Chapter 15

At 5.30am, I am roused awake by an insistent beeping. I am trapped in a hot tangle of limbs, Scott's body wrapped around me like an envelope. He grunts sleepily and reaches over me, swatting the alarm clock onto the floor, where it carries on beeping.

"I should go," I mumble.

"Don't say that, Tin-Tin." He buries his face in my hair.

"I ought to," I insist. "Before anyone else gets up."

"I usually get up first." He slides one warm leg between mine.

"Scott, don't be difficult."

"That's not what you said last night."

I have to smile. "I said a lot of things last night."

"Mmm. I seem to remember, 'Scott, don't stop' was one of them."

His warm hand slips over my belly. The infernal alarm carries on beeping. "Oh, Scott! I'm going to have to shut that thing up!"

I struggle free and stumble out of bed. I silence the wretched alarm. Then I realise I'm standing stark naked in the early dawn light coming through the window. Scott settles back on the pillows, gazing at me with approval.

"And a very good morning to you, too," he grins.

My nightdress and kimono are somewhere on the other side of the room, where he discarded them last night. He watches me as I look for them. I pull a face at him. "Aren't you going to get up and go for your run?"

"Well, if you're done with me, Tin-Tin."

I pull the nightdress over my head, push bed hair out of my face. "I'm far from done with you, Scott Tracy," I say in as menacing a tone as I can muster.

Laughing, he rolls onto his elbow and retrieves his wristwatch from the bedside table. I watch the movement of muscle under his skin, recalling how he felt beneath my hands- strong and sure and steady. I drift off, and have to shake myself back to reality.

"I wish I could stay, Scott. But I must go, really."

"I know Tin-Tin, I'm kidding. I'm getting up now, anyway."

I pause at the door and look back. He is sitting on the edge of the bed with his elbows on his thighs, running his hands through his hair.

"Scott," I swallow nervously. "Thank you."

He looks up. He gazes at me for a long while. He smiles endearingly.

"Thank you, Tin-Tin," he says.

I hurry back to my room as quickly as I can. Already the house feels as though it's waking up. The sun rises early out here and it is already sending fingers of light through the windows. Scott will get up and go for his run. I will go back to bed and get up later. No-one will ever know what went on in Scott's room last night, except Scott, and me.

I can't look at Alan's photo as I climb into bed. I turn him so that he faces the other way. I stretch my arms and legs to work out the kinks. I ache all over from the force of Scott's passion, every twinge a memory of his ardour, every ragged breath a reminder of the ones he took away.

I'm aware that my room looks different. It looks bigger, there seems to be more space. The colours are brighter, the light outside my window almost blinds me. Nothing seems the same anymore. I am changed, Scott has changed me. I will never change back. Nothing will ever be the same again.

If Scott is the ocean, then I mustn't swim out too far. If he is a raging fire, then I must stand far enough away from his flames so that I am warmed instead of burned. Am I capable of this? I have no choice, and neither does he.

Who rescues the rescuers?

Mrs. Tracy once told me, while I was still hurting from my break-up with Alan, that I was young and had plenty of time.

I think I'm going to need it.

END