A.N - I really take a while to update. I'm sorry. I'm all over the place at the moment. Bad, bad times.

I've even messed up my update schedule to bring you this whopper of a chapter. It's a bit heavy. Proceed with caution. :)

Chapter Thirteen

"Face it Jesse, you had your chance"

I have no idea what I'm doing here. Especially after all that happened yesterday. Burying Jesse and then the … afterwards. I had bigger things to worry about then Father Dominic's stupid words to me at the most inopportune time ever.

"It's just that, I owe Jesse a favour and I know that he'd want you to speak to me."

I think I can safely say that Jesse would rather me speak to him than Father Dominic at this point.

"You see, I knew about his gift."

Three guesses as to what 'gift' that was. I'll give you a clue: I share it, and it's starting to seem more and more curse-like the longer I have it.

"Susannah?" One of the nuns that taught at the Mission addressed me. She was acting as a receptionist and behind her hung a huge crucifix, the figure of Jesus staring out with sightless eyes was enough to make me shudder. I jerked my gaze back to focus on her, ignoring the sight of her sympathetic smile. "Father Dominic says you can go in now."

"Thank you." I graced her with one of my best 'no-this-smile-isn't-fake-why-do-you-ask?' smiles and knocked on the door separating me from the priest, pushing it open at his command.

"Ah, Susannah," the wrinkles lining his eyes crinkled as he smiled. "I'm so glad you came to see me. How are you coping with everything?"

"Susannah, I … if this is how you choose to cope, then I won't stop you. Just … does it have to be so soon? I thought what we had meant more then that."

"Had being the key word, Jesse. You died. You're dead. You can't expect Suze to stay alone forever."

A sigh. "I know."

Hesitating for just a moment, I smiled. "I'm okay. My dad died when I was younger, so it's not like I haven't been through this before."

And Jesse, like my dad, is still hanging around so it's like they haven't actually left.

"Oh, I'm so sorry."

I shrugged.

The room was encompassed with a prolonged beat of awkward silence as Father Dominic folded his fingers into each other and looked at me. It didn't take long before I got angry and snapped at him. Priests are not exempt from facing my wrath.

"Look, I just came to ask you why exactly you owe Jesse a favour. And what his gift has to do with anything."

Father Dominic sighed and fidgeted restlessly. I cocked my head as I looked at him: For an old guy, he's sure not bad looking.

"I was the one who asked Jesse to go out to New York and find you. He agreed and I promised him a favour."

I blanched. "I thought my mother sent Jesse after me?"

My reply was the slow, negative shaking of his head. "It made more sense to blame your mother, then a stranger."

Standing up, I turned an angry glare in his direction and worked myself up to the king of all storming outs. "Why?" I rasped through gritted teeth and barely restrained anger. House of God, and all that. "Why did you send Jesse out to me?"

"Because of your gift."

I froze. I hadn't told him that. There's no way he would have known about that. Jesse didn't know for sure, until that encounter with that ghost back in New York, which seems so long ago now. God, was it only two months ago? Oh, I mean, gosh. House of God.

Nodding curtly, once, I left the office – ignoring the frantic calls coming from Father Dominic beckoning me back – without even a word of goodbye. Was being rude to a priest a sin? I don't know. I hope not.

Paul was waiting for me when I eventually returned to the Ackerman household. Nobody knew where I'd gone; I just said that I was going out for a walk, and I wanted to be alone. It's not like anyone could blame me for needing that time to myself. Especially not Paul, who knew better then anyone that I needed to think.

"Hey, you." Paul greeted, wrapping his arms around me from behind. I turned to place a kiss on his cheek and saw the purple swelling around his eye and the red marks against his skin. Jesse had done that to him.

"Hey. Have you seen him?"

Paul shook his head. There was no need for clarification. "Come on," he placed a kiss on my temple. "Let's go upstairs."

Upstairs – not to mention my room – was the last place I wanted to be right now. But I nodded and followed Paul, him leading with my hand clutched in his. Each step I took bathed me with horrible memories of the day before.

-x-

"Jesse?!" Paul's confirmation of what I'd already suspected left me reeling in shock, tears instantly biting my eyes. "What …?"

His reply was instant and scathing. "Do you really think my business here is finished? Leaving Susannah the way I did?"

