Chapter 9

The next day I try to avoid him. I keep out of the kitchen when he's there, and I won't go for a swim if he's by the pool. It's so much more difficult than I'd thought, as he seems to be everywhere I go. When I type out a letter for Mr. Tracy, he needs to work at the computer. When I'm in the lab with Brains, he needs to ask Brains a question. When I help Mrs. Tracy with the laundry, he comes looking for his favourite blue shirt. Our contact is brief and awkward each time, and he will not meet my eyes. My heart feels crushed, like he took it in his fist and squeezed. He said this would happen. He warned me I'd get hurt. I was so sure I'd be all right, but he felled me with a single blow.

I bustle around the house trying to keep busy with chores, trying not to let anyone see how I'm feeling. Mrs. Tracy looks at me once or twice, but I make it quite plain that I'm fine. I iron the boys' shirts, fold their trousers, put their uniforms out to dry. For once I don't joke about being their housemaid, the chores distract me and keep my thoughts occupied.

Around 3pm, I am carrying an armload of Virgil's shirts to his room, where I will leave them in a neat pile outside his door. I'm halfway down the corridor when I can hear him talking to Scott.

They are both in Virgil's room and the door is half open. I stop. I can hear everything.

"...still don't know what you were thinking, Scott, inviting her into your room like that."

"I didn't, Virg, I swear I didn't, how many times must I tell you? The door was open and she ran in like a jackrabbit bolting down a hole."

"And you didn't ask her to leave?"

"No, I...I kind of joked with her for a bit..."

"Toyed with her, you mean."

"No, Virgil, I just joked with her. We clown around, you know? Since she split with Alan, I've really been getting to know her."

"So it seems."

"Virgil, will you stop making light of my problems?"

"Makes a change, Scott. It's usually you making light of mine. So anyway, you're in deep water now, big brother. What are you going to do about this one?"

"It's not 'this one', Virgil. It's Tin-Tin. We're talking about Tin-Tin here, okay. Not some faceless floozy from some cheap gin dive."

"Okay, Scott, cool your heels. Nothing gets solved with anger."

Dear Virgil. If anyone knows how to soothe Scott's savage beast, it's him.

"What am I going to do, Virgil? The look on her face when I made her leave. Not asked her to leave, Virgil, I ordered her to leave. I stood there like some arrogant jock and ordered her to go. After what I did. After promising I wouldn't hurt her. What kind of a man does that make me?"

"Scott, Scott, breathe, fella. Breathe. Calm down. You're getting tense."

"I didn't want any of it to happen, Virgil, but she started kissing me and..."

"You're saying it was Tin-Tin's fault?" I can hear the quiet cynicism in Virgil's mellow tone.

"No, I'm not. Jeez, Virgil, cut me some slack. I didn't think I'd react so...so..."

"So like you normally react?"

"Virgil!"

Virgil laughs. "Relax, Scott, relax. I've never seen you so worked up over a woman."

"It's Tin-Tin, Virg, it's Tin-Tin. I don't think you're even listening to me."

"I'm listening, fella. I am. I've seen you two together, I kind of figured something was cooking."

"Oh, man, Virg, what am I going to do? She smells like vanilla, did you know that? I love vanilla, it's my goddamned favourite flavour."

Virgil bursts out laughing. "You and your food addictions."

"Goddamned vanilla, Virgil. And you know what else? Her hair is like silk, and her those big green liquid eyes..."

Virgil is laughing more, and soon Scott joins in, although his laugh sounds slightly manic.

"I am so dead," he utters. "If Alan doesn't kill me, Kyrano and dad will."

"Not to mention Grandma. That'll be the end of your apple pies."

"Oh, God. Me and my..." he breaks off. Scott is forever leaving sentences unfinished.

"Yep, you and your. That thing will get you into trouble every time."

There is silence for a few moments. When Scott starts speaking again, his voice is low and I have to move nearer the door to hear him.

