Sorry for the delay. I truly am. I've just gotten sidetracked and I had a major case of writers block. I hate that. Next chapter up soon hopefully :)

Love you!

BPOV

"Girlfriend?" I managed to choke out. I looked at Edward and then looked at the girl. She looked, not angry, but annoyed that someone had kissed him. And I would have been annoyed too, except that the book had been about me. Not her, not any other girl but me. Don't I deserve some sort of happy ending?

The girl's body language changed; she thrust her hands on her hips. "Yes girlfr—"

I cut off the girl and looked at Edward. "Why did you write this?" I asked him. "This was private. Our private life and now it's on a shelf for everyone to read. Why did you do it?" I wasn't above yelling at him. He took my most prized moments in my life and made them like they were absolutely nothing, like they were just things that passed the time by. But this was life. Tears stung my eyes but I choked them back.

"It wasn't something I'd meant to do, Bella. Just something I did so it didn't hurt as much." He looked down at me, his eyes filled with fire. And I was still so in love with him I would have done anything for him to want me just as much.

"So it didn't hurt? You broke my heart remember? You made me feel like shit," I said. "You left me to leave all the way back to Arizona. Alice was in a coma and Jasper stayed with you. How did it feel? Well let me tell you, Edward Cullen. If breaking up with me hurt you, imagine something just completely tearing you to pieces and having to try to move on. Because he doesn't want you. Because he proposed, and said, 'Forget it, I don't love you anymore'. I had nightmares because of you. You hurt yourself. But I bet you're coping just fine with her. Are you still sick or are you better? Because I can see that it's not getting in the way now." Tears were streaming down my face now, but I looked at him, straight in his eyes not caring.

He stared down at me, not angry, but sad. His eyes were lonely, even if he did have a replica of Megan Fox at his side. Because even if he didn't want to admit it to me, or even to himself, he wanted me back.

"I just wanted you to know that I loved the book," I said softly, fearing that my voice would crack. And that was the last thing I wanted. I sighed. "I loved you. And you just didn't know how much. I didn't love you because you were beautiful or because of the nice things you gave me." My hand reached up to the locket he'd given me before he left to Italy. "I loved you because you were kind to me. Because you understood me. Because of the words you said and the things you did. And I guess that wasn't good enough. And I understand that, Edward. Sometimes it just doesn't work out. I just hope you're really happy now."

I turned around and walked out of the store. And he followed me; I could hear him following me.

"Bella, wait—"

"I did wait, Edward." I looked up at him with a humorless smile. "I waited everyday for you to call, to send me an email, to say something. That you were wrong and you wanted me back. And even though I was so angry with you, I would have said yes. I would have told you to meet me anywhere you wanted, and I would have taken you back. I would have still loved you." I wiped my face on the sleeve of my hoodie—his old hoodie that I'd kept. He pulled me into his arms. But it wasn't a let's-get-back-together hug. It was just something to comfort me. To make me stop crying.

It wasn't working.

"I don't know what I'm doing, Bella. I did that because I couldn't stand the fact that I would be holding you down to so many things. What if something would have happened and I died? I wouldn't have wanted to just leave like that." He said. His voice was soft, easing me into normal feelings. But my love for him was flaring and burning and crackling like a wildfire that can't be tamed.

"But you're making it work now. What's the difference?"

"I didn't want to hurt you. And it was impossible for you to understand—"

"I loved you and I knew what I was doing. I knew what I was getting into. I've seen what can happen to you. I was willing to take care of you. Take care of us, but you ruined it." I pushed away from him.

"It's not that easy—"

"Alice and Jasper are together right?" I snapped. "And now you're together with Zafrina. You're making it work. It's just you found out how since the person isn't me. It doesn't matter anymore. I just wanted to know why you changed our song." I crossed my arms over my chest, his body mirroring mine. "You know? The song that was playing when we first made—"

"I know what the song is, Bella," he said. He clenched his jaw. "I don't know. I guess it was because you'd be the only person that would've known."