Slowly, he turned to face me. I could hardly imagine the sight I made. Hair messed, cheeks streaked ghoulishly with eyeliner-tinted tear marks, the bruised lips that accompanied major make out sessions. Hey, Paul and I had also been on our way to second base. My shirt was one button away from revealing all.

"Querida," my breath caught at the endearment that fell from his lips and my heart froze at the depth of the hurt look in his eyes. "Susannah, I … if this is how you choose to cope, then I won't stop you. Just … does it have to be so soon? I thought what we had meant more then that."

"Had being the key word, Jesse." Paul interjected cruelly. "You died. You're dead. You can't expect Suze to stay alone forever."

A sigh. "I know."

"Why didn't you just tell me, Jesse?" However quiet my tone, the spiteful intent was gotten across pretty darn clearly. "Something was obviously stopping you from coming back to California, and you die not fifteen minutes after we land here? Why didn't you just tell me?"

His eyes sparked with anger now. Good. Anger, I could deal with. Hurt was entirely a new territory for me. "I was doing what I thought you wanted. You wanted to come back. With me. Why should I have stopped you?"

"I came back here for you!" I cried, tears beginning to overflow. "For you to see your family again. If I'd have known that bringing you here would kill you … I never would have come."

"My family are dead, Susannah." His voice was cold. "And have been for one-hundred and fifty years."

"Dead?" I coughed the word out in shock. "So I brought you here for nothing? I killed you for nothing?"

For the first time since I'd seen it, I was thankful for the bed. I collapsed onto it in shock, landing heavily as the tears escaped in earnest, rendering the view in front of me a blurry, watery mess.

I felt the familiar sensation of Jesse's rough hands cupping my cheeks, his thumbs brushing away the steady stream of tears and the touch of the pad of his thumb sent the same thrill of delight through me as it did when he was alive.

"Your family have been dead for a century and a half?" Paul's voice broke up our reunion. "Well, that explains your outfit. What it doesn't explain is how you're alive now. Well, how you were alive."

Jesse's face froze in a mask of anger and he stood slowly, turning and pushing Paul until he was pinned against the wall. The contents of the surface of my dressing table crashed to the floor. "I don't think I hit you hard enough. If I had my way, you'd be unconscious."

Paul smirked. "It wouldn't erase the words you said," he reminded Jesse. "I've never lied to Suze." He spat. "Not once."

"How about when you said that you only wanted to be her friend?"

"I did." Paul pushed Jesse away hard, Jesse ending up on the other side of the room due to the force of the unexpected action. "Now I want more. You're dead Jesse. What can you give her? Whatever you did to give you life again, don't even think about repeating it." Jesse's face was void of emotion. "You've hurt her enough."

With Jesse watching, Paul approached me slowly, calmly, holding out his hand and pulling me in for an embrace when I took it. I couldn't see Jesse's face. I don't think I wanted to. "Face it Jesse, you had your chance."

"If Susannah wants me to go, I'll go." Jesse's voice was firm. "Querida?"

The prompt brought tears to my eyes. I'd buried him today, the man stood talking to me swathed in a golden ghostly aura. I watched as his coffin was lowered to the ground and felt, again, all the pain and lingering hurt I'd felt the past two weeks. Every single tear I'd shed and every ounce of emotion I'd felt crushed me with their weight in that moment and I buried my face into Paul's shoulder.

"Go." My voice was quiet, inaudible.

He heard it anyway.

I looked up and Jesse was gone but Paul was there, comforting me, as always.

-x-

And as he still is. We were sat on my bed in silence, Paul's arms banded around me as I leaned against his chest and stared, unseeing, in front of me as the memory washed over me again.

"Suze," Paul groaned. "More tears?" I shook my head, wiping away the offending drops. "I didn't think you could cry anymore."

"I didn't either."

The room grew quiet once again and I shut my eyes, hoping for sleep but it refused to come. In the end, I just pretended, in order to appease Paul. I didn't want him to worry about me; he'd already done so much.

Eventually, Paul unwrapped his arms and tucked my comforter over me. He stood up and glanced at me, brushing a soft kiss on my forehead before he hissed Jesse's name into the dark room.

The ghostly aura appeared almost instantly. "How can I help you?" And there, his voice immediately familiar and comforting if not, at that moment, sarcastic, was Jesse. He was sat idly on the window seat, one leg bent as the other trailed to the floor. His eyebrow was raised and he was looking damn gorgeous.

Okay, I peeked. And I planned on watching this whole thing.