CHAPTER THREE: GARDEN OF ASSHOLES

(In which Neal stops being a doormat and wonderful things can happen when you sow seeds of distrust in a garden of assholes.)

Neal was loading his suitcase into the trunk of his father's car when he heard her approach, the crunch of her boots easily discernible on the pot-hole-infested parking lot of Granny's. He took a deep breath before turning, having to steel himself to look at her, all adorably confused and pissed. Less adorable, all things considered, her small baby bump that had recently started to show, stretching at the front of her gray top that showed off the additional curves of her expanded bosom... and that ship wheel pendant necklace that she always wore now, that he'd felt ill when her mother had tittered at Thanksgiving had to mean her meeting Killian was fate - like Neal wasn't even there, like Belle's words about the keychain meant nothing; and Emma didn't wear it anymore, anyway, had maybe even thrown it out or buried it at the bottom of that box of hers, and he hadn't asked, because he didn't want to know if it was the former, that he really did matter that little in the end.

"Henry said you're leaving. And that you're literally just going to forget about all of this? All of us?"

"Yeah."

"And you didn't think to inform me?" Emma huffed, hands on her hips.

Neal shrugged and shut the trunk. "I didn't think you'd care, really, since you forgot so easily last time around. Now, if you'll excuse me, I promised to drop some stuff off with Mulan."

"Oh. So, you're running off on your girlfriend too, leaving her some junk on your way out. How familiar."

Neal curled his hands into fists. He was done with this. He was so done. He had been patient for so long, since even before the resurrection thing, and he just couldn't take it anymore.

"You know what? Stop pretending you give a shit, Emma," he snapped, causing her to startle at his unusually cold tone. "I got conned by a puppet. I fucked up. I didn't come look for you when the Curse broke because I knew you'd hate me, so why give you more grief? It's not like I knew we had a kid. But I came here as soon as I knew about Henry. I'm sorry I got shot. I'm sorry I died. I'm sorry that I tried my damnedest to make up for all the pain I caused you, but considering your confession in Neverland, my being dead should have done that. So, maybe you're pissed about my no longer being dead. Well, sorry to inconvenience your perfect happy ending with a sex offender."

Glaring, Emma shot back, "Sex offender? Says the guy who got an underage girl pregnant. You're the one who should have spent eleven months behind bars, Neal. And you're the one who keeps leaving, so what do you expect? Was I supposed to be pining for you for thirteen years? And Killian has always been there for me! He has never betrayed me! I'm his happy ending! So, excuse me for being happy - like you said you wanted!"

"Happy with someone who was good enough for you! Who gave a shit about your happy ending and Henry's even if it didn't include him!" Neal growled, "Which is the only fucking reason Killian is anywhere near you. Always there only since he decided that he wanted to seduce you into being his new pirate wench instead of just raping you like the rest of his conquests. Or was Mulan bullshitting that he threatened to rape you after calling you useless and leaving you to starve to death? But, hey, maybe you get off on being threatened with sexual assault at sword-point and being head-slammed into walls. If I'd known you liked abusive stalkery pirate shit, I'd have just thrown you up against the masthead of the Jolly Roger while my father was dying from being poisoned by your boyfriend and fucked you until you screamed 'Ahoy, Captain'!"

The crack of her palm against his cheek felt numb. Neal barely registered it and smile ruefully at her seething, "Fuck you, Neal!"

He scoffed. "Yeah, fuck me, Emma. Fuck me for thinking I could ever earn your forgiveness or your love back or even just friendship." His lips quirked sardonically. "I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody. Or, at least, that's what I thought when I fell in love with you. But I get it, I screwed up and I don't get a second chance. Sure, even fucking Pinocchio got that, but I'm just your no-account, curse-contrived sperm-donor, some fleeting stupid teenage crush that's nothing compared to the all-consuming passionate true love soulmate romance you've got with Captain Jack Swallows, right?

"I'm sorry," Neal sneered, "that we had a real life relationship with an emotional connection and mundane problems instead of a fairy tale one with lots of sex in between magical bullshit problems. I'm sorry I ever thought you wanted something real instead of living in a fantasy world. So, fuck me for that. I get it. I get that around here, in whatever insane world I dropped back into, reality doesn't measure up. After all, in the real world, unapologetic murderers who decide they want happiness in the form of a regular fuck with one of the good guys would get their asses thrown in prison instead of getting instant redemption and endless hero sex. In the real world, if you gave your life for someone you loved, you'd at least get a fitting epitaph goddamned cup of coffee for it. Instead, I'm the villain who doesn't deserve a happy ending. I guess Killian was right about that after all. He's the hero and I'm the villain in this story.

