A/N: I know this is a really short chapter, but I thought after the last one it would be okay. Sorry for all the incredibly long wait for it, all my excuses are really lame.
Anyway, thanks for all your reviews, favs follows and silent reads, they mean the world. Also, thanks to Izzy for being the bestest friend ever, and getting me through this chapter.
NO WAY I'M LETTING HER GO NOW
February, 14, 2007
After a while, I pull away from Tiffany, both of us gasping for breath after our desperate long kiss. She tastes like strawberries and I savor the bittersweet taste of her strawberry lipstick. Somehow it feels right, because I know Tiffany is one of the most bitter people I have ever met, but at the same time one of the sweetest too, so if anyone was to wear this lipstick, it had to be her. She looks at me, a smile still on her face, and I return smile because I am so impossibly happy and I want her to know that she is the reason for my impossible happiness. I know I am lucky to have Tiffany in my life, but having her tightly gripped in my arms after everything that has happened today just accentuates this knowledge that circles my mind. But then I remember that today Tiffany was gone for the whole day and the question of where she went strikes me. However before I get a chance to ask her anything my mother interrupts our moment of pure happiness as she comes in between us and gives Tiffany a warm hug.
"Oh Tiffany, I am so glad you're okay, and so relieved you've come back! We were all so worried, thank goodness nothing bad happened to you! Please come in, it's very chilly out here." Mom says as she guides Tiffany inside.
Somehow this scene reminds me of last Sunday, of exactly a week ago, when Tiffany and I came back from the park and Mom opened the door for us and it was also so very cold outside. When we are all inside and Mom has closed the door she goes into the kitchen to prepare some hot drink before giving Tiffany a warm smile again. I think Mom is behaving this way because she must have seen us kiss, but no one has said anything, so I don't either.
I look at Tiffany, she seems to be slightly uncomfortable, and then I notice that it is rather warm inside the house and that she is still wearing her coat therefore she must be quite hot.
"Can I take your coat?" I say, pointing at her long white coat.
She takes it off swiftly without saying a word; I take it and put it on the coat hanger without saying anything either. When I turn back, I notice Tiffany is eyeing the living room very coyly. I think she must be thinking about my father and how Dad has never liked her, and I am about to say something when Mom comes into the room again and tells us that our drinks are ready. We go into the kitchen and sit down to have our hot chocolates. Mine is sweet with a lot of foam on top, just how I like it. Tiffany takes a sip and I observe her as she closes her eyes and swallows gradually, taking in the sweet taste of her drink. When she puts the mug down, I realize Mom is watching us rather anxiously.
"Mom is there something wrong?" I ask.
She would be embarrassing in any other circumstances, but after today I don't care about anything else apart from the fact that Tiffany is back; and besides Mom does look a bit distressed so I worry because I don't want her to be distressed any longer as I know that today she has had to go through a lot and it's been mostly all my fault.
Mom hesitates a few seconds but then says, "Tiffany... We have been receiving a lot of phone calls, from your parents and sister... they're all very worried and I am sure would love to hear from you personally...if you don't mind, could you give them a call just to let them know you're okay, please?" And as if to reaffirm my mother's words, the house phone starts to ring again and Mom gives a meaningful look to reluctant Tiffany before walking off to answer the call. I look at Tiffany but say nothing because I know her parents must be as or even more worried than what I was before and that it's best that she lets them know she's all right as soon as possible. Tiffany sighs and focuses her sight on the chocolate mug. Then I hear Mom's voice on the phone talking to the person at the other end of the line.
"Hello?... Oh Sylvia dear, wonderful news! Tiffany... Yes... Yes I know, I am so glad too... Uh?... Oh, no, no she's absolutely fine... Yes, she's having chocolate with Pat right now, I hope you don't mind? … Sure... Wait, I will hand her over to you... of course dear, any time."
My mother gestures Tiffany to come over to the phone so Tiffany stands up and walks over to her.
"Hey Mom," she says. "Yeah, I'm fine... I know... I'm still alive...No, not yet... Wha-...No... I don't-...I'll call her tomorrow... Promise... Yeah, okay... I'm fine... I don't know... I said I don't know... Okay, bye... Love you too."
She hangs up, turns, walks to the table and drinks the rest of her chocolate all in one go. As I watch her, I wonder what she meant with I don't know. Maybe she was answering to a question regarding her whereabouts today, which is weird because she must know where she was the whole day if she is the one that left in the first place; but maybe it is simply a false response to get rid of her worried Mother. I don't know because I don't ask.
I catch Tiffany looking out of the window so I look out of the window as well and then words escape my mind before I can stop them, and I say:
"You can stay here for the night if you want." Suddenly I have a flashback to last sunday when I asked her exactly the same question in more or less the same circumstances, when it was snowing and I wanted Tiffany to stay yet I didn't know I needed Tiffany. But the difference this time is that she doesn't look at me with surprise like she did last time. Instead, she gives me a quick smile and says "Okay." I am very shocked .
