This chapter was a bitch to write. I changed my mind SO MANY TIMES, hence why it took me almost two weeks to wrap up this son of a gun. Anywho. It's another long one, woo!
Andrew Marlowe is still the rightful owner of these characters, except Harrison. He's mine. Oh and Liberty. Doctor Marshall. The other nurses..
Two weeks, three days. Four hundred and eight hours. Twenty four thousand and eighty minutes. One million, four hundred and sixty eight thousand, eight hundred seconds. Each tick on the clock appeared to move in slow motion; every passing hour seemed slower than the last. And when the night fell, the darkness pressed in tightly; suffocating those who wanted the light that dawn would bring more than they wanted to sleep.
The small, one bedroom, motel-style 'family room' was…incredibly different from the spacious loft. Situated on the top floor of the hospital and a quick, twenty second dash down the stairs to the nursery where Harrison spent his days, the self-contained unit was a god-send to Rick and Kate. Not wanting to leave Harrison, Kate had been determined to stay in her hospital bed for the next six weeks and Rick in the increasingly uncomfortable chair, in order to be close to their son. That is, until Rory, the charge nurse, had pointed out that being in a private hospital did have perks and one of them was the 'family room'; a place for parents to stay while their children received treatment in the NICU and the regular ICU. So Kate had been discharged after five days, they'd spent an afternoon at the loft along with Martha, Jim and Alexis packing a few things and had been living on the top floor of the hospital for the past week and a half. However, the cramped living conditions were taking some getting used to, and the tension of not being able to hold their son was reaching breaking point.
Rick stirred the two cups of coffee briskly, inhaling the aroma deeply: the corners of his eyes crinkled, lightening the deep bags underneath as his mouth salivated with anticipation. After two and a half weeks of very little sleep, even the smell of coffee breathed new strength into him. Humming to himself, Rick picked up both cups and walked out of the kitchenette towards the sitting area, stopping short when he caught sight of Kate curled up in one of the chairs, her eyes closed. Loathe to wake her when she barely slept enough as it was, Rick stepped around the chair and, setting the cups down on the coffee table, quietly sat down next to her and shook her slightly.
"Kate. Kaaayte. Wake up."
"Uhum." Kate murmured, tucking her hands under her head more securely.
"I made you coffee. The good stuff too, not the shitty stuff the nurses were trying to poison us with." Rick said quietly, brushing a hand up and down Kate's side.
"But…sleep." The whine sounded like it came from a petulant child; something that generally caused a roll of the eyes from Kate when Rick complained.
Rick sighed. He was just as tired as she was. "Come on. Up." Winding his arm behind her back and under her chest, Rick encouraged Kate to sit up. Slowly she straightened up and opened her eyes, rubbing her hands over her face to remove any vestiges of sleep. Rick picked up the cups from the table and held one out to her, taking a sip from his own and moaning in pleasure.
Kate grinned. It did smell good. She took a mouthful of the hot, creamy liquid and closed her eyes again, savouring the taste and burn as it slid down her throat.
"You went home and got some of our coffee, didn't you?" Kate asked, opening her eyes again to look at Rick. A sheepish look crossed his face. Shifting over slightly, Kate settled herself against Rick's strong torso, leaning into his shoulder. "Thank you."
Rick leaned down slightly and kissed his wife's forehead. He understood that she wasn't just saying thanks for the coffee; thank you for putting up with me and thank you for being here with me and thank you for going through this with me.
Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, Rick pulled Kate in closer to his body, reveling in the way their two bodies molded into each other, a perfect fit.
"You're welcome."
Meanwhile the clock ticked quietly; tick tock, tick tock.
"Martha! Jim! Good to see you." Lanie greeted Martha and Jim as the former rounded the doorway from the stairwell to find the two standing in the waiting area, gathering their coats. "Are you leaving?"
"Lanie, how are you? No, no, we're just on our way to see Kate and Rick now. We were just having a quick coffee." Jim answered, throwing his thick winter coat over his arm. "Is Javier with you?"
Lanie shook her head. "It's just me today, Javi and Kevin got a case about an hour ago. And here they thought they'd be able to get away home on time!"
Both Martha and Jim chuckled at this; after being acquainted with the NYPD for the last eight years, they both knew how often a detective worked late.
"Shall we?" Martha motioned down the hall, and the three of them made their way towards the end of the corridor, past the rooms of patients, where another stairwell would take them up to the Rick and Kate's floor.