"And he won you like a prize, just like he said he would," Neal shook his head in dismay, "So, I guess, fuck me too for not trying to win your forgiveness like a reward for not punching old ladies or whatever it is he claims he doesn't do anymore that requires your constant validation. My bad for trying to give you space, for trying to put your needs first. Shoulda known better than to even bother trying to get back to you, right? I mean, at least tell me you didn't fuck him in my home in Neverland."

Emma sputtered, furious and indignant, "How the hell can you even accuse me of that!?"

Neal gave her scathing look. "Oh, I'm sorry, was that before you decided to shit all over anything that meant something to me? I guess you were sharing your passionate tryst in Tinkerbell's treehouse then. Doesn't really matter where you did it, though, just that I was trying to save our son while you took a breather from walking in circles with your head up your ass to let the guy who'd left you and everyone to die the day before get in your pants, and you think you're some great hero? You swoon at his praise for defeating Pan, like my father killing himself had nothing to do with it, right? But who needs facts when you're The Savior? You can just co-opt anyone's sacrifices, like your asshole blowup pirate sex-doll can co-opt other people's pasts and acts of heroism, and you'll just believe anything he says, so long as he's wagging an eyebrow and grabbing your ass. So, fuck me for trying to be honorable instead of in your face with false flattery, sexual overtures, and outright lies. My mistake that you actually wanted me to be a two-faced pervert. Because I sure as hell can't figure any other reason you'd want that asshole unless you really are just that stupid."

"You're the one who's acting like the stupid asshole here, Neal!" Emma sneered, her eyes flashing, magic tingling at the tips of her fingers, making the bug zapper hanging from the porch fizzle.

"Yeah, I'm the asshole," Neal scoffed, non-plused by the magical display, whether it was intentional for intimidation or the usual temper tantrum magic, the sort her little sister was getting quite "good" at. "You're just the one who didn't even bother to mourn me when I died for you. For our son. You couldn't wait to throw yourself at Killian, get all dressed up like some high school production of Grease for some fuck date. I really enjoyed your mother's scrapbook at Thanksgiving, by the way. I'm just surprised it doesn't include your 'meet cute', you know, where he was hiding under the bodies of people he helped murder before you climbed a giant phallic symbol together. But I guess that's easier to forgive and forget than me trying to get you to your family, huh? He gives up his nautical equivalent of a rape van and assaults you on your doorstep, but, hey, he calls it an act of love. I give up my life and waste moments I might have had with my son if you'd even let me see him getting you that memory potion in the first place, and he gets all the credit? Story of my fucking life, though, right? I try to help other people get their happy ending, and I get fucked up the ass while the villains get all the glory.

"But you know the saddest part?" Neal uttered. "When I first met him, I thought Killian was a good guy, that he'd be my friend, maybe even the father figure I lost in my actual old man - 'til I found out he was a lying douchebag who sold my ass out to save his own. And when I met you? I thought you were a good person and I left so you could be a hero. Instead you became a selfish, pathetic jerk, just like him."

"You're pathetic, Neal," Emma snapped. "Excuse me for having moved on and found Tallahassee without you."

"Yeah," he responded, coldly, "you found it. And in spite of it all, I'll always want what's best for you. Even when that means my absence. Just, this time around, it might be best for me too."

Neal walked around to the driver's side, then paused, shaking his head, and considered. "You know, maybe the saddest part of all is actually that the woman I loved doesn't seem to exist anymore - or maybe she never did. Maybe this was always who you were meant to be, and the amazing, kind, generous woman I wanted to spend my life with was just the better half of you, minus that dark potential, and the whole Emma Swan's exactly what your parents feared you'd be, only they're too deep in their own delusion to notice that you took that potential and embraced it. 'Cause you don't need to be the Dark One to be evil. You don't need to kill people or destroy worlds to be dark. You just have to be an asshole, Emma.

"But hey," he amended, opening the car door, "if it gets you wet laying on your back for your heroic sailor boy in the same bed where he fucked my mother, who am I to stand in your way? Just be careful that he doesn't hand Henry over to the next child abusing psychopath for shore leave to get rum and whores."

Neal left her standing there, got in the car and peeled out of the lot without looking back.

AN: Captain Jack Swallows. That movie never gets old. I think OUAT is turning into its sequel: Epic Failure. Neal quotes On the Waterfront if you didn't notice, the 'Ahoy, Captain' was a dig at How I Met Your Mother, and his line about wanting the best for Emma is a poem by Beau Taplin called What's Best. "Wonderful things can happen when you sow seeds of distrust in a garden of assholes" belongs to the writers of Justified and Raylan Givens.

Next up: Emma takes a nap. About as interesting as it sounds. Sorry in advance.