I was so surprised by the reaction to this fic! For such a small fandom, there is so much support! You guys are all lovely, and I'm glad that you get where I'm coming from with my views on Morgana
Morgana was undoubtedly frustrated. It had been several weeks, and she'd nearly given away her secret more times than she could count, and the only other magical being in Camelot that she was aware of was avoiding her.
Merlin was reasonable to continue to suspect her of treason, Morgana repeated to herself for the umpteenth time. No matter how many times she reminded herself of the fact that technically, she really was a traitor, and she really had no right to expect him to trust her, she found herself missing his friendship. Merlin had always managed to make her feel totally equal, and had respected her not for her station, but because of her personhood.
Morgana checked over her shoulder to ensure she was totally alone. She rescued her crystal from its hiding place and fashioned it into a makeshift pouch to wear beneath her clothes. She instantly felt lighter. Her dreams had been noticeably more upbeat of late, and she could not help but feel that something she'd been hoping for was coming.
She walked out of her chambers and began to wander the halls of the castle in the search of some form of entertainment. It was then that somebody crashed into her. She quickly got to her feet.
"I'm sorry My Lady." The perpetrator said meekly, their head down. It didn't matter; she'd recognise the magic surrounding the person, and certainly the ears, instantly.
"You've been avoiding me." She declared.
"Not at all My Lady. I've been busy with my duties." The servant began to move away but Morgana was too quick. She snagged one of Merlin's ears and pulled him the short distance to her chambers. She shut the door firmly and locked it, before muttering a spell to block unwanted listeners overhearing the upcoming conversation.
"There is a hell of a lot to still be said." She growled. Merlin managed to keep his face neutral.
"Excuse me My Lady; I have responsibilities to the Crown Prince." Merlin said through gritted teeth.
"I would have thought you had a responsibility to our friendship." Morgana snapped.
"You lost any loyalty I might have had to our friendship the day you betrayed all of Camelot for the sake of your own revenge." Merlin finally hissed.
"The way you betray the laws of Camelot every day? I know what you are, Dragonlord. I know how the ancient texts speak of you. You are a creature of the Old Religion, Emrys. The most naturally gifted and powerful sorcerer the world has ever seen." Morgana stripped away all layers of pretence.
"You would be a fool to trust me, knowing all you know. I was an idiot. I fell victim to pretty words and the easy way out." Morgana narrated. She felt the crystal around her neck grow abnormally warm. She pulled it out from underneath her bodice.
"A crystal given to me by a seer priestess of the Old Religion. She said it would reveal all things when the time was right." Morgana explained. She extended her hand to Merlin. Merlin quietly whispered a spell to remove deception and took the crystal out of Morgana's hand.
"Show him what you showed me." Morgana purred to the stone, her eyes flashing gold. Merlin gazed at the crystal, utterly entranced. He looked up at her after a few moments silence.
"They really wanted you, didn't they?" He asked.
"They didn't, and probably still don't care a mite about me. They wanted to strike at the heart of Camelot. I was of value because I am the king's ward, and therefore a bargaining tool. They took advantage at my confusion from discovering I have magic, heightened it, and I became nothing but a pawn in the chess game from hell." Morgana explained pragmatically.
"I didn't want you to feel alone." Merlin offered hesitantly.
"I wanted to tell you everything, but Gaius forbad me. I thought the druids would be the best alternative. Clearly I like to see the best in people." Merlin ventured by way of explanation with a wry expression.
"Don't blame yourself, Merlin. We both know how stubborn I am. I would have either revealed myself to Uther or found them myself." Morgana said. Merlin hesitated. He had to ask.
"What made you come back?" He asked.
"I realised what I a fool I'd been." Morgana replied after a moment's reflection.
"But why not stay free with another druid community? You wanted to stay with them before. I know what its like to hide your gifts, and I don't understand why you'd want to go back to living in secret." Merlin pressed. Morgana rolled the crystal between her palms. She had to venture the whole truth. It was the only shot she had at regaining his trust.
