoring that elephant again; it kept getting bigger.

I stood up but my legs felt like jelly. I didn't let Dean help me as I started to walk up the stairs. He started to follow.

"Where are you going?" Dean asked. I turned around but couldn't even manage to look him in the eyes. I had to leave. I couldn't stand any of this anymore. I couldn't sit around while I was hopelessly in love with Dean and he just didn't want to be alone.

"I'm leaving." I said. He nodded and started to follow, not really understanding what I meant. I shook my head. "I need to go off on my own for a while."

He stopped and stared at me like I was crazy.

"Why?" He asked quickly. He was starting to get angry. I shook my head.

"You don't want to know why." I turned and started going up to our room with him following close behind. I grabbed everything I could find and put all my things into my duffels. I'd call Ellen Harvelle as soon as I got on a train and tell her I was heading over to the Roadhouse. I hadn't seen her since before my mom died but I knew she was still around and still had the bar. John had never talked about her which led me to believe that he didn't know her. In either case, I knew that Dean didn't know about her so he wouldn't be able to find me if I ditched my cell phone. "It's not forever, just for a little while."

I took my weapons and shoved them in my duffel, wiping my eyes and looking around to make sure I had everything.

"You can't leave me Rose, not after everything." He argued, glaring at me. He shut the door and stood in front of it.

"That won't stop me Dean." I told him. There was a tree outside the window that I could easily climb down.

"Just tell me why," he pleaded. I wiped my eyes again and grabbed my backpack, swinging it over my shoulder. I still felt sick to my stomach and I didn't really want to have to climb out the window and down the tree, but I would if I absolutely had to. "Was what you saw so horrible? Is it because of the other night?"

"It's because of everything," I told him exasperatingly. I was so tired from everything. "Because of down there, because of that night that I don't remember but have a sneaking suspicion that you do, because of Sam and John and our lives. I just need a break."

"We don't get breaks," Dean said, grabbing my arm. I just stared at him. "Not in our line of business. You know that. I thought that you wanted to stay! That's why you didn't go with Sam, because you wanted to stay."

I nodded.

"I did, I just," I paused and exhaled. "I can't stop my feelings anymore. It's getting too hard to pay attention to the job when my emotions are all over the place."

"I can help," he said, "let me help with it."

"You're part of the problem." I whispered. He dropped my arm and stepped back. My heart broke and I started to cry again.

"How?" He asked. I laughed bitterly.

"Really? Don't you remember what Sam said before he left? I'm hopelessly in love with you!" I yelled. I reached up to my neck and pulled out the necklace he had given me from under my shirt. "I have been since you gave me this necklace, maybe even before that. Everything Sam had said was true and I should have left with him!" I stormed past him with my things and I heard him follow quickly after.

"That's okay!" He exclaimed. "It's fine."

"It's not fine, Dean. It's not fine at all." I told him. I walked out to the road and held out my thumb, hoping to hitch a ride to a bus or train station. He pushed my arm down and pulled me back.

"Why not?" He asked angrily. I pulled my arm out of his grasp and crossed them across my chest, glaring back at him.

"Do you remember that night, Dean?" I asked. "Tell me the truth."

He stared at me helplessly for a moment but he sighed. "Yeah. I remember it all."

"That's why it's not fine." I told him. "Because, what was one meaningless fuck to you was a night that I've dreamt about for years! Because you remember everything and it was just another night with some girl to you. It would have been the best night of my life, hands down, if I could even just remember one little bit of it!"

"My worst fear is you leaving me!" He seethed. His face was so close to mine that I had to close my eyes and turn my head. "The second you find that out, you decide to leave me? How cruel are you?"

"I'm fucking in love with you!" I screamed, dropping my things. "I can't handle being two feet away from you and not being with you! Don't you understand? I can't take it anymore!"

"Rose, what do you think happened that night?" Dean asked quietly, letting go of me. I shook my head. "Because I honestly remember every single thing that happened, so tell me what you think."

I shook my head again and wrapped my arms around myself, trying to find some comfort anywhere. He sighed and ran his hand over his face.

"All right, look," he was aggravated but he didn't sound as angry. He shook his head. "I… I don't want you to leave, but if you promise it will only be for a little while I'll take you to the train station myself."

I shook my head. "It's no good Dean, you'll just convince me to stay. I don't want to stay if there's nothing for me."

"You need to know the truth." He pleaded. "I want you to know the truth before you leave."

I stared at him, waiting. The truth about what? "Well?"

Out of nowhere he reached forward, cupping my face with both his hands. He pulled me close and pressed his lips against mine just as quickly. I had no time to react or think or even respond to the most mind-blowing kiss I'd ever had before he pulled away slightly.

"There's never been anyone but you. I've always cared for you more than you've realized. I've bent over backwards to make sure that you were happy, always." He started pacing, looking up at me every few seconds to make sure I was hearing what he was saying. "I never did anything about it because you were too young. I never did anything because Sam loved you, too."

"What?" I cried. I bent over, feeling sick to my stomach again. "Oh, god."

"See?" He said. "I never thought we could be anything because of our lives and our jobs and that night I was planning on telling you everything! But we drank too much and instead I…" he swallowed hard. I could tell he was having problems spilling everything out in the open like this.

Did he think that I didn't want anything to happen?

"I took advantage of you," he whispered. I shook my head. "It's true. I still knew what I was doing, I will still conscious of my actions, but you weren't and I took advantage of that."