"Have you talked to either of them recently?" Lanie enquired, looking cautious.
"I haven't, not for a couple of days." Martha replied, looking at Lanie wonderingly.
Jim shrugged. "Not in person, but I talked to Katie on the phone yesterday morning. Why do you ask?"
"I…I'm not sure. I was talking to Kate last night and she just sounded…not herself. I know she's not really herself anyway, but she sounded like she was trying really hard to hold herself together."
"Well, we'll find out soon." Jim pulled open the door to the stairs and proceeded through it after the two women.
Seconds later, the three of them found themselves on the top floor, windows gracing the entire length of the hallway, filling the space with light. Together they walked past the four other family rooms and closed in on the doorway at the very end.
Lanie paused, listening. "Can you hear that?"
Tick tock, tick tock.
Jim and Martha stopped, waiting. Muffled sounds were coming from the room ahead of them and the pacing of feet was audible.
Jim hummed. "I think we're definitely about to find out what's going on. Come on."
Martha and Lanie following, Jim stepped forward and knocked on the door, a silver number 5 glinting softly. The voices inside didn't falter, instead growing louder and tenser. Looking over his shoulder, Jim raised his eyebrows at the women behind him, then, taking a deep breath, opened the door.
Tick. Tock. Boom.
...
"NO RICK! YOU DON'T GET A SAY! YOU WEREN'T HERE WHEN I NEEDED YOU! YOU WEREN'T HERE WHEN YOUR SON NEEDED YOU! YOU DON'T-"
"Oh okay, Kate! That's excellent reasoning! Because I was away on a book tour when you went into labour, premature labour might I add, I'm not allowed to say that you need sleep!"
Lanie's mouth had fallen wide open; Jim's eyebrows had risen so high they'd almost disappeared into his hairline; Martha's eyes were bulging, her lips formed in a silent 'what….'.
Neither Kate nor Rick had noticed their audience. Kate was seething, her jaw twitching. Rick stood on the opposite side of the room, his hands on his hips, his knuckles white. The glares they were exchanging seemed to chill the room a few degrees.
"You don't know what I need Rick. What I need is to not see your face right now!" Kate bit out, her voice sweet and menacing.
"I really don't get why you're going off on me now Kate! I'm going through the exact shit that you are! You're treating me like this is all my fault!" Rick retorted, making wild hand gestures to get his point across.
"MY BABY WAS RIPPED OUT OF MY STOMACH! I ALMOST DIED! AND YOU WEREN'T HERE! YOU WEREN'T HERE RICHARD AND THAT'S NOT OKAY! AND I WANT TO HOLD MY SON!" Kate sobbed, tears falling thick and fast. Balling her fists, she stamped her foot loudly on the carpeted floor. "I WANT TO HOLD MY SON!"
Rick stepped back slightly, stung. "Wow. Your son? Now he's your son?" Breathing heavily, Rick looked down. "You pushed me to go on that tour Kate. Maybe if you hadn't, we wouldn't be in this mess."
Kate clenched her mouth, holding back a sob. "If that's what you really think, you can organize the divorce papers. You know all about getting divorced after all." Shooting daggers at Rick, she walked briskly out of the room, barely taking notice of the three people standing there with them. A strangled cry was heard from her as she half walked, half ran down the hallway towards the stairs.
...
Martha cleared her throat. "Richard."
Rick looked up, startled. Tears were swimming in his eyes and his mouth was twitching. "How long have you guys been there?" His voice sounded like a frog, croaked and heavy with despair.
"Uhh…" Lanie started, unsure of what to say. "I'm gonna go find Kate."
Rick nodded, turning to look out the window that overlooked the landscaped gardens around the hospital. The door clicked softly behind him. "Thanks." He said with a quiet desperation. What had just happened?
Martha and Jim looked at each other nervously, each uncertain of what to say.
"What…what was all that about Rick?" Jim asked quietly, his eyes on the back of Rick's head.
"Nothing. Just…nothing." Rick sighed, running a hand through his already rumpled hair, walking over to the couch and collapsing onto it.
Martha nodded skeptically. "Yeah right, kiddo. Try again?" Stepping over to one of the chairs facing her son, Martha lowered herself into it gracefully, placing her handbag on the floor beside her feet. Taking his cue, Jim sat down on the one other chair facing Rick, laying his coat over the back.
