I thought about doing the next few chapters in just one straight point of view, but I couldn't. I felt like I was neglecting my characters and being biased.

I don't know, I'm weird like that. :)

Anywho, this is the next chapter. Yes, I know, I kept you waiting, but I'm a high school senior . . . I've got a lot of stuff on my plate. So I've been working on applications and I just finished with mid-terms . . . so I'm free—but only for a little while.

I hope you like this chapter. :)

EPOV

A year passed so fast without so much as a warning. I'd graduated school and so had Alice, who was healthier than I'd ever seen her.

Of course, she still had Jasper.

When I told Alice what I'd done to Bella, it took her a while—six weeks, four days, ten hours—to begin talking to me. And still even a year and a half later, she wouldn't talk to me like she used to. And I hated that I severed my relationship with my own sister trying to protect Bella.

There was a knock at my door.

"Come in," I called to whoever it was. Alice walked in, still in her pajamas. She closed the door behind her and came to sit with me on my bed. She lay parallel to me, her arms wrapping around my waist. She sighed.

"What's wrong?" I asked her.

"Nothing, Edward. I—I just miss you." She looked up me with her electric blue eyes and sighed. "You're not the same," she whispered.

I shook my head and sighed.

"Can't you just . . . not be sad?" she asked me.

I just looked at her. She'd never felt like this, so it was natural for her to think it was just a phase. I was beginning to regret it a lot.

"It's not that simple Alice."

"It could be Edward. If you tried. I'm here you know. You can invade my room in the middle of the night and we can talk. I'm not opposed to talking with you." She gave me a small smile. "I love you, bro. Don't make me feel like I'm—that I'm invisible."

My breath caught in my throat.

She was my sister—my twin—and I had been neglecting her ever since we moved from Italy to London. And that was me being a jackass.

"I can't believe Rosalie is living with us. She's so—I can't believe that she's related to Jasper. He's so nice and she—she just complains." She scoffed.

There was another knock on my door.

"Come in," I said. My mother walked inside looked around and grinned.

"You better clean this room, young man, understand?" She smiled at me. I sighed.

"Yeah, Mom."

Even though I said I would, we both knew I wouldn't. Because it didn't matter.

"Anyhow, my children, lunch is ready if you want to come down." She smiled again. "It'll be just us, since Jasper left with Dad to go to the hardware store and Rosalie left with her friend to go shopping."

"'Kay Mom," Alice said. But instead of mom going away, she came and sat down on the other side of me, kicking off her sandals and hugging me like Alice was.

I laughed. So did Mom and Alice.

We talked for a few minutes before we all went down to eat.

Why would I have given her a life like that? Always looking after me, always making sure I was okay?

I didn't want that for her. She deserved someone whole. Someone healthy . . . Someone not like me.

We lived in London, England. Alice and I were showing exceptional progress and were extremely healthy. Something in our bodies was fighting it. I was glad, because I was living.

I was going to college now, just a small university, majoring in philosophy. It was easy stuff. Just a lot of reading and writing papers. Nothing too challenging.

I looked out of the window, over the backyard. I was bored. I didn't know what to do. I'd finished my homework, and Alice was with Jasper. And I wasn't flooding with friends either.

I was shit out of luck. I walked around my messy room, kicking things around my floor, trying to not be bored. I sighed. I went downstairs and outside, talking a walk around the land. It was nice out here. Comforting. I took a book from the bookshelf next to the patio table and lay in the grass, reading it.

As I Lay Dying. Faulkner. Melancholy. Death. Nothing too bad. Nothing to remind me of her. Which was perfect. Super perfect.

I read until I finished, which wasn't too long, but it was getting dark, and I could hear Esme calling me in for dinner.

"Edward Anthony—"

"I'm coming," I said back. She was standing by the patio, hands thrust on her hips, looking at me with a disappointed look.

"Edward, you need to sleep," she said. She touched the hair that fell into my eyes. She moved them away looking straight into my eyes with her piercing green eyes.

"I am sleeping, Mom," I lied. She shook her head.

"Edward," she sighed. "You need to stop worrying or whatever it is you're doing that keeps you up at all hours of the night. I love you, Edward. You need to understand that the world's not going to end." But even as she said those words, I knew she was just as sad as I was. Bella was a one-time deal. There was no replacement. But she understood—which was more than I could ever ask for. She pulled me in to a hug and I hugged her back, just to give her peace of mind. But I couldn't give her what she wanted. She wanted Bella. And I couldn't give her that.

I walked in after her, sitting at the dinner table with everyone.

There was meaningless chatter going about, clumped in groups: Esme and Carlisle and Rosalie, and Jasper and Alice. I was alone. Every time. I looked up at the clock, excused myself quietly, and then left upstairs to sulk some more.

And I was thinking about her again.

