He found her in the castle's east wing, leaning on a windowsill and staring off into the distance. The Frostback Mountains were looming high and powerful, foreboding. Lance knew that the Darkspawn thrived under there, and would likely be rallying to their resurrected Archdemon.

What a great job he did of ruining a good thing.

It didn't feel real yet, like he was still waiting for something to happen. He'd made an Archdemon, it was now roosting in the Deep Roads, but he wasn't really about to fight it, about to engage in the most unholy combat once more.

He was far more concerned with the very real, very tangible woman in front of him, who barely inclined her head when he entered.

"Hello," he said, lamely. She looked at him over her shoulder, a smile forming when she heard his voice. He shut the door behind him, indicating his desire for a private conversation.

"Is this your voice? Your normal one, I mean."

"It is."

"Oh. So she healed you."

"Yes," and he felt a small pang of guilt for that. He had denied Velanna the same chance. And it made him feel bad to see the disappointed look she gave him.

"I guess she's everything you hoped for?" she asked, turning again to face away from him. He cleared his throat nervously, suddenly wishing he were somewhere else. He didn't want to do this. Not anymore. He didn't want to have to hurt someone the same way he'd been hurt.

It was selfish of him.

Or, rather, it was selfish of him to break her heart and to try to string her along. He'd heard of being caught between a rock and a hard place. Unfortunately for him, those were both women.

"I don't know," said Lance, finally. He was telling the truth. He had for so long dreamed of finally being reunited with Morrigan, finally having her to love forever. But now that he did he wasn't so sure the dream lived up to the reality.

It hadn't killed the pain, the loneliness. He still felt awful. It still hurt to look at her. He felt like saying "I love you" was only a matter of course, and less like meaning it. Perhaps it was simply due to their time apart and they would grow into it. Or perhaps something between them had changed irrevocably and they were simply not lovers anymore.

Whatever the reason, he found himself standing before Velanna, agonizing over what he felt he must do.

But Velanna didn't let him.

"Lance, there is something I have to tell you," she said, and she sounded upset. She was usually angry, usually stuck in the same monotone of irritation. But right now she sounded a lot like a woman.

He cleared his throat nervously and asked her to continue.

She turned, and he thought there might have been tears in her eyes.

"I want you to listen," she said. "Just listen."

He nodded. And she took a deep, shaky breath.

"I have followed you for a long time," she said. "I have fought beside you, and you have been there for me even when I was… intolerable. I know I do not make friends easily, much less with a human, and I'd like to think that we were friends. I'd like to think that I was there for you. That we've been more to each other than friends."

She took a deep breath, closed her eyes. He could tell this was hard for her, that she was struggling. He wanted to say something, tell her that he didn't need her to say this. But he knew that it would only make it worse for her. So he didn't say a damn thing.

"I know that Morrigan is special to you, that you love her," said Velanna. "I know that you did all this for her. I know that she holds a special place in your heart. But do you think… could you pick me instead?"

He wanted to sit down, to lie down, to go anywhere else. He stared lamely at Velanna, felt a bit like vomiting. And somehow he also felt warm, happy. He saw Velanna's eyes and felt like, maybe, this wasn't so bad.

And she took another breath.

"I love you," she said. "I have fallen in love with you in the time we've spent together. I hoped – I really want you to love me, too."

He didn't speak. He might have been floored by this, might have been rendered speechless. He wasn't sure.

She looked at him, hopeful, anxious. She was hesitant, and she looked away from him, feeling shame. Lance stepped towards her, touched her cheek. He leaned closer to her, kissed her.

And then he said, "I don't know."

And she looked at him, a bit horrified, a bit hopeful that this at least meant she had made a dent. That perhaps he could indeed one day accept her.

"I just don't know anymore," he said. And he turned to walk away, to leave. She touched his back, the thin cloth of his shirt quite unlike the armor he more commonly wore.

"I will wait," she said. "I want you to be happy."

And he huffed at that. He stopped at the door, leaned heavily on it.

"Why does everyone have to say that? Why can't they just tell me to choose right now?"

And Velanna laughed a little bit. And she squeezed his shoulder tightly.

"I care about you," she said. "I am sorry for doing this to you right now, but please consider me. I do love you."

"It feels good to hear that again," he said. "But I just don't know anything anymore."

And he left, retreated to his room alone, separated from Velanna and Morrigan. It was just as well. They had several days to wait before Rand would return with the materials for the Joining. Velanna spoke with Neria, Cauthrien, Leliana and even Morrigan about what would be expected of them.

Saul was waiting nervously for the return of his compatriots, more than a little fearful of what his comrades would do if he survived long enough to be punished. He had sided with a traitor, of course. Perhaps he could retreat to Ferelden with him, escape all this.