Rick exhaled heavily and sat upright, leaning his elbows on his knees, resting his face in his hands.
"We're just really tired and angry. And living in each other's pockets like this, 24/7 is…I'm exhausted and she's exhausted and we ran out of the good coffee. I'm trying to be okay with all of this, and I know I need to be strong for her and Harrison, but I can't do it anymore. I'm tired of pretending I'm handling this. I want to hold my son." Rick finished quietly, blinking his eyes furiously.
Jim leant forward slightly. "Stop pretending. You don't have to be strong in this situation, Rick. You're both in an incredibly stressful situation, having your son in intensive care; you're allowed to break down."
Martha nodded. "Richard, this was always going to be a completely shit time. And of course you need other people around to lean on and talk to, but ultimately, there's only one other person who knows exactly what you're going through. You need to talk to each other about how you're really feeling; you can't hold it inside like this, cause then you start arguing and you'll say things in the heat of the moment that you'll regret later. Harrison is in the best hands with these nurses and Doctor Marshall; he's getting stronger every day. But if, god forbid, something happens, that little boy needs his parents to be on the same team. You're a team, Richard. You're in this together and you have to work at this together."
Rick shook his head. "She wants a divorce, Mother."
"I'd have thought, after eight years together, four of them in a relationship, you'd know that Kate's in this for the long haul, Rick. You have a child together. Although it may not seem like it now, you're going to be a great family." Jim pointed out reassuringly, creating a surge of comfort in Rick.
Martha looked at Jim, then back at Rick. "Like I said, heat of the moment." Looking thoughtful, Martha cocked her head slightly. "Maybe get a bigger supply of coffee."
"Kate?" Lanie said quietly, approaching the figure hunched over on one of the chairs that were now permanently situated at the nursery window. Harrison had moved to the left side of the window, under a heat lamp, after his body temperature kept fluctuating. Something not to be worried about, Liberty had assured them.
Kate didn't look up, she didn't even move. Her eyes were fixed on the little boy in the incubator, his little blue hat sitting securely on his head. Lanie smiled softly when she looked at Harrison, knowing that Kate took comfort from watching his peaceful looking face. At the moment, however, it was as though Harrison could sense something was wrong; he was scrunching up his face.
"Rick was so happy when I told him I was pregnant." Kate whispered, more to herself than Lanie, who sat down in the chair next to Kate.
"I can imagine. Like the happiest little kid in the candy store." Lanie laughed softly, carefully taking Kate's outstretched hand in her own and holding it tightly.
"I was so worried that something would go wrong again. Rick was amazing; he kept telling me that this baby would be perfect. He even talked to my stomach, to the baby." Kate smiled slightly.
Lanie stalled; again? "Again? Kate."
Kate glanced at her friend with sad eyes. "I fell pregnant after we'd been together a year and a half. I had a miscarriage."
Lanie felt tears welling up in her eyes. "Kate. I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell me?"
"It was only nine weeks. We hadn't told anyone." Kate's voice was soft, delicate. "So I was so nervous that something was going to happen to this baby, but Rick was so supportive. When it got to twelve weeks, it was like a weight had been lifted. There was nothing on the scans to ever indicate…this." Kate motioned through the nursery window at her son, and all the machines, wires and tubes connected to his tiny body.
"Kate…" Lanie gaped, her eyes wide. "…I don't know what to say. Is that what the fight was about?"
Kate shook her head. "No. We're just exhausted. We thought nothing was going to go wrong. But it has. I don't know how we're going to get through this."
"Kate, you and Rick are two of the best people I know, and you're great parents. You two are perfect together and you've steadfastly proven time and time again just how true that is. This situation with Harrison is stressful and tense, yes, but you're going to get through this because you want to; you need to. Look at me and tell me, honestly, that you don't. Tell me that you don't regret what you said." Lanie challenged, positive her friend wouldn't speak. And she was right. Kate merely lowered her eyes, letting tears fall onto her lap. Lanie continued quietly. "Kate, tension is something that every couple has to face. You and Rick have just been thrust into a situation where tension and stress are inevitable."
Kate stifled a sob. " I don't want a divorce! I love him."
Lanie squeezed her friend's hand reassuringly. "I know. Rick knows too. You're each other's one and done, remember? Harrison is going to be okay; it's just going to take some time."