"I looked into the crystal. I needed a way to sift through the confusion. I Saw the future. You've experienced all the worst parts of Uther's tyranny, and you remain steadfast. I Saw the world that you and Arthur will build. Magic will return to the land, and Camelot will be ruled by justice. I Saw what is to come that morning, and I have continued to See it in my dreams. I refuse to be like Uther, so blinded by my own hate that I fail to see the possibility of the unknown. I Saw a united Albion Merlin, and it amazed me. I want to have a part in it." Morgana told him.
"Wow." Merlin said.
"I thought I'd just gotten rid of the voice in the back of my head ready to nag me about my destiny." He joked. Morgana raised an eyebrow at him.
"I have a lot of explaining to do, don't I?" Merlin asked. Morgana nodded.
"I was born with magic." Merlin started.
"I've been able to move objects since before I could talk. The laws of time are nothing, and it's always been that way." He added.
"You've been to Ealdor. I was too much of an anomaly there. Mother wanted me to move to a bigger city, somewhere were I could blend in. She knew Gaius, so Camelot was the natural choice." Merlin spent the next hour recounting the many adventures and close calls he'd had in his time at Camelot.
"We're all such idiots." Morgana wondered.
"We are all quite literally unintelligent." She blustered.
"It's hard to see what you aren't looking for." Merlin offered.
"No kidding." Morgana replied.
"We should train together." Morgana decided. Merlin pulled a face of uncertainty.
"I'm serious. We combine what we know and we work together to improve. It's how I was trained on the Isle of the Blessed." Morgana explained.
"I can't believe you destroyed Nimueh without meaning to." Morgana added.
"It sounds like an amazing idea in principle, My Lady, but I'm the manservant of the Crown Prince, and at his constant beck and call, and magic is also forbidden. If we can find a way to get around those parameters; then yes absolutely. Until then, Arthur's lunch was due to be served to him about two minutes ago. I'm sorry My Lady, I have to go." Merlin said frantically. He broke the enchantments on the door wordlessly and sped out.
Morgana stretched out on her bed and sighed contently. It appeared that she was finally gaining an understanding of her visions, and the thing she's been hoping for was finally present.
"My Lord, I assure you, I am quite well. My bruises are all but healed. Gaius has taken good care of me." Morgana assured Uther for what felt like the eightieth time. She took a long sip from her wine glass.
Morgana accepted the king's fussing with as much grace as she could muster. He was a man with good principles corrupted by fear, Morgana had decided. That was what she reminded herself of when she saw the latest pyre being built; rather than turning Uther into a rat as she truly itched to.
"You never did tell us; how exactly did you escape from you captors?" Arthur asked, gesturing for Merlin to refill his goblet.
"They were moving camp. I'd long since given up fighting them, and I'd simply accepted that there was no way I could escape when they had magic on their side. In the midst of the chaos, they got complacent. I stole a horse and rode hard and fast in the opposite direction." Morgana retold her escape story to them, with a few minor amendments.
"Then why did we find you horseless and unconscious? Forget how to use a sword?" Arthur taunted.
"Not at all. I didn't have a sword, because I'd been kidnapped, remember? I was so desperate to return to Camelot that I rode through the night. I had no money to stay at an inn, and the one time I tried to claim to an innkeeper that I was the king's ward, he sent me packing because he'd already met me three times that week. I was half a day's ride from Camelot when I was attacked by highway robbers." Morgana told them.
"And then I found you and all became right in the world." Arthur teased.
"If it helps you sleep at night, then absolutely." Morgana teased back.
"We'll have to increase your self defense training. I do not trust the druids not to attempt to take you again, and I want you to be confident in your ability to protect yourself." Uther informed Morgana.
"Thank you My Lord." Morgana answered. She gave Merlin a meaningful look. He moved forward to fill her glass.