"You didn't," I paused and walked in front of him. I shook my head and looked him straight in the eye. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"I don't want you to leave me." He said quietly. I'd never heard him sound more depressed.

I thought back to when Sam left and I had whispered almost the same thing. Sam didn't hear me then, but I heard Dean loud and clear. I put my hands on either side of his face and pulled it towards mine, kissing him with all the passion I could give him and unlike me he was quick to respond. I don't know how long we stood there kissing but somehow in a haze we had maneuvered my bags to the Impala and he carried me back up to the room and laid me down on the bed.

He hovered over me and searched my eyes. "This is what you want?"

I nodded and pulled his face back down to mine. "This is exactly what I want."

...

I woke up with a start when I heard a phone ringing. I rubbed my eyes and looking around. Dean was sitting on the edge of the bed with his bare back to me since he answered the phone and he was talking softly. He thought I was still asleep. I smiled when I remembered what had happened and I looked at the clock on the wall to see the time. It was almost six.

"Hey," I heard Dean say. I turned my head and watched him get back under the covers and he pulled me closer to him. My heart skipped a beat and I couldn't help but feel how perfect this moment was. It was also probably because neither of us was clothed and I just realized how amazing the feeling of that was. "I'm sorry I woke you."

"It's okay," I said, resting my head against him. He kissed the top of my head and ran his hand through my hair while his other arm was wrapped tightly around me. It was the most wonderful feeling in the world to me. "Who was that?"

"It was Rita. I told her that we were getting ready to leave." I nodded and started to get up out of bed. "Where are you going?"

I looked up at him confused. "Are we leaving?" He shook his head.

"We need to talk first." I sat up and realized again that we were both naked. Dean noticed as well and he reached down on the ground and handed me the t-shirt he had been wearing. I smiled in thanks as I pulled it on. "I meant everything I said."

"I know," I said, smiling softly. "I did too."

"Even about leaving?" He asked quietly. I frowned a little and played with the edge of the sheet. Dean covered my hands with one of his and used his other to tilt my face back towards his. It was funny how much had changed within just a few hours.

"I meant it when I said it," I said, not wanting to leave anymore after what had happened, "but it depends on where we go from here."

"I don't want you to leave, ever, and before I thought that the only way to make you stay was to just be normal but now I know, or at least hope, that neither of us wants just that." He said. I nodded, hoping I understood him correctly since he had been babbling.

"I don't want to be with you, though, if you're only doing it so I'll stay." He shook his head.

"I'm doing it, because I want it." He smirked. "And because I love the noises you make in bed."

I giggled and he gently pushed me back on the bed, hovering over me. He kissed my cheeks and then my forehead and my nose before he finally kissed my lips. I sighed when he pulled away.

"I'm sorry I almost left." I said. He shook his head.

"It's okay, because now you are my girlfriend." His famous Dean Winchester grin found its way onto his face. It made me smile because I loved it so much. His girlfriend. I liked the sound of that. "Oh man, this is weird."

I laughed. "Dean Winchester with a girlfriend. Who would have thought?"

"I didn't think it would ever happen," he said, "especially because the only girl who could ever fit that description is you." He paused and scrunched up his face. "Holy shit. I think I just sounded like those whiny, emotional, girly-men that I make fun of."

I laughed. "Not to burst your hardcore bubble or anything but you've been sounding like that a lot lately."

"I need to get my manhood back." He said. I smirked and raised an eyebrow.

"I don't think it's your manhood that's missing," I said, coyly. He looked past me in thought before he smirked back and nodded.

"Yeah, you're right." He said, ducking his head and kissing my neck. My thoughts were running around a mile a minute and I froze with terror when I thought about one particular topic.

"What are we going to tell your dad?" I asked, suddenly serious at the thought. John would not like this at all. He'd tell us that it would make us weak during the job. Dean groaned when he thought about it too.

"Do we have to?" I nodded.

"Don't you want him to know?" I asked, a little hurt that he was so reluctant about it.

"Of course I do, but he's just going to bring us down. He'll tell us some stupid shit about losing sight of the job and being too worried about the other that we'll get hurt." I nodded. I sighed and pushed him off, kissing him quickly on the lips.

"We should go," I said, getting off the bed and looking for our discarded clothes. "We told her that we were checking out."

He got up too and I stole a glance at him when he started walking around for his clothes. I must have been staring longer than I intended because when I looked up he was smirking at me.

"Like what you see?" He asked. I blushed and ignored him, still looking for my clothes.

...

...

What'd you guys think? I took a couple liberties here and I know Dean seems a little out-of-character but it's how I imagine he would react in this kind of situation.

I hope it was everything you all dreamed of, because I can tell you right now it's exactly what Rose imagined. And then some, if you get what I'm sayin' ;) eh, eh? Haha, anyway, sorry I'm a bit late with the update today. I was super busy eating lots of delicious sushi (half priced happy hour! What sushi lover could say no? Not this one, I'll tell ya) and I got to see one of my very, very good friends that I haven't seen in months and blah, blah you guys probably don't care and are just happy I updated. Although, I do want to brag and say that I got a subscription to the Dr. Who Magazine (any other DW fans out there?) and I found a bookstore that sells the Supernatural books. I'm such a dork.

Anywho, I'll be back Wednesday for the thrilling continuation of Life of a Hunter and in the meantime I'd like lots of reviews from you all :)

love, Erin