Footsteps behind them alerted the two women to the presence of Rick, walking tentatively down the hall, hands in his pockets.
"That's my cue." Lanie stood up and, pulling Kate out of her chair, wrapped her in a tight hug.
Lanie walked the few steps to where Rick had stopped, looking morose. "Can I make a suggestion Castle?"
Rick looked at her blankly, twitching his mouth upwards. Yes.
"Sleep. Both of you." Lanie briefly touched Rick's shoulder, then wandered away down the hall, disappearing around the corner and down the stairs.
Rick watched her go over his shoulder before turning back to face Kate, who was still watching Harrison. Rick walked up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his chin on her shoulder. Slowly, Kate brought her hands up to rest on his.
"I'm sorry." Rick murmured softly, his eyes following the small movements of his son.
Kate turned her head slightly, her cheek rubbing against his nose. "I'm sorry too. I didn't…I didn't mean anything I said…Rick…please don't leave me. Don't leave us." Kate finished on a muffled cry, a single tear cascading down her cheek to her jaw.
Rick closed his eyes, breathing her in. "I will never leave you, Kate. I will never leave Harrison. Things were said in the heat of the moment, and I-I love you so much. What I said about you pushing me to do the book tour…I'm sorry I wasn't here."
Kate moved, turning in Rick's arms, to face him. She wrapped her arms around his body and hugged him firmly, burying her face in his neck, feeling the pressure he returned around her own torso. "I was so scared Rick, I thought I was going to lose him. Then I woke up and you weren't beside me. But when you walked into the room, and you told me our son was perfect, I knew everything would be okay."
Bringing one hand up to cup Kate's face, Rick encouraged her to lift her head off his shoulder; he slowly bent down and kissed her firmly, enjoying the small sigh that escaped her lips.
Breaking away, Kate rested her forehead against his; breathing deeply. "I love you."
"I love you too. Come on, let's go take a nap."
Kate nodded. Releasing his body, she slid one hand down to intertwine with his, butterflies erupting in her stomach at the touch of his thumb making small circles on the back on her hand.
"Deal."
Simultaneously, both turned their heads to watch Harrison through the window; the peaceful look they'd both come to know and love had returned.
"Good night, precious boy."
Kate woke slowly, blinking against the light of the moon filtering through the blinds, the stars sparkling in the Manhattan sky. Stretching languidly, Kate found her legs tangling with Rick's; twisting her upper body, Kate took in the sight of her handsome husband lying almost flush against her back and smiled softly at the peaceful look on his face. Rolling over entirely, Kate brought one hand up to rest on the slow rise and fall of Rick's chest, the other finding one of his hands and clasping it gently. Thinking to herself that if Harrison were here, she would be content to stay in this happy bubble forever, Kate let her head rest near the edge of her pillow, close to Rick. Minutes, or maybe hours, passed before a soft grunt and a long sigh escaped Rick's mouth. His eyes sparkled when they opened to find her watching him; licking his dry lips, he murmured a quiet 'hey' and pressed a chaste kiss to his wife's soft lips.
"Hey." Kate whispered back, bring their joined hands up to rest between their shoulders, almost touching.
Rick smiled tenderly as he stared at her, with lust flowing through his veins and desire flooding his eyes, almost forgetting they weren't in their own home or their own bed. Settling, instead, for another sweet kiss, Rick replaced his head on his pillow, touching the tip of his nose with hers. "We slept for hours."
Kate laughed softly; they'd lain down to take a quick nap at four, and it was now nearing eleven pm. Reading his face, Kate knew exactly what was going through his mind.
"I know." She breathed, wanting him as much as he wanted her, the need in her eyes reflected by the burning in her stomach. "If only the door had a lock…"
Knock knock.
"Whozair?" Rick muttered sleepily, Kate shifting in his arms murmuring something intangible.
"It's Liberty."
Kate opened her eyes and looked up at Rick, his face alert and concerned; glancing at the clock on the wall, he could just make out the time. 5:31am.
"You need to come down to the nursery. Something's wrong with Harrison."
It's gonna be a long, long journey
It's gonna be an uphill climb
It's gonna be a tough fight
It's gonna be some lonely nights
Mary J Blige
...
I promise Harrison will be more prominent next chapter, [obviously...]. Would love you reviews on this chapter! Not to bribe or anything but..reviews motivate me. ;)