"I always relish the opportunity to humiliate Arthur." Morgana added mischievously.
"You see? He's practically giving us permission to train." Morgana whispered in Merlin's mind. He hid a grin.
"Morgana, I think that bump on the head might have addled your brain more than we first thought. You're not going to humiliate me." Arthur said. Morgana flicked her eyebrows devilishly.
"I suppose we just won't talk about the time I made you cry when we were eleven." She responded innocently.
"I did not cry! I told you, I got something I my eye!"
Merlin knocked on Morgana's door, her nightly sleeping draught in his hand.
"Come in Merlin." Morgana invited. She accepted the sleeping draught from him and stowed it away with the countless bottles of the same elixir. Merlin opened his mouth to speak.
"We both know I don't suffer mere nightmares, Merlin. I'm blessed with Sight and I refuse to suppress my gift." Morgana explain. She tipped her chin slightly, ready for an argument.
"They don't work anyway. I'm learning to control what I See, and I'm keeping record of what I'm Shown." Morgana added, gesturing to the bundle of parchment hidden under her pillow.
"I didn't come here to lecture you on you health." Merlin said. He could bear it no longer.
"How did you actually escape?" He asked.
"I Saw that the druids would move campsites. I took up the rear guard, and cast a spell to make me go unnoticed. They would be able to say I was there, but nobody would be able to give an exact location for me." Morgana began. She gestured for Merlin to sit.
"I moved with them for a time, but then slowly began to drift away from them. When I felt like I was far enough away from them, I used magic to transport myself from one spot to another. Not far from where you found me, I encountered a group of bandits. I knew I couldn't return to Camelot completely unscathed, so I paid them to beat me." Merlin let out an angry hiss and found himself standing.
"Sit down Merlin, for pity's sake. I'm fine. After they'd roughed me up, I waited for the time my dreams had indicated and cast a spell to rend myself unconscious. I'd wake only when I was in an environment my waking mind considered safe. It's a wonder I woke at all in Camelot." Morgana concluded. Merlin crossed the room. He took Morgana's face in his hand and began to inspect the fading green-yellow bruises marring her skin. He clucked his tongue as his gentle fingers stroked her cheekbone, before trailing past her lips and down her elegant neck.
"They should not have done that to you." Merlin said quietly.
"Merlin, I asked them to do it, and paid them well for their services." Morgana countered.
"No man should ever lay a hand on a woman like that. I don't care about the circumstances." Merlin replied, his words tinted with an unknown emotion. They both noticed their close proximity at the same time, and broke apart hastily.
"I think I've found somewhere for us to train." Merlin told her, eager to change the subject.
"Where?" Morgana asked. She certainly hadn't expected to find a location so quickly.
"The dragon's lair has yet to be sealed off. It's far from anyone in the city, and quiet enough that we won't be heard practicing spells." Merlin informed her.
"Well, let's go!" Morgana exclaimed, jumping up and grabbing Merlin's arm, pulling him toward the door.
"I haven't been able to explore, but it's likely that sentries are posted near the entrance, and I'd rather not find that out for certain when I'm attempting to smuggle the king's ward down there, in her night clothes no less." Merlin rationalised.
"Very well. But we will start training soon." Morgana informed him.
"You're so sure?" Merlin questioned. Morgana tapped her temple with a grin.
"As sure as the sun rises in the east, and that Arthur is a prat." Morgana replied gravely.
"I'll leave you to your rest then, Milady, if that is the case." Merlin told her, moving toward the door.
"Merlin," Morgana called out. He stopped and turned.
"Call me Morgana." She told him. He nodded.
"Good night Morgana." He told her.
Morgana knew what had to happen.
"Arthur, I want to see the dragon's lair." Morgana informed him seriously after her first training session (which she could comfortably say she was fantastic at). Arthur burst out laughing.
"Of course you do darling." He replied condescendingly. Morgana shoved him viciously.