I just looked up at him. I guess this is what closure felt like. It hurt. But it was also relieving. I knew now not to wait for anything. If he wanted to pick her over me, that was fine. It hurt, but it was okay. Because that just meant that I wasn't meant for him. Even though I still loved him with all of my heart.

I sighed. "Edward, I'm happy for you. Go have fun with her. Love her. Because I know you do. It's not bothering me that you've moved on. And I loved the book. It was beautiful."

"You're just going to give up like that?" he said.

I laughed. "I'm not giving up. I'm accepting. You gave up."I shook my head.

I could tell I'd stung him. I shrugged. He nodded.

"I have to go," I said.

"Happy birthday Bella," he said. "Even though it was yesterday."

My breath caught in my throat.

"I never forgot you," he said, annoyed that I would think that he had. "And if you think that it didn't hurt—"

"Don't try to match your pain up to mine, Edward. You knew what you were doing. I didn't." I growled at him. Well, sort of. It was a menacing sound though.

He was mad now. "Whatever, Bella. If you don't want an explanation, fine." He turned on his heels but I caught his arm.

"What do you have left to explain?" I said incredulously. "What else can you tell me?"

"I don't know, Bella. I don't know what to say. That I changed the song because that what it means is one of the best moments of my entire life? That when I left, I regretted everything I did, and was ready to run back to you? That every time I thought about you I felt guilty because I still loved you? That I don't want Zafrina as much as I want you? Because that's too bad. It doesn't work like that." He stared down at me, his eyes dark with anger. I reached out and smacked him across his face.

"I didn't come here waiting for you to say go," I hissed at him. "I'm fine without you, and I will be fine. Remember the last two years? Yeah, I did fine just by myself."

He didn't say anything and went inside of the bookstore, into Zafrina's waiting arms. There was no extravagant, teasing kiss, but pure comfort and love. They really did love each other. And I guess I was going to have to deal with that.

And I guess I could deal with that. I was going to have to either way, no matter if I wanted to or not.

Inside my car, I broke down crying, clutching his stupid book to my chest. Because no matter what I said, I loved him. I loved him so much no one would ever compare to him. I didn't know if I could be with someone else.

I went to my apartment and let myself in, realizing, even after all the time I'd lived here, that I had no one to get home to. No one here for me, to comfort me when I was sad. And I couldn't call Chelsea to come and take care of me, she was out of town. And Jacob was in Florida, and my mother was in school right then, and my father had left that morning to the airport. I had no one. And maybe I was meant to be alone.

I should get a cat. Or seven.

I went to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. Puffy eyes and a pale face, except for the random patches of red. I shook my head. There was no way I was prettier than Zafrina. And I would never be. She was Hollywood glam, and I was small town/girl next door. I tied my hair up and stripped out of my clothes.

I ran a bath for myself, complete with bubbles and candles, playing some music on the radio. I plugged in my iPod and played a non-love-song-filled playlist to get my head off of him.

And it worked. I sat in the tub, and listened. I was done. It was over, and I was okay about it.

I climbed out, drained the water, and wrapped a towel around my body, and went to get dressed. It was already the middle of the day and no one was coming over, and I surely was going anywhere, so I put on my pajamas and sat in the living room, watching TV.

EPOV

I had a panic attack. Not exactly the best way to end the day, but hey. It could have been worse.

My vision tunneled and everything went black.

I knew it wasn't normal, but I liked being unconscious. Because for that indescribable, undeterminable length of time, there was no one in my head but me. And it felt good to be with me, by myself.

How could I have done that? I let her slip away, again, because I was angry at her. I forgot about Zafrina, and I forgot about the book. I could only concentrate on what happened in Italy, when I took her heart and ripped it apart with my bare hands.