I frowned.

I sat at my desk and began typing.

Typing what?

A recollection of memories that reoccurred. A story, I guess it could be called. About who?

Bella.

Lame?

Sure.

But I didn't care. It took the pain away. I could think about her without being sad. Without thinking that I had made a mistake. It was just a story about two teenagers in high school . . .

Okay, so it was pretty much my life written in paper.

But I couldn't help it. Writing about her made me feel better.

She was pretty as she slept. Pretty wasn't a strong enough word, and neither was beautiful. Nothing could describe her faint blush or her fluttering eyes.

And maybe she felt my gaze on her, because she opened her eyes and looked up at me, her eyes just like chocolate. She grinned.

"Stop looking at my boobs, Edward," she said. But she was only teasing, moving closer to me, wrapping her arms around my waist. I kissed her hair, smelling the sweet scent of strawberries and vanilla and her mixed up into one amazing scent that I couldn't ever forget. She looked up at me, and I smiled at her.

"Sometimes I dream about you," she said. "And it's like we met in a different life. Or different lives. Because each dream is completely different." She grinned. "It's so nice, Edward."

Only if every moment with her was as nice.

Some weren't so.

I stopped typing, deleting that last sentence. I remembered her face as it twisted in pain reflecting exactly what she was feeling inside her heart. And it was indeed my fault. And I couldn't help but hate myself for it.

I wished I knew how she was doing. I wished I could talk to her.

But I couldn't and I knew that. There was a reason I hadn't wanted this relationship. Because when I died she would be even more heartbroken—and that time, I couldn't ever come back.

I sighed. I went back to typing.

After a while, I just stopped and fell into my bed, not caring about the world, just turning up the stereo as loud as it could go and then lay in my bed and feeling sorry for myself. Because that's all I was good at these days. And it was really bad.

*~*~*~*

The next morning, I had breakfast with my family (plus Jasper and Rosalie).

My mother was pretty much in the same boat as Alice sad but understanding. She hadn't understood it from my point of view. This wasn't A Walk to Remember here.

My father was reading the newspaper and Alice and Jasper were being couple-like. I felt alone. And it was still all my fault.

Yeah. I wasn't going to relent that one.

"So Edward," Rosalie said softly from my side. "Would you like to hang out with me today?" she asked. I looked ever at her and she smiled softly. I cocked my head to the side.

"Why?" It came out harsher than I intended. I cleared my throat and tried again. "Um, sure, I guess."

"Awesome," she said. "I was thinking that we could go to the mall and walk around you know." She sighed. "Okay, so I know I'm a bitch, but really, I don't bite."

Jasper snickered form across the table and Alice scoffed.

"I'm really nice, if you give me the chance," she said. Her blue eyes shined with excitement. With pleading anxiety that I give her a chance.

"Okay, yeah," I said.

She smiled again.

"We'll leave after breakfast."

I nodded, excused myself form the table and went upstairs to bathe and get ready.

I looked at myself in the mirror after walking out from the shower. Seeing my reflection was shocking. My eyes were dark and cold and I was skinnier than I had been a year ago. Nothing drastic, but the definition of my muscles were no longer apparent.

I guess that was crazy depression. I got dressed in a pair of jeans and (what would have been) a Rosalie approved shirt and then my converse sneakers. When I towel dried my hair and brushed my teeth, I left downstairs to meet Rosalie, but she was on the phone giggling, repeating, "No way!" about a billion times.

I looked at her and she frowned. She said goodbye to her friend and then turned to me.

"Edward, I'm sorry, but something's come up and—"

I shrugged. "Whatever."

I sat in the living room, connected to my laptop and iPod turning the volume up to its highest. I continued to type, almost done with everything that I could remember about Bella. Every single thing about Bella.

And I felt so accomplished with it.

I also felt sad that I had nothing to write about her anymore. For the last year, it was what I had done. I sat to write about her. And then I would get off the computer and feel sorry for myself that I couldn't touch her, kiss her, or talk to her at all.

I left to make myself something to eat, and then went up to my bedroom, just listening to music.

My phone vibrated and I looked at it, a message from the single friend I'd made. She lived in the neighborhood with her wealthy parents. Her parents had come over to greet us and she just stuck to me.

And I didn't mind. I actually liked her as a person.

I'm coming over to invade your sulking space, her message read. I laughed out loud. She was the closest friend I had. I guess it was kind of pathetic, but she just was.

I walked downstairs to greet her and pull her upstairs so she could, indeed, invade my sulking space.

She was at the door, dressed in tight jeans but an oversized boys' t-shirt. She smiled at me and I smiled weakly.

She followed me up to my room and laughed.