"I'm serious. I was busy being kidnapped when he escaped." Morgana cajoled.
"I've got to inspect new horses for the knights. Get Merlin to take you down there. You won't like it. It's dark, smelly, and lives up to its reputation for being a hole in the ground." Arthur replied distractedly.
"So I won't have to worry about some blockheaded guard drunk on the power of protecting a dark smelly hole in the ground where nobody goes?" Morgana pressed.
"What? No. I'm sorry Morgana, I have to go." Arthur replied, patting her shoulder and moving away. Morgana grinned, and ran for her quarters.
The logistics of smuggling the king's ward, the manservant of the crown prince, a highly illegal spell book and a probably treasonous crystal to an area of the castle that was technically off limits to anyone but the king were nightmarish, to say the least.
Morgana and Merlin lit torches by magic in the same breath, and continued their journey into the belly of the earth.
"I keep dreaming about a sword. It's in water. It's destined for a great king, but it's being protected by a woman. A woman wearing my dress." Morgana told Merlin. She stopped.
"Merlin, I think it's your Freya." Morgana said. A wistful smile crossed Merlin's face.
"Is she at peace?" He asked. Morgana nodded.
"Ok then." Merlin said, beginning to move down the stairs again. They rounded a corner.
"It's not much…" Merlin began. Morgana stepped forward and admired the space.
"Arthur was right about one thing. It is a dark, smelly hole in the ground." Morgana mused. She shot Merlin a wide grin.
"It's perfect. Exactly what we need." She decided.
That was that. Any time the magical pair could spare a moment, they were in the dragon's old lair training; practicing magic quite literally under the king's nose.
Morgana sat in the light of several floating candles, fiddling with her crystal. Her bed was covered with parchment transcriptions of things she'd Seen in her dreams. There was a connection to be made, she was sure of it. Merlin showing the Great Dragon clemency, the citizens of Camelot kneeling before the castle, the sword being protected by the woman in the water. There were too many holes.
She routinely saw day to day occurrences; things like the crown prince of Anglia was a man who believed himself more attractive than he actually was, and that she would endure his particular attentions for the duration of his stay. Less frequently, she saw flashes of things in the future, and her curious nature itched to put the pieces together.
She clenched her fist tight aroung the stone, closed her eyes, and concentrated. Absolutely nothing. There was a knock at the door.
"Just a moment!" she called out, hastily moving the candles back to their candlesticks and gathering up her scribbles.
"My Lady, its Merlin." The person on the other side of the door called out. Morgana relaxed.
"Come in, quickly then." She said, opening the door to a crack. Merlin slid in, and cast the routine enchantments over Morgana's door.
"Nightly sleeping draught delivery." Merlin said quietly, placing the bottle in her top drawer. Morgana returned to moving sheets of parchment around on her bed, absorbed in trying to piece together the riddle before her.
"Merlin, please don't stand on ceremony. You know I won't invite you to sit." Morgana said, after briefly looking up from her study.
"It's been a year." Merlin said after a long pause. Morgana looked up after hearing his sombre tone.
"A year since you were kidnapped. A year since…" Merlin stopped mid sentence. Morgana stopped her fiddling and crossed the room to stand before him. She remained silent; it was plainly obvious that Merlin was restraining tears; and she would not suffer him the indignity of speaking before he was ready. She took his hand and pulled him before the blazing fire.
"I am so sorry." Merlin gasped. Before he realised what he was doing, he'd thrown his arms around her and hugged her fiercely. Morgana hesitantly returned the embrace.
"Merlin, listen to me," Morgana said. She pulled away.
"You did the right thing. You did. If the same situation were to occur again, I would expect you to do the same thing." Morgana told him firmly.
"Morgana, I poisoned you. How do you forgive that?" Merlin asked her.
"There is nothing to forgive." Morgana articulated clearly. She chose that moment to look away pointedly, allowing Merlin the opportunity to scrub at his cheeks with his sleeve.