"She sure knows how to kiss, Virgil. I don't know who taught her, but I'd be very surprised if it was Alan. Her lips are like velvet, her tongue's like a little naked baby squirrel trying to sneak its way in. Five minutes of kissing that mouth and I was climbing the walls."

I feel faint. I stagger and nearly drop Virgil's pile of shirts. I must have made a noise, because in the next minute Virgil is in the doorway, staring at me.

"Tin-Tin!" he exclaims.

Thank you, Virgil.

In the next second, Scott is right behind him. They both stare at me speechlessly for a few moments, then Scott speaks at last.

"What are you doing out here Tin-Tin?"

"Er, I was coming to give Virgil his shirts."

"Thank you," says Virgil, whipping the shirts out of my arms before I drop them all in a crumpled heap on the floor. He turns and disappears back into his room. "You guys should talk," he shouts from inside. "And I mean talk."

Scott runs his hand through his hair. "How much did you hear?" he asks quietly.

"Pretty much all of it," I confess.

"Oh, boy."

"At least now I know you don't hate me," I say brightly, "like I thought earlier, when you were completely ignoring me."

Virgil appears back in the doorway. "I didn't mean talk right outside my room. Tin-Tin, you're going to have to take him somewhere. You see, this is the part that he doesn't understand- how to humble himself and say sorry. Meaning, you could be with him for some time."

So I take him to my room.

I sit on the edge of the bed, secretly enjoying the sight of Scott pacing up and down, obviously lost for the right words. All he can say is I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Tin-Tin, I'm sorry. Finally I have to tell him to stop saying sorry when he starts to sound like a broken record. So much for not knowing how, Virgil.

He stands there in the middle of the room and stares at me dejectedly.

"I hurt you, Tin-Tin. I did exactly what I said I was going to do."

"Like a self-fulfilling prophecy, Scott? You expect something to happen, so it does."

"I just seem to have a knack for it."

"We had one kiss, and you panicked. It's not the end of the world."

I feel brave now, because of what I heard him say to Virgil. He has no idea I've been on the edge of a nervous breakdown all day. But I should know better than to underestimate Scott Tracy.

"You make it sound like it was nothing," he says. "But you know what it was like, Tin-Tin. You know it was more than just a kiss. It was way, way more than just a kiss."

I crumble at his voice. "You're right, Scott. It was more than that."

I beckon him over at last. He comes over and sits on the bed. He rests his elbows on his knees and looks at the carpet.

"I've got enough girl trouble, Tin-Tin. I don't think I need any more."

"Poor Scott," I say. "You sound sad."

I move closer to him. My skin is tingling all over. I put my hand on his shoulder.

"All I seem to do is get myself into trouble. The only time I'm not is when I'm here, or out on a rescue. Shore leave, vacations, business trips, I'm there, right in the thick of it. I can't seem to control myself sometimes. It's like releasing a pressure cooker. I try not to hurt them but I don't even remember their names half the time. I just can't commit. I've never been able to commit. I don't like that aspect of myself, but that's how it is."

"And what's that got to do with what happened between us?"

"Because it's exactly what's going to happen to you. Can't you see it? I don't think I know how to be any different. Other women, maybe. But not you, Tin-Tin, not you. You're different, you're Tin-Tin. You're one of us. You're special, you're sweet, and beautiful, and I don't want to do bad things to you."

"Then you won't," I reassure him, stroking his hair.

He closes his eyes and rubs his head against my hand like a big cat. His hair is thick and curls around my fingers. Nothing he says is going to put me off him. It's taken me a long time to realise it, but he's the most desirable man I've ever met. I lean over and kiss his cheek, right on his dimple.

"Scott, you need to give yourself more credit. You're a fine and honourable man, proud and dignified. Sometimes I even think that you're the glue that holds this family together. So how could you possibly ever hurt me?"

He stares at me in silence, absorbing my words.

He moves his mouth closer to mine.

"Just let me kiss you again," he murmurs.

And I do.