I decide to finish my chocolate first because it's really nice, and then I offer to show Tiffany my room. However before we go up, I catch a quick view of dad through the half-opened door of the living room. And then I think about what happened today and how dad got me in his arms and how he held me strongly even though I was screaming and crying so hard. And then I think about tomorrow, and the day after that, and so on, and I think of how I'm sure things will change from now on between me and my dad. Because deep down I know he loves me, and deep down I know I love him too.
Once upstairs I show Tiffany my room, but there's not much to show so after the bed and the sleeping bag I fall silent again. Tiffany sits on the bed. After a brief moment I start to say "Listen, I don't know where you want to sleep, but if you want you can sleep in the guest room, there's a bed and it's so much more comfortable than this one-" but Tiffany cuts me off and before I can react she pulls me with her into the bed and kisses me again with the same force she did just about an hour ago, downstairs by the house door. I kiss her back and without knowing it my hands are embracing her with a need I never knew to have felt before, but then I realize something is different than before, the kiss is different. Whereas our first kiss was full of passion and desire, this one is full of love and need. It's just as strong yet softer at the same time. I love Tiffany, I think.
And there is no way I'm letting her go now.
When we break the kiss, we slowly lay back together in bed, neither of us sleeping. I am too excited to finally have Tiffany in my arms so I don't move nor speak, in case it bothers her. I am aware that Mom doesn't know that Tiffany will be staying here and that I'll probably have to tell her at some point, but all my worries disappear when Mom suddenly comes up to my room. As she enters the door, Tiffany and I turn our heads to face her without sitting up or standing up from the bed. To be honest I would not have broken my embrace with Tiffany even if the next World War had started, but I am moved to see that Tiffany shares the same feelings about me as she does nothing to break our embrace either.
Mom stands in the doorway, trying to get the words out and I can tell that she's having a hard time in doing so because she constantly opens and closes her mouth. For a moment I worry that she will force Tiffany out of the my bed or even out of the house because I don't want to lose Tiffany again, not even for one night; but when Mom's words finally come they are nothing compared to what I had expected.
"I..." she starts, then closes her mouth and gives a big sigh. "I will bring up some more blankets for you two. It's cold outside and you shouldn't be sharing one single blanket"
"Thank you" I say to thank her for the extra blankets, but when I look at her I inwardly thank her for being such a good Mom and for accepting Tiffany again into our family, and letting her stay tonight. She returns the look with a smile and I know that she knows exactly what I'm thanking her for, even though I have not uttered it out loud.
When Mom comes back upstairs, she puts the blankets on a chair next to the door and also tells us that she will call Tiffany's parents and let them know that Tiffany will be staying here tonight. We both thank her again and then Mom finally leaves, leaving us both alone, for the night.
After fifteen minutes or so I reluctantly have to stand up and get the blankets because it is so cold in the bed, even with Tiffany in my arms. I hate having to let go of Tiffany but I quickly embrace her again once I finish pulling the blankets over both of us. From within the bed I feel how she takes off her shoes with her feet and then hugs me tightly.
"Do you want me to lend you some clothes so you can change into something more comfortable?" I ask her, because I know how women always complain about having to sleep in their clothes and I figure Tiffany is no different.
"No, it's okay," she says. "Just don't let go of me."
And so I hold Tiffany as I unbelievingly think about everything that's happened today, since the moment I took the pills to the moment I saw Tiffany standing in the doorway, safe and sound. I think about my lonely run this morning, about her empty house, my banging on her door, the look on Tiffany's mom when I asked after Tiffany, the look on my brother's face when I cried in front of him. My brother's phonecall. The news. The crying. My dad's strong arms around me, and finally the doorbell, and Tiffany. I find it funny how this morning I woke up thinking that maybe I would be able to see Tiffany again, maybe run with her and even hug her, and now I have her in my own arms, and she has just asked me to not let go of her. I smile at the thought of this, because I love Tiffany and I know she loves me back, however something unsettles me when I think about all the time she was gone today and how I still don't know where she was.
After a while, I ask, "where were you today?" but Tiffany shakes her head and whispers "Don't ask me", which reminds me of when we were in the dance competition, just some moments away from performing and whenever I tried to talk to her she kept on telling me not to talk to her before the performance because it was bad luck. I also remember how Tiffany hugged and kissed me on the lips after we had performed, and I think that maybe I should not push her into telling me anything yet, because she not a woman that likes to be pushed into doing things and also because I know that she will probably tell me later, in her own time. So I close my eyes as I gently stroke her hair like I did in my basement a week ago, and slowly fall to sleep, with the woman of my dreams warmly wrapped in my arms.
In case you were wondering, Sylvia is Tiffany's mum (I made up her name) and when Tiffany responds "I don't know" to her mum, she is answering the question of "where will you sleep tonight?". I thought about adding it to the chapter but I was pretty happy with how it turned out. :)