"What is it that you're doing?" Merlin asked, eager to change the subject. Morgana shot him a hapless grin.
"Sometimes I see things that are obvious, like in three days there will be rain or that unless Gaius clears his bench he'll send his entire study up in flames." Merlin let out a brief chuckle, remembering how four days previous; Morgana had come thundering into their chambers, shouting for Gaius to be careful. The physician had then received a fifteen-minute safety lecture from the king's ward.
"But other times I see random images, like the sword in the water being protected by a woman." Morgana explained. Merlin looked at a few of the scraps of paper.
"What does a cup have to do with Gwen?" Merlin pondered.
"That's what I'm trying to figure out. I'd hate to think I could have prevented a tragedy from occurring if I'd only been more vigilant."Morgana confessed.
"And because you cannot know when these visions will come to pass, you cannot say when you will need to figure it out by." Merlin guessed.
"Exactly" Morgana answered. She picked up a slip of paper with the words 'crystal cave' scratched on it in her loopy, less than elegant hand.
"I do not know if this will happen in five days, five months, or five years, but I know that someone I love will be trapped in a crystal cave. So for goodness sake, please be careful Merlin."Morgana ordered.
"I'm always careful."He told her. When she raised her eyebrow, he gaped a little.
"I'm always careful. It's my prat of a master who gets us into trouble."Merlin defended himself.
"Now Arthur's prattiness is something we can agree on."
Morgana did her best not to fidget as Gwen took her measurements. The envoy from Anglia was due in Camelot in a matter of days, and Uther had decided that she would need several new dresses for the occasion.
"I know he believes himself so clever, but Uther is a fool if he thinks I don't know what he's doing, parading me around like his prize peacock."Morgana complained. She put a sample of a dusty plum velvet into the pile of yes fabrics.
"And what exactly is that?"Gwen asked good naturedly. She couldn't understand how she'd almost grown to miss Morgana's rants over the past months.
"It's obvious. Strictly speaking, Camelot and Anglia have an alliance. However, a marriage between the two royal households would strengthen the alliance infinitely. King Theomer has no daughters, so Arthur is safe, but a union between the king's ward and the crown prince of Anglia would be perfect. Showing me off as the prize filly Uther believes I am will suggest the union, but Uther is far too astute a politician to outright place me on the bargaining table, as it were." Morgana articulated the plan clearly. It wasn't difficult; she'd dreamed it all the night before.
"Are you sure Uther just doesn't want the excuse to spoil you?"Gwen asked. Morgana made a noise of derision.
"Just think about it. Would it be so terrible to serve Camelot and her safety by making an advantageous match?"Gwen asked.
"And be auctioned off like a prize mare from one man to another? I am not a trophy to be swapped from one castle to another. Only the very deepest of love will induce me into matrimony, and for that I'm quite certain I will die an old maid."Morgana declared. She noticed emotion cross Gwen's face.
"I'm sorry Gwen. Let me have it. Bring me back to reality."Morgana said.
"It's nothing. It's just... well, you're in a lucky position. Not all of us can afford to hold such romantic aspirations."Gwen said. She stopped Morgana interjecting.
"Please don't mention certain members of the royal household. I cannot, and will not marry above my station, no matter how deep my affections may be. If I'm made an offer, I would be foolish to turn my back on a lifetime of protection for feelings that can never eventuate into something more."Gwen said resolutely.
"I suppose we could always be two old maids together. I'll convince Arthur that batty Aunty Morgana will need an entire wing of the castle."Morgana joked.
"Only if we can have cats."Gwen added seriously.
"Oh, thousands upon thousands of them."Morgana agreed.
So, I'm choosing to ignore the fact that Morgana probably can't write (and Merlin certainly wouldn't be able to read). I hope that resolves things enough for people :D
Please, keep up your kind responses, they make my day!