Author's note thank you all for your messages and reviews!

Chapter Seventeen – Here And Now

"So it's a girl." Constance's statement almost sounded like a question, a genuine one though. By the smile that played on her mother's lips, Maura could say that she was happy though. "Due date?"

"Catherine – the birthmother – is due mid-September and she is indeed expecting a girl. See, it is written over here: baby girl."

Maura pointed a brief text on the top left of the ultrasound picture. A baby girl. She and Jane were going to have a baby girl. Catherine was twenty-seven and worked as a nurse for Doctors Without Borders. Her pregnancy wasn't planned at all and – because of her constant travels – she had assumed that adoption was the best solution for the child she would give birth to as long as she could keep in touch with her through the years.

Jane and Maura had liked her right away.

It had hurt a bit at first for the situation reminding them of Petunia and how the three of them had hit it off as well but their determination was such that they had managed to overcome the awkwardness. They had welcomed Catherine in their life with all the warmth and excitement that they had found in their hearts.

"Not even two months to go... How do you feel about it?" Constance grabbed her glass of rosé and let the ice cubes in it dance around for a while. "You must be thrilled."

Maura immediately nodded. Her mother's visit was completely unexpected. She hadn't planned on coming to Boston before Christmas but the last events had pushed her to change her mind. Maura hadn't said anything but – deep inside – she was extremely touched by her mother's behavior. It hadn't hit her until now but she needed her presence more than she would have ever imagined.

There was something reassuring about having her around at this exact moment of her life. She was about to become a mother herself, these few days with Constance were highly symbolical.

"I have a hard time believing that we found someone so quickly, so easily. Catherine is fine, the baby is fine too... I just hope that I won't disappoint anyone."

"Disappoint? What do you mean?"

Maura shrugged and proceeded to fold her napkin to get her shaking hands busy. She didn't necessarily feel like talking about it because she was afraid that people would mock her when her feelings couldn't be more genuine and real. She hadn't even told Jane about it.

"Maybe I am not made for this. There is a big difference between babysitting TJ and raising my own child. Maybe I won't succeed."

Constance's snort turned out to be louder than planned. A few customers turned around to look at her before resuming their meal.

"And this is the exact reason why you will. Only women who are full of doubts and are afraid to not do it properly turn out to be good mothers. You didn't grow up with the best example of parenthood but you are very Cartesian and responsible. You and Jane will do a great job. By the way – speaking about Jane – are you going to get married again?"

A little bird landed by Maura's feet. She observed it for a couple of seconds before frowning at her mother's question. What was she talking about? They hadn't got any divorce. Why should they get married for a second time?

"I don't understand. What do you mean?" She cast a glance at her wedding ring. It was strange to think that she and Jane were already married considering they hadn't even said 'I love you' to each other yet but the circumstances of their union were singular. "We are satisfied of our first wedding!"

Constance rolled her eyes but nonetheless smiled at the timid joke Maura made. She couldn't say that she had been surprised when she had learned that her daughter and Jane were an actual couple now – as a matter of fact, she had assumed that it had already happened several times in the past – but she still assumed that they wanted to celebrate the shift in the relationship.

"You are together now. Don't you feel the need to... I don't know... Properly celebrate it, this time? It took the two of you so long to realize that you had feelings for each other. I never understood why you kept on dating these guys when it was obvious that you were in love with Jane. You aren't heterosexual, Maura. Everyone knows that and it's all fine... Most of people probably think that you are bisexual now but I would personally tend to think that you are pansexual. What is your opinion on this?"

Maura blinked. What had just happened here? She stared at her shopping bags in disbelief. They had bought a few things for the baby earlier in the morning and had decided to have lunch at one of Constance's favorite restaurants by the harbor. When – exactly – had the conversation taken this turn?

"Err..."

Perhaps Jane's absence wasn't such a bad thing in the end. At first Maura had been disappointed because it was supposed to be a baby shopping day but Jane was on call and she hadn't had much of a choice.

Yet she had made sure before leaving that Maura wouldn't buy anything pink.

"Constance... What a surprise! I didn't know you were in Boston."

Saved by the bell. Or so. Maura looked up at a woman she assumed to be one of her mother's acquaintances. Constance immediately stood up to kiss the stranger on both cheeks. Maura did the same, out of politeness.

"Meredith... This is my daughter, Maura. Maura... Meredith Baxter, she is Williams Baxter's wife. You know, the philantropist." Constance focused back on her friend. "My visit here turned out to be a last-minute change. I am going to be a grandmother within two months now so I want to take advatange of my daughter before I lose her to diapers and sleepless nights!"

Meredith laughed but suddenly stopped as she realized that Maura's stomach was as flat as hers. Of course Constance didn't miss her reaction and – as proudly as she could – she lifted her chin up in defiance.

"Maura and her wife are adopting a child. A baby girl. She should be born in September."

Meredith congratulated Maura but soon started stuttering, excusing herself – advancing the fact that her husband was waiting for her – and she left the restaurant in a hurry. Constance looked at her leaving before snorting. She locked her eyes with Maura's and smirked.

"I can't stand this woman. She is a conservative. I knew that bringing up your marriage and this adoption would make her run away in no time."

...

My mother is a bit singular. I am glad to see that the two of you have always got along because sometimes it isn't easy to understand her. You know that she and I have been through rough times, especially when I was a young adult. There was a lot of resentment from my part; many untold things that I had tried to bury within myself in the hope that they would end up disappearing. Of course it absolutely didn't work.

Everything started getting better between my mother and I thanks to Jane and Angela and by the time you were born, we had turned the page over all this misunderstanding; all this resentment.

Perhaps some days you think I am not being fair to you. It is only human to think this way yet I want you to remember that being a mother is a hard task. We do our best but we don't always succeed. Yet I love you. I have always loved you. Jane has always loved you. We didn't have much experience in parenthood so I apologize if you suffered from some of our decisions. We always tried to be fair, and responsible.

I don't know what became of Meredith but my mother seemed to find a certain pleasure in the idea of telling everyone that her daughter had married a woman. She was proud of me – she still is – and she kept on saying how entertaining it could be to see a conservative person go blank whenever she let them know that I was raising a child with Jane.

You know that she has her way to present things, to say them without really saying them. Yet the first time I held you in my arms, she happened to be there next to me.

"I'm proud of you."

It was the very first time that she said such words to me. She never said them again. Curiously she is a lot more open with you. She keeps on encouraging you, she is very present in your life. I think that she is a wonderful grandmother. Perhaps she is simply trying to catch back with you what she missed out with me but I don't care because I am very happy. She has been perfect with you and this is all I care about in the end.

I may have come back home with a pink kimono top that day. It wasn't a bright pink but a delicate, subtle one. Jane said that she would never catch you in it yet the truth is that it turned out to be one of her favorites. What can I say? It suited your complexion.

I think that we had finally found back a balance in our lives. The shadow of Petunia and Timothy was still floating around but we were happy. You would be among us soon, fate was being sweet with us again. Maybe we carried within ourselves the weight of the past few months but the lightness of our days reigned nonetheless over our marriage.

Doesn't it feel great when you have the sensation that everything falls into place? This is when you understand how lucky you are to be alive, to be among people you love and who love you back. The world opens its arms to you and you want nothing but to throw yourself in them.

And you keep on smiling, you keep on dreaming.

I don't know what I did to deserve all this. I don't know what I did to have Jane, to have you. To have my mother. The only thing I am certain of is that I cherish you and measure my chance to be able to call you family.