I didn't like having blood on my hands. Every morning, I woke up, and I realized how much it stained. Bella would always be my first and last love. And I say last because it didn't matter who I loved, I would never love someone more. And that was it.

I hated myself for what I did to her. Even lying in a hospital bed in pain didn't make me feel any better. No it sure didn't. I wasn't even sure what I was doing anymore.

I'd seen her. Geeze, I touched her. And she told me to go away. And why I hadn't been expecting her to do that was a mystery. But I had a really good idea it was because she was mad at me for torturing her with a book.

It was like breaking her heart all over again. Of course it hurt. It hurt her more, no doubt.

I didn't even know. I thought I did, but I was as lost as I could ever be.

When I opened my eyes, I saw Jasper. It was weird for him to be the only one in the room, but I went with it.

"Hey, man," he said. "Are you awake?"

I looked at him for a few seconds. I barely knew Jasper Whitlock. Sure, I knew the basics, but I couldn't really say he was someone I could count on. But even then, without relationship stretched thin, I could see the worry etched in his face. And I guessed it was more for Alice that it was actually for me.

"Yeah," I croaked.

"It's been long enough. You're giving Alice worry attacks. Last night she locked herself in your room and would come out for anything."

"How long have I been out?"

"Six days."

No wonder I stink. I sighed.

"Do you need something? Should I call the nurse?"

I nodded. Some pain killers would be nice. My body was aching miserably. And maybe I deserved it, but I wasn't into masochism all that much.

Jasper left the room, my mother walked in.

"Hey, baby," she said. She leaned over and kissed my forehead. She smelled like coffee and vanilla. Way better than what I smelled like. "How are you feeling?"

"Like shit, Mom," I said to her. "I don't know anything anymore."

"What do you mean?" she said. "Are you hurting?"

"Mom, I don't want to be here. Where's Dad."

"He's making sure things get done right. We were so worried about you, baby," she said.

"Where's Zafrina?" I asked.

"She's getting coffee," Jasper said. I sighed. I was so tired. The doctor walked in and looked at my notes.

"You're fine," he said to me. "Healthy. Nothing seems to be wrong. Under stress?"

I shrugged. "Not really." Even though I was. The book, and then seeing Bella just about topped it all off.

"Well if you have any complications, I'm pretty your father can take care of it. Otherwise, I suggest some bed-rest, young man." The doctor left and then My mother sighed in relief.

"I should call Bella and tell her you're okay," she said.

"What? She knows what happened?" I asked her.

"No."

"Then why worry her?"

"Because whether you like it or not, I love her like she was my daughter. Just because you have a broken connection with her, doesn't mean I have to cut her out of my life like I had for the past two years, Edward," she snipped. She sounded like Alice.

"Fine. Whatever."

Esme left the room, and I sat up, climbing off the bed. I was being clumsy, and I was pretty sure lying down for six days had something to do with it.

Zafrina came in then and she smiled at me. Her eyes were tired. They were filled with so much love and passion; I wish I could love her as much as I wanted to. But I just simply couldn't.

*~*~*~*

The next morning, my family, Zafrina and I were off to the UK.

I drove us to our apartment. Zafrina seemed touchy. She hadn't talked to me since the night before, and I had a feeling it was because I'd kissed Bella the day I'd seen her.

In our bedroom, she was lying on the bed underneath the blankets when I came in. I followed her under, lying next to her.

She looked at me, her stunning golden eyes looking right through me. I sighed.

She didn't say anything, even though I could see that it was eating her away to keep quiet.

I pulled her to me, and she rested against my chest.

"I love you, Zafrina," I said. "You know that right?"

"Then why did you kiss her?" she asked. I didn't really know. I couldn't tell her that it was because I needed to, or that it was impulse. She'd think that every time I saw Bella it would be impulse to kiss her.

"I don't know. And I know that it hurt you. I'm sorry."

"I know," she said. She sighed with her entire body. "I love you too."

So it was back to normal. Me and Zafrina, completely normal.