"Man, Ed, you're room is so mess—"

"Zafrina, you're allowed to invade," I said to her, "but no judging." She laughed her low chuckled and dropped herself on my bed, kicking off her sneakers into the mess that was my room. She wiggled her toes and then patted the space next to her. I slowly made my way over there.

"So how's it been lately?" she asked me.

"Oh, you know, Mom, Alice, Dad, Rosalie and Jasper think I'm completely retarded for letting Bella go. The usual." I shrugged.

"You could change that," she said.

"No. It would involve a certain girl I'm trying to protect right now."

She rolled her eyes. "You know, if I were her, I would hate you."

"Better hate than what could happen." I sat on my bed next to her pulling out a deck of cards from my nightstand. I dealt the cards and we made up a game, just playing with made up rules.

Zafrina didn't say anything to me about Bella. And I didn't want to talk about it, so it was set.

We were silent for a while, just playing cards, and I observed Zafrina. She was pretty, in a Brazilian way. Long, (almost as tall as me, and I was six-three) slim, and model-like. She had long, jet-black hair and wide hazel colored eyes. She would be classified as a hot girl. But I didn't want to use her like that.

"What are you looking at?" she asked. My eyes shifted focus, looking into her eyes. She sighed. "I don't know anymore, Zafrina. I don't think I can do this anymore. I'm dying inside and I want to talk to her. At least know that she doesn't hate me," I said to her.

"Why did you do it in the first place Edward?" she yelled at me. "You broke a perfectly good girl because you couldn't handle it. She loved you and you ruined it." She shook her head. "You need to get over it, Edward. What can you do about it? Not a thing."

I stared at her. Because she was right and I didn't want to admit it. Because I'd broken Bella for my selfish reasons.

I just lay back.

I wasn't supposed to be feeling like this.

"You still love her," she said softly.

I nodded, not saying anything. But I kept nodding, because I did.

"And I don't have her at all because I told her I didn't love her. That I didn't want her. That asking her to marry me was a mistake."

"You're a dumbass. But I guess you can't help it because you're a man." She smiled at me and threw herself on me, giving me a hug. It wasn't sexual, but it had the affection I'd been craving. I hugged her back and we stayed like that, wrapped in each other's arms before she had to get home.

It was dark already, and I walked Zafrina to her house, which was only down the street.

"So I was thinking that maybe we could go to the cinema tomorrow," Zafrina said to me. She crossed her arms over her chest, looking over at me. Her eyes were so bright and pretty . . . I got lost in them.

"Sure. Did you have something you wanted to see?" I asked her. She shrugged.

"Not in particular. I was just thinking that you could use some time out and stuff. Just to hang out." She smiled up at me, an aura shining around her. Something inside of me made my heart flutter.

There were times where I considered her to be someone I could be romantically involved with. But I wasn't sure. Maybe it would help me get over Bella . . .

"Sure, maybe we could go," I said.

We were in front of her house, and she turned to me, wrapping her arms around my neck and just staying like that. Subconsciously, my hands found her waist and I held her to me.

"So tomorrow?" she asked softly. Her exotic, flowery scent flooded my senses and I started thinking about kissing her.

"Sure," I said. She looked up into my eyes, and I just stared at her, unsure what to do.

"Edward?" she said softly.

"Yeah?"

"Don't do anything you might regret—" she said. But in the middle of her sentence, I leaned forward and kissed her, regretting absolutely nothing.

She didn't move for a few seconds, but then we were standing in front of her house, making out. And something made it okay. I guess it was because I was moving on.

Her hands, long and delicate, travelled down my back and into the back pocket of my jeans. My fingers found purchase underneath her shirt, feeling the smooth skin of her back, pulling her close so that there was no space between us.

She pulled away, but not by much, because she was still leaning in for chaste kisses. "Edward." She said, her voice nothing above a whisper. She pulled back and I opened my eyes, looking at her. She gave me a half smile and I smiled back at her.

"Edward, what are you doing?" she asked me.

I just looked at her. Because in reality, I didn't know. I shrugged.

"So . . ."

"So just go along with it Zafrina. You're beautiful and I like you," I told her, which was the absolute truth.

"So what are you saying?" she asked. She put one hand on my face, the tips of her fingers brushing my hairline. I fell into her warmth. "Do you want a relationship? Do you want to be friends with benefits? Do you want to be lovers? I'm confused here." She gave me a half smile.

"Well, what do you want to be?" I asked her.

She shrugged. "How about we just start with friends with benefits and see where it goes from there." She looked up at me, her hazel eyes glowing like golden orbs. I nodded.

"Okay, then."

She bit her lip, a move that move my thoughts from niceties to dirty things. "Do you want to come inside?"

"Is anyone home?" I asked her. She shook her head.

"Just me and you."

"So why did you tell me you had to go?"

