CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR: THE BLUE BITCH
(In which The Author creates bullshit reasons to remove magic from the equation and Mother Superior wants her sweet crystal.)
"YOU DID WHAT!?" Regina screeched at the Blue Fairy.
The persnickety woman who always held her nose up as though smelling something rotten restated, "After the numerous break-ins, my sisters and I warded the mine against intrusion. Obviously, your son and his friends triggered the spell."
"You cast a spell that would crush anyone who broke into the mine?" Emma exclaimed, her anger causing the headlights on the patrol car to flicker - which earned a sour look from the fairy. She was starting to understand why Gold loathed the woman so much. She didn't even seem to care that children were trapped down there.
"No," Blue snobbishly defended, "we cast a spell that would transport any unlawful entrants into the jail cells at the Sheriff's Station. It's hardly my fault that Miss Swan warded the Station without considering an allowance for fairy magic, resulting in the spell rebounding on itself."
"And destroying the mine," seethed Regina, "thanks in part to your staff of Seven Dimwits here, who dynamited into an unstable cavern and then left to get drunk."
"HEY!" Leroy growled, but at the glare he got from Regina and Emma, chose to shut up.
"Perhaps," interjected Rumplestiltskin, limping over with his cane, "it's time to put an end to your monopoly on the diamond mines, Blue. You might have had the power and the clout to make yourself the robber baron of The Enchanted Forest, but here you can't even fill a single pew in your chapel unless someone dies. Without your heaving sparkly bosom and fluttering wings, your true self is showing, and it's not nearly as pristine as you'd have your fairy dust-addicted devotees believe."
Blue pinned Gold with a glare. "Having your heart purged by grace to protect others from the demon you willingly embraced doesn't make you a saint, Rumplestiltskin. Did you consider that perhaps this is the price for using magic to turn your son back into a child?"
Gold retorted, "Did you care that you might be dooming my son in your pathetic attempt to be rid of both the Dark One and the Dark Curse, never mind that pestilent shadow? So don't lecture me on the price of magic, you uppity bitch!"
"Don't you are call me a bitch, you repugnant-"
"ENOUGH!" Emma shouted. "Fighting isn't going to get us anywhere!"
Turning to the Blue Fairy, she demanded, "Can we magically poof to the last place they were supposed to be and get them out?"
"Well, it would require the use of fairy magic to stabalize the interior of the mine so that your magic doesn't disrupt it further."
"Then get to it!" snapped Regina.
They walked to the buckled door of the mine and she placed her wand against it. A burst of blue light washed over it...
"Wonderful!" Regina huffed and attempted to teleport to the spot where the Dwarfs hung their axes, the last place Henry and his... father had been seen. But the purple cloud of smoke conjured her right back where she'd been standing, leaving her dizzy.
Emma exclaimed, "What the hell was that?"
"Fairy dust," stated Gold, scowling at the Blue Fairy. "The diamonds are now resisting magic. A new pocket must have opened up that has yet to be enchanted to answer to her."
"Did you know that," Regina accused, "and were hoping I would splinch myself?"
"I certainly wouldn't have shed a tear, but I'm not nearly so vindictive."
"No," grated Emma, "you're just a shady, manipulative bitch who runs your fairy dust distribution service like fucking Scar Face. You lied to my parents. You are the reason I grew up alone, thanks to your shady shit back alley deal and sticking me with a creepy kid you turned into a 'real boy', probably just so Geppetto would freak the fuck out at the possibility he'd turn back into the puppet he's supposed to be, and then you happily let my mother bitch-slap Geppetto instead of admitting that he was your pawn, a sad chump whose childhood trauma gave him a seriously weird complex that instead of helping him recover from, you enabled it so that you could use it to fuck me over under the bullshit notion that I needed to suffer alone, screwed over repeatedly by this world to 'build character' and keep me from 'growing attached to it' so I'd save your glittery ass from the consequences of what's probably some magical clusterfuck you started during a drunk game of 'Truth or Dare' with Merlin and Ma'ab. And don't even get me started on your racial bigotry and slave labor!"
Emma pointed to the Dwarfs. "Actually, you know what? I'm going there. I's your blind devotion to this bitch that's as responsible for what's happened as her utter lack of compassion. How can you let this cold-hearted bitch continue to brainwash you into breaking your backs so she can help people by teaching them they don't have to help themselves or learn to work together as long as they pray for a fairy godmother to grant their wish? She told you that you had to be a label. That your race defines your purpose in life. That you owe her because of 'reasons' she won't even share about whatever creepy as fuck magical crap resulted in grown men being hatched out of eggs. She doesn't care about your well-being, she cares about her business. She doesn't care about her fairies and their hopes and dreams, their talents, she cares about maintaining her cult of supremacy over lowly mortals, and woe, what enlightenment might come from the blasphemy of a fairy spending too much time amongst humans or Dwarfs consorting with fairies. They might form labor unions. They might demand salaries and health insurance instead of just a pint and a pile of hay to sleep in."
"Hey, yeah," Doc suddenly considered, "why don't we have health insurance? Leroy and Walter had to pay for their ER visit, even though they were injured on the job. You appointed Sleepy the driver."
"Isn't that a reckless disregard for public sa-safety?" asked Sneezy before snotting all over the Blue Fairy's habit.
The other Dwarfs all nodded in agreement while the Blue's posture got increasingly stiff and her expression impressively sour. "You wouldn't exist without me!" she snapped, using her want to vanish the boogers. "Your kind would be extinct!"
"Their kind," Gold scoffed, "became endangered because you cared nothing about the subterranian natives of the land you covetted, didn't consider until after the war you funded with fairy magic to get control of the diamond mines resulted in the murder of their women and children, that in your greed to maintain your power over mortals you had all but destroyed the best-suited ones to mine your precious diamonds. You're nothing but a glorified drug lord and an arms dealer, Blue. And you forget. In this world, I own your convent and the mineral rights. So unless you want to live with the crazies at the farm compound, you will use your fairy magic to tell us exactly where my son and grandson are."
Simmering, Reul Ghorm relented, "Very well. But even I cannot use magic to retrieve them."
"Of course not," sneered Regina. "You and your magic are nothing if not predictably useless."
"Perhaps if Miss Swan had not broken the Black Fairy's wand when she was the Dark One..."
"Maybe you shouldn't have tried to use it against her," said Rumplestiltskin. "Or had a falling out with Morgana in the first place over how to deal with your fallen queen. You overestimated your power, dearie. In this world your wings are clipped. Perhaps it's time you learned to walk without stumbling over your habit."
"All right," stated Emma, "how about this? While Blue does some magical Ouija whatever to get their location, I'll see if the old elevator shaft we used last time is accessible. And you two try the Library elevator."
"I want vacation days!" piped up Dopey and Leroy hit him with his hat.
"Not now, Dopey!"
AN: Short, but I had to get in that bitchy blue bug, how I loathe her! I really have no clue how they'll explain the Dark One, but my guess is that the Black Fairy, Ma'ab, and Morgana will play into it. Maybe Morgana will be the Black Fairy. Maybe Ma'ab is the original Dark One, so they can add one more evil middle-aged white woman to the list. In A&E's mind, it would be a "twist" for the first and last Dark One to be female. Plus, they sure do seem to hate women while claiming how feminist they are. They'll probably make Blue the Lady of the Lake who's had the real Excalibur all along, and she'll give it to Hook and Arthur will make him a knight for realsies and then everyone will call him 'Sir Killian'. *Barf*
Next up: Emma goes spelunking.