And I was happy about that.

We spent the day that way, eating take-out and watching trash TV.

I hated how Bella had confronted me that way. She made me love Zafrina more—in a way. I wasn't even sure how that logic worked. All I knew was when I was done talking to her, and when I went inside and hugged Zafrina, I felt like I was home. And maybe it was because I loved Zafrina with a different Edward. But Bella—

Bella was my everything. But I didn't want Bella.

I wanted Zafrina because she was easy to love. Easy to please, easy to be around. But with Bella, she made me work and made me work hard. Nothing could ever be good enough for her, even when I sought out the best things in life to give her. And I didn't want to risk it. I didn't want to risk succumbing to all that was Bella. I needed to stay away.

*~*~*~*

"So I heard you saw Bella."

I was lounging at my parents' house, where Rosalie, Jasper, and Alice currently still lived. No one was home except for Rosalie and me, only because the girls were having some chick-crap filled day, and Rosalie was sick. And since I was permanently sick for the rest of my life, a few Rosalie germs weren't going to kill me.

I looked up at Rosalie and shrugged. "I'm thinking about proposing to Z," I said casually.

"Yeah, because that went so well the last time," she said, her voice filled with exuberant sarcasm.

I glared at her. "But no, this time, I think it's for real. I think that Z and I could have a life together." I smiled at her, liking the idea of getting married to Zafrina.

"So I heard you saw Bella," she repeated. I glared at her again.

"Yeah, so what if I did. That was a month ago that I saw her."

"Yeah, well I wasn't here a month ago, and I just found out from Alice, thanks. So tell me how it went." She propped herself up on some pillows and took a drink from a water bottle she'd been holding.

"I think we broke up. In a final sense. I mean I said some pretty mean things to her. And I guess I'm happy with Zafrina. No, I am happy with Zafrina." I really was. That wasn't me trying to convince myself or anything. It was really true. Well I believed it anyway.

"Well what did you expect? You took all of your memories and shoved them into a fictional book where Bella would have been happy, and you would have been happy, and you wouldn't be sitting here, weighing the pros and cons of both Zafrina and Bella. I can tell, Alice can tell, Esme, Carlisle, Jasper, and even Zafrina can tell that you love Bella so much more than you can ever love Zafrina. And we accept that, because you accept that. But when you get married, and you have kids, and you live your long life, don't think of what could have been, because you knew." She glared at me. "You wrote the ending, remember?"

I looked at Rosalie. When I mentioned that I wanted to ask Zafrina to marry me, I expected Rosalie to jump at the chance to come and look for the ring for Zafrina. Not scold me.

And now, I was sure that I wanted to marry Zafrina. It was as simple as that. "Thanks Rosalie," I said to her. She shrugged.

"I'm right aren't I?"

"No." I looked at her. "I wouldn't marry Zafrina if I didn't love her as much as I did."

"Look at it this way, Edward: She's just a fill in. She does things that make you think you love her, but you really don't. You're just infatuated with her body and the things she can do with it. The sweet things she says. Face it Edward, she's a black widow spider where Bella was a harmless butterfly. But if you want to get stung, you're on the right path," she sneered. I could tell she didn't like Zafrina. And it had been like that since I'd met Zafrina. I'd ignored it, but obviously, she was the wrong person to talk to when it came to things about her.

I sighed and stood up, walking out of the room. She as getting too annoying. I was doing what was right. I knew I was.

I walked into my old room, my mother letting me keep it. I picked up my iPod and plugged it into the stereo, playing a few songs. I let myself fall hard onto my bed, and looked up at the ceiling. And then Given Up by Linkin Park came on.

So what if I just dropped everything and went to her? What if I told her—

No.

I was fine where I was. In England, with Zafrina. I was sure.

I really was.

I hope you guys liked it :)

Next chapter should be up pretty soon, but I can't guarantee anything.

Happy reading!

Jess