Or perhaps he would die in the Deep Roads. Cheery thoughts all around.

Morrigan and Velanna maintained an icy relationship with one another, and Lance made sure to avoid them. He didn't want to be caught between them and certainly didn't know how he felt at all.

He liked Velanna, truly he did. And he cared about her. More than he expected to. They had been intimate, and Velanna loved him. That all counted for something, right? Perhaps he could find love for her, perhaps it was already there. He had been numb to such things for so long that he didn't know what he felt.

Morrigan still cared for him, always had. She was what he dreamed about, what he was thinking of constantly. But did he love her still? He did, but it was so hard to. It felt bitter, cold. Perhaps in all this time he had changed too much to still love her.

It was all so confusing, so awful.

He would have thought two women fighting over him would have been something to behold, but he would have rather had them hate him. At least that would make more sense.

Did he have to choose, though? Could he just take a third option and never pick either, live without them? He wasn't sure that was much better but at least it ended with no one but him hurt. He could handle that. He'd been there.

There was one night, as he lay in bed, he could hear them at his door. He didn't know if he should listen, or tell them to go away, or what.

Velanna had arrived there first, had hesitated. She wanted to go in, to be with him. She thought about him more and more, feared that telling him her true feelings had damaged their relationship. It wasn't fair to him, not after he had done so much for another woman.

But she had to tell him. She had to let him know. She longed for him, desired him. She loved him and he deserved to be loved. Morrigan couldn't love him. She couldn't love him and then run away from him. She had broken him, hurt him. She didn't deserve him.

And she had hesitated too long.

Morrigan appeared, and frowned at the Elf.

"What do you think you are doing here?" she asked. And Velanna turned her nose up at the other woman.

"I am going to spend the night with the Commander. Lance."

"Did he not end your fling? Is that why he has been avoiding me?"

Velanna snorted. "End us? Why would he end us? You are the one who betrayed him."

"You do not know the story," she said. "And I have no desire to tell it to you. Know that I do not share."

"Nor do I."

And Velanna turned, knocked lightly on the door.

Lance supposed that he should get up. It was stupid of them to do this. They were bickering back and forth about stupid things like love when they had Darkspawn yet to kill. He could feel the dreams coming again, though he was learning how to better block them out.

He should be the Commander, not some lovesick Warden. There was no time; there was no rest for them.

So he stood up, ripped open the door.

He felt a little bad about that when he saw how he'd surprised Velanna.

But she smiled; cast a quick glance at Morrigan.

And she said, "Hello, Lance. I thought you might be a little… lonely. I hoped that we could keep each other company."

Morrigan rolled her eyes.

"My love," she said. "Please tell this little girl that you are not interested. We have a busy night ahead of us."

She smiled wickedly, and tried to get closer, push her way through the door.

Velanna elbowed her, shoved her back into the hallway.

"You guys are insane," said Lance. "We have much bigger things to worry about."

Morrigan nodded.

"Indeed we do. Darkspawn and such."

Velanna agreed, "We are Wardens."

And then both women burst into a fit of laughter, causing Lance to smile stupidly at the thought.

"Yeah. I suppose it is business as usual," said Lance. And he laughed at the thought. "I guess this isn't so unusual for us."

Morrigan shook her head, smiling. She looked at Velanna, and at Lance.

"I suppose you would not choose, if we forced you now."

And Lance bristled at that.

"No. We have too much work that needs doing. I can't be bothered with this."

Morrigan scoffed.

Still smiling, she said, "Oh, I did not know 'twas such a bother. You are a handsome man, with two lovely young women fawning over you. 'Tis a bother, of course."

Velanna looked at them, the smiles they shared. She felt bad suddenly, as though she had damaged something vital. Perhaps she was wrong in hoping. Perhaps he was happier without her. So she turned to leave.

Lance watched her, and his smile faded.

Morrigan saw this and knew that she was making things worse. She loved Lance, truly she did. But she had hurt him. Maybe she didn't deserve him. Maybe he deserved someone that wouldn't hurt him.

She reached out, grabbed Velanna's wrist.

"Wait, girl," she said. And she tugged the Elf closer, pushed her into Lance who held her for balance.

"What are you doing?" he asked. And Morrigan only offered him her best smile.

"You deserve better."

Velanna refused.

"You make him happy," she said. "He loves you."

And Morrigan turned to leave, said, "But losing you makes him unhappy. 'Tis better this way."

"No, it isn't," said Velanna. And she pulled away from Lance. She turned and went down the hall to her own room, just as Morrigan did.

Lance stood in the doorway, frowning.

He said to himself, "What did you do last night? Oh, I listened to a couple crazy chicks…"

And he turned to go back to sleep.