She shrugged. "I felt like I was—that I wasn't good enough for you. That you were so wrapped up in her that you wouldn't even notice me. And granted, E, I know you're still hung up on her, but if I've got a chance with you, I'm not going to pass it up." She bit her lip again. "I don't know. I guess I thought that you needed some space tonight."

I looked down at her, watching as her eyes darted away. She was embarrassed. I took her face in my hand and kissed her lips.

"I'm not oblivious, you know. I'm just . . . I need to get away from that. And you take me there," I said to her. She smiled at me. I dropped my hands to her hips, but she just walked away, taking one of my hands in hers.

"Come on."

So I followed her into her house, shutting the door behind me as she led me to her bedroom.

*~*~*~*

It was almost two in the morning when I snuck back inside my house.

Everything was quiet, and all the lights were off, so I tried my best not to make any noise as I went to my bedroom.

When I turned on the lights, I found Alice lying, nonchalantly in my bed. Needless to say, she scared the shit out of me. '

"Hello, dear brother," she said with an enormous smile on her face. I grinned. "Let's see. Shirt on backwards. The button to your jeans undone. Shoes untied . . . someone got laid." Alice squealed.

"Alice, I'm not discussing this with you, so get out of my room." I looked at her, kicking off my shoes and pulling off my shirt. "I'm tired." I lay next to her on my bed.

"Ooh, you're tired because of all of the hot, hot sex you've been having?" she said. I looked up at her from where I was lying.

"Alice."

"What? I'm just saying that you're finally doing something rather than moping around like a lazy ass bum." She grinned and hugged me. "We are going to talk tomorrow, you know that right?"

"Whatever Ali. Goodnight!"

"Okay! Okay, I'm out." She pranced out of the room and closed the door behind her after shutting off the lights.

I looked up at the ceiling, smiling a little.

I'd hooked up with a girl and not once since I'd been with Zafrina did I think about Bella. Maybe I really was getting over her. I sighed contentedly.

Well, until something knocked on my window.

I walked over, opening and looking down. Z was standing there. I smiled.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Thinking about you," I said back. She smiled.

"Can I come up?"

"Yeah."

So she began climbing the wall of the house, making it up to my room. I pulled her inside, both of us tumbling onto the floor. We laughed, shushing each other as to not wake the entire house. She kissed me lightly for a few seconds. I held her on top of me, the weight of her body comforting and warm. Something about her blocked me from thinking about anything else. Anything else but her, at least.

She giggled as I kissed her, and that made me laugh, so I pulled away.

"I didn't come here to repeat . . ." She trailed off, and I grinned, because I knew exactly what she meant.

"So what did you come here for?" I asked her.

"Just to sleep. Sex wears a girl out you know," she said. She reached a hand and touched my face again. I just looked up at her. "I'm glad that we're in this thing, you know."

"Me too," I said. I kissed her once more, before leading her to my bed. She shed her jeans, opting instead for a pair of sweat pants she found folded neatly in one of my dresser drawers, and then climbed in beside me, her back pressed lightly against my chest.

It was silent after that. She didn't talk to me, and I didn't feel the need to say anything to her. Her breathing was hypnotic though, and I found myself anticipating every one of her breaths.

"Hey," she whispered so softly I thought I was imagining it.

"Yeah?" I said back to her.

"Do you think we're moving too fast?" she said. I hugged her tighter to me.

"Do you?"

"Not in particular. I'm just making sure that you're okay with this." She paused for a few seconds, only our breathing audible. "That you're okay with me."

I was okay with her. I was actually elated that I was able to be with her without thinking that I was using her for the obvious reason. I wasn't using her. I just like her a lot.

"Yeah, I'm fine with you. I'm happy with you. Please believe me."

"I do."

I thought about a lot of things that night, and most of them were just about Zafrina. Because I really did like her. She was amazing and beautiful and I loved the sound of her voice.

But one question haunted me as she fell asleep in my arms.

Why was I okay that she was with me, that I could think about forever with her, but when I thought about Bella, I couldn't stand it?

Why couldn't I just say no to Zafrina like I had to Bella?

Why was Zafrina easier to be with?

Of course, I didn't love Z. She was amazing and nice and beautiful, but I still had feelings for Bella.

Would it ever go away? Seriously. I wondered if I could have a life outside of Bella. If that was ever possible.

Yeah. Right.

Okay, here was chapter 12. I know it's a bit odd, considering the fact that I've completely wiped Bella off the map. But you'll see why. It's important to the story line.

And yes, this is still a B/E story. It works out in the end. I promise.

And I'm also thinking about writing a "Cut Outs" story for this story. Because it's rated T, I've limited how far the intimacy goes and such. So I thought maybe that I could write the lemons there, and this story still be rated T. Because what I have planned for the future of this story is quite steamy. But don't worry. It won't lose it's cute yet dramatic touch.